Your thoughts

[brettb]

OK, Where to begin... So I have been talking with this lady for 9 months now. And tonight we discuss my visit to the Philippines. When we first discussed this we both seemed very excited about it. I was going to spend 12 days, As that is all i can afford to take at the moment. Then she seemed less excited on my visit explaining that she will more then likely not be able to meet me at the airport in Cebu. OK no problems as i looked on flights and they arrive late.. 11:40pm from cheapoair.com Then she goes to explain that i should spend a few days in Cebu and look at the sites and explore then come to Bais city. The main reason is she can't take any vacation from her work. I can understand, But it seems like more and more little things like this come up. So i asked her why she never told me about her vacation time before. And the chat gets really quiet and she tells me she is going home to take a nap. It is 12:30pm her time, She has never done this before. But before that i asked her Do you still want me to come visit you? Her answer of course is YES I love you etc... Either way I will be going to Philippines. But then a little bit of skepticism crept up on me. Does she have a pinoy bf? is she just lonely and was just looking for someone to kill time while she is at work? She has never asked for money or anything else that would bring a red flag. Maybe I am over reading this situation, But i figured there are people here who have more experience with filipinas (i know there all different) And just could use your 2 cents on it.

Thanks
-Brett
 

[fathertime]

OK, Where to begin... So I have been talking with this lady for 9 months now. And tonight we discuss my visit to the Philippines. When we first discussed this we both seemed very excited about it. I was going to spend 12 days, As that is all i can afford to take at the moment. Then she seemed less excited on my visit explaining that she will more then likely not be able to meet me at the airport in Cebu. OK no problems as i looked on flights and they arrive late.. 11:40pm from cheapoair.com Then she goes to explain that i should spend a few days in Cebu and look at the sites and explore then come to Bais city. The main reason is she can't take any vacation from her work. I can understand, But it seems like more and more little things like this come up. So i asked her why she never told me about her vacation time before. And the chat gets really quiet and she tells me she is going home to take a nap. It is 12:30pm her time, She has never done this before. But before that i asked her Do you still want me to come visit you? Her answer of course is YES I love you etc... Either way I will be going to Philippines. But then a little bit of skepticism crept up on me. Does she have a pinoy bf? is she just lonely and was just looking for someone to kill time while she is at work? She has never asked for money or anything else that would bring a red flag. Maybe I am over reading this situation, But i figured there are people here who have more experience with filipinas (i know there all different) And just could use your 2 cents on it.

Thanks
-Brett

hey brettb,
 i would say first thing is you just got to meet this gal that you have been talking with for 9 months...then you should have a better perspective on your relationship...i remember when i meet my wife for the first time, she also worked and didn't get off until 8pm...i spent a lot of time lounging and we only spent a few hours each day with each other, she couldn't get ooff work either...i think you have to give it a go and see what happens, but you could also put together a loose backup plan in case you can tell early that this is all going to fall apart.


Good luck,
Fathertime!

[benjio]

Regardless of her obligation to work, I would think she'd be extremely excited about the prospect of you two meeting in person. So what if you have to wait for her to finish working everyday. You're not flying all the way to the Phillipines to see the sights. You're going to see her. With that being said I don't think a boyfriend is the issue. Maybe she doesn't look anything like the pictures she's sent you. Maybe she's afraid her family will not accept you. I have no experience with Filipinas outside of the U.S. but you are definitely not reading too much into this. Something is up, and it's probably something she has not been completely honest about.

[Ray]

 

