The Juggling Act...

[benjio]

I've been preparing for a 2-3 week trip to Colombia I plan on taking in late November of this year. I think of myself as somewhat of a veteran so I know very well that I need a Plan A, B, C, D, E...and in some cases F before I even hop on the plane. I already have a few girls at Jamie's that have shown interest and I'll probably get a few more before the trip. I've also been using ColombianCupid for a while now and I've found some pretty good prospects there as well. Additionally, I have a couple of girls from LatinEuro I'm interested in and neither has asked for money yet so I'm pretty sure I'm going to take the chance and go and meet them. So there are the girls from Jamie's agency, a few more I've met online in Barranquilla that aren't with Jamie, a few girls I've met online from Cali and a few of them in Pereira. I'm thinking I'll start in Barranquilla for about 8 days, fly to Medellin to visit a friend there for a day, fly to Cali for a few days and ride the bus to Pereira from there to conclude the last couple of days of my trip. All and all it seems like a good plan, but from my experience these things never work out when you actually touchdown in Colombia.

My problem right now is all the women I'm communicating with. I'm perfectly honest with all of them. I tell them I prefer Colombian women, and I'm serious about starting a commited relationship, but I also make it very clear that I won't be focused on a single woman before meeting her in person and spending a lot of time with her. I explain to them it makes no sense to commit to someone you've never met in person. Most of them agree, but this runs some women away. They accuse me of being a player and coming to Colombia just to have a good time and leave. One girl on ColombianCupid even wrote me, "NO SOY LESBIANA NI UNA PREPAGO!!! LISTO!!" after I told her I was planning on meeting another girl in her city. I'm still not sure where that came from.

This morning I get a phone call from what I assumed to be one of the girls I've been talking to. Three of the girls I'm communicating with have my cell phone number but I mean seriously!!!!...who expects a Colombian girl to call them?!!! When I answer she says, "Buenos Dias!" and I'm trying to figure out who in the hell it is immediately. Obviously she was calling from an internet cafe or something because otherwise the girls name would have popped up in my phone. When I asked, "Con quien hablo?" she got all fresh and asked, "Cuantas mujeres de Colombia te llaman?" She hung up the phone immediately afterwards. The bad thing is, I STILL DON'T KNOW WHO IN THE HELL IT WAS!!!! More than anything, I'd like to know just to rule her out. That kind of temper is definitely a red flag and I have no interest in hot heads. But I honestly have no idea. On Saturday, I got a text message from a different number saying "Espero hablar contigo otra vez muy pronto!" I don't think it was a girl I've given my number because I also lock their numbers in my phone so I know who's calling. So maybe someone got a new phone or a new number...WHO THE HELL KNOWS!!!!

The great thing about Jamie's is his staff does all the chica juggling for you. You really don't even have to remember names because if you have a translator they make sure you know exactly who you're meeting before each date. But this is getting a little ridiculous. Any similar experiences? Advice?

[fathertime]

Wow benjio, what a mess!  Well If you sent out your phone number to 3 gals you can ask all 3 of them if they called you.  Obviously 2 of them didn't and they will say 'no' and the 3rd one will probably either not respond or say 'yes'... If all 3 of them say 'no' then it will be hard to figure out who the hell it was.  That sure was an odd reaction on her part, I mean it is pretty normal for a person to identify themselves on the phone.  It is not like she probably doesn't have 100 friends as well. 


Fathertime!

[Researcher]

    Benjio I hope you don't take this wrong but that is a funny story.The girl got mad and you don't even know who it was...funny

    Anyway, I always did my dating and getting to know women while I was in Colombia as to avoid confusion.I used the agencies to help keep things straight, like you mentioned as well.I may have juggled 2 or 3 when I was in the US but mostly I would make a trip and narrow the list down before I returned.

   These women that are jealous already I would let fall by the way side.You are upfront and honest with them so what more do they expect from you.I always took things like that as a bad sign that early on and especially with no committment yet.To me those kind of women are psycho anyway so...good riddance.

    Researcher

[benjio]

Wow benjio, what a mess!  Well If you sent out your phone number to 3 gals you can ask all 3 of them if they called you.  Obviously 2 of them didn't and they will say 'no' and the 3rd one will probably either not respond or say 'yes'... If all 3 of them say 'no' then it will be hard to figure out who the hell it was.  That sure was an odd reaction on her part, I mean it is pretty normal for a person to identify themselves on the phone.  It is not like she probably doesn't have 100 friends as well. 


