The Age Issue...

[benjio]

I'm 30 years old now, turning 31 in October right before my umpteenth trip to Colombia in November. I plan on being there for at least two or three weeks. Depends on if any new female friends give me a reason to stay longer. That's how it usually happens with me though.
 
I've heard of but never, EVER met a Gringo younger than I am searching for a true serious relationship in Colombia. I played high school football so I've been the popular jock, was in college 7 years and was the frat boy. Except for the 2 years and change I was with my ex, I've been single and having fun most of my life. I've had A LOT of fun. At this point I'm very ready for something real and stable. Most of the guys I meet in Latin America from the states and Europe are 45+, have been married before, and have the full experience of the nightmare it can be to be married to the wrong American/European woman. I respect these guys because most of them fully appreciate how happy a good Colombian Woman can make you if you're lucky enough to find one you're truly compatible with.
 
I'm far from a SOTB rookie so before this trip I'm trying to get my ducks in line as to exactly where I'm going to be dating and who I'm going to meet. I started almost 3 years ago by going to Jamie's and I've always respected his business and the quality of the service he offers. I chose a few girls from his website a little while ago and some of them showed interest in meeting me so I know I'm going to Barranquilla first. I also have some friends there I want to visit so that leg of the trip would have been automatic regardless.
 
I've heard time and time again that I'm the perfect age to be searching for a serious relationship in Colombia. After the past month, I do not agree. At 30, the expectation of Colombian culture is for me to be dating 18-25 year olds (and I'm referring more to the lower end of that range). Been there, done that, and have no interest in doing it again. Perhaps some of you gentlemen have had different experiences but most of the women I meet in this age range are not ready to be married (let alone carry on a serious long distance relationship that would lead to marriage). Besides the fact that you can legally date them I'm not sure why any agency allows women so young to be members. Most often, they're very flaky and immature. In my opinion most of them join agencies to go on dates with foreigners and experience something different...something they otherwise could never do for lack of finance. I view any success story of a gringo and a girl under 23 that subsequently resulted from dating through an agency as lucky coincidence.
 
So I've recently been chasing women closer to my age. 27-35, mas o menos. I have no problem whatsoever dating, or for that matter marrying a woman older than me. I'd marry a 40 year old if we were compatible and I fell in love with her. Amazingly what I'm getting from most of the women I go after is I'm not old enough for them. In the past few weeks I've heard, "I'm looking for someone more mature" about 10 times. It's actually kind of funny to me.  Dennis Levy introduced me to the niece of an old acquintance via email and she was the first girl that told me this after I initially contacted her, but I've been hearing it more often as I contact more women.
 
I have an account on Colombian Cupid. I've contacted about 30 women from different cities in Colombia (none in Medellin). About 12 have responded. The only women that have initiated interest in me are younger ones (19-23..ALL IN MEDELLIN!!!). I've also purchased addresses from LatinEuro recently and in the past. The site gets a lot of flack but I've had nothing but good experiences. The only problem with them is you have no idea whether or not a girl has children. About three of the girls I've contacted from there didn't even mention it until I hear a baby crying or a little boy saying, "tengo hambre mami." I'm corresponding with one of the girls that agreed to meet me from Jamie's agency. She is 35. Very mature, nice looking, she has a daughter though. I'm not going to Colombia without some type of plan B, C, D, E and F. But believe it or not, so far I'm having some serious problems finding women in my age range that are interested in me.
 
If this trend continues I might be forced to date, dare I say it...A FEW PAISAS!!!!! I will probably end up in Pereira or Neiva after the first week or two if I don't hit it off with any of the girls from Jamie's agency.

[Jeff S]

There's no law that says you have to marry someone a lot younger than yourself. I spent my 20s and most of my 30s traveling the world on an expense account, including many trips to Latin America. Getting dates was never a problem. Finding the right one was. When I did, it turned out she had been briefly married before, had a child and was a little older than I. I've never regretted the decision.


