Journey's over

[Colgando]

Thanks for sharing UC and Research.


I agree with you 100% Researcher....luck....I consider it being blessed...a successful, happy marriage is such a blessing, so much trust and faith involved, so many unknowns.


I hope the best for Chizz and his woman...looks like he has been on the hunt SOTB for a while, has good judgement and has found the one he will take a chance with, a leap of faith, God speed to him and his woman.

[fathertime]

Chizzzz!  I'm waiting to see those photos in the PL gallery!


i think Researcher's story illustrates that life is too damn short not to take a chance.  My feeling is when you have a good feeling, just go for it and let the chips fall where they may!


Fathertime!

[Researcher]

     Hey FT, I did that with my second marriage and that isn't a good thing either.It can turn out equally bad, if not worse.By my now 3rd marriage I think I have the formula right.Good judgement with alot of luck!!!

     I think its like that old Kenny Rogers tune: You gotta know when to hold 'em. Know when to fold ' em know when to walk away and know when to run!!!
      Researcher

[chizz]

Sup P-L,
Thank for the support and stories everyone, much appreciated. I don't know FT, I submitted them the other day, and it says they haven't been approved yet, so hopefully any day now
What I'm doing now is taking a chance. I agree sometimes in life you have to go with something out of the norm. There are many instances where situtations like mine lead to life long happiness and sometimes it does not. I realize all that and have weighed the pros and cons and in my heart I feel this is the woman I've been waiting for my entire life. I've met many, many women in my search and this is the one that stands out the most, in character, personality, intelligence and beauty. I feel like i've hit the jackpot and my family does so as well. They speak with her on webcam all the time and her and my sisters are becoming best friends. Thanks.
Chizz

[benjio]

Some of you guys are using extremely rare cases to justify doing something that usually does not result in a desirable outcome. Far be it from me to claim that a marriage can't be successful because the man and the woman didn't spend much time together before they got hitched. But the lack of time together is usually the underlying issue in any problem that arises later on. You can use the example of a man and a woman having a successful marriage after knowing each other for only two weeks. I know a couple like that myself. But if your best single friend told you tomorrow that they were getting married to someone they had known for only two weeks, I think you'd have some apprehensive words of advice for them. Whether it's money, sex, etc. Not initially spending time with someone prevents you both from gaining a thorough understanding of what the other's expectations will be in such a huge commitment. Marriages to foreign women that don't work out after people spend a considerable amount of time courting usually fall apart because the man completely ignored red flags while they were dating, or someone in the couple drastically changed during the marriage (usually women after you bring them stateside).
 
Chizz, saw the pictures of you and your girl today which is what brought me back to this thread. She is beautiful and you guys make a great couple. Best of luck to you!!!

[dennislevy]

I ve posted this before.....I was married twce, once for 22 and a half years, once for 62 days and 14 hours, both to American women.

I took a chance on the second she was out of the norm, we never lived togethe or spent the night together before we married exactly 117 days after we met...we lived in Salem, Oregon, spent  a lot of time together. I was 53, she was almost 48 and had been married twice before. I knew she was eccentric, but she was brilliant and an incredible kisser and yadda yadda...... and she completely captivated me.

She didnt want me to spend a lot of time with two of her kids...she had 1 daughter who was GOOD and the other two were BAD, but OF COURSE she loved them ALL....And I ignored every red flag, and I married her and the courtship and the wait for the divorce which she initiated was longer then the marriage.

She ran away from me.....paid for the divorce, left the engagment ring, never asked for a dime....  This July 16 will be 5 years since I woke up and found out that she had ran away from me.  And athough it cost me no money, it almost cost me my sanity-.

I did my reading AFTER she ran away y, I put together a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder and PTSD. I never had a chance to make the marriage work...she simply had too much damage...and maybe now........... I have too much..

who do I blame for what Woody Allen once described as a mock of a travesty of a sham of a mock?  I blame myself....and this JUkly 16, I hope Im in the sack with a Colombiana!

I hope to God, Chizz that this chance with ths Dominicana is a good guess......because with all the respect in the world, you re guessing.  Sometimes
all you have with a foreign woman is guesses or inspired guesses. You can eliminate some of the guesswork wth more time spent with her. ....

After accepting your offer of marriage. then what.....? Let me suggest that YOU wait!!!!!!! Wait a few months until you get married, get to know her little girl......spend some more time with her in the DR......spend more time with the relatives...if she s 30, she can wait a few more months.

If you wait.....at worst you ll lose maybe a ring and some time and some money on airline tickets and hotel expenses and meals.

If you plunge in to a quick marriage....and it doesnt work, you ll get something that may never go away......a hurt in your heart. .....

Now let me ask you a question. if all this searching...why are you willing to take a chance so quickly and without much information...............there has to got to be a reason besides............... she s the one......

