The Fertile Latina Will Soon Be A Product of Another Time!

[JimD]

Some people just have a talent for learning a second language. Ximena from the old Cali Charm agency is a good example. She was only around twenty years old and spoke English with sometimes not even a trace of a Spanish accent. I caught her saying "Cali" with a long "a" one time. She was copying the gringos who came to the agency. Thing is she´d never been out of Colombia and barely out of Cali. On the other hand I put a fair amount of time into teaching a chica English on and off for a couple of years and while she could understand some spoken and read fairly well in the end she still just couldn´t put a simple sentence together either spoken or written. It´s probobly about equally difficult for Colombians to learn English as for gringos to learn Spanish since we both grow up in mono linguistic cultures. A lot of Canadians are bilingual so a third language is easier and of course Europeans grow up speaking three or four or five languages. It´s been proven that if a person is already multilingual their brain can learn a new language much more easily.

[Traveler]

Well, some people have more aptitude than others.  And as BCC says it has to with general intelligence.  But if a person comes to another country and due to circumstances must speak another language, he (or she) will learn it well enough to function. 
 
Besides there is a fair amount of similarity between English and Spanish, and the alphabet is the same.  In other words, it's not like learning Chinese or Malayalam.  In most cases if someone makes a huge deal about learning a language they are either mentally lazy or perfectionist.

[no comment]

To Colgando & reply #20 in this thread, where you mentioned that your novia might want to continue her work as a school teacher... don't forget that you're probably looking at a huge bill and years of study to get your girl a Batchelor's degree.  Who knows how many teaching jobs are available in this economy, but maybe no positions are open to those without a degree.  I thought about this because my wife was a school teacher in Peru.

[JimD]

  But if a person comes to another country and due to circumstances must speak another language, he (or she) will learn it well enough to function. 

.

 There was an interesting article in The New Yorker about Chinese who emigrate to Chinatown in New York City. Within the confines of that neighborhood they never have to speak or hear a lick of English. They live their entire lives without any English and if they have to leave Chinatown they learn to recognize street signs as "landmarks" not as legible signs. Anyway we all know that large numbers of hispanohablantes get by in places like Miami with out being able to speak a complete sentence in English. There is a village in New Mexico, I think it is Placitas where the residents still speak Spanish and have been ever since their village was part of Mexico.
 
 

[Traveler]

Well, I live in Miami myself and have observed the phenomenon you have described  .  In all honesty, taking the lazy approach is just not smart.  What's the point of moving to another country if you elect not to use the opportunities it offers?  Or to function adequately in its society?  It kinda defeats the purpose of immigration IMHO. 
 
I am not suggesting that immigrants should forget their own culture, or should not socialize in their community.  Quite on the contrary!  But they should not just sit in the confines of their respective ethnic ghetto either.  They are literally robbing themselves of an opportunity to live a full life.

[jm21-2]

I suspect ready access to affordable birth control has more to do with the declining birth rate than anything. Especially for Brazil. Last I heard their government gave out free condoms.


You can always find career women who would be happy as stay at home moms/wives. It's pretty common in China and Taiwan for sure....low birth rate because it is ungodly expensive to raise kids....think we have it bad here, think about if it was expected you pay for their college, that they live with you for years after graduating from said college,  and you are supposed to help them buy their first house (and said first house is about 10 times more expensive than houses here). My wife and her brother both had their own nanny as well....


Having a stay at home wife and no kids can be pretty annoying some days. Get back from work, just want to watch a tv show or two and relax, and she's been sitting around all day and wants to talk with you the whole evening....

[Colgando]

To Colgando & reply #20 in this thread, where you mentioned that your novia might want to continue her work as a school teacher... don't forget that you're probably looking at a huge bill and years of study to get your girl a Batchelor's degree.  Who knows how many teaching jobs are available in this economy, but maybe no positions are open to those without a degree.  I thought about this because my wife was a school teacher in Peru.

