Who Calls The Shots in Your Relationship? What Would You Do With This Situation?

[benjio]

The best thing about this story is that the family has attended three birthday parties (her sister, her father, and her uncle), in the last 4 days!!! But nobody seems very concerned about this poor skinny sick guy. Maybe it could be racism? He is a black guy. And I remember that during our wedding party this black guy "snuck" his brother and wife into the party, because he thought I would not want a black person at the party. When I told him he was crazy and that I wanted to meet him, he just looked at me with his mouth open. He had already told the black guy and his wife to sit way down at the end of the party and to not talk to anyone. That kind of racism just blew my mind, especially when the people in my wife's family obviously have some black in their ethnic background!

Bama,
 
As a black gringo I have seen and had a little personal experience with racism in Colombia. Most people from outside of the country completely misunderstand the way racism works there. It is not primarily based on skin color unless you're dealing with the extreme upper class. And by "extreme upper class" I mean the filthy rich. For those select few, darker skin, regardless of any other physical characteristic, places a person below them. But for the average Colombian it has more to do with the automatically assumed association between poverty and being black.  This type of racism is only made more complicated by the fact that how dark a person is also an issue. Someone with my skin color, which is described as Peanut Butter or Caramel here in the states, will not be discriminated against as much as someone that is charcoal black in Colombia, because it's assumed that the darker person is poorer. Another thing I eventually realized is that the Colombian perspective of the black people in United States is very often ascertained from the media, movies and music from this country. I'm definitely not one of those "Conspiracy Brothers" that believe "the white man is out to get me," but in a lot of your most popular Hollywood movies, Black Americans are portrayed as thieves, murderers, drug dealers, etc. Rap and Hip Hop music only exacerbate these false perceptions further.
 
As far as Colombians assuming all black people there are poor, unfortunately they are for the most part absolutely correct. While the United States has implemented several programs and passed legislature mandating civil rights since slavery ended, to my knowledge Colombia has made no attempt to do anything that gives all its citizens equal rights. When slavery was abolished there, the government basically told all the former slaves, "Okay...now go fend for yourselves...but keep in mind we'll never stop treating you like subhumans." The only racism I've personally experienced there was meeting girls that were interested in me, but made is completely clear that they could not introduce me to their families, regardless of the fact that I'm neither poor, nor Colombian. In every case this was a girl from a more financially prominent background. When I went to Jamie's the first time there were women that specifically indicated in their profiles that they were only interested in white men. I was attracted to a few of them, but obviously did not choose to meet any because of their preference. When I got there, I had two seperate chance encounters with two of the girls, and they asked my translator about meeting me. Once again, the preconception that I was a drug dealing, rooting tooting bank robber had given them a false idea of how most black men here really are. I've seen Black Colombians treated unfairly in countless other situations and with much more detrimental circumstances....ESPECIALLY by Colombian Police.
 
I don't think the situation with the uncle being sick and no one caring has anything to do with his skin color. Because in terms of financial class, everyone in that house is on the same level. But your story about the party was definitely something I have seen similar examples of. I guarantee you they were thinking, "Oh goodness...the broke negro is here to drink up all our Old Parr and eat for free because you know his poor a$$ is broke." I on the other hand, have always been treated like royalty, no matter what party, disco, etc I've gone to in Colombia because they could smell the gringo on me. If you don't believe me, make some upper class Colombian friends and bring a very poor light skinned, cleared eyed Colombian around them. They'll treat that person exactly the same way...like trash.
 
That crock about the aunt not having enough space is complete BULL$#IT!!! She just doesn't want her niece from Soledad living in her "Estrato 20" apartment. Goodness gracious...it's only for a few weeks. Take her off your Christmas list.
 

[Alabamaboy!]

@Benjio....I am not sure what is going on there but they tell me the guy works all night as a bicycle taxi then comes home and sleeps on the floor like an animal. Whether it is his choice or that they just do it that way because of necessity, who knows? But I do know that their place gets flooded frequently due to poor drainage when there are big storms, and there are mice and rats in the house. Several times during chat sessions she has to stop because the dog is chasing a mouse or rat in the house, causing a big commotion. So I mean, it is like a recipe of you wanted a person to catch TB, you would have them living like that.