I m wth Benjio on this...and he and I are about 28 years apart in age. caution IS
the better part of valor.

But the very best of  luck in whatever you decide to do.....

[Researcher]

Some of you guys are using extremely rare cases to justify doing something that usually does not result in a desirable outcome. Far be it from me to claim that a marriage can't be successful because the man and the woman didn't spend much time together before they got hitched. But the lack of time together is usually the underlying issue in any problem that arises later on. You can use the example of a man and a woman having a successful marriage after knowing each other for only two weeks. I know a couple like that myself. But if your best single friend told you tomorrow that they were getting married to someone they had known for only two weeks, I think you'd have some apprehensive words of advice for them. Whether it's money, sex, etc. Not initially spending time with someone prevents you both from gaining a thorough understanding of what the other's expectations will be in such a huge commitment. Marriages to foreign women that don't work out after people spend a considerable amount of time courting usually fall apart because the man completely ignored red flags while they were dating, or someone in the couple drastically changed during the marriage (usually women after you bring them stateside).
 
Chizz, saw the pictures of you and your girl today which is what brought me back to this thread. She is beautiful and you guys make a great couple. Best of luck to you!!!

        Very true Benjio.Just hang around and see the "one hit, one week wonders" defend doing such a thing.Myself? I have come to understand that a guys gonna do what a guys gonna do no matter what.I saw that time after time when I was wife hunting.I saw my share of trainwrecks and learned from them.I also learned that there is a point where a guy is "hopeless".That's where he is so blinded by love or lust that he will ignore the most obvious of red flags and do things that make absolutely no sense.If you warn a guy like this and he ignores you...well all you can do is pat him on the back and say God speed!

      Researcher

[fathertime]

hey Chizzzz!


Thanks for posting those pictures.  Your lady is very nice looking and I can see why you want to get a jump on things and get started with the process of bringing her here.  It can't hurt to mentally  prepare for some bumps in the road and we can all hope for the best for you!  Based on the photos and what you have said, I think you are doing the right thing by giving it a go!


Fathertime!

[Researcher]

      Nice pics Chizz!


       Researcher

[Alabamaboy!]

Chizz, great pics! Looks like a really sweet girl. If there are no red flags, I would just do it. Why not?

[chizz]

I ve posted this before.....I was married twce, once for 22 and a half years, once for 62 days and 14 hours, both to American women.

I took a chance on the second she was out of the norm, we never lived togethe or spent the night together before we married exactly 117 days after we met...we lived in Salem, Oregon, spent  a lot of time together. I was 53, she was almost 48 and had been married twice before. I knew she was eccentric, but she was brilliant and an incredible kisser and yadda yadda...... and she completely captivated me.

She didnt want me to spend a lot of time with two of her kids...she had 1 daughter who was GOOD and the other two were BAD, but OF COURSE she loved them ALL....And I ignored every red flag, and I married her and the courtship and the wait for the divorce which she initiated was longer then the marriage.

She ran away from me.....paid for the divorce, left the engagment ring, never asked for a dime....  This July 16 will be 5 years since I woke up and found out that she had ran away from me.  And athough it cost me no money, it almost cost me my sanity-.

I did my reading AFTER she ran away y, I put together a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder and PTSD. I never had a chance to make the marriage work...she simply had too much damage...and maybe now........... I have too much..

who do I blame for what Woody Allen once described as a mock of a travesty of a sham of a mock?  I blame myself....and this JUkly 16, I hope Im in the sack with a Colombiana!

I hope to God, Chizz that this chance with ths Dominicana is a good guess......because with all the respect in the world, you re guessing.  Sometimes
all you have with a foreign woman is guesses or inspired guesses. You can eliminate some of the guesswork wth more time spent with her. ....

After accepting your offer of marriage. then what.....? Let me suggest that YOU wait!!!!!!! Wait a few months until you get married, get to know her little girl......spend some more time with her in the DR......spend more time with the relatives...if she s 30, she can wait a few more months.

If you wait.....at worst you ll lose maybe a ring and some time and some money on airline tickets and hotel expenses and meals.

If you plunge in to a quick marriage....and it doesnt work, you ll get something that may never go away......a hurt in your heart. .....

Now let me ask you a question. if all this searching...why are you willing to take a chance so quickly and without much information...............there has to got to be a reason besides............... she s the one......

I m wth Benjio on this...and he and I are about 28 years apart in age. caution IS
the better part of valor.

But the very best of  luck in whatever you decide to do.....

