The Age Issue...

[utopiacowboy]

Re:U.C.,
 
You dirty dog you--I know you stole that  post from something I heard Dr. Phil say on TV--almost word for word!

A true lol.

[robert angel]

U.C.,
 
I'm glad you at least got a laugh out of it. My 'sense of humor' is a kind of different-- it seems my long winded posts and jokes therein tend to stop threads more than continue them, although they do veer off course a bit, so it's only fair. I don't know if I piss off more people than I entertain here.
 
I see too much bickering and worrying around here and usually try and keep it light and cut up a bit--glad to hear some body out there's laughing!
 
Besides DaveH's stuff in general and a lot of Kfc's,  maybe the best belly laughs I've gotten here were the balikbayon box posts, parodies and pictures posted, as well as the great Spanish language clip of a Three Stooges episode that Father Time posted. F.T. irks me sometimes, but that was great and I should've let him know that one was a real hoot we enjoyed. Researcher and a number of others here have given me some great laughs too--I can't list everyone I should. And of course, first and foremost, there's a lot of good useful information shared here.

[Calipro]

I'm 30 years old now, turning 31 in October right before my umpteenth trip to Colombia in November. I plan on being there for at least two or three weeks. Depends on if any new female friends give me a reason to stay longer. That's how it usually happens with me though.
 
I've heard of but never, EVER met a Gringo younger than I am searching for a true serious relationship in Colombia. I played high school football so I've been the popular jock, was in college 7 years and was the frat boy. Except for the 2 years and change I was with my ex, I've been single and having fun most of my life. I've had A LOT of fun. At this point I'm very ready for something real and stable. Most of the guys I meet in Latin America from the states and Europe are 45+, have been married before, and have the full experience of the nightmare it can be to be married to the wrong American/European woman. I respect these guys because most of them fully appreciate how happy a good Colombian Woman can make you if you're lucky enough to find one you're truly compatible with.
 
I'm far from a SOTB rookie so before this trip I'm trying to get my ducks in line as to exactly where I'm going to be dating and who I'm going to meet. I started almost 3 years ago by going to Jamie's and I've always respected his business and the quality of the service he offers. I chose a few girls from his website a little while ago and some of them showed interest in meeting me so I know I'm going to Barranquilla first. I also have some friends there I want to visit so that leg of the trip would have been automatic regardless.
 
I've heard time and time again that I'm the perfect age to be searching for a serious relationship in Colombia. After the past month, I do not agree. At 30, the expectation of Colombian culture is for me to be dating 18-25 year olds (and I'm referring more to the lower end of that range). Been there, done that, and have no interest in doing it again. Perhaps some of you gentlemen have had different experiences but most of the women I meet in this age range are not ready to be married (let alone carry on a serious long distance relationship that would lead to marriage). Besides the fact that you can legally date them I'm not sure why any agency allows women so young to be members. Most often, they're very flaky and immature. In my opinion most of them join agencies to go on dates with foreigners and experience something different...something they otherwise could never do for lack of finance. I view any success story of a gringo and a girl under 23 that subsequently resulted from dating through an agency as lucky coincidence.
 
So I've recently been chasing women closer to my age. 27-35, mas o menos. I have no problem whatsoever dating, or for that matter marrying a woman older than me. I'd marry a 40 year old if we were compatible and I fell in love with her. Amazingly what I'm getting from most of the women I go after is I'm not old enough for them. In the past few weeks I've heard, "I'm looking for someone more mature" about 10 times. It's actually kind of funny to me.  Dennis Levy introduced me to the niece of an old acquintance via email and she was the first girl that told me this after I initially contacted her, but I've been hearing it more often as I contact more women.
 