Don't look at this like you're shopping for the best deal on a new car with all the features you are looking for. Keep an open mind, never lose sight of your goals, when you know, you'll know.

[Gato4Astrid]

  I've also purchased addresses from LatinEuro recently and in the past.

Don't do it!  Too many fakes and nor serious ones

[Gato4Astrid]

Few years ago I was on Russian site.  There was a man who was then 59 years old.  He dated a 19 years old Ukrainian girl, but I remembered (from chat room) how he complaint that his 19 years old daughter dating a 40 years old man!!!
 
 

[Researcher]

  Hey Benjio, I started looking around 33 so I kinda get where you are coming from.I married when I was 43 so my search took 10 years.One thing I realized was that in my 30's in the US I was approaching too old for alot of women and in Colombia I was too young.The advantage to that was, to quote a very old and wise man(Mick Jagger), "time was on my side", yes it was.Well, I took my time.I figured I would meet a younger woman who was mature for her age or my age would catch up to me...my age caught up to me.I still married a woman 10 years younger that me.Until that time I was stuck dating these really young attractive women...it was a tough job but somebody had to do it!!!...hehehe! Some of those young babes I even ba--OOPS I mean "had coffee with"....hahaha!

     Your age is an advantage to you I think.You have time to look around.

     Researcher

[robert angel]

There is no perfect answer to the  'age difference' question. It can work both ways--a woman younger than you can  actually be more mature, better educated and more level headed than yourself. In fact, that in many ways describes my wife and I. Not that it is common, but is quite possible. Then there are women--and of course men also, some your age or older, who never really 'grow up' nor are capable of long lasting, stable partnerships.They tend to be selfish, self centered people.

My Mom is a little bit older than my Father and I couldn't imagine a better, more solid marriage--they've weathered ups and downs, traveled together to more places on this planet than any couple I know, having more fun than a barrel full of monkeys while doing it and are still going strong, even as they're pushing 80. She is his best consul. In some ways, they defy age. I sometimes jokingly remind them that they ought to take it easy and consider retiring. (again). They still travel the globe, mostly doing humanitarian work, while enjoying the people and sights along the way.

Age and youth are hard to quantify--maybe it's never too late to have a happy childhood, yet you can still be a responsible adult. Maybe you really are 'as young as you feel'. I dunno--just a couple years back, my Mom went to the rest room, as the plane was flying over the equator, I think it was---she wanted to see if when you run the water, if the water really starts to swirl the other way when you cross the line. It does! Another time, the jet pilot was so charmed by my Mother, that he invited her into the 747 cockpit and took a few extra swings over Rio, to show her how pretty the lights at night are--my parents are that kind of people still--young at heart, humble and friendly to all but the mean and ignorant--a pair of hearts if ever there was and they attract the same sort of folk.

I am married a second time now (my first wife and I lasted 14 years and she was a little older than me) and I'm quite a bit older than my wife and I'm very glad that as she and I age together, that over time, the age gap sort of narrows itself down in a way. For instance, it might seem shocking to some when a 40 y/o marries a 20 y/o, as some people (not that most, if any person's opinions on this should really concern you) cowardly whisper "OMG--she's HALF his age"- it might elicit the same narrow thoughts later on from the same fools by the time you're 60, and she's 40--but just a THIRD younger, but probably to an even lesser degree. No big deal.Just pretend it's like fine wine, getting better.

By the time that twenty years later has flown by, if you've hopefully taken care of yourselves, and she's 40 and  your now 60, the age gap isn't nearly as wide proportionately and it's not as evident of a May--December look physically.

Maybe I should follow Uncle Jeff S's lead more--he practices yoga, while I just eat yogurt--he still looks pretty good and his wife's a total knockout- a classy and youthful looking lady who also seems to defy age.They make a great impression, from all I gather.

Benjio--if you think you'll feel more comfortable with a woman closer to your age once you meet 'the one', go for it--but you seem smart enough that I doubt that you're going to rule out your options or make a hasty decision while confining those options to a narrow stratum. Take the time as best you can--it's a big decision.