Sup Dennis,
I've been searching for a long time, starting back in 2003. I've met many, many latinas, some bad and some good. But I've always had my radar up for red flags. This site helped alot in the beginning, and is good for pointing people in the right direction(including myself). I've been very good at picking up red flags if they are there. I do know it's difficult to explain to someone who doesn't know her or myself, why I feel this is the one, but I know this is the one. I'm also a detective with Law enforcement and I'm pretty good at spotting a phony, and she is far from a phoney. In fact, she is more real than anyone i've ever met. Am I taking a chance? Of course, everyone on here is taking a chance but it's up to the man to determine if the chance is worth it. In my case, it most definately is. I really don't think time is a true gauge to determine if someone is for you or not. I think if you do your homework, and are careful, you can determine if someone is good for you or not, whether it's two months or two years. When i do propose we'll talk and decide the best course of action from there, but what i told her in the beginning anyone I marry and think about bringing to the states with me has to speak english before she comes up. I've always felt that way and it's not changing. It will only make things easier for her and us. She doesn't have to speak perfect english but at least must be able to speak it. I don't know if any of you remember Ived from Allcolombiagirls, but I like to use her as an example of how much my lady should speak.
But other than that, I have not seen any red flags at all and I look forward to seeing her next week.
Chizz

[chizz]

Hello all,
FT, Alabamaboy, Researcher, Dennis and Benji, Thanks for the compliments. She is just as beautiful inside as she is on the outside. I really feel I hit the jackpot with this one. I'm the type that if something is too good to be true it usually is. When I meet someone I use the same M.O with each one, and if someone sticks out negatively, she is gone. This one(her name is Ana) passed everything with flying colors. She's currently taking english courses(she's paying for them) and is improving rapidly. I don't know what it is, but there is something so sexy about a latina trying to speak english with that spanish accent. I'll keep everyone posted if anything new develops. Thanks again,
Chizz

[benjio]

Chizz,
 
Once again, congratulations and I hope everything works out for you. Everytime I meet a gringo that's truly fallen for a Latina I'll go into "Concerned Uncle" mode. The truth however is nothing makes me happier than meeting and knowing good men that have realized there are a ton of gorgeous women in this world that are also virtuous and humble...you've just got to get out of the states. As hesitant and careful as I am when first meeting a Latina, I strive with all my heart and soul to find someone that makes me feel the way you do. Someone that makes me forget how long we've known each other, makes me ignore the warnings of experienced brethren, and just throw caution to the wind.
 
I plan on visiting the DR soon (not to date, just to vacation) and I'll let you know when I'm coming down. Maybe we can hook up. Best of luck to you and your lady and please keep us posted. Cheers.

[AndyLee]

Some comparisons will help me understand this situation better I think.
In my case, I knew my first wife (American) for 5 months before we got engaged and the engagement lasted 6 months. The marriage was a dismal,miserable failure. I haven't talked to her for 20 years and hope to God I never have to again. She is the daughter of alcoholic parents and the owner of just about every phobia you can think of.
I knew my (second wife - American) a 10-year living-together partnership on a Tuesday and we started living together that Friday when she invited me to her house for the weekend. We spent the weekend together and I never left, for 10 years. It was a perfect romance and partnership but we never married. We parted after 10 years because of a failed business venture that came between us. But we are still good friends and talk on Skype every once in a while. She is the guardian of my two dogs and one cat since I moved to Colombia.
I'm with Chizz on this one......he's old enough and smart enough and well trained as a detective. He knows what he's doing. I wish him well and God Speed, she's a beautiful woman and you are a good looking couple.

[Researcher]

    Some guys just defend rushing into a relationship.Maybe it has to do with their experiences in life but it doesn't work out the same for everyone.For those that like statistics a study was done on marriage and the length of courtship.The study showed that knowing someone many years before marriage has almost as big a failure rate as those that only knew each other a few weeks(or days).The most marriages lasted longest when the couple were together 2 years before marriage.The study stated that the longer courtship folks usually got married because they thought marriage would fix some problems they were having, but it didn't.The short courtship people ended up marrying someone they thought they knew but didn't.

      It's easy to hide one's true personality for a few weeks.You never really know someone unless you spend some time getting to know them.The point I have also made is if someone is the "right one" today they will be the "right one" six months from now.Why rush it?But I understand that some guys don't want to wait so I say "good luck" to them.One reason I say this is because a guy is gonna do what a guy is gonna do.But the main reason I don't really worry about a guy rushing into something is because if his marriage turns out to be a train wreck it doesn't affect me.I'm not the one experiencing the heart ache and paying for a divorce.Sure, I warn guys to take some time but who am I to stand in the way of them throwing the dice?Especially with these foreign women who have plenty of motive to take a gringo for a ride. Or maybe they have a drug/alchohol addiction or personality disorder they are hiding.No problem for me,friend, knock yourself out.