I have an account on Colombian Cupid. I've contacted about 30 women from different cities in Colombia (none in Medellin). About 12 have responded. The only women that have initiated interest in me are younger ones (19-23..ALL IN MEDELLIN!!!). I've also purchased addresses from LatinEuro recently and in the past. The site gets a lot of flack but I've had nothing but good experiences. The only problem with them is you have no idea whether or not a girl has children. About three of the girls I've contacted from there didn't even mention it until I hear a baby crying or a little boy saying, "tengo hambre mami." I'm corresponding with one of the girls that agreed to meet me from Jamie's agency. She is 35. Very mature, nice looking, she has a daughter though. I'm not going to Colombia without some type of plan B, C, D, E and F. But believe it or not, so far I'm having some serious problems finding women in my age range that are interested in me.
 
If this trend continues I might be forced to date, dare I say it...A FEW PAISAS!!!!! I will probably end up in Pereira or Neiva after the first week or two if I don't hit it off with any of the girls from Jamie's agency.

Really doesn{t sound like colombia is for you.....a lot of women in their mid 30's here are grandmothers. jajaja  If you want want to up the age limit to late 40's I can introduce you to some very nice great grandmothers. LOL!!


I'm 49 and my current girlfriend is 22...no problems.....if you don't want problems stay away from women in agencies and desperate women with children. Hooking up with upper class women here will be next to imposible if you do not already have a network of upper class friend


Next best bet is finding young hot women that have options other than marrying an american to get ahead in life. No she won't be jumping head over heals to get married but she will be looking for someone that she really likes and a relationship that might lead to marriage.


The goal is to stay away from women that have the expressed goal of finding a husband as opposed to women that  are open to finding someone they love being around and if you are that guy I'm sure they would be happy to marry you.

[jb]

Next best bet is finding young hot women that have options other than marrying an american to get ahead in life. No she won't be jumping head over heals to get married but she will be looking for someone that she really likes and a relationship that might lead to marriage.


The goal is to stay away from women that have the expressed goal of finding a husband as opposed to women that  are open to finding someone they love being around and if you are that guy I'm sure they would be happy to marry you.

Ah, in it for love, and not just looking for a man to fill the husband role.  sounds like good advice.

[Researcher]

Ah, in it for love, and not just looking for a man to fill the husband role.  sounds like good advice.

      Yeah jb, step one to this process: Move to Colombia.

      I think it is a false assumption that women looking for a husband are not looking for someone to fall in love with and that they would enjoy being around.I don't know how a woman waiting for their Prince Charming to come along would be any better at being a wife or soulmate...however you look at it.Many women I met through the years didn't want to marry the wrong guy just like I didn't want to marry the wrong woman.My wife was perfectly willing to live out her life single rather than marry just anyone...and I met her in an agency.

        Researcher

[Calipro]

Ah, in it for love, and not just looking for a man to fill the husband role.  sounds like good advice.

I don{t know if I would give this advice to just anyone but the guy portrays himself as a guy that can actually get women interested in him without holding out the carrot of marriage infront of them to get their interest


Guys that can{t get a date in the states will always have to hold out the prosibility of marriage to even attract the most desperate women with children or poor chicas that can{t even afford to got to college.


If you go for a poor one you have to make sure she is super hot to insure that the only offer on the table isn{t yours.jjajaja You want to make sure she picked you over the rest....if your proposal is the only one she has....guess what_   Your it!!! and you may not like what you get in the end   

[robert angel]

Now I may be out of place here, because I don't know the 'lay of the land' down there, but it kind of sounds to me that Benjio's looking for a different kind of animal than what's typically found in the bush down there. I'd guess he'd like to hook up with a babe who's '30ish', and is hot and educated--a bit 'cosmopolitan' and 'old school'--and in a Colombian flavored way at that. Someone who's seasoned but not 'used'--who's been around the block, but hasn't lost her way--someone who's been waiting for a guy like him, still wanting to have fun and do things, but not some ditzy, arm candy babe with the attention span of a Junebug in July. Someone who might make a fine mother and produce wonderful children, in a secure home, perhaps.