Fathertime!

I thought the same thing!!! The only reason I can think of why whoever it was reacted that way is maybe the fact that I was communicating with other women sort of hit home with her when I had to ask who she was. But I get calls on my cell phone from friends and work colleagues in Colombia 3 to 5 times a week. It's nothing odd for me. This number wasn't in my phone so I had no idea who I was speaking with. You're absolutely right though FT, I can only figure out who it was by the process of elimination. When I do, she's history. Oh well....NEXT!!!!

[beginthebeguin]

benjio, it is a good thing you are young and your mind is very sharp. If I tried your juggling act I doubt I could juggle more than 1 ball. jajajajajaja
And  a pre-emptive strike on FT. Yes, FT I know you were going to say 'Get the hook!!'. (it's an olde vaudevillian term benjio, for 'get that guy off the stage').

[chameleon]

I'm bad a juggling, and hate doing it, to be honest. Even in my home country, there's nothing i hate more than having to always be vague with plans so that i don't end up with conflicting dates/obligations, or so that i don't get calls from one girl when i'm on a date with another. It's part of the reason i decided to use Jaime's service.


I started using CC and LAC, and i think that if left to my own devices, even if i was aggressive about scheduling, i'd have met maybe 1 or two girls per day, which is not nearly enough. If Jaime actually delivers (and i have little doubt that he will), and i can meet 30-40 girls within my first few days and then I'll have lots of time to spend with my favorites and then maybe take a trip within colombia with her before I leave. Then in 4 months' time I can go back.


I'm also thinking about the last time i did something like this. I started off talking to multiple women, but even online a clear preference emerged for one girl and i dedicated a trip to spend entirely with her. Well, she was a great girl, but not right to be my wife, and so the entire trip was a "waste." (I actually had a great time with her so it was just a waste in the sense that it didn't further my goal to get married)

[STM]

I found the long distance email communcation somewhat difficult, because you build up all this time calling and writing, and when you met, if the sparks do not fly, it is very stressful.
Long time till November.
 
Somewhat insulting to the girl, ie-  "you wrote me for 4 months, and now you only see me once this week???" 
 

[benjio]

I found the long distance email communcation somewhat dificult, becasue you build up all this time calling and writing, and when you met if the sparks do not fly, it is very stressful.
Long time till November.
 
Somewhat insulting to the girl, ie-  "you wrote me for 4 months and now you only see me once this week???" 

Excellent point STM.

But online and over the phone communication is the heart of foreign relationships. If you don't have phone chemistry, how do you expect to maintain the relationship the majority of the time when you can't be there. If everything is hot and heavy when you're visiting for two weeks every three months (if you're lucky), but there's nothing when you're gone, it isn't worth the trouble to try and maintain the committment over such a long distance. I like to establish this initially. If a woman doesn't have enough patience to wait for someone that may end up being everything they are looking for, I don't want anything to do with them anyway. November is technically four months away....and you're right, that's a long time for a Colombian. But it will go by in a flash. I'm pretty good at keeping an interested party entertained in the meantime. I have my ways.

Furthermore, these women are in no way under any obligations to communicate with only me. It is a two way street. If another guy is interested and he's coming down sooner, I would encourage any girl to meet him and see what he's about. When I go out on a date with a Colombiana and the sparks don't fly, it has always been a mutual thing. You're either into each other or you're not. There is no half chemistry and I don't have time to see if we can make something out of nothing. There were a few times when I met a girl in person, and was completely into her physically and wanted to get to know her better. But then they weren't into me, and their body language said just that. And then, I lost interest for lack of theirs. It's never that complicated, although Colombianas can make it seem that way because rather than saying what they mean, they just won't answer your calls or emails. I've learned exactly what they are trying to say in circumstances like this.

[chameleon]

I found the long distance email communcation somewhat dificult, becasue you build up all this time calling and writing, and when you met if the sparks do not fly, it is very stressful.
Long time till November.
 
Somewhat insulting to the girl, ie-  "you wrote me for 4 months and now you only see me once this week???" 

Based on my own experience, both using LAC/CC and regular NA dating sites, the SHORTER your correspondence prior to meeting, the better. There's no sense building up hopes and dreams with someone you've never met. 4 months in advance is WAY too long. You build up way too much expectation among BOTH parties. That could lead to bad decisions once you're in-country as well.