          Researcher

[beginthebeguin]

I think the men of good will  here who are hunting or have been hunted down already, (I know bad movie pun). wish chizz and his novia good luck. And as it has been said already, "A guy's gotta do what a guy's gotta do."
 No relationship is 'safe', at any stage.  We are all trying to have one with a nice mate from 'wherever', and if we are lucky and in earnest it lasts. And if we are unlucky and still in earnest let's not beat ourselves over the head with our bad luck and statistics. Hearts are not statisticians.   
And I wish that JimD had not posted that foto of the hot chica in the black bikini in the foto gallery. That dame is driving me to distraction. 

[Researcher]

I think the men of good will  here who are hunting or have been hunted down already, (I know bad movie pun). wish chizz and his novia good luck. And as it has been said already, "A guy's gotta do what a guy's gotta do."
 No relationship is 'safe', at any stage.  We are all trying to have one with a nice mate from 'wherever', and if we are lucky and in earnest it lasts. And if we are unlucky and still in earnest let's not beat ourselves over the head with our bad luck and statistics. Hearts are not statisticians.   
And I wish that JimD had not posted that foto of the hot chica in the black bikini in the foto gallery. That dame is driving me to distraction. 

     AHHH Begin you're just an old romantic aren't you.Me too! But from my own experiences and particularly what I've seen in international dating using good judgement is a must.Sure luck plays a part but how much are you willing to rely on luck?For some people, like me, that didn't always work out so well.YMMV

       Researcher

[beginthebeguin]

YMMV? Let me guess we have WOVO and now YMMV? Oh "Your Mistake Means Viagra"!!!!!!!! Veo.

[Researcher]

YMMV? Let me guess we have WOVO and now YMMV? Oh "Your Mistake Means Viagra"!!!!!!!! Veo.

    hehehe! I guess that could be used but it means "Your Mileage May Vary" as in with luck.Some guys are luckier that others.But if you have really bad luck Viagra may not even help!

     Researcher

[benjio]

And I wish that JimD had not posted that foto of the hot chica in the black bikini in the foto gallery. That dame is driving me to distraction. 

I'M RIGHT THERE WITH YOU BTB!!!!! That chick pops up everytime I click on forum for some reason!!! GEEEEEZZZ!!!!

[Colgando]

Chizz, just saw the pics, she was well worth the wait and search, I am happy for you bro! 

[Colgando]

To reduce the success of complex interpersonal relationships down to time knowing the person before marriage as being the predominate indicator of success is flawed. No one here that I read suggested one should marry a person they do not know however, you can know a person for 2 weeks, 2 years, 4 years, that person can and will change, that is reality, a person needs to be sure they have done the best job they can do in selecting their wife and go from there. As humans, we are constantly growing, learning, evolving, just the way it is. A better question in my opinion would be qualitative, like, what does she think about kids, money, religion, how does she relate to her parents, friends, family, how is she when you all are out, is she hard working, what kind of life does she want, can she handle leaving her country, etc. Whatever amount of time it takes for a person to exercise good judgement should be taken, and will vary based on each unique situation, each unique person. So, to approach it from, how many trips have you taken is a flawed approach in my estimation, I am more concerned with the substance. To say how many trips have you taken to me suggests that a person can discover this in a certain amount of trips, 2, 4, 6, 8, some people are clueless, lack observation skills and judgement, some people are skilled at human behavior and evaluating people and situations. Chizz is a detective, been at it for a while, 2003, met the one for him, I will put my chips on him.


DL, what's going on man, life on the Lam....they just caught "whitey" bulger, he was living on the lam, I thought about you roaming around Colombia when they kept saying he was living on the Lam...not that you are anything like bulger, I just never heard the phrase living on the Lam before.

[Researcher]

     I agree Colgando, "whatever it takes to exercise good judgement" is key.Spending time getting to know someone is just that "getting to know them from observation and experience" not online chatting and believing they are the person they say they are or by answering a few questions.Alot of people put up a front and answer questions based on what they think another person wants to hear.And like I have said before some people have problems and issues that they are very good at hiding.Remember, you are choosing a person that will be living under the same roof as you and can affect your life in ways that can be devastating if they choose to do you harm. So by all means you are correct in doing whatever it takes to exercise good judgement.I don't think it can be done online or after a few visits.

         Researcher

[whitey]

DL, what's going on man, life on the Lam....they just caught "whitey" bulger, he was living on the lam, I thought about you roaming around Colombia when they kept saying he was living on the Lam...not that you are anything like bulger, I just never heard the phrase living on the Lam before.

Wasn't me ... I'm still on the lam ...

[Colgando]

Wasn't me ... I'm still on the lam ...

Jejejejeje...thought about you too Whitey....like, wait a minute, that doesn't look like the Whitey I know, can't be him, then they went through his story and it was obviously not you...although, if they mentioned his safety deposit boxes in Canada, I may have thought twice...jejejeje....