 
Well Brett,
　
From what you have posted, I don’t see any blatant red flags, just some yellow caution flags maybe.
　
What kind of work does she do and what hours does she work?
　
It is fairly typical to work full days M-F and a half day on Saturday. There is usually about a 2-week vacation period each year, probably more common at Christmas and Holy Week. It is often very difficult to take vacations when you want them with many jobs. So, the fact that she can’t get time off from work for your visit is no big deal in and of itself.
　
You two should at least try to coordinate your vacation times to allow for a maximum time together during your short visit. If neither of you are willing or able to make compromises on this issue, then your trip isn’t going to give you any significant time to get to know each other. If you can’t work out a coordinated plan in the near future, then you may want to just go anyway and see what happens.
　
If you are serious about this girl, then do as your Uncle Time says and visit her before you waste too much more time on this relationship. You’re right to be a little skeptical at this point, but you’ll never know for sure until you go there. Also, I would have a solid backup plan if you are at all unsure about her by the time you leave.
　
Spending a day or two in Cebu is probably a lot better than staying in her small hometown alone for a few days, unless there are some major resorts with decent hotels nearby. If she is close to Dumaguete City, then there should be some good places to stay with nice facilities. Also, it has been my personal observation over the years that the nicest looking women in the Philippines seem to come from the Dumaguete area. Dumaguete is also a major college town. Pehaps you could find some nice coeds there who would be willing to show you around while you're waiting for your girl to get off of work... run that by her and see what she says... LOL!
　
Ray
　

[robert angel]

OK, Where to begin... So I have been talking with this lady for 9 months now. And tonight we discuss my visit to the Philippines. When we first discussed this we both seemed very excited about it. I was going to spend 12 days, As that is all i can afford to take at the moment. Then she seemed less excited on my visit explaining that she will more then likely not be able to meet me at the airport in Cebu. OK no problems as i looked on flights and they arrive late.. 11:40pm from cheapoair.com Then she goes to explain that i should spend a few days in Cebu and look at the sites and explore then come to Bais city. The main reason is she can't take any vacation from her work. I can understand, But it seems like more and more little things like this come up. So i asked her why she never told me about her vacation time before. And the chat gets really quiet and she tells me she is going home to take a nap. It is 12:30pm her time, She has never done this before. But before that i asked her Do you still want me to come visit you? Her answer of course is YES I love you etc... Either way I will be going to Philippines. But then a little bit of skepticism crept up on me. Does she have a pinoy bf? is she just lonely and was just looking for someone to kill time while she is at work? She has never asked for money or anything else that would bring a red flag. Maybe I am over reading this situation, But i figured there are people here who have more experience with filipinas (i know there all different) And just could use your 2 cents on it.

Thanks
-Brett

Something doesn't sound quite right here--she says 'of course I love you' but it sounds like other than than that, things are going from warm to cooler. I've flown to meet  who Filipinas I'd come to know on-line who quit their job to be with me, met me after working  each day or were able to get vacation time off and then were on me like white on rice the whole time. In each case they introduced me to to their coworkers, friends and family.


The economy is very, very tough there and no one wants to lose a job, so her being careful there, in and of itself isn't a red flag. The most important question in my mind is how just how far from C. C. is she-- is it 2-3 hours typically? Do buses run to and from there? If I really fancied a girl, even if she lived/worked in some podunk little town, I'd go there, find whatever lodging available and spend at least the few hours she has between work, eating and minimal sleeping, to be together with each other.


The time/distance quotient here is of interest, but the old saying 'where there's love, there's a way' doesn't really seem to playing out that well here. C.C's not a bad place to be see the sights--I'd give it a few days and some say the prettiest women in the PI are from there, but if I couldn't be with the girl I spent a bundle of time and money to try to see and make it happen with and yet had no real strings attached, I think I'd catch a jet cat to Dumaguete to see if there's really as many pretty young coeds anxious to practice their English as I've heard there are. Maybe even Bohol better yet. I think Dumaguete has the highest percentage of coeds in the PI, has nice, reasonable accommodations, nice beaches and scuba diving to wit.

 
BUT--I think I'd put a gauge on how strong and sincere this girl is about you, measuring it proportionately to the distance her location is from C.C. and whether or not it is truly feasible for you to go there and hang out, read, listen to your I-Pod--whatever it takes to wait, till she gets off of work. Does she REALLY want you to meet her, her family and friends? It's probably going to be one hell of a long flight for what (worst case)  might or might not turn out to be the most expensive, essentially blind (as you've never actually met her) date of your life.
 
If it turns out you're a  another cyber potato chip in this woman's bag--that she enjoyed your company on-line but for whatever reasons, couldn't commit, I wouldn't have a hang dog attitude--I'd put it into higher gear, check out Cebu C., Bohol and Dumaguete and have one hell of a killer vacation as a bachelor on the lam, with no strings attached. I could fancy that!

