How forward or not to be when at Jamies first time

[Tormento]

After reading some posts I think many guys have a real dilema how forward to be at jamies for the first time.
 
So do you be honest and frank. I dont care if i dont "date" a few of the girls who are not serious I prefer to get the more serious girls and scare the less serious away by being honest with what I want...
 
BUT i can see how you kind of be less serious and "date" alot of em but if your goal isnt "just dating alot" that isnt optimal.
 
SO being HONEST: Do people think just being honest about what you want and really lay it out what you expect is better than being too loose and acting like you are cool with dating for a year "just to see how it goes".
 
I mean i see the first meetings going like this at jamies:
 
My name is X. I work in X. I want to be honest and tell you I will expect a future wife to be a mother, wife, and dedicated to our family. I will expect her to undertsand working hard ON BOTH peoples parts is what makes a successful marriage.
 
I would assum the non serious ones will be like : OH i have to WORK.... i have to put effort in ... IM OUT.
 
what do you think?

[Alabamaboy!]

Dude if you say that, they will all say "Well how about that! That is EXACTLY what I am looking for too". If you tell them what you want they will lie to you. Well not all of them. Probably just like 90% of them. Upon the very first time talking to them in the group meetings for example, I would not be so hard core, because some will think you are too "intenso" and others will just lie to you. That kind of attitude does not seem to fly so well in Barranquilla.

In Medellin, Bucaramanga, or Bogota, it seems like they would be better prepared for that sort of negotiations. They seem to be more businesslike and calculating in their demeanors. The Costenas are not typically that serious and may be scared off by such tactics.

I think there is no way to find out the truth with a Costena without spending a lot of time with her. No matter what you say or she says on the first meeting.

[Jeff S]

You're dealing with women here, not job applicants. My suggestion would be to learn a little about them rather than expecting them to think like you.

[bcc_1_2]

yea he's right don't tell them in depth what you are looking for. gringos already have a reputation for being more serious (doesn't like to dance, business like, direct to the point, even cold) so no need to reinforce that plus if they like you most will indeed tell you what they think you want to hear.

To transition well to the USA (Midwest) English level and background matter highly IMO so I'd be trying to figure that out. If you are a professional and socialize with other professionals (doctors, lawyers, business owners, professors, etc) how will she fit into your lifestyle?

That's one of the reasons I'm surprised so many guys are "fishing" on the coast. Education levels are lower and unemployment levels are much higher. But I ended up in Honduras which is one poor ass country with problems.

[Alabamaboy!]

The reason I ended up on the Coast was that the other women seemed to be too "ambitious" to me and seemed to be more excited about the opportunity to come to the States than the actual relationship.

But you gotta take the bad with the good. You cannot expect to be married to a sweet cuddly honey bunny Costena and then expect her to make sense all the time too. (Although some of the guys here seem to have gotten both in one fine package). I think it is too much to expect. You have to be willing to settle a little bit. Unless of course you are a 25 year old male model  millionaire with a great sense of humor.

[Traveler]

AB,
 
I can't agree with you more!  Whatever you said in your first post in this thread is 100% on target.
 
My advice to Tormento - just look for the girl that you enjoy being with, with whom you have chemistry, and work from there.  The whole point of dating - unless you are just trying to sow the oats for a little while - is exactly that, to find someone you connect with, who treats you well, who makes you happy.  Telling her, especially upon the initial meeting what your expectations in a marriage are will scare away any non golddigger girls, and the remainder will just agree with whatever you say so they can get a green card.  Women, especially in Latin America, want romance, fun and mystery when it comes to meeting guys.  Don't kill it for them. First comes dating, then relationship, then marriage and mutual responsibilities, unless you are in a completely different part of the world, so don't talk about marriage before it's time.  Doing otherwise would be exceptionally weird, if not to you, but to the girls for sure. 
 
Just relax and focus on the important stuff - finding the right girl, seducing her, and getting her to fall in love with you.  If you do that, she will go out of her way to make you happy and to conform to whatever expectations you have.

[fathertime]

tormento...colacorazon...vallentoman....these guys all think alike for some strange reason.


Fathertime! 

[saleens7tt]

tormento...colacorazon...vallentoman....these guys all think alike for some strange reason.


Fathertime!