 
Sure, It'd  be a lot easier to find a gal under age 25, who's a total ten in the looks department, who might leave you smiling,  bow legged in the morning and fix you breakfast, but I don't think that's what this cat is looking for. He seems to me to be looking for a special package--the real deal if you will---a looker, with smarts, heart and heat, who's pretty much grown up, yet still has a lot of spice  and spark left in her.


 
Diamonds are forever, they say and the real ones certainly not easy to find. I don't know if an agency down there would even be a good place to consider 'diamond mining', but hey, it's a start, not an end and I bet there are some real gems down thereabouts---just maybe not an 'agency girl'. It's just probably going to take longer than ordinary for him to find THE extraordinary one, but I don't think this guy's going to settle for the 'common denominator' anyway.
 

[Researcher]

         Wow Calipro, the image of a guy that can't get a date in the US is a very sad image to me.I guess I can't imagine that because I have always been able to get dates.The thought of "dangling the prospect of marriage" in front of a desperate woman seems sad also but is a reality.I'm glad I have never had to deal with it.Still I used agencies and the internet and there were plenty of women available that weren't desperate. I do kinda like your idea of dating a woman that has prospects and makes a choice to be with a guy.At least her decision wasn't made out of dire desperation but who's to say she will stay committed once a bigger better deal comes along.

       Researcher

[Calipro]

      Yeah jb, step one to this process: Move to Colombia.

      I think it is a false assumption that women looking for a husband are not looking for someone to fall in love with and that they would enjoy being around.I don't know how a woman waiting for their Prince Charming to come along would be any better at being a wife or soulmate...however you look at it.Many women I met through the years didn't want to marry the wrong guy just like I didn't want to marry the wrong woman.My wife was perfectly willing to live out her life single rather than marry just anyone...and I met her in an agency.

        Researcher

I don{t doubt your story....but the way he portrays himself....I doubt that he is just looking for a wife that will be true to him but rather one that meets all of his expectations.....If the guy is actually finding a lot of  women  in marriage agencies that he finds attractive....it is an option.... but you really do have to watch out....if the guy can spend enough time in Colombia for non agency women to take him seriously I think he should skip the agency scene.

[Calipro]

         Wow Calipro, the image of a guy that can't get a date in the US is a very sad image to me.I guess I can't imagine that because I have always been able to get dates.The thought of "dangling the prospect of marriage" in front of a desperate woman seems sad also but is a reality.I'm glad I have never had to deal with it.Still I used agencies and the internet and there were plenty of women available that weren't desperate. I do kinda like your idea of dating a woman that has prospects and makes a choice to be with a guy.At least her decision wasn't made out of dire desperation but who's to say she will stay committed once a bigger better deal comes along.

       Researcher

I may have exaggerated my position to make a point....but trust me...plenty of guys that can{t get a date come to colombia and use marriage agencies...I have seen it at least a 100 times in the past 15 years.....just didn{t sound like the guy needed to go that route.
I have also seen many guys that can get a date in the US use marriage agencies just because they are not satisfied with they{re prospects in the states.
My point is that if you really have some game you can find chicks outside of agencies that are on average better looking and less problematic on average.

[robert angel]

Re:
>>Wow Calipro, the image of a guy that can't get a date in the US is a very sad image to me.<<

Maybe the guy doesn't live near a Wafflehouse, Denny's, or Huddle House and can't figure out Match.com.
I wuz always able to scare me up some womens there!

[Researcher]

I may have exaggerated my position to make a point....but trust me...plenty of guys that can{t get a date come to colombia and use marriage agencies...I have seen it at least a 100 times in the past 15 years.....just didn{t sound like the guy needed to go that route.
I have also seen many guys that can get a date in the US use marriage agencies just because they are not satisfied with they{re prospects in the states.
My point is that if you really have some game you can find chicks outside of agencies that are on average better looking and less problematic on average.