Good point, I have thought about that, we would have to make that work. Community college for the 1st 2 years which is cheap enough, try to get student loans which I would be fine with if we could qualify and get them, or I would pay cash, other things would have to give to afford the tuition. The last 2 years would have to be at an accredited school that was on the lower end of the tuition scale. With her unique skill set and the person that she is, I think she would be competitive in getting a teaching gig somewhere, once she had a bachelor's degree from an accredited school. But alas, those are thoughts of the future but I am aware of the situation and I would be happy to help her become a teacher here in the US.

[Jeff S]

I suspect ready access to affordable birth control has more to do with the declining birth rate than anything. Especially for Brazil. Last I heard their government gave out free condoms.


You can always find career women who would be happy as stay at home moms/wives. It's pretty common in China and Taiwan for sure....low birth rate because it is ungodly expensive to raise kids....think we have it bad here, think about if it was expected you pay for their college, that they live with you for years after graduating from said college,  and you are supposed to help them buy their first house (and said first house is about 10 times more expensive than houses here). My wife and her brother both had their own nanny as well....


Having a stay at home wife and no kids can be pretty annoying some days. Get back from work, just want to watch a tv show or two and relax, and she's been sitting around all day and wants to talk with you the whole evening....

LOL - Yup - The theory and practice of things isn't always the same. As Morpheus said, "Welcome to the world of the real."

[braziliangirl]

IV, Jeff, Alabamaboy, Colgando, Whitey, Fathertime and Michaelb thanks a lot!

With a guy that so far seems to be the answer to my prayers (already) on his way to see me (a 18h trip!), I can really use some compliments and good wishes. You guys may know this feeling... A "What if s/he doesn't like me?" feeling.

I wish all the best for all of you. As a journalist, I love stories and yours are my favorites, because they are love stories and they are real. I keep cheering for you all. You guys helped me raise my standard a whole lot and this forum, along with the private conversations with some members, is of a great use for me, and I'm sure for IV too. 

[Chris F]

Frankly we are both sick and tired of all this English baloney. It has held the whole relationship hostage and has sucked a huge amount of time out of the relationship. It can be revisited at a later date once we have gotten re-aquainted again. She has been studying her butt off for almost a year straight at this time, so she is due for a bit of a break.

While you clearly have your mind made up your mind here AB. I just also want to add my opinion that you will regret not having her continue to study the language while she currently has the time before a child arrives.I know the language issue has been stressful, but she really needs to continue to learn the language and not as you have stated make it a low priority for her right now
 
Knowing the language well just makes it easier and more relaxed around family and friends that your wife can follow the conversation in English and participate as well. Translating all the time can be awkward and uncomfortable for everyone.
 
Yes, she has studied the language some over the last year which is great. She does however have a long way to go before she is at the proficient level. In addition, if you make the mistake of speaking to each other primarily in Spanish once she is here, she will quickly forget all the English she has learned in the past year.
 
Another matter which should be important to all guys here is in regards to children. I would believe that most guys would like their wives as well to be able to assist with their child’s homework and class projects. As a teacher, I meet many parents who are cannot work with their children because of their limited English. Parents need to be involved with their child’s academic progress as you are right now AB with your kids. I believe that mothers needs to be involved as well. Without a proficient understanding of the language, she will not be able to help her own child.
 
In addition, mothers should never be out of the loop with what is happening with their child. As a teacher, all of my Latin students are more fluent than their parents. Some have told me that when they have friends over and they do not want their parents to hear what they are talking about they just switch to English and their parents become deaf!
 
If you want to state that “English is baloney” that is your choice. From a teachers perspective I will tell you the consequences down the road for taking this position especially with your future children will be yours to deal with as well.
 

[Colgando]

While you clearly have your mind made up your mind here AB. I just also want to add my opinion that you will regret not having her continue to study the language while she currently has the time before a child arrives.I know the language issue has been stressful, but she really needs to continue to learn the language and not as you have stated make it a low priority for her right now
 
Knowing the language well just makes it easier and more relaxed around family and friends that your wife can follow the conversation in English and participate as well. Translating all the time can be awkward and uncomfortable for everyone.
 
