Women With Kid/s - Shorter List? And the Black Hole

[Micky]

The thought from another thread,  I am guessing somethings remain somewhat the same.  On the Latin dating sites,  agencies and all means of meeting a woman.  The thoughts and opinions from other guys on this topic.  It seems that a woman with kid/s will have fewer requirements,  age,  looks,  education,  physical shape,  income,  etc,  etc.  Only for the sake of conversation,  we have two women,  Number 1 -  No children,  number 2 -  Two children.  Other than the children lets say the women are the same - age,  very good looking,  nice bodies,  decent education,  good social skills,  honest and intelligent.  Is it,  or is it not,  that the woman with the kids will be extremely more lax in her requirements in looking for a mate,  than the woman without the children?  For the sake of conversation we will not even consider the topic of more,  or any children in either case.  How far will a woman go that has children,  also how big is the swing when there are multiple children?

 

Part Two -  Given this scenario,  how great is the danger of a man being sucked into the Black Hole?  I am asking,  since all of us men,  to varying degrees,  are suckers for a pretty face (among other womanly things)  how great of challenge does this present?  We are all different,  a given,  but I think of guys that I know,  have known,  and I KNOW there are a few that would be drawn like the moth to the light.  For some of us it would not be a problem at all,  for some of us really would not stand a chance.  So?

 

Micky

[Alabamaboy!]

I think the women will be more lax in the age, looks, physical condition. But more strict in looking for a guy that can be a provider. And by a provider I mean someone who can provide a basic Colombian  lifestyle. She will be looking for someone who can provide enough food so that the kids can eat and that they can have a home, medical care, etc.  So pretty much any Gringo that is above poverty level would meet that requirement, but many Colombian guys might not.

I noticed on Jamie's site when I was looking before that most of the younger ladies put that they were interested in guys 40 years old maximum age. But if they had kids, the age limit increased to 50 many times, or "Open", even if the ladies themselves were in their 20's.

[InSanDiego]

yeah, women with kids are looking for a provider and will waive their age requirements. A colombiana I was chatting with who doesn't have kids asked me if I'd consider a woman with kids. I said no, and she said "that's good, because they'd want you mainly for financial assistance." However, I don't agree that it's just economic, I do think they want companionship too...I have seen some women's profiles with 3 kids, good looking women too, and that is just a hell of alot for any man to take on...In my mind, any woman who has a child, I am already no better than priority #2 in her mind, as it should be, but I'd like to be #1 for at least a little while with a woman who doesn't have kids, until we have kids together...

[DesmondID]

I can only answer for myself.. I have a son and raised him on my own. Not too long ago he left the to strike out on his own and begin the next phase of his life.. which left me free for the first time since my divorce (16 years) and I Immediately started traveling to the Caribbean and later Colombia...

I of course dated and had a few relationships while he was growing up (only seriously after he reached 12 years old) and even lived with two of them for a few years and while there is no universal, I did see differences in what women with children were looking for as opposed to women who did not have children.

I think the simplest way to say it is this: Women without children are looking to build a life while women with children are looking for a life already built... So a single women might look at the potential in a man while a women with children wants to see some execution on that potential. Some of that is also true with older women..

Anyway as for me.. I don't feel the need to raise another family and I want the freedom to visit places and do things I could not do the last 18 years. I would have liked to have a couple of kids back when I had my son but I chose to marry the wrong person.. So I am doing plan B

[utopiacowboy]

yeah, women with kids are looking for a provider and will waive their age requirements. A colombiana I was chatting with who doesn't have kids asked me if I'd consider a woman with kids. I said no, and she said "that's good, because they'd want you mainly for financial assistance." However, I don't agree that it's just economic, I do think they want companionship too...I have seen some women's profiles with 3 kids, good looking women too, and that is just a hell of alot for any man to take on...In my mind, any woman who has a child, I am already no better than priority #2 in her mind, as it should be, but I'd like to be #1 for at least a little while with a woman who doesn't have kids, until we have kids together...