I met a girl online a few months ago. We started emailing etc. She had a long vacation coming up and we couldn't make it happen before she left. We had everything we could possibly have in common. She was gorgeous and I couldn't wait to meet her. When we met, probably a month and a half after we started the communications process, we got along well and had a good conversation, but there was absolutely no chemistry.


You can't afford to operate that way when you're travelling thousands of miles on what for many people is limited vacation time. Even this year, when i have 8-9 weeks vacation between now and next june, I don't feel like i can afford to waste time.

[benjio]

Based on my own experience, both using LAC/CC and regular NA dating sites, the SHORTER your correspondence prior to meeting, the better. There's no sense building up hopes and dreams with someone you've never met. 4 months in advance is WAY too long. You build up way too much expectation among BOTH parties. That could lead to bad decisions once you're in-country as well.


I met a girl online a few months ago. We started emailing etc. She had a long vacation coming up and we couldn't make it happen before she left. We had everything we could possibly have in common. She was gorgeous and I couldn't wait to meet her. When we met, probably a month and a half after we started the communications process, we got along well and had a good conversation, but there was absolutely no chemistry.


You can't afford to operate that way when you're travelling thousands of miles on what for many people is limited vacation time. Even this year, when i have 8-9 weeks vacation between now and next june, I don't feel like i can afford to waste time.

I think you all have the impression I'm calling and writing 5 women everyday, trying to cultivate a relationship with them. ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! I'm calling 2 or 3, writing 20 more on ColombianCupid biweekly, and emailing 30 or more through other means. I've made some friends online. I've told them when I'm going to be in Colombia. I've asked them if they'd like to get to know me personally once I'm there. I drop the occasional one line, "Hey, how is everything?" once in a while. But it's more about building a level of comfort and trust. Contacting women a month or so before you go down is how you get stood up a lot because she got nervous or afraid and flaked out. Communicating with a woman over a relatively long period of time (if she's willing to do so) is the only way you're gonna weed out those who would otherwise waste your time and money.

This is actually a very common subject that has been debated on forums other than this one in the past. Do I talk to them a lot before I go down? Or do I keep it kind of vague and just try to make a date. I think a healthy combination of both is best. Like I said in my last post, a lack of chemistry between two people is usually mutual. When you meet someone and you don't like them, that's it. You just don't like them. If they want to continue being friends because of your past experience conversing with each other, you have someone you can call next time you're in town. I have dozens of female friends like this in Colombia in various cities and have hooked a few of my gringo friends up. If not, say your goodbyes, part ways, and don't think twice about it.

Going down to Colombia with a bunch of spur of the moment plans with some girls you've spoken with for 2 weeks will leaving you sitting in a hotel most of the time making calls to cell phones that will never get answered. It's either this, or the agency route. I'm using both.

[chameleon]

Excellent point STM.

But online and over the phone communication is the heart of foreign relationships. If you don't have phone chemistry, how do you expect to maintain the relationship the majority of the time when you can't be there.

This is different before and after you've met someone. Even dating girls in my home country, where i'm completely fluent in the language, I've found this means little.


Until you meet, you just don't know. The only thing all that other stuff accomplishes is to build expectations and increase your sense of obligation to someone you've never met. Sometimes it works out, but most of the time it won't. It's a bad idea to make plans based on outlier scenarios imo.


I'd wait till a month before travelling to start talking to them. That's enough time.

[fathertime]

benjio, it is a good thing you are young and your mind is very sharp. If I tried your juggling act I doubt I could juggle more than 1 ball. jajajajajaja
And  a pre-emptive strike on FT. Yes, FT I know you were going to say 'Get the hook!!'. (it's an olde vaudevillian term benjio, for 'get that guy off the stage').

jeje if only I had a hook! 
 first using 'beginthebeguin' as your username and now a 'vaudeville' reference....it seems you have an interest in the turn of the last century. 


Fathertime! 

[chameleon]

I think you all have the impression I'm calling and writing 5 women everyday, trying to cultivate a relationship with them. ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! I'm calling 2 or 3, writing 20 more on ColombianCupid biweekly, and emailing 30 or more through other means. I've made some friends online. I've told them when I'm going to be in Colombia. I've asked them if they'd like to get to know me personally once I'm there. I drop the occasional one line, "Hey, how is everything?" once in a while. But it's more about building a level of comfort and trust. Contacting women a month or so before you go down is how you get stood up a lot because she got nervous or afraid and flaked out. Communicating with a woman over a relatively long period of time (if she's willing to do so) is the only way you're gonna weed out those who would otherwise waste your time and money.