The only other thing I can think of is that they already know something I do not know and for that reason they are not very concerned about this guy. Maybe he is a coke head. A gram of coca only costs $1-2 in the hood. And maybe that is why he is "working" all night, coming home looking like he is going to die, and won't eat. I don't know. But even that is not acceptable to me. Because I am supposed to be part of this family and if they are only telling me what they want, then it is a pretty big problem. I don't want to be involved in a family like that, that they have no problem accepting support and gifts but are going to treat me like an outsider.

[benjio]

Maybe he is a coke head. A gram of coca only costs $1-2 in the hood. And maybe that is why he is "working" all night, coming home looking like he is going to die, and won't eat. I don't know. But even that is not acceptable to me. Because I am supposed to be part of this family and if they are only telling me what they want, then it is a pretty big problem. I don't want to be involved in a family like that, that they have no problem accepting support and gifts but are going to treat me like an outsider.

Now that's also a real possibility. The worse thing is you can't be there to take charge of the situation...something I had to do with my ex-girlfriend's family on numerous occasions. The worse feeling will be when your wife gets to the states. After treating you like an outsider they'll expect more help than ever from you and her.

[Alabamaboy!]

Now that's also a real possibility. The worse thing is you can't be there to take charge of the situation...something I had to do with my ex-girlfriend's family on numerous occasions. The worse feeling will be when your wife gets to the states. After treating you like an outsider they'll expect more help than ever from you and her.

Well, I have made it very clear since we have gotten married about how much "help" they would receive from us. And it would amount to the same that I spend to "help" my mom. Which is about $250/month. Which does not even buy 500K COP these days. And I am willing to do it as long as we can afford to do so. So they already know the score in that regards. And one thing for sure is that my wife will not have access to the main checking account, so I have no idea how she would try to send more than what I have already discussed.

I tried to do a "business" with them where we would buy jeans, skirts, whatever things from here and they would sell them there. It should have been a great success because you can buy Hollister Jeans, Roxy board shorts, etc, at SoCal swapmeets for $1-2. And they could sell them for $6 or so over there. But the shipping was expensive. But anyway the people really wanted the stuff. But the problem occurred because they never paid "supposedly" and I never received the money to buy more products. So that was the end of that experiment.

A similar thing happened to me with my ex wife from the Philippines. I sent money to the family to build a chicken coop with laying chickens so they could sell eggs door to door and they could have their own little business to generate money for the family. Well they did not listen to me, bought pigs instead, sold the pigs when they got big, never re-invested a portion of the money into new pigletts, and that was the end of the business and the cashflow associated with it.

Man, I grew up super poor. And if I was ever given any of these opportunities, I would die before failing with them. But maybe that is the way we are here in the States, and other countries are more resigned to live in a dump with a rotten life and then just blame it all on "God's will".

[benjio]

My friend, we need to sit down and have a beer one day in Barranquilla. I have had so many similar experiences it's uncanny. I don't know a single Filipino outside of the United States but I can comment extensively on Northern Colombians. The inability of Costeños to navigate and manage even the simplest business endeavour is absolutely mind-blogging. Your $250 a month is a kind gesture and with them living in Soledad, I'm sure they'll make the most of it. Can you count on them putting that extra money to use with a small business venture, or fixing up the house they live in?...Not likely. They'll take that money, buy a few necessities, and spend anything extra on a bunch of unnecessary crap they don't need like liquor or some other BS.
 
I'm not sure if your wife planned on working once she got here, but that's exactly the proposition she'll have once she gets here and for some reason or another the $250 you're sending (that they weren't receiving before you came into the picture mind you) isn't enough anymore. I know a gringo that was married to a girl from Valledupar and he was sending $1 Million Pesos back to them every month...regardless of the exchange rate was. $300K of it was meant to pay for his wife's little brother's private school tuition. After his wife had been here for a year, they went back to visit for the first time and discovered her little brother hadn't been to school in 8 months. Supposedly the ceiling caved in during a rain storm and they had to pay to get it fixed (a $750K COP Job at most). But suprisingly they had never mentioned that over the phone, and her father had somehow bought a new motorcycle without having a job. When my friend wanted to reduce to amount to $700K, his wife insisted on getting a job to cover the difference because, "her brother was going to go back the next semester."
 