FT..is that a good or bad thing??Like tormento I have the same questions/concerns. Not ever dealing with a colombiana from BAQ, we first timers to jamies know we can't look/deal with colombianas like we do aw. Seems just bieng loose, easy going and yourself are the best ways to go. And I noticed, every girl, and I mean everyone of them loves to dance. I haven't danced in 25 yrs..and 25 years ago I became a club dj because my spinning/scratching was sooo much better than my dancing...got a feelin ill be at a disadvantage in baq bcuz of that. Dam!!

[Colgando]

tormento...colacorazon...vallentoman....these guys all think alike for some strange reason.


Fathertime!

Now that you mention it FT, I think you are on to something here.......

[Colgando]

FT..is that a good or bad thing??Like tormento I have the same questions/concerns. Not ever dealing with a colombiana from BAQ, we first timers to jamies know we can't look/deal with colombianas like we do aw. Seems just bieng loose, easy going and yourself are the best ways to go. And I noticed, every girl, and I mean everyone of them loves to dance. I haven't danced in 25 yrs..and 25 years ago I became a club dj because my spinning/scratching was sooo much better than my dancing...got a feelin ill be at a disadvantage in baq bcuz of that. Dam!!

You are in good shape Saleen IMO. Based on your posts, you seem like a real cool dude with a lot of life experience. You seem pretty easy going, you listen and learn, willing to change your thinking on things when you hear a compelling argument, and you are getting on the plane. I am really excited for you, I hope you do not carry any baggage south of the border, leave it all in the US.


You will be fine with the dancing. At a minimum, you will meet expectations of being a gringo who can't dance, or at a maximum, you will exceed her expectations if you have some rhythm and she can teach you some moves, or you already know some moves. If you have rhythm, you can learn basic moves in one night dancing and you will delight her and if she is into you, it may be one of the best nights of her life.

[Alabamaboy!]

tormento...colacorazon...vallentoman....these guys all think alike for some strange reason.


Fathertime!

I was thinking the exact same thing!

[saleens7tt]

Colgando u sure know how to make a brother feel good. Thnx for the comments. There seems to be a 100% ratio of "cool" people on this site/at least the latin forums, to include yourself. The information you and the rest of the guys on here is invaluable when it comes to latin women, or with jamies site. I appreciate all the help that I've been given..not once has anyone, imo, been disrespectful in what I post..I CAN get long winded.
Luckily, I do have a little rythmn, so I may be ok. Latin dancing is soooo much more differant though.....another reason I want a latin wife..they dance so sexual....cant wait to be taught by a beautiful Barinquiilin.

[opusone]

Saleen,


Me thinks that you are paying way too much attention to race, and things that are quite esoteric in nature( whether you can dance or not).
Without trying to sound like a Headmaster at some reform school, I just wanted to say that they are plenty of guys who are not black, know how to dance salsa/merengue, yet end up with a pile of caca  after they "thought" they had found the right one. This is a game of chance and I don't think it's necessary to worry too much about the ones that don't like you for the reasons mentioned above. For me that would be a real simple call. I just wouldn't waste my time thinking about who will "accept" me. Now the ones you really have to worry about are those that say they like you, make you put in a lot of time, and then , like a lot of men here on the forum and elsewhere, end up having to tear up fiance and spousal visas. Go figure.


I would imagine that the women on Jamies website are but a small selection from the pool of the women in Barranquilla .It may cause one to get disappointed if a few of them mention dancing, or wanting a white male for marriage. I can assure you , Barranquilla has a lot more to offer than the women on Jamies website. Its a good start for you , but try not to get too caught up on what the women on the website say they want and need and equate this with so many other women who are not in the agency. You may find that as you're out and about ( I do it all the time) some women will give you a look and her appearance would be the same as one of the women who mentioned "white" only on the site. What would you do? I'm sure you would find a way to arrange meeting her. I guess I'm saying that you really should pay close attention to what's under the hood. In my travels there I find it's quite easy to get discouraged as well as too excited all at the same time , and therein my friend, lies the lure to these women.

[Colgando]

Colgando u sure know how to make a brother feel good. Thnx for the comments. There seems to be a 100% ratio of "cool" people on this site/at least the latin forums, to include yourself. The information you and the rest of the guys on here is invaluable when it comes to latin women, or with jamies site. I appreciate all the help that I've been given..not once has anyone, imo, been disrespectful in what I post..I CAN get long winded.
Luckily, I do have a little rythmn, so I may be ok. Latin dancing is soooo much more differant though.....another reason I want a latin wife..they dance so sexual....cant wait to be taught by a beautiful Barinquiilin.