That's not to say the exact age ratio scenario described above is my wife and I, but some other things I'm glad about are that while being younger than I, she's prettty mature and 'common sensical'. For some reason, I don't like that phrase 'mature for your age'--Either you're mature or your not.Without calling me out in public, when I pull a bozo, she keeps my keel even, with tact and diplomatic advice, if maybe with a little kick in the shin at times. She doesn't feel like she missed much by not getting her 'ya ya's out back in college, by not staying single longer, not going to bars, or by not hanging out with a whole bunch of 'party hearty' people, like a lot of women do here into their 30's. or even 40's.

If there is a big age difference between you and your potential mate, or even if you're the same age, you should make sure you're on the same page wayyy before the wedding about whether or not you both want children and keep in mind that even if you both decide you don't want children and she's real young---her feelings on that can change, especially as her biological clock ticks down.

There are risks in everything that should be considered and balances to be weighed, but applying how you feel about a potential spouse and relying on the 'yard stick measurements' of how others 'might' feel, should be among the least of your concerns.

Not knowing this initially, I was worried about the age difference between my wife and Iand what it would mean to my children, my extended family and to some close personal friends. As it turned out, I was the only person who was worried about it. My family and friends love her and our work circles intersect and we haven't had any issues there either, except maybe they like her more than me, ha ha. We've been close for ten years, married going on six, and while I can't say with certainty that anything is forever, at this point in our lives, things are pretty good. Like the little sign on my Mom's fridge says: "Life's uncertain--eat dessert first"

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."   
 —      Dr. Seuss

[InSanDiego]

Benjio, I'm 40 about to do my first trip, and wish I'd done it 10 years ago. Certainly in the US I had more options with women when I was 30, and I imagine it would be the same in Colombia. In fact, online on the cupido websites and on Jamie's website, alot of the women list late 30s or 40 as their max age they will consider. I don't see any of them saying they won't disqualify a 30 year old based on his age...

[InSanDiego]

Meant to say nobody seems to be disqualifying a 30 year old man, but plenty are disqualifying a 40 year old man...

[robert angel]

ISD,  re:
 

Benjio, I'm 40 about to do my first trip, and wish I'd done it 10 years ago. Certainly in the US I had more options with women when I was 30, and I imagine it would be the same in Colombia. In fact, online on the cupido websites and on Jamie's website, alot of the women list late 30s or 40 as their max age they will consider. I don't see any of them saying they won't disqualify a 30 year old based on his age...

That's a valid point, but I had some wrong headed thinking when I was about age 30. I thought my life style was going awfully fast and that I needed to settle down if I was going to live to see 40--looking back, I didn't take enough time to make a sound decision and missed some red flags.. That's not the case for everyone, but I hope (and I am not suggesting that this is Benjio's case) that people don't divine that 30, 35, 40 or whatever is an age that you should definitely be married by. If you want to have kids, I think even up to around age 40 is quite OK these days.
 
Even in countries (mostly emerging and 3rd world nations) where if you're not married by age 25, you've traditionally been viewed as 'an old maid'--I see this stereotype changing. Don't rush in and don't pick, till you're both  ripe and ready!

[fathertime]

I view any success story of a gringo and a girl under 23 that subsequently resulted from dating through an agency as lucky coincidence.
 
 

At least for now you can chalk me up to dumb luck then!


We all like slightly different things so if a woman your age or older is your ‘cup of tea’ *not a cup of coffee* as dennislevy  would say, then you should go for what you want, without the broad generalizations about those that have chosen a path different than yours. 
There certainly is a benefit to finding maturity in a woman and if that is your number 1 priority than it seems an obvious choice to up the age range. 
I’m very visual and have always placed a premium on a beautiful younger woman, although I do see plenty of older ones that are attractive also. 
30 is a great age to be, when your body starts turning to crap shortly you will realize how good you had it and will want to clock yourself with a skillet for the silliness about being too young!  i might be willing to give my left nut to be say 25-30 again...well maybe not my left nut, but definitely my left pinkie toe!