Yes, she has studied the language some over the last year which is great. She does however have a long way to go before she is at the proficient level. In addition, if you make the mistake of speaking to each other primarily in Spanish once she is here, she will quickly forget all the English she has learned in the past year.
 
Another matter which should be important to all guys here is in regards to children. I would believe that most guys would like their wives as well to be able to assist with their child’s homework and class projects. As a teacher, I meet many parents who are cannot work with their children because of their limited English. Parents need to be involved with their child’s academic progress as you are right now AB with your kids. I believe that mothers needs to be involved as well. Without a proficient understanding of the language, she will not be able to help her own child.
 
In addition, mothers should never be out of the loop with what is happening with their child. As a teacher, all of my Latin students are more fluent than their parents. Some have told me that when they have friends over and they do not want their parents to hear what they are talking about they just switch to English and their parents become deaf!
 
If you want to state that “English is baloney” that is your choice. From a teachers perspective I will tell you the consequences down the road for taking this position especially with your future children will be yours to deal with as well.

Food for thought Chris F

[Alabamaboy!]

While you clearly have your mind made up your mind here AB. I just also want to add my opinion that you will regret not having her continue to study the language while she currently has the time before a child arrives.I know the language issue has been stressful, but she really needs to continue to learn the language and not as you have stated make it a low priority for her right now
 
Knowing the language well just makes it easier and more relaxed around family and friends that your wife can follow the conversation in English and participate as well. Translating all the time can be awkward and uncomfortable for everyone.
 
Yes, she has studied the language some over the last year which is great. She does however have a long way to go before she is at the proficient level. In addition, if you make the mistake of speaking to each other primarily in Spanish once she is here, she will quickly forget all the English she has learned in the past year.
 
Another matter which should be important to all guys here is in regards to children. I would believe that most guys would like their wives as well to be able to assist with their child’s homework and class projects. As a teacher, I meet many parents who are cannot work with their children because of their limited English. Parents need to be involved with their child’s academic progress as you are right now AB with your kids. I believe that mothers needs to be involved as well. Without a proficient understanding of the language, she will not be able to help her own child.
 
In addition, mothers should never be out of the loop with what is happening with their child. As a teacher, all of my Latin students are more fluent than their parents. Some have told me that when they have friends over and they do not want their parents to hear what they are talking about they just switch to English and their parents become deaf!
 
If you want to state that “English is baloney” that is your choice. From a teachers perspective I will tell you the consequences down the road for taking this position especially with your future children will be yours to deal with as well.

Chris we live in a community that is on the border of Mexico. So the primary language here is probably Spanish. So it will not be like she is going to go live in the middle of Nebraska or something. The main thing that I want is for our entire family to be bilingual, on a basic level. I want to everyone to be able to communicate normal every day things. And right now she is there. And she will have a lot of free time to study whatever she wants after she is finished with the duties as a mother and wife. She will not be out in the fields picking lettuce, or driving a forklift in a vegetable packing cooler like most of the parents who live in this region do because of the types of industry there is here. If they are lucky enough to even have a job. Her duties with the family should take about 4-5 hours a day so she will have plenty of free time to study. But with me working 8-10 hours a day, I am not going to put "driving my wife to community college, waiting for her to finish class, go get her, take care of the kids, eat frozen meals while she is studying" at the top of my list of priorities.

My point that I am trying to make is that there are priorities in life. And my priority is to be the man, make the cash, protect my family, and make sure we all have a roof over our heads. My wife's priorities involve taking care of the family, providing healthy meals, teaching manners, making our house a "home". Somewhere after those priorities come my desire to go to community college to learn better Spanish. Or hers to learn more English in the college rather than doing so on a computer or God forbid a book, and then practicing with her kids or husband.