It is a lot to take on. Of course I already had 4 kids of my own so I must like kids. When my wife and I discussed getting married we both were clear that the kids would be #2 and the spouse #1. For the most part I think we've upheld that bargain although naturally with seven kids between us a lot of money, time and energy goes to the kiddos. Thank God they're all working!

[whitey]

It is a lot to take on. Of course I already had 4 kids of my own so I must like kids. When my wife and I discussed getting married we both were clear that the kids would be #2 and the spouse #1. For the most part I think we've upheld that bargain although naturally with seven kids between us a lot of money, time and energy goes to the kiddos. Thank God they're all working!

Haha ... and now you've got 7 kids contributing to your retirement ... Colombian style! 

[dennislevy]

Even if  a Colombisan woman has children, it doesnt mean she is going to be interested in getting married. What Colombisn women say...especially when they hit 40 or so...and what they will NOT do are two entirely things. I ve written about this umpteen times, many Colombian women simply do not want to make committments. They come from broken homes, they ve seen their fathers take off, their novios take off, their husbands cheat....etc. etc.
 
Quite often I ve had a Colombian womanwho I ve met on cupido or way back when ...and with kids....say somehting to me, like.....my kids want me to be happy,,,they dont want to see me alone, and this is the right time to organize my life.....or I want a man at MY side....
 
So let me ask the married guys, Micky, Researcher, Whitey, UC, and whoever else is currently and happily married to a latina from outside of the US or Canada....
 
from the day you started contact with your wife.....emails, chats, first date without any contact before, smoke signals...whatever...UNTIL THE DAY OF THE WEDDING...how long was that period of time?
 

[Chris F]

A colombiana I was chatting with who doesn't have kids asked me if I'd consider a woman with kids. I said no, and she said "that's good, because they'd want you mainly for financial assistance."

Interesting she said that because I heard the same comment from various women during my prior visits to Cali and Bogota. It does support why they waive age and physical requirements but of course does not apply to everyone.

[Chris F]

So let me ask the married guys, Micky, Researcher, Whitey, UC, and whoever else is currently and happily married to a latina from outside of the US or Canada....
 from the day you started contact with your wife.....emails, chats, first date without any contact before, smoke signals...whatever...UNTIL THE DAY OF THE WEDDING...how long was that period of time?

Started Email contact November 2003

Met in Lima Peru on December 27, 2003

Married her here in the states on July 13, 2005

[whitey]

First email: Jan 15, 2008
Married: July 28, 2010

My situation was a little different though.  We met as Spanish-English study partners and I was separated at the time.  I was not looking or ready to get re-married.

[Alabamaboy!]

Met my wife for the first time 6/2006....but did not seriously pursue her because she seemed not really interested. But found out later she was super interested but very shy. I ended up getting involved with a different woman for a couple years, but things did not work out. Then began chatting with my (now) wife again. Because my Spanish was much, much better and she was not quite as shy, we really hit it off this time around. We ended up getting married in Barranquilla in 12/2010. It has been a long, convoluted ride, but we are both very much in love and completely satisfied at this time.

[Researcher]

       For me, I realized the choices I had before diving into a relationship with a woman.After having the experience of dating AWs with children I knew what problems could arise and decided to shy away from women with children.I was fairly young and not hideous in the looks department so I could be very picky...and I was.The single, attractive women without children were my choice to meet.Don't get me wrong I do love children but taking someone else's on is a big responsibility not to be taken lightly.

       Researcher

[michaelb]

I (and some other people also) have already mentioned several times (in other threads) the problem of getting the father's permission for letting the children leave Colombia.  Another thing you may want to consider (depending on your age, the woman's age and most of all the the children's age)....even if you have the father's permission to get them out of Colombia, can you get the visa to get them into the US? Remember, there is an upper age limit for the children to be granted visas as their parent's dependent. I know it is 21 for K-1 and K-2 (fiancee visa and dependent child visa), I think it is 18 for the spousal visa.