         10 or 12 years ago that was pretty much the case.Agencies were for the more desperate but I think it changed over the years.Kind of like internet dating here in the US has become more acceptable as a way of finding a mate.I like to tease these internet guys sometimes by throwing up the old stereotypes of internet daters but honestly it has changed and became more acceptable over the years.It seemed to me that the agency scene in Colombia changed like that.Now, it could have been that I was fooled because I changed cities and maybe using an agency is more acceptable in Bogota than Cali.

        Researcher

[jb]

      Yeah jb, step one to this process: Move to Colombia.

Interesting that you say this.  Why not just do as most guys do and internet date and travel down when you can?    FYI, If I had my income set up to do this I would already be down there.  Now that I say this, guess I just need to make it happen.

      I think it is a false assumption that women looking for a husband are not looking for someone to fall in love with and that they would enjoy being around.

        Researcher

I agree with you completely, just because a women desires a husband doesn't mean she will forgo a true relationship, love, etc.  I should have qualified my post.

[fathertime]

 
, parodies and pictures posted, as well as the great Spanish language clip of a Three Stooges episode that Father Time posted. F.T. irks me sometimes, but that was great and I should've let him know that one was a real hoot we enjoyed. Researcher and a number of others here have given me some great laughs too--I can't list everyone I should. And of course, first and foremost, there's a lot of good useful information shared here.

oh come on now robertangel, i have no ideal why you would let my posts 'irk' you so much, i do enjoy poking fun at you though, just like i do dennislevy, but it is pretty harmless in your guys cases....i don't remember the spanish 3 stooges i posted but it must have been pretty good. 


Fathertime!

[Researcher]

Interesting that you say this.  Why not just do as most guys do and internet date and travel down when you can?   

     Because the women "looking for a husband" on the internet aren't any different than women "looking for a husband" with an agency.I think the assumption is the women who are actively looking for a relationship are somehow desperate creatures looking to get out of their situation.You can find women like that in Colombia with or without an agency.But I do see the logic in avoiding women in desperate situations because you don't really know what their motives are to marry.

       I would say if a guy is to avoid the desperate agency women then he should avoid the desperate internet women as well.The only other option is to move to Colombia.How else are you going to access the percieved "cream of the crop".

     Researcher 

[fathertime]

 
My point is that if you really have some game you can find chicks outside of agencies that are on average better looking and less problematic on average.

yoyo calipro!


I don't think 'averages' matter...not many are going to date the agency gals that are bringing down the agency average! 
now less problematic on average, that seems like it could possibly be a valid point.


on the whole i think it is best if a man can live in colombia for extended periods and experience gals outside agencies...especially a guy like benjii, who is young and a football player....but why not see agency gals as well, if he finds some he would like to meet and have a cup of coffee    with? 


Fathertime!   

[Researcher]

 
I see too much bickering and worrying around here and usually try and keep it light and cut up a bit--glad to hear some body out there's laughing!

      I don't think there is nearly enough debate around here.Many folks on forums try their best to be popular and liked by all but that just isn't my style.When it comes to relationships and finding the right person there will be disagreements as everyone has their own opinion based on their own experience.I see nothing wrong with debating something.One person lays out their reasoning and another does the same.No one should have a problem with that if they're not hiding anything or trying to BS anyone.Too many people get offended when they are challenged and many will resort to insults and name calling when they start losing a debate.

        I don't see anything wrong with challenging someone's point of view.It shouldn't be a problem unless they have something to hide or are just BS-ing everyone.If everyone got along there wouldn't be a need for the Flame Room and it sure would be boring around here.

       Researcher

[braziliangirl]

I agree with Researcher in many points. You can't assume someone is desperate just because she is actively looking for someone that's good enough for her to make a commitment. To prove this point, at this own forum there are me and IV. None of us are desperately trying to get out of our countries or don't have any other option in life, yet we had our profiles posted on dating sites. I would even consider join an agency if there was any in Brazil.

[whitey]

Everyone remember that tv show that featured a guy named David who was searching for (and found) a wife through an agency in Barranquilla?