Fathertime!

[Researcher]

   Hey InSanDiego, I know alot of these ladies put down an age limit of 40 but from my experience it means nothing.I just ignored that and met the women on an individual basis.Then they could decide based on me and not my age.

    I found that it is entirely plssible to be too young of a guy even for a woman younger than I was at the time.They want a guy that is stable financially and relationship wise. Many of these women have had bad experiences with young guys running around on them and believe the chances of this are less with an older man.That doesn't apply to every Colombiana but it applies to alot of the ones I had se----"coffee with".

       Researcher

[benjio]

Thanks for all the advice gents. Some really helpful information here. I'm definitely taking my time with everything. I couldn't even see myself asking a Latina living in another country to marry me before dozens of trips to visit her and at least a couple of years of dating. I honestly thought I got it right my first trip and I met the girl that was going to be my wife. THANK GOD I WAITED!!! Had she have come here and we were married, things definitely would not have worked out. There were just too many underlying character flaws there that I couldn't deal with. Some serious "Daddy" issues and some other things that didn't reveal themselves until months after we started dating. I know everyone goes into a marriage thinking this, but I NEVER want to get divorced. I actually don't even believe in it. When it comes to marriage, I'd honestly rather lose an opportunity than make that mistake.

I've met some relatively mature younger women SOTB, but 99% of the Colombianas under 25 I've met aren't worth a penny in Mexican money when it comes to relationships. I look at them like most of you guys look at women that ask for money before the relationship gets serious. The argument could be made in any case that the woman is not a user or a gold-digger and honestly needs help. But your average intelligent gringo isn't willing to even continue communicating with her. We all just end it, no matter what the circumstances are. Same thing when I meet a girl and she tells me she's 19. NEXT!!!!

[Micky]

BenJ -
 
I will not give you any direction,  you have ALWAYS demonstrated right reason, logic and common sense.  When it comes to the age factor there are varying opinions by all.  Can a man that is 57 find real and lasting relationship with a 28 year old women? (qualifiing this with a western women,  asia very different).  The answer is yes,  that is possible,  but the real question is about the probability,  then the answer changes.  I do not think that 30/31 is the optimum age for committed "wife" searching in Colombia.  My personal opinion is that more/less 38/48 is the optimal age in that endevour.  You are a man that knows what he wants and you are realistic about the journey.  As you have found out,  the Latinas in the 20/27 age range,  more/less are a difficult group to find a "mature enough" women that would be ready to committ to any man that has his stuff together and knows what he wants,  where he is headed and how he will get there.  What I will tell you,  I do not call it advice because I do believe that you really do not need any,  just continue with the way you are going.  It just takes longer because of your age,  I have no doubts about where you will end up,  you younger guys that "have it together"  only need to apply patience,  you will find your gold.
 
Micky

[utopiacowboy]

It's insanity to get married at your age. You should go down there and bang as many chicks as possible. Geez, look at Dennis, you could be doing the daughters while he does the mothers.

[benjio]

"I view any success story of a gringo and a girl under 23 that subsequently resulted from dating through an agency as lucky coincidence."

FT, I'd like to retract that statement. You'll have to forgive me, I'm from Texas and I tend to talk out of my a$$ now and then. I actually think any man, regardless of age difference, that finds his true love SOTB and has a lasting marriage with a latina had a "lucky coincidence." I've heard so many more horror stories than fairy tales in this game. If I could live in Colombia full time (which I plan to do in the near future, heaven willing) like DL and really play the pool, I'd have better luck. A man has to make a living though.

A lot of people here tease Dennis about his dating exploits, but I can't say I wouldnt be playing the game just like him if I were able. I might end up doing just that. The man knows what he wants, won't settle for less than that, and he's having a ball looking for it. If that ain't what life is all about I'm a lot younger and dumber than I think.
 
 

[Tanuki]

It's insanity to get married at your age. You should go down there and bang as many chicks as possible. Geez, look at Dennis, you could be doing the daughters while he does the mothers.