I wish you the best of luck my friend. Hang in there and be patient because those Costeños will continue to let you down every single time you do anything to try to improve upon their quality of life.

[Alabamaboy!]

Well Benjio, I don't doubt you on anything that you are saying. But I am not a chump or a sucker. And if she wishes to change the game at a later date, this will be a very short relationship. If others want to get scammed, that is up to them. But not me.

In general, I think people should only stay together in any kind of relationship if it makes sense for both parties and both parties are happy and in harmony with most things. If not, then why be together and suffer? No matter if it we are novios, prometidos, esposos....I don't care. There is no reason to suffer over a piece of paper or some other crazy idealistic beliefs.

And if my wife wishes to get a job? Well, she better figure out how to do that from home. Because she also is longing to have a baby. And I am not going to have one of those crazy families where the family pays a baby sitter $8/hour when the wife is making $7/hour after taxes and thinking she can send the money to her family.  And at the same time the house is a mess, we are eating frozen dinners, etc. That is complete stupidity in my opinion. This topic has already been discussed many times between us and we already are on agreement with all that. WE may try to develop some kind of home based business which I can supervise at first to make sure it does not end up like the clothes importation business that failed in BAQ.

And before anyone jumps on me about keeping her "tied up in the house", that was both of our choices. If she could make $100K per year, I would gladly change places with her and be the stay at home dad. But that is not going to happen any time soon.

If I wanted a wife who is hell bent on developing her career, then I would have married a gringa.

[benjio]

I agree 100%. At this point I'd also be a little apprehensive about dating a Colombiana that was hell bent on being a career woman. I want a wife and a mother of my children. That was another huge issue with my ex and I, and it was my fault for not defining exactly what I was looking for when the relationship got serious. A women that a gringo prefers to be "tied up in the house" just has a preference. Either the woman accepts and supports that preference or you move on to a Latina that will. Like you said, entirely too many women here in the states with that outlook to be traveling thousands of miles to find the same thing SOTB. Suerte amigo.

[dennislevy]

benjio and Bama

very straight stuff...and you both schooled me.....Nothing that I already didnt know about the culture......but what you both wrote resonated.

One of the most important things I leaned in Colombia..........is to ask myself what if?.....as in what if I m hearing isn t all the truth...what if am I not being told everthing?

That happens in Colombia? Gee what a surprise!!!!!!.

In my first date with anyone I almost always say something like...if we develop a relationship........ I would like to meet your family in a resonable amount of time and I will not  be treated like a gringo mushroon.....And you know how to treat a mushroom? You keep it in the dark and you pour a lot of fertilizer on it...well, that won t fly with me....

women laugh at that line...but i have managed to avoid a lot of nonsesne .

Just as I say things to attract women that work I deliberately say things  to screen them out....that also work!

And maybe thats why I have had so many first dates!

jejejejeje

[fathertime]

 

And if my wife wishes to get a job? Well, she better figure out how to do that from home. Because she also is longing to have a baby. And I am not going to have one of those crazy families where the family pays a baby sitter $8/hour when the wife if making $7/hour after taxes and thinking she can send the money to her family.  And at the same time the house is a mess, we are eating frozen dinners, etc. That is complete stupidity in my opinion.

Ha!  Your example cracks me up buddy!  The silliness and irrationality of it all from OUR perspective!


Fathertime!

[Alabamaboy!]

One of the most important things I leaned in Colombia..........is to ask myself what if?.....as in what if I m hearing isn t all the truth...what if am I not being told everthing?

This brings us to a very important area of having a relationship in general, even more important with Colombianas, and even MORE important with Costenas, IMO (of course). My advice is to not believe anything you hear or are promised until you see it with your own two eyes or see proof of it. And even then, believe it only if it happens over and over again.

In other words do not trust anyone before they have earned your confidence.