Yeah man, do your thing, I suspect a lot of people heading south are social misfits or cannot get american women at home, you do not seem like that type. The happily married hero members do not seem to be that type either, they all seem like solid men. Now, the rest of us that are looking, well, jury is still out, I can only vouch for one member that is still looking and not married on the forum because I met him in real life, he could vouch for me too. We hung out a couple of times now.


One thing, how is your Spanish? Try to get to a basic level before March if you are not already there. You can sign up for a class no problem at the community college for an Aug start date. Even if this journey turns out to be a bust, you will have at least pulled out all stops.

[whitey]

tormento...colacorazon...vallentoman....these guys all think alike for some strange reason.
Fathertime!

JUST BE DIRECT!!! 

[saleens7tt]

OPUSONE & COLGANDO....ur opinions and suggestions have been positively accepted and noted. Much appreciated.

[opusone]

OPUSONE & COLGANDO....ur opinions and suggestions have been positively accepted and noted. Much appreciated.

You're a cool guy with a lot of great energy. I don't like to see it when guys get taken for a ride based on faulty intel.  Imagine if you got bad intel from a fort observer, called in the cavalry and wham! Annihilation.


These women will feed you a lot of faulty intel and almost make you feel as though you're not worth pursuing. Just think outside the box a bit when you're down there and things will pan out eventually.

[Colgando]

You're a cool guy with a lot of great energy. I don't like to see it when guys get taken for a ride based on faulty intel.  Imagine if you got bad intel from a fort observer, called in the cavalry and wham! Annihilation.


These women will feed you a lot of faulty intel and almost make you feel as though you're not worth pursuing. Just think outside the box a bit when you're down there and things will pan out eventually.

What is your experience South of the Border Opusone if you do not mind sharing? My apologies if you have already provided this information before.


Guys getting taken for a ride based on faulty intel, sounds like some weak men IMO, with no game or life skills. Sure, things may not work out, but to get taken for a ride is a fool's quest IMO. Almost makes you feel like you are not worth pursuing, that makes no sense to me, maybe I do not know what you are trying to say, sounds like this is coming from a place of low self-esteem?

[opusone]

What is your experience South of the Border Opusone if you do not mind sharing? My apologies if you have already provided this information before.


Guys getting taken for a ride based on faulty intel, sounds like some weak men IMO, with no game or life skills. Sure, things may not work out, but to get taken for a ride is a fool's quest IMO. Almost makes you feel like you are not worth pursuing, that makes no sense to me, maybe I do not know what you are trying to say, sounds like this is coming from a place of low self-esteem?

Currently dating two here in Barranquilla . Per my previous introductory post, one is a dermatologist, the other a shop owner( family business). Didn't use an agency. Met both in Cartagena. My post to Ssaleen was a a post to a follow up post about focusing too much on color/dancing/ etc. I was trying to convey to him that you can't worry about such things, because in the end it's what under the hood with these women. Low self -esteem? No, cautious, yes.

[Colgando]

Currently dating two here in Barranquilla . Per my previous introductory post, one is a dermatologist, the other a shop owner( family business). Didn't use an agency. Met both in Cartagena. My post to Ssaleen was a a post to a follow up post about focusing too much on color/dancing/ etc. I was trying to convey to him that you can't worry about such things, because in the end it's what under the hood with these women. Low self -esteem? No, cautious, yes.

Ok, thanks for the clarification Opusone. God speed to you, I remember your intro post now.


Caution is in order when dealing with females, from any part of the mundo. I am 30 and have passed on marriage more than once. A colleague of mine gave me some advice, do not marry her if there is any doubt, if there is doubt, it will only get worse when you are married. I am going to try my best to keep this advice. So far, no doubts with the woman I have been talking to, we have only been talking for a month and a half now, and I have only been in country once to meet her, so we are still in the infancy stages of our relationship, time will tell how this plays out.


In the back of mind, and I have support structures here to help me, I will walk away from her if/when a deal breaker issue arises. There is only one major potential red flag on the horizon at this point, but I will not know if it is a red flag or not until we get further along, her jealousy. I have a lot of female friends and colleagues, good looking, attractive, successful women, good friends, not sure how this will settle with her.


Time will tell.

[opusone]

Ok, thanks for the clarification Opusone. God speed to you, I remember your intro post now.


Caution is in order when dealing with females, from any part of the mundo. I am 30 and have passed on marriage more than once. A colleague of mine gave me some advice, do not marry her if there is any doubt, if there is doubt, it will only get worse when you are married. I am going to try my best to keep this advice. So far, no doubts with the woman I have been talking to, we have only been talking for a month and a half now, and I have only been in country once to meet her, so we are still in the infancy stages of our relationship, time will tell how this plays out.