 
Personal situation and rant follow, you may skip this part if you're of a mind to
I married a woman with three children...both of us are older than the majority of the people here, so old in fact, that two of her three children were too old to bring up with her. We brought the youngest, 18 or 19 at the time, one of them was already over 21 and one of them turned 21 ("aged out", as the government likes to call it) while waiting for the approval of the K1 and K2 visas (aside: since then the law has changed...used to be that the visa process had to be completed before the child turned 21, now they only have to be under 21 when the visa is applied for--but unfortunately for us, they did not make it retroactive to cover cases which had already aged out under the old law). So one child brought with her, the other two left behind......We thought, well no big deal, we'll just apply for some other kind of visa for them, how about a student visa?....Wrong guess, the fact that their mother was already here played a significant role in them being turned down for student visas, so we applied for them in the category of "unmarried adult children of a permanent resident"......there's a l-o-n-g wait in that category.....then my wive got her US citizenship, so we amended those petitions to "unmarried children of a US citizen", supposedly the wait isn't as long in that category, but we're still waiting..... 

Meanwhile, those that didn't trouble themselves to get any kind of visa at all are about to get amnesty......OK, fine, good for them, nothing I can do about it anyway.....just tell the government when they do that they also have to approve every pending visa request in the whole world, don't care if "we haven't finished investigating this one yet"....don't care if "the quota for that category is full".....don't care if....well, you get the idea, just give the honest, trying to follow the rules people at least the same break you give the others........

Of course what will probably happen will be: Oh, my goodness! What have we done? We just amnestied so many people that now we can't afford to let in any new ones. So this time we're really closing up the border, and oh, by the way, no new legal immigration either for the next, let's say, 10 years or so......sorry about that, all you people who have a legitimate reason, such as family status or employment, to enter and have paid your fees and been waiting. Better luck next time. 

Nah, on second thought, they won't stop the employment based visas, just the family based ones. Gotta have those H1-B people here to hold down the wages of us natives, don't ya know.

OK, end of rant.

[AndyLee]

Thanks for the Rant MiB.....it helps shed light on the seriousness and complexity of getting older kids into the US.
Is there really an Amnesty program about to happen? It seems the immigration thing is such a big political football now that it seems so doubtful anything will be done until after the election. Just my guess, I'm not really into politics so I don't follow the latest maneuverings between parties.
Back to the OP......I have dated single women and women with 1 to 3 children and there are indeed differences in their selection criteria. I have been told several times that once a woman reaches 30 and has even just one child she becomes unattractive for any Colombian male who is interested in Marriage. A woman with 2 or 3 children has almost no hope of meeting a marriage minded man in Colombia.
According to the women I've talked with who have kids they are only approached by Colombian men who want casual sex, never by a man who might want to marry them and take on the role of father for the woman's children.
As for dating Gringos, it does seem to me that a Latina with children will be less selective in her male companion than a Latina who is childless. It also seems to me that a woman over 30 will be less selective in her men than the 20 somethings but will be more selective than a woman with children.
These thoughts are based on my very small sampling of only a few dozen women, but their attitudes seem strong enough that I can conclude that a man who is overweight, older, not as attractive, will have a better chance of meeting and marrying a Colombiana with children than he will with a younger, childless woman.

[Jeff S]

Not sure I get the point of this thread. Is it about how a fat, ugly gringo with no social skills can score with younger, better looking chicas? Because their standards are lower?


My suggestion is to only date women with children if you are willing and eager to love, support and raise her children. And only then if she is willing to cede daddy power to you, and won't take the kid's side against yours. This takes a lot more time and effort than if she is single and your only kids are going to be with other, so spend the time and effort to make sure to understand the family dynamic well, or you're messing with the emotions of two people, not just one.

[jvoorhees]

This thread makes me think about the other side.  What do Colombian woman think about a gringo with kids?  Whether or not they have kids themselves.
 
Myself, I have a few children.  So I am obviously curious if that is seen as a plus, a minus, or non-issue?