I know some of you guys may be thinking "wow, that is pretty harsh and cynical". And that is the exact thing I was thinking when I first heard the same advice when it was given to me .....from my business partner....who is Colombian himself....born and raised in Colombia. I actually thought he was kidding me. He told me that where he was from (Bucaramanga), that the people will lie about pretty much anything, but on the Coast, they would take it to a whole 'nother level. And of course he had a prejudice against Costenos because he was not from there. But in my experience, learned the hard way, he was more right than wrong. And I know there are a lot of guys here who have found really good gals from the Coast and probably have not dealt with such deception or out right lies, but IMO those guys are very lucky and it is not the "norm".

Hell, if you "trust" a good girl too much down there, you can actually change her into a liar. It is called "dando Papaya". And if you are too trusting, it is almost like you are forcing them to take advantage of you. And if they don't, they will be ridiculed by their friends because they are so stupid as to not take advantage of such a rube.

[Alabamaboy!]

Ha!  Your example cracks me up buddy!  The silliness and irrationality of it all from OUR perspective!


Fathertime!

Anyone that is going along with a plan like what I described is being used and taken advantage of in the worst way. And is not very smart. Either that or they are very rich and just happy to be married to a good looking woman.

If the woman is already has a well paying profession such as an attorney or something with credentials to practice in the States, that is another subject. But someone working in Walmart making minimum wage and leaving the home and kids to someone else to care for?? That makes no sense no matter how you slice it.

[benjio]

Ahhhhhh, so true Bama. Unfortunately I've completely fallen in love with Costeño Culture and the Colombianas that come from it. On one hand I have to admire their easy going nature. I'm envious of their, "Why worry about tomorrow when we can party today" attitude. I know 90-100 year olds in Barranquilla that haven't seen a doctor more than a couple of times their entire lives and I'm convinced this is because of the nonexistence of our everyday gringo stress (and their diets). On the other hand their lazy, procrastinating nature gives them a "take advantage of anyone you can" outlook on life, because for the most part, they simply refuse to improve upon their own living conditions with good ol' fashioned elbow grease. They'd rather steal and lie to fulfill their desires for instant gratification.
 
I remember when Hurricane Ike hit Houston. My neighborhood was one of the worse in terms of structual damage to houses. The lights were off for weeks. But right after the skies cleared, the sight was just down right inspiring. Every able body in the neighborhood outside picking up all the branches that were blown down, sawing fallen tree trunks that couldn't be moved into pieces. Sweeping and raking, washing and fixing. After an experience like that I started asking myself why most of Barranquilla looks like a bomb hit it, and the residence do absolutely nothing to change it. As I got to know the culture better, I understood completely.
 
With me it's the epitome of a love hate relationship. Heaven help me if I'm ever lucky/cursed enough to find a Costeña that makes me ignore all those cultural flaws in exchange for the opportunity to call her my own. GOTDAMN I LOVE COLOMBIA!!!!

[Alabamaboy!]

Unfortunately I've completely fallen in love with Costeño Culture and the Colombianas that come from it.

GOTDAMN I LOVE COLOMBIA!!!!

With me it's the epitome of a love hate relationship.

Dude you took the words right out of my mouth. Are you my long lost twin brother or something?  I bet you like girls with big butts and tiny waists too don't you? 

[no comment]

WE may try to develop some kind of home based business which I can supervise at first to make sure it does not end up like the clothes importation business that failed in BAQ.

Good luck if you try a to start a home based business but I hope you don't bring type A personality expectations to the project.  A non native speaking 23 year old doesn't bring much to the equation.  How do you like your coffee?


BTW, how does an 80 lb. guy manage to pedal a bicycle with a passenger?  I would think he's got next to no muscle mass nor stamina.  Did you rule out AIDS?

[maritime04]

My family is from Barranquilla so I can understand the Costeño Culture. Throughout growing up all I would hear from the family that stayed in Colombia was they need more money. I use to think they were living in absolute poverty, till in 92' ( first trip to Colombia) we visited them and they had the best house in the barrio, plus 3 more houses they were renting out......all the complaining about money when they were mostly well off. Needless to say I steer clear of them while in Colombia.
 