In the back of mind, and I have support structures here to help me, I will walk away from her if/when a deal breaker issue arises. There is only one major potential red flag on the horizon at this point, but I will not know if it is a red flag or not until we get further along, her jealousy. I have a lot of female friends and colleagues, good looking, attractive, successful women, good friends, not sure how this will settle with her.


Time will tell.

Good to meet you , Colgando,


I guess you're gonna have to get used to her "jealousy" as a lot of it stems from being territorial as opposed to her thinking you're cheating.This is typical latina behavior, sort of like dancing , it's just in the blood if you ask me. Here as some questions :Do you feel as though you are being accused? Is she vindictive pursuant to a jealous fit? How long does she stay in "jealous" mode? Have you talked to her about it? If so, is she defensive when you try to talk to her about it?  Lastly, is there anything you can do to "help" eliminate some of this jealousy? " Sometimes when there is no jealousy , there is no love"

[saleens7tt]

Colgando... meant to ask you how its been with you and your novia? U 2 talk daily now? Besides the jealousy which I think most latinas have, has it all been good? Personally, ill take a lightly jealous women over a flirtatious, cheatin one any day. I think a little jealousy means she cares much about you..a lot if jealousy means she's loco/stalker/single white female, the movie/you better run, not walk, as fast as you can from her.

[Colgando]

Good to meet you , Colgando,


I guess you're gonna have to get used to her "jealousy" as a lot of it stems from being territorial as opposed to her thinking you're cheating.This is typical latina behavior, sort of like dancing , it's just in the blood if you ask me. Here as some questions :Do you feel as though you are being accused? Is she vindictive pursuant to a jealous fit? How long does she stay in "jealous" mode? Have you talked to her about it? If so, is she defensive when you try to talk to her about it?  Lastly, is there anything you can do to "help" eliminate some of this jealousy? " Sometimes when there is no jealousy , there is no love"

Very good insight, I will put this in my back pocket. So far, I am leaning towards her being territorial. Her jealousy at this point is very endearing, she makes me feel like she really wants me and she does not want me to want other women. I am 100% certain she is into me for me. It has come up, her jealousy, so far, so good, but it is still early, I will keep your questions in mind as I evaluate this character trait of hers as our relationship progresses. She trusts me and believes me when I tell her that I only have eyes for her, my actions back it up so far, things are going well. 

[opusone]

Very good insight, I will put this in my back pocket. So far, I am leaning towards her being territorial. Her jealousy at this point is very endearing, she makes me feel like she really wants me and she does not want me to want other women. I am 100% certain she is into me for me. It has come up, her jealousy, so far, so good, but it is still early, I will keep your questions in mind as I evaluate this character trait of hers as our relationship progresses. She trusts me and believes me when I tell her that I only have eyes for her, my actions back it up so far, things are going well. 

That's good to hear ,Colgando.


THese women see Colombian "perros" cheat all day , treat women like dogs, and act like it's normal .Any sign of it, albeit no where close to you actually doing it, will set her off. I had to moderate my roving eye because they are always on alert for it. Now on the other hand, they are very good at flirting without you even knowing it. 

[Colgando]

Colgando... meant to ask you how its been with you and your novia? U 2 talk daily now? Besides the jealousy which I think most latinas have, has it all been good? Personally, ill take a lightly jealous women over a flirtatious, cheatin one any day. I think a little jealousy means she cares much about you..a lot if jealousy means she's loco/stalker/single white female, the movie/you better run, not walk, as fast as you can from her.

Things are going well, we have talked/chatted for 3 hours every night for the past month. We have a wonderful friendship, we both want to know if we will just be friends, or if we will take it to the next level. She is not my novia at this point, but she wants to be, and I want her to be. We are not able to make that kind of a commitment from a distance. I will be seeing her in a few short days, she made the hotel reservations for me and will meet me at the airport. We are both excited to see each other, patiently waiting in mystery of what the future has for us. In the back of my mind, I am already prepared for this to just be a friendship with her, maybe she has done the same, I do not know, keeping everything super positive with her right now. We said we will still be friends no matter what happens. She said she wants to be the queen of my dreams and she does not want me to look at another woman for this. She said she feels complete with me. I feel the same for her, but we will not know for sure until the next time we meet in a few short days. Bro, if she is carinosa, and our physical chemistry is fire, I am in trouble......