This is actually a very common subject that has been debated on forums other than this one in the past. Do I talk to them a lot before I go down? Or do I keep it kind of vague and just try to make a date. I think a healthy combination of both is best. Like I said in my last post, a lack of chemistry between two people is usually mutual. When you meet someone and you don't like them, that's it. You just don't like them. If they want to continue being friends because of your past experience conversing with each other, you have someone you can call next time you're in town. I have dozens of female friends like this in Colombia in various cities and have hooked a few of my gringo friends up. If not, say your goodbyes, part ways, and don't think twice about it.

Going down to Colombia with a bunch of spur of the moment plans with some girls you've spoken with for 2 weeks will leaving you sitting in a hotel most of the time making calls to cell phones that will never get answered. It's either this, or the agency route. I'm using both.

You may be right about women flaking if you don't build enough of a "rapport" with them ahead of time, but personally, i still think a month is enough time.

[benjio]

This is different before and after you've met someone. Even dating girls in my home country, where i'm completely fluent in the language, I've found this means little.


Until you meet, you just don't know. The only thing all that other stuff accomplishes is to build expectations and increase your sense of obligation to someone you've never met. Sometimes it works out, but most of the time it won't. It's a bad idea to make plans based on outlier scenarios imo.


I'd wait till a month before travelling to start talking to them. That's enough time.

I'm in no way building expectations of any of these women. I'm not getting emotionally involved in any way. I've been to Colombia too many times. I know the women and I know the culture too well. This ain't my first rodeo cowboys. If I'm not going to get hurt by this process, what's wrong with determining which women you can keep interested regardless of the fact that you're not there with them.

What you all are referring to is those guys that fall in love with these girls online and go down there thinking everything is going to be a fairy tale as soon as they arrive. Sorry...not me. Not in any shape or form. I do know that planning ahead and having as many options as possible is the best way to meet girls in Colombia. I contact someone new everyday. I won't stop contacting girls until I actually get down there. They I'll start up again as soon as someone flakes out on me. Any women that are still remaining after the next four months will have first dibbs at me. LOL!!!!

[InSanDiego]

Benjio, I'm sure you already know this, but every Barranquillera I've talked to on CC or LAC either has had experiences with a gringo or knows someone who has. Our gringo reputation there is very mixed.... If you're contacting women so far in advance of your trip, of course they're going to want to get you to commit  to them before you touch down, but if you wait until a month or so before, they will be more accepting of your desire to meet multiple women, in my opinion...

[whitey]

This morning I get a phone call from what I assumed to be one of the girls I've been talking to. Three of the girls I'm communicating with have my cell phone number but I mean seriously!!!!...who expects a Colombian girl to call them?!!! When I answer she says, "Buenos Dias!" and I'm trying to figure out who in the hell it is immediately. Obviously she was calling from an internet cafe or something because otherwise the girls name would have popped up in my phone. When I asked, "Con quien hablo?" she got all fresh and asked, "Cuantas mujeres de Colombia te llaman?" She hung up the phone immediately afterwards. The bad thing is, I STILL DON'T KNOW WHO IN THE HELL IT WAS!!!! More than anything, I'd like to know just to rule her out. That kind of temper is definitely a red flag and I have no interest in hot heads. But I honestly have no idea. On Saturday, I got a text message from a different number saying "Espero hablar contigo otra vez muy pronto!" I don't think it was a girl I've given my number because I also lock their numbers in my phone so I know who's calling. So maybe someone got a new phone or a new number...WHO THE HELL KNOWS!!!!

Papi ... tengo la culpa, tengo que confesar ... soy la una que te llamo.  Soy muy celosa.  No puedo soportar que estas hablando y saliendo con otras chicas! 

[Traveler]

Well, most women over there are jealous and possessive.  In fact both genders are.  It is normal for them to call each other repeatedly throughout the day to check up on each other, both genders do that and for some reason tolerate that.  They don't comprehend well the concept of "just dating" without commitment.
 