My wife will be able to help my kids with a lot of school projects which involve crafts, Spanish language, and basic study habits. Unfortunately though, in regards to teaching them Algebra, perfect grammar in English or Spanish, Science, Physics, Computers, or anything above probably an 8th grade level here in the States, she is probably not going to have much success with. Because even though she has graduated high school and has what I would imagine is an Associates degree level college education, that equals to about an 8th grade US school education. But that is not a big issue for me. I did not marry her for her ability to tutor my kids. I married her because she is a sweet, loving, supportive person. And if she can succeed with teaching manners, fill the home with a positive vibe, provide healthy meals, and keep us all sane, than that will be very valuable to me and our family. Most families and homes are lacking those basic things. And without those things it can affect all the other aspects of life.

In the end, I would say it is much more of an issue that my kids become fluent in Spanish to better compete with their cohorts in school and with finding employment some day than it is for my wife to speak perfect, college level English. At least here in AZ/CA region.

My wife already has her dream job/career as a mother and as my wife.

[Colgando]

You guys may know this feeling... A "What if s/he doesn't like me?" feeling.

Yes, I know the feeling all too well. I met my novia on my 2nd trip to BAQ and we were just friends for the 7 days we were together. We were into each other, but we took the time to get to know each other. My 3rd trip, we were both wondering if we would like each other more than friends, we were both nervous because we were in the friend zone for the 1st 6 weeks or so we knew each other and there was all this anticipation. My 2nd visit to her, the 1st day we reconnected, the 2nd day we became novios, all the questions were answered.


I hope the best for you and he will def like you, he is flying all the way to Brasil to meet you, and if I remember right, you are a Christian woman and he must be a Christian man, so being equally yolked in this regard plus two awesome, compatible people plus a natural romantic attraction is a recipe for success IMO. My best to you and your beau BG! 

[Chris F]

Chris we live in a community that is on the border of Mexico. So the primary language here is probably Spanish. So it will not be like she is going to go live in the middle of Nebraska or something. The main thing that I want is for our entire family to be bilingual, on a basic level. I want to everyone to be able to communicate normal every day things. And right now she is there. And she will have a lot of free time to study whatever she wants after she is finished with the duties as a mother and wife. She will not be out in the fields picking lettuce, or driving a forklift in a vegetable packing cooler like most of the parents who live in this region do because of the types of industry there is here. If they are lucky enough to even have a job. Her duties with the family should take about 4-5 hours a day so she will have plenty of free time to study. But with me working 8-10 hours a day, I am not going to put "driving my wife to community college, waiting for her to finish class, go get her, take care of the kids, eat frozen meals while she is studying" at the top of my list of priorities.

My point that I am trying to make is that there are priorities in life. And my priority is to be the man, make the cash, protect my family, and make sure we all have a roof over our heads. My wife's priorities involve taking care of the family, providing healthy meals, teaching manners, making our house a "home". Somewhere after those priorities come my desire to go to community college to learn better Spanish. Or hers to learn more English in the college rather than doing so on a computer or God forbid a book, and then practicing with her kids or husband.

My wife will be able to help my kids with a lot of school projects which involve crafts, Spanish language, and basic study habits. Unfortunately though, in regards to teaching them Algebra, perfect grammar in English or Spanish, Science, Physics, Computers, or anything above probably an 8th grade level here in the States, she is probably not going to have much success with. Because even though she has graduated high school and has what I would imagine is an Associates degree level college education, that equals to about an 8th grade US school education. But that is not a big issue for me. I did not marry her for her ability to tutor my kids. I married her because she is a sweet, loving, supportive person. And if she can succeed with teaching manners, fill the home with a positive vibe, provide healthy meals, and keep us all sane, than that will be very valuable to me and our family. Most families and homes are lacking those basic things. And without those things it can affect all the other aspects of life.