I guess you don't remember Denis said he is just having coffee. 

[Researcher]

I guess you don't remember Denis said he is just having coffee.

      But there is a difference between dating and prostitution....Why pay for coffee when you can get it for free!

      Researcher

[fathertime]

FT, I'd like to retract that statement. You'll have to forgive me, I'm from Texas and I tend to talk out of my a$$ now and then. I actually think any man, regardless of age difference, that finds his true love SOTB and has a lasting marriage with a latina had a "lucky coincidence." I've heard so many more horror stories than fairy tales in this game. If I could live in Colombia full time (which I plan to do in the near future, heaven willing) like DL and really play the pool, I'd have better luck. A man has to make a living though.

A lot of people here tease Dennis about his dating exploits, but I can't say I wouldnt be playing the game just like him if I were able. I might end up doing just that. The man knows what he wants, won't settle for less than that, and he's having a ball looking for it. If that ain't what life is all about I'm a lot younger and dumber than I think.
 
 

You are forgiven Benji! jaja
I think you are right about any man finding a lasting love with a latina in these overseas romances...it is nearly always dumb luck! 
Dennis always deserves a little razzing though, him and his little 'cups of coffee' I think he should create an avatar with him grinning (sans yellow teeth) with a big cup of coffee!


Enjoy your ventures!


Fathertime!

[InnocentVixen]

Benjio, I understand how frustrated you must feel when someone that you think might be a good match doesn't give you a chance because of your age, but then again you are doing the same thing to the younger girls, not that I blame you, I have been where you are right now.


I have said quite some times before and I'll say it again, stop assuming latinas are gringas, it is not the norm for a girl to "have her fun" and once is "out of her system" to magically turn into good wife material, good girls don't go through that stage, that is what makes a good girl in essence, if you would like a more experienced lady to each their own, but make sure she has changed her ways, bad girls often stay that way no matter their age.



Like someone mentioned already on this thread, time is on your side, 2 years ago I talked to this wonderful guy who I was very compatible with but I didn't notice much interest on his side, we got back in touch and he is my boyfriend now, I guess he felt a 26 years old can't be serious and is not like time stopped for him, he is still 16 years older than me, but for some strange reason now that I am 28 he takes me verrry serious it seems.


Daddy issues are very common but you have to keep in mind that when we look around we see that if you have a somewhat stable relationship you should go for someone older, so it is natural they are wary of you, younger generations don't think so much that way, but the smaller the town the more old fashioned they will be, I will advice you to focus in bigger cities and in women with some financial stability if you want something a bit more "americanized" as guys over here say, it will still be a world of difference so don't let that notion scare you off.


P.S. are you sure when they say "more mature" means older? don't they know your age before answering you? sometimes they mean a more serious personality or more experienced (not that I know your personality that well, just saying)

[dennislevy]

I think.....and its only my opinion that when some Colombian woman...says to a foreign man  you are too young for me...and its not an excuse for an unspoken something else...(looks, weight, color of skin.......whatever....
 
she is making a comparison between you and any men of a similar age that she knows in her town.
 
She cant say youre machiste or arrogante, because she doeswnt know you......but she can think..... well I know Juan and Carlos and they just hang around and drink beer and they are this man s age.
 
Many Colombian women have no idea that an American man who is 30 (like Benjio) can be financially stable and has greater earning pówer then the overwhelming majority of ALL Colombian men.
 
They are locked into the conception that only an older man can be mature and economcally viable.
 
Again, my suggestion Benjio...is that you tackle this head on...first paragraph or two in your letter of introduction.   You may NOT get a response, they may think you are lying (as Colombian women think about most men), but you ve done your job. 
 
The abyss between the two cultures is enormous....and one of the most important things I ve learned here is to anticipate the obvious objections from women and deal with them up front.
 