I believe you that you are not building up their expectations, but it seems they don't need your help  .  If you ever get in a situation of that sort, given of course that you will have a chance to respond, just say something like:
 
Mira, niña, estoy soltero, no estamos casados, ni somos novios.  Me has caido bien, y te quiero dar una oportunidad de conocerme cuando paso por Barranquilla.  Soy una persona muy fiel, pero cuando estoy en la relacion, y con la mujer que me merece.  Si vas a conquistar mi corazon y tratarme mejor que las demas, no tendrias que tener miedo de la competencia.  Cuando nos conocemos, si tenemos la quimica y si me impresionas bastante, voy a dejarte ser mi novia.  Pero antes ni esperes ni exiges nada de mi.
 
Or whatever else you want to tell her, but give her hope that she can win you over, and at the same time communicate that you will not hook up with just anybody, and that she has to work hard for you to consider her as a potential gf.  Colombia, especially on the coast, is a man's world, and you have to communicate to women in the cultural context they will understand.

[whitey]

Well, most women over there are jealous and possessive.  In fact both genders are.  It is normal for them to call each other repeatedly throughout the day to check up on each other, both genders do that and for some reason tolerate that.  They don't comprehend well the concept of "just dating" without commitment.
 
I believe you that you are not building up their expectations, but it seems they don't need your help  .  If you ever get in a situation of that sort, given of course that you will have a chance to respond, just say something like:
 
Mira, niña, estoy soltero, no estamos casados, ni somos novios.  Me has caido bien, y te quiero dar una oportunidad de conocerme cuando paso por Barranquilla.  Soy una persona muy fiel, pero cuando estoy en la relacion, y con la mujer que me merece.  Si vas a conquistar mi corazon y tratarme mejor que las demas, no tendrias que tener miedo de la competencia.  Cuando nos conocemos, si tenemos la quimica y si me impresionas bastante, voy a dejarte ser mi novia.  Pero antes ni esperes ni exiges nada de mi.
 
Or whatever else you want to tell her, but give her hope that she can win you over, and at the same time communicate that you will not hook up with just anybody, and that she has to work hard for you to consider her as a potential gf.  Colombia, especially on the coast, is a man's world, and you have to communicate to women in the cultural context they will understand.

That's a little macho for my taste ... but to each his own.  I prefer to be a little more subtle. 

I'd like to think my wife would have had a little more self respect than to have fallen all over herself trying to convince me that she is worthy ...

[Traveler]

I agree, but I doubt that your wife is a type of a woman that would be getting all jealous and possessive before ever meeting you  .  And by the same token I don't think the girl Benjio was talking about would be good at understanding subtleties.

[Alabamaboy!]

I used to give out my number only if asked and rather try to steer them into the email/chat thing, because I did not want women calling me if I was dating another or whatever thing. And did not even want them leaving me messages and then the other woman is asking about it and wanting to hear the message.

I kept my phone on "silent" mode, and just check my text messages now and again. I told the girls I am a businessman, and very busy at times so "don't waste your money with a call, because most likely I will not be able to pick up....but an email would be really cool and I will answer it after work"

I like the way you are telling the girls up front what you are doing. Because even when dealing with Colombianas, I think they deserve honesty. That is if you are looking for a wife and not just a girlfriend. Because that is what you are going to want in return. And if it scares a few off, cool. That is a good way to weed them out.

My wife was very timid when I first met her, and actually still can be. But when I told her I was dating other women, then she stepped up her game because she wanted to be with me. So sometimes good things happen like that. I think it is always a good sign to let women know that you are down there kind of on a mission and not just flirting and playing around like a typical Colombian guy, so that way they will understand a little more why you need to talk with different women at first. I also assured my wife that if things proceeded to get more serious between us, that I would not talk to the other women anymore. And then did exactly that thing. So she appreciated it. And she did the same. But at the beginning? Hells no!

Another thing, when you start to make your cuts and get down to a couple girls, then you may want to invest in another SIM card when you are down there. Let's say you have done your BAQ rounds and you are taking one of your best candidates to Cartagena for the weekend, you definitely do not want any screw ups with the phone. You don't want your girl to be checking your cell when you are in the bathroom, etc. (although that in itself should be almost a instant red card). But she may say the phone was ringing and she wanted to "help" you avoid missing an important call from your family or something. To avoid all that, just pop in a fresh SIM card that is used just for this girl. Tell there the other one got "danada" or something like that. The SIM cards are super cheap there. I even got one essentially free because it was a promotion and when you buy the card it had so many minutes on it for free. Then if things don't work out with this girl, you can pop in your "booty call" SIM card and away you go.

[Alabamaboy!]