Colombian culture is horrible with money, they place themselves in HUGE debt and pay 2-3 times the normal price because they use store credit. For Example my girls family purchased a new TV set (tube style) for 700,00 Mil!!! When you can buy the same model in Exito for just under 300,000 COP. I told them if they wanted it I would buy it and they can pay me back, but they could not wait the 4 weeks I was at work they needed to have it NOW! So now they are paying 12 quotes of 60 mil for a TV set they did not need.
 
A typical barrio estrato 1-2 home, will constantly need repair as it is shabbily built, but have no doubt that fixing up the house is last on the list, when compared to motorcycles, TV sets and laptops.
 
I will have to admit at least I am lucky my girlfriends family does not ask me for money much, and of the few times they have I have been paid back (surprised)
 
I talked with my girlfriend about living in the states, and as you guys stated I would rather her work only part-time, and then be stay at home mom for first year then return to part-time work. There are opportunities on the internet for working at home which is an option.
 
They will never toss out or ask the sick family member to leave, unless they have a petty fight between them, because it’s the only way he will leave……..and then only for a few days till he comes back. I have to respect the strong family bond, and their ability to simply enjoy each other’s company.
 
I visited my girls family in the barrio before leaving for work, and joined them in a game of bingo, which to my surprise was a lot of fun, in today’s world I wondered about how in the “states” were so tied to our technology I-pads, TV, internet that we have lost the quality family interaction that is so common in Colombia’s barrios.
 

[Alabamaboy!]

Good luck if you try a to start a home based business but I hope you don't bring type A personality expectations to the project.  A non native speaking 23 year old doesn't bring much to the equation.  How do you like your coffee?


BTW, how does an 80 lb. guy manage to pedal a bicycle with a passenger?  I would think he's got next to no muscle mass nor stamina.  Did you rule out AIDS?

No...I am not really a type A person believe it or not. I ask for the minimum from people just so I don't get taken advantage of and to prevent complete failure, but many times I receive less than that. Maybe I should be more of a Type A person. The type of job she could do here is childcare. In my small office I have 3 women with a total of 7 kids who are paying child care while they come to work. And they are all Mexican women with primarily Spanish speaking kids. And they already said they would like it if my wife would do the childcare if she would do it at the same price or less. So that is something I could see happening that would allow her to earn more than she could at Walmart or McDonalds. Where I live, probably 50% of the people have Spanish as their primary language.

How does an 80lb guy do the bicycle taxi? They same way they did when I was in the Philippines. Most of the customers probably weigh less than 150lbs. I guess you figure out a way if you want to eat.

And yes AIDS is a possibility in my mind. He was one of the guys at my wedding party bragging to me about how many different girls he was having sex with. And I doubt as poor as he is that he was using a condom. I would almost prefer he had AIDS rather than TB because it is not spread by coughing as TB is, and unless my wife is having sex with the guy, there should be no blood to blood contact.

[Alabamaboy!]

Colombian culture is horrible with money, they place themselves in HUGE debt and pay 2-3 times the normal price because they use store credit. For Example my girls family purchased a new TV set (tube style) for 700,00 Mil!!! When you can buy the same model in Exito for just under 300,000 COP. I told them if they wanted it I would buy it and they can pay me back, but they could not wait the 4 weeks I was at work they needed to have it NOW! So now they are paying 12 quotes of 60 mil for a TV set they did not need.

My ex from BAQ was even worse with the money. She even bought rocking chairs, and pictures for the wall on credit and paid a fortune for them! I asked her why she did not wait for another month until I got there again and I would get them, and she said "because the apartment would not look right if it was not completely furnished now". They are probably still paying for some of that stuff!