In the end, I would say it is much more of an issue that my kids become fluent in Spanish to better compete with their cohorts in school and with finding employment some day than it is for my wife to speak perfect, college level English. At least here in AZ/CA region.

My wife already has her dream job/career as a mother and as my wife.

I do understamd what you are saying from your perspective and of course I wish you the best. I would very interested in hearing again from Fathertime on this issue. I believe that his wife's priorities in taking care of the household and family are similar to yours but he now wishes his wife would have been more aggressive learning the language two years ago.
If you do not mind FT, could you share with us here why you are now feeling this way?  What issues have come up with her limited English that have made things more complicated?

[fathertime]

I do understamd what you are saying from your perspective and of course I wish you the best. I would very interested in hearing again from Fathertime on this issue. I believe that his wife's priorities in taking care of the household and family are similar to yours but he now wishes his wife would have been more aggressive learning the language two years ago.
If you do not mind FT, could you share with us here why you are now feeling this way?  What issues have come up with her limited English that have made things more complicated?

Hey ChrisF! 


I could lay out a few things here about why it would have been a better decision for me to start my wife in English courses sooner, but i don't think it really matters to AB.  He has his own way of doing things and his lady is quite a bit different than mine.  You have made a pretty good case for learning English sooner rather than latter.  If AB wants to do things on a different timetable I can't see why I should try too hard to convince him otherwise.  He knows his woman, his family and his entire situation better than I do, so it is best he does what he feels most comfortable with.  He has food for thought, so our job is done!


Fathertime!

[Alabamaboy!]

My wife was here for 89 days last year and everything was great except that she did not even know basic English at that time. And even in that situation, it was a very, very, very close call as to not marrying her. That is how good things were going. So now that she knows 50 times more English than before, I am thinking we will be a very happy family.

Every single person that I work and associate with here is primarily Spanish speaking, English is their second language. And my Spanish is pretty good. I don't think she will be able to be chatting with another Spanish speaker without me knowing what she is talking about. My kids want to learn Spanish, but she did not know enough English at that time to pull it off to communicate with them. But now she can.

I have met and spoken with FT's wife. She speaks more than enough English to get a job in the city where I live. And to communicate with my kids.

[Chris F]

Hey ChrisF! 


I could lay out a few things here about why it would have been a better decision for me to start my wife in English courses sooner, but i don't think it really matters to AB.  He has his own way of doing things and his lady is quite a bit different than mine.  You have made a pretty good case for learning English sooner rather than latter.  If AB wants to do things on a different timetable I can't see why I should try too hard to convince him otherwise.  He knows his woman, his family and his entire situation better than I do, so it is best he does what he feels most comfortable with.  He has food for thought, so our job is done!


Fathertime!

Hey FT,
I was just curious as to why you feel this way. Sharing your feelings on this matter and what your going through is not meant to convince AB to change his mind.
If you can that would be great.
 
 
 
 
 

[Jeff S]

IV, Jeff, Alabamaboy, Colgando, Whitey, Fathertime and Michaelb thanks a lot!

With a guy that so far seems to be the answer to my prayers (already) on his way to see me (a 18h trip!), I can really use some compliments and good wishes. You guys may know this feeling... A "What if s/he doesn't like me?" feeling.

I wish all the best for all of you. As a journalist, I love stories and yours are my favorites, because they are love stories and they are real. I keep cheering for you all. You guys helped me raise my standard a whole lot and this forum, along with the private conversations with some members, is of a great use for me, and I'm sure for IV too. 

We're all pulling for you. Best wishes for a great visit.

[fathertime]

IV, Jeff, Alabamaboy, Colgando, Whitey, Fathertime and Michaelb thanks a lot!

With a guy that so far seems to be the answer to my prayers (already) on his way to see me (a 18h trip!), I can really use some compliments and good wishes. You guys may know this feeling... A "What if s/he doesn't like me?" feeling.