I met a girl online a few months ago. We started emailing etc. She had a long vacation coming up and we couldn't make it happen before she left. We had everything we could possibly have in common. She was gorgeous and I couldn't wait to meet her. When we met, probably a month and a half after we started the communications process, we got along well and had a good conversation, but there was absolutely no chemistry.

This happened several times with me, with disasterous results. Because BAQ is still a pretty tight little city a lot of people know each other, when you cut a girl like that, after chatting with them for months, they get super crazy. One girl had been sending me racy fotos of herself in lingerie and things like that. And she kept begging me for some from me. So I sent her some of me exiting the shower taken from the mirror. (The things these Colombianas can get you to do!) And after I cut her because of the "no chemistry" thing upon meeting her in person, she was super fumed. And then awhile later she found out that I was dating a friend of her friend, and she was humiliated because I was supposed to be "her gringo".  So she forwarded the pics of me to all of her friends on MSN!!!! And on that list of "friends" were other women that I had dated as well. Sooooo, I learned some very valuable lessons there:

1. Don't waste time chatting before you actually meet the girl. Keep things super superficial at first. No sense in rushing things.
2. A city like BAQ can be a very small place.
3. Colombianas can be very possessive, even when they do not have the rights to be.
4. NO RACY PICS! EVER! I don't even send stupid stuff like that to my wife as we are awaiting the Visa.

[Alabamaboy!]

Mira, niña, estoy soltero, no estamos casados, ni somos novios.  Me has caido bien, y te quiero dar una oportunidad de conocerme cuando paso por Barranquilla.  Soy una persona muy fiel, pero cuando estoy en la relacion, y con la mujer que me merece.  Si vas a conquistar mi corazon y tratarme mejor que las demas, no tendrias que tener miedo de la competencia.  Cuando nos conocemos, si tenemos la quimica y si me impresionas bastante, voy a dejarte ser mi novia.  Pero antes ni esperes ni exiges nada de mi.

I actually liked this style and it seemed to work great. The understood the "relationship" up front. The understood that I valued the one-on-one relationship highly and would honor it without being a player with other women, but would not do so until we got to "that stage" of the relationship.

The only part that I would not have the balls to say is the "voy a dejarte ser me novia". But I did use the part about "si tenemos quimica....y si estamos en harmonia con los temas grandes en la vida, voy a quererte como mi novia y darte todo mi respeto, amor, y energia"

[chameleon]

This happened several times with me, with disasterous results. Because BAQ is still a pretty tight little city a lot of people know each other, when you cut a girl like that, after chatting with them for months, they get super crazy. One girl had been sending me racy fotos of herself in lingerie and things like that. And she kept begging me for some from me. So I sent her some of me exiting the shower taken from the mirror. (The things these Colombianas can get you to do!) And after I cut her because of the "no chemistry" thing upon meeting her in person, she was super fumed. And then awhile later she found out that I was dating a friend of her friend, and she was humiliated because I was supposed to be "her gringo".  So she forwarded the pics of me to all of her friends on MSN!!!! And on that list of "friends" were other women that I had dated as well. Sooooo, I learned some very valuable lessons there:

1. Don't waste time chatting before you actually meet the girl. Keep things super superficial at first. No sense in rushing things.
2. A city like BAQ can be a very small place.
3. Colombianas can be very possessive, even when they do not have the rights to be.
4. NO RACY PICS! EVER! I don't even send stupid stuff like that to my wife as we are awaiting the Visa.

It amazes me that people still send each other photos like that and get burned. Even though i'm a nobody (as opposed to a celeb) I would never do it. There's just no upside.

[Traveler]

Hey, chameleon, you never know!  Many of those celebs with racy pics and videos online were nobodies when they were taking them.
 
You can still get famous.   

[Traveler]

You don't want your girl to be checking your cell when you are in the bathroom, etc. (although that in itself should be almost a instant red card).

Red flag it will be, and regardless of the outcome - most unpleasant experience.  However, 99% of women will try to do something like that.  And 100% of Colombian women will do that.  That's just how women operate.  Even if they tell you that they will never do something like that, given an opportunity they will. 
 
They are great at finding random strands of women's hair, lipstick on the passenger visor that's not theirs, and even sense another woman's perfume on you.  Any cancellation of a date you had planned they will automatically attribute to an "otra", even changes in your normal behavior or mood.  And given all this, you can't expect that they will not be checking your cellphone, or your emails given an opportunity.