[benjio]

$H!T is absolutely unbelievable isn't it!!! My ex was friends with a girl that was a prepago. She was attractive. Pretty Face, Long black hair, Fakes boobs, fake butt, lyposuction around her waste, nose job, blah blah blah. She was your average Costeno prepago that's been doing it for a while: not very smart and built like a female comic book character. My ex has always been flat chested. I didn't have a problem with it at all. I'm an ass man. But you can imagine how much pressure women place on themselves to have big breast in a place like Colombia, so she was always curious about implants. Anyway, we were all eating lunch one day and my ex begins to ask her about the cost of her surgeries. It's actually cheap compared to the U.S, but still quite a bit of money for the work she got done. After listening to her for a while I started to get the impression she was spending almost all the money she was making on the surgeries. I even overheard her talking about having sex with a doctor because she couldn't pay an installment for one of her surgeries. My ex had known her for a while, so she asked her, why she got all those surgeries when she was pretty to begin with? She said so she could attract more clients. We took a cab together after lunch and she got dropped off first. She lived in Barrio La Paz (definitely one of the worse in Barranquilla) in what I can only describe as a brick shack. Her, her mother and her baby daughter in a two room hut seperated by a curtain, but she's got $5000 worth of plastic on her body. Only in Barranquilla.

[whitey]

$H!T is absolutely unbelievable isn't it!!! My ex was friends with a girl that was a prepago. She was attractive. Pretty Face, Long black hair, Fakes boobs, fake butt, lyposuction around her waste, nose job, blah blah blah. She was your average Costeno prepago that's been doing it for a while: not very smart and built like a female comic book character. My ex has always been flat chested. I didn't have a problem with it at all. I'm an ass man. But you can imagine how much pressure women place on themselves to have big breast in a place like Colombia, so she was always curious about implants. Anyway, we were all eating lunch one day and my ex begins to ask her about the cost of her surgeries. It's actually cheap compared to the U.S, but still quite a bit of money for the work she got done. After listening to her for a while I started to get the impression she was spending almost all the money she was making on the surgeries. I even overheard her talking about having sex with a doctor because she couldn't pay an installment for one of her surgeries. My ex had known her for a while, so she asked her, why she got all those surgeries when she was pretty to begin with? She said so she could attract more clients. We took a cab together after lunch and she got dropped off first. She lived in Barrio La Paz (definitely one of the worse in Barranquilla) in what I can only describe as a brick shack. Her, her mother and her baby daughter in a two room hut seperated by a curtain, but she's got $5000 worth of plastic on her body. Only in Barranquilla.

Yep, and the sad thing (ok, another sad thing) is that these surgeries are not just "one and done".  It is very likely that within 3 - 8 years she will have problems with her breast implants and need to have them re-done (the harden, they get lopsided, whatever).

Also, there's a good chance she'll eat as much as she wants, gain weight, and need to have lipo again soon.

No me gusta la silicona!

[Alabamaboy!]

It happens in Pereira too. Have you seen the telenovel "Sin Tetas No Hay Paraiso"? I bought the DVD set from Wal-Mart to practice my Spanish. And after watching that, you can definitely see why many of the women there (young and older) think the way they do. I guess some years ago it was the highest rated telenovela there.

My ex from BAQ had probably the most perfect breasts that I have ever seen in my life in person or elsewhere, and she was was already talking about having a breast "lift" or something when I first met her! When she was like 19! Her body could not be improved upon at that time. But even though living in a shack like you were describing she was already starting to think about it.

From what I have experienced, many of the younger women there assume the older guy, whether Colombian or Gringo, is with her primarily for the looks and will actually want the girl to do whatever is surgically possible to keep his "toy" looking bright and shiny. So they have no shame in talking about it openly because they think that is "normal". And the more beautiful they are, the more they are concerned with hanging onto those looks because it is their claim to fame.

On the other hand, I guess I can almost understand their preoccupation with looks because there are sooooooooo many exotic beauties there and it would be almost impossible to keep a guy's attention for more than a year or so if the relationship started out primarily as a physical attraction. And if the woman actually wanted someone who could be a good provider with a job and home, the available candidates become even more scarce, making the competition even more fierce. At least in BAQ area.

[maritime04]

benjio ONLY IN COLOMBIA!!!
 
It’s not uncommon to meet girls who earn 2-4 million pesos a month as "prepago", and still live in a shack. They give credit for those plastic surgeries, so 5 million COP boob job, can be doubled. I really thinks it’s how they stay in poverty always buy stuff on credit then crying about not being able to make the payments, and then when they do finish paying it off they go and buy some more.........
 