I wish all the best for all of you. As a journalist, I love stories and yours are my favorites, because they are love stories and they are real. I keep cheering for you all. You guys helped me raise my standard a whole lot and this forum, along with the private conversations with some members, is of a great use for me, and I'm sure for IV too. 

Well BG, i think we are going about it in a variety of ways, but I'm glad our stories have helped you.    Wow 18 trips to see you, that must be a record...
Just for fun when he arrives you should pinch his ass in public and be a little frisky/unpredictable, just to keep him guessing a bit! jajaja  Most guys like that sort of thing!


Fathertime! 

[fathertime]

Hey FT,
I was just curious as to why you feel this way. Sharing your feelings on this matter and what your going through is not meant to convince AB to change his mind.
If you can that would be great.

Hey ChrisF! 


Sometimes I like to get things out of the way, and we had a lot of time that we did not use so in retrospect I'm asking myself why we didn't use such a small portion of the time earlier for English.  I want my woman to be a little more comfortable communicating with the people we come in contact with.  I see improvement all the time, but I imagine if we started sooner we would be farther along.  AS AB mentioned, my woman actually speaks a lot of English, just not often publicly although with him and his lady she did bust it out quite a bit, I think it was because she was very comfortable with them.


Fathertime! 

[michaelb]

Well BG, i think we are going about it in a variety of ways, but I'm glad our stories have helped you.    Wow 18 trips to see you, that must be a record...
Just for fun when he arrives you should pinch his ass in public and be a little frisky/unpredictable, just to keep him guessing a bit! jajaja  Most guys like that sort of thing!


Fathertime!

I think you misread, it isn't his 18th trip, it's his first. The 18 is his travel time.

[Chris F]

Hey ChrisF! 


Sometimes I like to get things out of the way, and we had a lot of time that we did not use so in retrospect I'm asking myself why we didn't use such a small portion of the time earlier for English.  I want my woman to be a little more comfortable communicating with the people we come in contact with.  I see improvement all the time, but I imagine if we started sooner we would be farther along.  AS AB mentioned, my woman actually speaks a lot of English, just not often publicly although with him and his lady she did bust it out quite a bit, I think it was because she was very comfortable with them.


Fathertime!

Thanks for sharing that FT. I find this very typical at times in the latin culture especially with new English learners is that they are afraid to make mistakes and so they chose to be reserved a lot of the time.
For our culture, we will butcher the Spanish language and not care as long as we are understood
 

[fathertime]

I think you misread, it isn't his 18th trip, it's his first. The 18 is his travel time.

ooooops!   1st trip, well bg, maybe it would best not to go pinching his ass just yet!


Fathertime!

[benjio]

This has been a really interesting thread to follow and I've enjoyed reading everyone's opinions.

I've always equated "Latina Fertility" with pure and simple boredom. I didn't think it was ever a question of Latina Women being more prone to have lots of children, but the fact that Latin America contains the poorest portion of society in the Western Hemisphere. When you don't have money to do anything outside of support yourself and your family, sex is always an entertaining and cheap alternative. The fact that poorer people don't have the funds to invest in birth control or see doctors on a consistent basis subsequently results in a high rate of child birth. That's always been my opinion at least.

As more job opportunities present themselves to women in places like Brazil, they are being removed from that breeder, "caretaker of the home" role and becoming a part of the workforce. I personally have no problem with this. I've posted on this forum many times before that I was very impressed with the women I've worked with in Brazil. With most of my Latin American corporate experience being in Colombia, I was use to seeing women in the office environment strictly as administrative assistants and secretaries....and even those girls were completely incompetent. In Colombia, they're basically just eye candy for you to see when you walk into an office. I met a few successful business women in Bogota the last time I was there, but they are still too few and far between in Colombia to convince me they're on the brink of a huge shift in cultural paradigms.