[benjio]

Definitely a minus from the Colombian women I've known. The first time I visisted Jamie's my profile clearly stated I didn't have kids and three girls I went on dates with still made it a point to confirm. I don't think it's so much the children they have a problem with. They are well aware that if you have kids with another woman, they more than likely live with her, so she's still in some ways a part of your life.

[dennislevy]

I m across the aisle from Benjio on this one...it may have to do with the ages of the women we date.....

I have one son who is 23, he is a university graduate who graduated with a 3.8 and change, he is self sufficient....although he has a loving relationship with his mom and we both pushed him to earn his Eagle Scout,

You bet I talk about him to Colombian women and I gve most of the credit for his success to his mom....and I make sure to tell colombianas that. I also say that being his father is the best thing Ive ever done in my life...corny? maybe TRUE .....OH YEAH! And in my dating pool......how i talk about him and my respect for my first ex wife  rockets me closer to the first kiss.....

Family and kids are important, scratch that.......... it is the BIGGEST constant in Colombian culture.   I believe that  a quality Colombian woman wants to judge how any man.....Colombian or foreign thinks about his kids and his exes.....

There are certain topics that vital to talk about when you meet and talk with a quality Colombian woman...and if you know what they are...and you speak decent to fluent Spanish and how to sincerely give and get information about those topics, you can achieve in 1 date what might normally take several dates.

I m not just talking aobut sex....Im taking about gaining a level of trust

Kids are one of those crucial mportant dating topic...yours and hers........if you re chatting with a woman with kids. on the Internet, when its appropriate send her photos of your kids and brng a wallet shot or shots of yours with you....ask to see photos of her kids...at the FIRST face to face date....make the normal comments...if its a boy....el es un guapito....girls...ahhhh muy bonita...

but when you re holding the photos of her kids, look at her and ask a couple of more questions......about HER kids.....And thank her for letting you see the photos!

For sure.....I dont attract young beautiful women unless
1. they like older men,
2 they like gorditos
3. or usually, they are a young mother with kids and are lookin for economic security.

And since I don t want kids at 58, Im not going to last very long wth any woman even in her early to mid 40s without kids but who has  the DREAM of havng children.

so for me women who are in their 40s with kids, preferrably close to or grown up kids or with NO kids....and realize its too late to  have them.....that s my dating pool and there lies more flexiiblity.

Just because a woman HAS kids, doesn t mean she wants to get married.....Some do of course and some of the posters have that situation. But MANY Colombian women will not make concrete committments with KIDS or without KIDS

Finally I thank the guys who answered my question of how long between the first contact and the marriage day. I asked because......

Ive got a theory...dont we all? jejejejeje

Mine is about Colombian women and relationships with foreigners...i don think its anything startling.

1. if the courtship takes place over along span of time which I define as 18 months or more. its because of  distance impediemnts  and the woman is willing to hang in and she is a jewel and both are very patient people, ie Whitey and Nazly

2. if the courtship is relatively short from  first contact to marriage day, lets say 6 months or less  ts becasue the man goes ALL IN first , he is a decisive man, he is convinced that she is the right one for him and she trusts him based on hs actions, i e, Micky and UC.

3, if the courtship is short, it can aso mean that the man has no idea of what he is getting himself into, the chances for failure are great......And there are lots of those!!!!!!!

OK those are my two cents on this topic
 

[Micky]

Dennis -

Yesterday I made a post here,  do not know what happened to it,  went into space.  I know we are all different,  wants,  needs,  perspective,  etc.  I was interested in your view with part 2 of the thread.  I am not being negative,  but because you have dated,  talked with so many women,  in person and on the sites.  None of us have a way of KNOWING,  but I was thinking in terms of -  The reality of a man being blinded by the younger,  nice looking women,  when he may not really be "into" a women with kids and goes in anyway.  Since you get around,  have the agency experience,  etc.,  what have you seen or know of in this regard?
 