I have personally known for several years two of the women that were seated at the table with him in one of the scenes.  They are both very close with my wife. 

These women are university educated, have good jobs (for Colombia), are good, decent women, and are looking (not desperately) to find a husband.  They are simply looking for an honest, stable guy with whom to fall in love and raise a family.

My wife never joined an agency, but she went to one or two parties to accompany a friend.  It just wasn't for her - she's a little shy, plus she felt it was too much like a meat market for her.

However, she was on amigos.com where she met my best friend, who ultimately introduced us.

Moral of the story: there are lot's of good women out there in the agencies and dating sites, but of course there are scammers as well.  Just as a ton of guys using agencies and dating sites are scammers and weirdos - the knife cuts both ways!

[Researcher]

      I think things have changed and people are more accepting of different  ways of meeting the opposite sex.10 years ago many of the women in agencies were probably desperate, or at least it seemed that way to me.Now that people are more tech savy the internet seems to be acceptable and almost preferred to the "natural" way of meeting. That is one term that makes me laugh.There is no such thing as meeting someone the "natural" way.

     Researcher

[InnocentVixen]

I would even consider join an agency if there was any in Brazil.

When I joined this forum and heard about the dating agencies I was sad we didn't have that option here in Mexico, after all I've read about them I am not sure I would join one if I had the chance anymore, not if it worked like the ones in Colombia anyways, like whitey's lady I feel it's too much of a meat market for a somewhat shy and non-competitive woman as myself, then again if the option was here I would have gone and take a look before I knew any better and who knows? I might have gotten lucky.


As for my boyfriend, I must admit I feel incredibly lucky that after going to Colombia and using an agency he didn't find anyone or settled for a hottie, in a way it shows he really is not looking just for "a wife" but love and a life companion, not that it can't be found in an agency, but I think men sometimes push themselves a bit too hard thinking that with all those options they just HAVE to find someone, when the right one might simply not be around where you are looking.

[benjio]

I've never had a problem finding a date here in the U.S. My luck has actually been pretty good here. I had some great relationships and I'm still good friends with most of my ex girlfriends. I've never been a cheater. I treat women with respect and I try my hardest not to lie (although you just have to lie to women sometimes for their own good). Usually my past relationships just fell apart because of a mutual lack of interest in continuing. I've always admired North American women for their complexity, tenacity and strength. However, I'm a simple man and I DO NOT like their sometimes bipolar behavior nor the double standard that is placed on men in this country. Your average American woman will preach and preach about equality, feminism, etc., but they simultaneously still expect men to pay for dinner, buy gifts on Valentines Day, Christmas etc, and pull out chairs and open doors (at least in the South). All this while few of them accept the role of the wife and mother once a couple starts a family. Women here for the most part want to work. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. That's just not what I want. I may throw the occasional shot at AW's once in a while but I'm definitely not looking SOTB because I have some sort of grudge against the women here or out of desperation.
 
With that being said, I can assure all of you that Colombia is definitely for me. I've always been drawn to Latinas. They are obviously the most beautiful women on Earth but it's more than that. When you find the right one, they are for the most part very family oriented. They make excellent mothers and wives. They cherish their men....as if we are the most precious beings on Earth. Most of them I've encountered are also very devoted and faithful in a relationship. Some time ago I came to the realization that I was definitely going to marry a Latina. A little while after that I started asking myself why I was looking for a Latina in the U.S. Italian Food is good in New York, but if you want the real deal, you go to Italy, right?
 
The agency scene definitely has it's advantages. I don't think anyone can have a completely pessimistic view of agencies because they serve a purpose and that purpose is very often fulfilled. Luckily I don't have to be dependent on them anymore but I won't stop using them. At this point I've learned Spanish fluently, have realized Colombianas are very approchable, and have no fear of throwing myself out there to see what happens. At the same time agencies save me the trouble of looking for single women on the fly, and then hoping to God that their Colombian boyfriend isn't right behind them talking to someone else when I introduce myself (that has happen to me and it was NOT a pleasant experience...a sincere apology and explaining you didn't know a guy was with a girl usually isn't enough to calm a jealous Colombian boyfriend down). I'll continue to use Colombian Cupid, LatinEuro, agencies, etc...all of them until I find what I'm looking for. Because all of them at one time or another, for one gringo or another, have helped a Latina and a Gringo find each other and true happiness.
 