[Ray]

 
Robert,
 

 

...hang out, read, listen to your I-Pod--whatever it takes to wait, till she gets off of work.

Huh? Travel 8,000 mi to read and listen to your I-Pod??
 

...put it into higher gear, check out Cebu C., Bohol and Dumaguete and have one hell of a killer vacation as a bachelor on the lam, with no strings attached.

Now that's the kind of advice I like...  LOL!
 
Ray
 
 
 
 
 
 

[Dave H]

Hey Brett,
 
It's a toss up to me...could go either way. I would call it a yellow flag and go with a good back-up plan like others have suggested. My future Filipina wife didn't sound to thrilled when I announced the date that I could visit her in the Philippines. She even asked if I could wait until the following year. You could imagine the mixed signals that sent.     In the end, I went anyway and found out that she was just very nervous and shy about meeting me...4 months after we began writing letters (back in the old days). In my case, everything worked out great.
 
Good luck,
 
Dave

[thekfc]

Hi brett,
 
As Dave H mentioned it could be nervousness on her part.

I'd put it into higher gear, check out Cebu C., Bohol and Dumaguete and have one hell of a killer vacation as a bachelor on the lam, with no strings attached. I could fancy that!

+2

I would go and do the "face to face" introduction and there things can change for the better.

[brettb]

Hey guys,

I appreciate all the replies and great advice, After discussing it with her. She is nervous because she is "low class" and i use her words there. I told her she should not worry about money or class around me. So after i cleared that up, Everything turned back to her becoming very excited. I guess she was afraid i will judge her living conditions and assume something. Anyways after the suggestions was the worst that could happen... Worst possible scenario i have a great vacation, Best possible scenario she is my future bride to be. Either way i look at, its a win.

once again guys Thanks for the great advice!!

-Brett

[whitey]

Tell her you're more interested in the "class" of her character, heart, and soul.

Good luck, brettb ... enjoy your trip.

[robert angel]

Hey guys,

I appreciate all the replies and great advice, After discussing it with her. She is nervous because she is "low class" and i use her words there. I told her she should not worry about money or class around me. So after i cleared that up, Everything turned back to her becoming very excited. I guess she was afraid i will judge her living conditions and assume something. Anyways after the suggestions was the worst that could happen... Worst possible scenario i have a great vacation, Best possible scenario she is my future bride to be. Either way i look at, its a win.

once again guys Thanks for the great advice!!

-Brett

Hey Brett,
 
That MADE my day. I feel bad not having the wisdom to see that--what you wrote--what she said and you both came to realize---it makes TOTAL sense, especially when I think it through--having been there. In our posts here and elsewhere, I've come to feel you're a bright, really good guy and again, looking back with hindsight being 20/20-you've known this young lady for around 9 months. For my hastily written 'two bits' to have possibly misguided you, makes me about ill just thinking about it.
 
Please accept my apology, I am glad that some wiser fellows have added their insights here and we didn't derail anything. No doubt about your brain being sound and with that part well in gear, I say, follow your heart as well,  keeping them both in synch and I have a feeling everything's going to be alright.
 
At this point, my only other regret, besides my own unfairly 'selling her short' is that you only have 12 days to visit, but still, that's a good amount of time to start to really get a solid feel if she's 'the one' for you and to find out a fair bit about their culture as well.
Go for it!

[brettb]

Hey Robert, Thanks for the compliments. But i also enjoy different perspectives, And yours was one i thought about before I had the talk with her. And it does suck for the 12 days but i am switching jobs... Finally out of the sales and actually into a dream job, But I'm taking a nice hit in pay. Anyways i will try to make my trip report as good as the others i have read.

[Dave H]

Hey guys,

I appreciate all the replies and great advice, After discussing it with her. She is nervous because she is "low class" and i use her words there. I told her she should not worry about money or class around me. So after i cleared that up, Everything turned back to her becoming very excited.once again guys Thanks for the great advice!!

-Brett

Hey Brett,
 
That is great to hear! You might be surprised at the poverty level here. "Middle class" might mean that they are squatters, their family living in a nipa hut on a dirt path, but they eat every day, and their partents are able to send them and their siblings to public school, maybe even scrape enough money together to send them to college...one at a time.
 
Dave