 
 
 
 

[mudd]

I have an account on Colombian Cupid. I've contacted about 30 women from different cities in Colombia (none in Medellin). About 12 have responded. The only women that have initiated interest in me are younger ones (19-23..ALL IN MEDELLIN!!!). I've also purchased addresses from LatinEuro recently and in the past. The site gets a lot of flack but I've had nothing but good experiences

jaja that's kind of funny,  i see the Medellin Pisa's learned well and are still working CC for gringos who don't know any better.


lst week, a friend of mine was on the metro in med, going to visit a friend, when a  cute girl was staring at him, he didn't think anything of it, got off the train and started walking. well this girls follows him for about 2 blocks and then he starts to get a little nervous wondering if he is being set up or followed, so he stops and confronts the girl while still in a visible public place.  she says she thought he was acctactive and wanted to meet him ( oh no, here it goes  ) so she gives him her cell and leaves.


3 weeks go by, they talked by phone a lot and internet and decided to meet for a quick dinner before she goes to school at night. turns out, when they meet, she hits him up for " pay to play"      she is a part time prepago.    my friend was totally shocked . so hes a little pissed off and tells her no thanks and never bothered to call her again.


last week, hes on cc looking around  and guess who he sees,  yep, you guessed it, the same girl he met on the metro, looking for guys.




this could happen anywhere, but seems the norm in med,i would look in armenia, manizales  or pereria before med

[benjio]

I give Paisas a hard time but I know there are tons of good women from Medellin. Would I ever attempt to start communicating with one without meeting her in person first? No. Not worth the time. There's just so many women from there trolling the Internet for the next lonely gringo that doesn't know better. I met a Paisa in Pereira last year that didn't even run game or lie about it. I'll never forget it. "Soy una chica muy pero muy costosa mi amor, me entiendes!" all this while she was playing with my ears and looking me dead in the eyes with that "you already know what time it is" look. I will admit, she was probably one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen in my life, but I just refuse to pay to play. As a matter of fact, I stopped "playing" a few years ago anyway. I guess that's what I get for approaching a woman that looks like that in a mall, alone, with both hands full of shopping bags. But sometimes I just can't resist.

Gato, LatinEuro is a crap shoot. But if you want to buy 50 contacts and do the work of contacting them all and sorting through the bull[snip], there are good women on there. I've met three very nice Colombianas from their website. None of us clicked when we met in person though.

[dennislevy]

And here s my pay to play expereince...jejejeje 
 
absolutely true, 
 
A few days ago I am in Pereira sitting on a bench  near the Bolivar horse man statue in the plaza, waiitng for my date and I see this girl hitting up guys.
 
I am not prejudiced,simply describing her. She was coal black, maybe 25, about 5 feet 4 or 5 feet 5 and if she wasn t 225 pounds...I would be shocked......and she was SWINGING her hips and butt. she had on the tightest neon yellow shirt dress that barely covered her butt...3 inch heels on bright red shoes and her bust had to be in the neighbrohood of a 46 DD or F.
 
That s probably way too personal information, right? jejeje
 
And sure  enough, she came TRAIPSING up tthe park bench where i was stting...and you know I thought about the spat about SLUT last year.....I decided.............what the hell, how does the S word translate into Spanish?
 
And I said with a smile....qie pena contigo, pero no estoy vale de pena.......SEÑORITA!!!!!!}
 
she came back....with...........amor, pero YO estoy vale de pena!
 
And I  replied.....seguro, pero me matas con tu amor. Gracias, cielo, otra dia! And she TRAIPSED away.
 
I dont seem to get the very pretty, classy ones---jejejeje------Although I would pretty much have the same answer
 
Just relating         another Colombian cultural experience

[robert angel]

Re:

It's insanity to get married at your age. You should go down there and bang as many chicks as possible. Geez, look at Dennis, you could be doing the daughters while he does the mothers.

U.C.,
 
You dirty dog you--I know you stole that  post from something I heard Dr. Phil say on TV--almost word for word!

[Researcher]

Re:U.C.,
 
You dirty dog you--I know you stole that  post from something I heard Dr. Phil say on TV--almost word for word!

    I thought it was the closing thoughts to one of the Jerry Springer shows! hehehe!

    Researcher