My girl friend understands the value of money and saving, often it creates conflict in the house when she stays with her mother when I am away working, they feel she naggs them, and is cheap because she asks why don’t you "save the money first then buy" so you don’t pay double?? She is always telling me how the family keeps getting into debts they have trouble paying them off, despite the advice she gives against it. She has allot of conflict with her family
 
You would think that any mother would be proud to have a daughter that understands the concept of savings, and has her head on right. Instead they call her “Mal hija”, because she does not squeezing money from me for stupid things, or to fix up the house which she gets thrown out of whenever small arguments start up. We have had allot of conversations about “family assistance” and she has extreme loyalty to her mother and cares for her well being, she wants to help her out, and did with a part-time job at a bar near our house, but quit after the owner kept trying to hit on her, personally 12 hour days 3-4 days a week was not worth 80 Mil a week she got, neither was the full time 6 days a week 24 hour live in nanny job at 280 Mil a month. I told her not to worry about it and if her mother needs something we can help out, in addition to when I am away working and she stays with her mother she pays the monthly utilities and splits the food bill. I personally think there is some resentment with my In-laws because I took away a part of the family earning power, I do not think they like to ask for money, and want me to provided it instead…..When they have asked to borrow money they have paid me back.
 
Anyone thinking about marrying a girl from a Colombian barrio should have the “family assistance” conversation and get that issue out in the open, because it will come up. Colombian parents get the idea that their children especially daughters have some responsibility to provide for their parents often at the sacrifice of education and schooling. Some may even think because their daughter marries a gringo that money will steadily flow of money. Do not under estimate the power that these mothers have over their daughters, they can guilt trip with the best of them, I have seen it happen. You cannot expect to marry a Columbiana from the barrio and not offer some type of support to her direct family (mother/father), it’s a poor country after all, and if you choose to marry her then the in-laws do become family, you just have to manage to control it and not let it become abuse.

[benjio]

I personally think there is some resentment with my In-laws because I took away a part of the family earning power, I do not think they like to ask for money, and want me to provided it instead…..When they have asked to borrow money they have paid me back.

Most definitely. In Colombia, you take an earner from the household, you're expected to replace their earnings for the household.

Anyone thinking about marrying a girl from a Colombian barrio should have the “family assistance” conversation and get that issue out in the open, because it will come up. Colombian parents get the idea that their children especially daughters have some responsibility to provide for their parents often at the sacrifice of education and schooling.

This always boggled my mind, because the sons, being physically able and completely competent, sit their a$$es at home and drink Aguila with their homies all day. Go out and get a girl from the barrio pregnant. Usually don't help with the babies and when they do, it's their sister or mother babysitting or feeding the child with their own money. All this while the brother is out searching for his next victim. I tell you...poor Colombian guys got it made.
 

Do not under estimate the power that these mothers have over their daughters, they can guilt trip with the best of them, I have seen it happen.

You ought to see an 85 year old Colombian Grandmother in action...they just can't say no to them.

[Alabamaboy!]

I don't know about other guys but I have no problem supporting the Colombian family with $250/month if I can afford it and I see the need there. I never give to any US based charities because you never know who actually receives the money and what it is being used for. And the same goes for churches. (well I have been known to make some donations at Church's Chicken occasionally).

But anything more than that, you are probably being taken advantage of.

[whitey]

My wife will continue to support her parents once she's here in Canada.  I'm not sure exactly how much it is, but I would guess around $400.000-500.000 per month.

She told me she's already saved enough for most of her first year here, when she won't be working and will be studying English.  I may have to pick up the slack for a few months until she gets a job.

Her parents are in their late 50's, work sporatically, and also have a couple micro businesses.  But their main source of income and their "pension" is their 3 daughters.  That's just the way it is with many families in Colombia.

[benjio]

Whitey, a Barranquillera that saves money?!!!!!!!
 

 

YOU GOT YOURSELF A WINNER MY FRIEND!!!!!