I know what I'm looking for is there. I started this thread to share my frustrations with a very peculiar bump in the road. But that was only a few women. The best thing about Colombia is there are so many possibilities. I enjoy the search, the chase and the conquest. I'm someone that fervently believes that anything worth having is worth working your ass off and waiting for. I'm happy as ever to be patiently busting my a$$ this damn hard. 

[dennislevy]

Hi
Im going to weigh in even if most of you know ny viewpoint.  The idea that agency women are any any dffernet then women on a site like colombian cupido...isnt valid. Quite often the same woman will be on a number of internet venues and in an agencyt trying  to attract attention from men.....WHY she wants to attract the intention is the point of interest.... not that she is in an agency.
 
That you need a network of people to date upper class Colombianas is also not true. what you need is very god to excellent Spanish and the ability to be respectful and make a case for why that woman should Meet you..and make yourslef interesting .
 
I remember chatting with a woman ( a businesswoman in Medellin) on cupido and during the first chat we disccused Garcia Lorca, we compared El Cid and Bolivar both real life hereos and what Efraim Gaitan might have done if he  lived.....)  If you guys font know those themes, they arent absolutely essential...but nice to have in your pocket.....
 
During the conversation, she said to me...you dont seem to be a typical gringo...she ALSO had her stereotypes!...Damn right , Im not a typical gringo, whatever that is!!!!! ... And my point the more you understande the culture, the more you read, the more you can intersperse  latin themes of history and culture and art and politcs into your conversations with educated women...the further you ll go. 
I have dated upper class Colombianas, I started with a message to their email box or a chat.
 
I ve met and dated a lot of women here,,,,,that s no secret....VERY few were desperate women.
 
Finalkly calipro...YOUR advice that you can t find a Colombian wife is a bit disingenuous...dont you think.....I think you may haqve changed your attitude......
 
have a good day, gents
Dennis

[InnocentVixen]

I try my hardest not to lie (although you just have to lie to women sometimes for their own good)

How thoughtful of you, I hope they return your kindness without too much extra... and no, I am not attacking you it just rubs me the wrong way when someone tries to justify lying, just like if you have to hide to do something it means you shouldn't be doing it, if you have to lie about something it means you should not be talking/doing it in the first place, there is a time to say certain things, but that certainly does not justify lying to me. A quick change of subject or a very direct "it's a bit too soon to get into those details" is perfectly acceptable.


Here is an example where most guys think they should lie and how it will work in your favor if you don't:


latina: does my ass look big in this jeans?
gringo dating latina: yes, in every single pair, wonderfully so.
latina: 

[whitey]

How thoughtful of you, I hope they return your kindness without too much extra... and no, I am not attacking you it just rubs me the wrong way when someone tries to justify lying, just like if you have to hide to do something it means you shouldn't be doing it, if you have to lie about something it means you should not be talking/doing it in the first place, there is a time to say certain things, but that certainly does not justify lying to me. A quick change of subject or a very direct "it's a bit too soon to get into those details" is perfectly acceptable.

Uh oh benjio ... looks like you got some 'splainin' to do!

Here is an example where most guys think they should lie and how it will work in your favor if you don't:

latina: does my ass look big in this jeans?
gringo dating latina: yes, in every single pair, wonderfully so.
latina: 

Good one IV!  I'm sure if I told my 94lb wife that she has a big ass she'd be happy too!

One of the classes she goes to at the gym is called "supercola".  Needless to say, I love bugging her about it and never fail to ask her how her supercolita is after the class.