Micky

[Researcher]

  Hey Micky, I get your point now and have to say that I saw many gringos do the exact same thing you mentioned.They were blinded and didn't really think about what they were getting into with a woman with kids.I'd say it was fairly common in my days of wife hunting to see some  guy not realizing what he was getting into in many situations.I think someone should do what ever they choose but to do so without realizing the risks and negatives of it shows poor judgement.


     Researcher

[utopiacowboy]

" A woman with 2 or 3 children has almost no hope of meeting a marriage minded man in Colombia."

Very true.

[fathertime]

This thread makes me think about the other side.  What do Colombian woman think about a gringo with kids?  Whether or not they have kids themselves.
 
Myself, I have a few children.  So I am obviously curious if that is seen as a plus, a minus, or non-issue?

i'd say in most cases it is a negative in many respects.


Fathertime!

[Researcher]

        I remember one lady that had divorced her gringo husband and moved back to Colombia.She was working at an agency I was using.She was an absolute knockout and she had a 10 year old son.She said one of the things her and her ex fought about was how he treated her son.The gringo bought her an expensive ring, other jewelry and clothes but when her son wanted a video game the gringo bought him a used Nintendo.That wasn't all but she used that as an example of how he treated her very well and treated her son not so good.To me this is a gringo that was blinded by the woman's looks and didn't realize the "package deal" he was getting.

        Researcher

[dennislevy]

micky
I htink there are about three basic scenarios when a foreign man takes on a man with kids.
 
1. The man is mature, decisive, understands that if he wants to marry the woman....its a package deal. And the man LIKES kids, or he wants to have the experience of being a DAD or he wants to repeat it and he s got the money to do it.....or is willing to work tood it.  I think that s you and UC and some others
 
2. The man has no concrete idea of exactly what he wants...but has a deep psychological need to be accepted.
 
I saw a very good  agency buddy make two marriages to Colombian women in less then 18 months. the first one was to a beautiful 24 eyar old girl......with no kids.....he was 52m he had been married once beofre to a southern belle  and had no kids. they dated for three weeks over two trips and went off to San Andres when you could stll do it iwthout a lot of paperwork. And we all said WTF??   He went back to the States and from then her contacts were...... I want this  and I need that. She spoke some english and he spoke no Spanish. That fandango lasted about 4 months and it cost him 10,000 for the divorce, he came down twice to try and put it back together. Not a chance.
 
One of the women who was 40  he had dated before the marriage befriended him and finally after a few trips to see her and her three kids (and the oldest was 12)  he got to come to mama...they got engaged and went though the visa peocess got married in the US and as far as I know they are still living in South Carolina. His wife is about 4 feet 9 and has one of the strongest spitfire personalities i ve ever seen in a COLOMBIANA
 
this Guy did both blinded by the light and find a safe home......in 19 months
 
3. The whiite knight complez Another Americna friend at that agency was 75 but lived n Bogota and had a pretty girlfriend who he imported from Cartagena by way of cupido. she was 37.  And she had a list...and 3 young kids with grandma in caratgena. he rented a fancy furnished estrata 6 apartment in north Bogota, bought boobs for her...that wasn t entirley on her, she was his fourth set of boobs.....sent her to English lessons and beauty school and tried to maintain the facade of a wealthy man.  He was also sending 600,000 for the kids in cartagena every month. he waS mart enough not to marry her, but not smart enough to accept that he was way in over his head.   her attiutde was well, if Im oging to be here...and he s 75 years old, I ll keep asking......And he couldnt say NO.he wnet back to the sates, she went back to cartagena.
 
Those two guys tauight me what I don t want to have happen to me. I odnt claim to be infallible, for sure...but I have seen so many men make jsut crazy decisions
 
I  think that many men do the fantasy thing, chasing the younger beautiful women becasue they dont want to deal with kids,,,and if a woman wants kids......its time for them to find another girl.

[fathertime]

 
from the day you started contact with your wife.....emails, chats, first date without any contact before, smoke signals...whatever...UNTIL THE DAY OF THE WEDDING...how long was that period of time?

1 year 
september 08 met on computer
september 09 married in vegas


Fathertime!