While I support any woman that has a goal of establishing herself as an asset in the corporate world, I would NEVER marry a girl like that. Maybe this is just me and my conservative view on things, but I feel taking care of a family is more than a full time job. A wife working, especially if she is also a mother, is falling short of her responsibilities at home. I with BamaBoy....I've worked hard to get to the point where I can financially support an entire family with my income. I didn't do that to marry someone that wants to work just to work. If it's not financially improving upon our families quality of life, why neglect the home and children spending unecessary time away from them.

I think it was Colgando and/or Bama that was also discussing a Latina being honest about her priorities and intentions at the start of a relationship. I think it's been expressed repeatedly on this board that saying one thing and wanting/doing another is a pretty common thing with Colombianas...at least Costenas. I don't think a lack of sincerity is always a problem in this case though. I'll tell you what I've seen in my experience with a lot of guys that married Mexicanas from Mexico and brought them here to Houston. At first, they are all about the family. Having kids, cooking, cleaning...it's a part of their culture. But a lot of Latinas begin to transform for two reasons:

1. External Influences: This can be television, friends, magazines...anything. Women here in the United States are constantly reminded of their own liberation and superiority over men. Look at the lineup of sitcoms and cartoons in prime time over the last few years. The most popular theme is some idiot, unattractive husband that's the luckiest man in the world because he married an attractive, intelligent, all-knowing wife. The plot of each show usually involves him doing something that makes her mad and trying to hide it or make up for it over the next 30 minutes. Everybody Loves Raymond, According to Jim, The King of Queens, The Simpsons, Family Guy...the list goes on and on.

2. Boredom: It can be very hard for a Latina after she leaves everything she knows to be with the man she loves in a foreign land. Latinos are usually extroverted, outgoing people and human connection is a huge part of the culture. When you have a woman sitting home alone, with nothing to do but clean and watch television, and the best part of her day is when you get home...well, I'm sure even most of the guys on here can relate. I think this is where the desire to work comes from even when it won't financially benefit the family. It's them reaching out for connection with other people. Work for women is usually more than a place to make money. It's a social network, a rumor mill, a competition, and much more. It keeps them entertained and becomes a part of who they are. I'm sure the guys here that have been married to AW's that were working can attest to the fact that you'll have to hear about their day at work almost every single night. It's very important to them.

So, IMO, you're taking your chances with any girl  you bring stateside. People change over time, and so do relationships. That's probably my biggest problem with dating younger girls. They still aren't sure who they are. The girl you marry might be someone else after 10 years. Your devoted wife and mother may have gotten the career itch over the course of your marriage and want to work after initially telling you she had no interest in a career. I don't think it was initially a lie...just evolution.

[Alabamaboy!]

Benjio I understand what you are saying but it is a better bet to deal with someone who at least starts out with saying they are not interested in being a career woman if that is what you are looking for, rather than getting together with someone who is saying straight up that she wants something that you do not want.

Anything is possible as the years go on. But for me, the relationship is only as good as it is in 2011. In 2012 it is a new time and if she is doing her own thing, cheating us as a family, becoming a parasite, whatever thing like that, then the relationship is BS and it is time to go our separate ways. If a guy stays in a relationship like that, they are a loser.

My business partner is married to a Colombiana. She has been here more than 20 years and is same as ever. Does not work, has a beautiful home, kids on the honor roll, they have healthy meals every day, still looks terrific, they exercise together, go on alot of vacations, and everyone is happy. There are a bunch of other couples and families who we socialize with here and they have the same stories. Granted none of them are Costenas. But I think it is definitely possible.

If things every do dissolve between me and my wife, I will simply cut my losses rather than get conned.

And my kids are getting older every day which makes the "Andy Lee" plan more and more near and feasible. So no need to get all teary eyed if your Colombiana evolves into some kind of cartoon character or little monster. I think guys need to listen to people like you and CaliPro to name a few who have seen how things can turn out sometimes with these women.  Just be like a Colombian guy and move on to the next. No problem. Or stay single and just date and enjoy life. There should be no desperation involved in any of your decisions when dealing with an international relationship/marriage.