red flag?

[InSanDiego]

Hi guys, I've been chatting with the same Barranquillera I met on LAC for a week and a half. I have booked my trip for 8 days in August and told her as such. She works as a nurse she says, which is a plus, but has made it clear to me she still has to work her regular 6 hours a day while I'm there but plans to spend the rest of the time with me. I have for the most part enjoyed chatting with her and she's been sending me gusanitos (ecards) and emails in between our chats. Nevertheless, I want to enjoy my trip, and don't want to limit myself to one woman who may not really be in to me and sit around twittling my thumbs while she's at work whilst I watch beautiful women/opportunities pass me by... So do you guys see her not taking off work as a sign of lukewarm interest, or no? Thanks for the feeback

[InSanDiego]

I forgot to add, she's been talking alot about me meeting her family, etc. Once I meet her family, I will be in much deeper and the chances of me breaking it off while I'm there decrease because the guilt factor will kick in for me. I'm going to feel guilty no matter when/if I break it off with her, but the longer I wait, the harder it will be for me to do...

[InSanDiego]

I realize my posts are yet another example of why WOVO is not a good idea, but I'd rather have the egg on my face now than later jaja...

[Alabamaboy!]

I don't think it is a red flag if you have never met in person. A good job in Colombia is hard to find. Especially if she is a nurse and actually getting paid on time. My sister-in-law is a medical assistant and does not get paid for sometimes 2 months. And if she bitches about it they tell her to just quit and go find other work. And they live in BAQ as well.

Even if you are dating, it is hard to get time off from work. But if you are engaged, or if you are in a committed relationship and you are giving more than a month's notice, she should be able to make arrangements at work. If not, then I would think something is up.

You need to understand that a lot of the girls who meet guys online get stood up a lot with plans like this. And the guy never shows up. So it is would be very strange if she would drop her job just to spend time with you before even meeting you in person. If she needs to work 6 hours a day, that still gives her 18 more each day to be with you. If you spend a few days with her and she does not let you pick her up after work or introduce you to a couple workmates, I would start to suspect something.

If I were you I would have a list of other women to call and spend time with and fill in your time accordingly, meeting other women. Just keep everything superficial at first and do not paint yourself into a corner. Meet people, go out to eat, enjoy the good life. There will be time to get serious with one of these girls later if all goes well.

Hell dude, I would not even agree to meet her family until you have spent a few nights with her and only her. You don't want to make a big complicated mess getting involved with the parents and siblings then tell them "nah, I am not interested." It could get very messy. Believe me. BAQ is a big city, but you will be surprised at how many people know each other and how many times you may see that girl or her family later on.

Just tell her you want to keep things cool, you are really interested, but need to see how things go. Be honest with her and tell her you want to meet some other "friends" you have met online for a coffee or something. And then actually do it. Don't just lock onto this one girl and blow your whole trip with her before even experiencing chatting in person with some of the other ladies.

I don't know why alot of people get upset and say, "don't compare me to other people". Why not? I think that is a great idea. Compare and contrast and see how is the chemistry and how you two fit into each other's lives. And then make your decisions after making those comparisons. Only a fool would do otherwise.

[Researcher]

    InSanDiego are you interested enough in this woman to take this trip only to see her?I always give these WOVO enthusiasts a hard time but if a guy finds a woman who he is especially interested in then why not go for it? If you do though please don't complain about how all Colombian women are this or that if the deal falls through.Remember that you made the decision to meet only one woman.

      Researcher

   

[Ray]

 
Hey, it's only 8 days so why not go down and spend the 8 days with her?
 
You've only been chatting for 1.5 weeks and 8 days is hardly enough time to just begin to get to know somebody in person.
 
It won't hurt to meet the family just to introduce yourself and say hi. You don't have to move in with them or spend a lot of time with them, but give them the courtesy of meeting the guy who is spending time with their daughter.
 
If it doesn't work out, plan another trip and meet some more ladies next time.
 
No it is not a red flag for her to not take off of work and lose pay to meet a virtual stranger.
 
Ray
 
 

[utopiacowboy]

Even though I am a WOVO enthusiast, have a Plan B ready.

[whitey]

My wife and her sisters are all employed in Barranquilla.  They can't just take off work on relatively short notice.  In my wife's case, she gets once month off per year, and is required to take the entire month at once.  The vacations are planned and scheduled months in advance, with someone else trained to fill her position a couple weeks ahead of time.

Re meeting the parents, I think it's a good sign that she wants you to come over for lunch or something.  I'd recommend you go, no matter how thiings turn out with this woman, but maybe wait a couple days first (tell her you want to get over the jet lag and get used to the heat or something - it's stinking hot in BAQ right now!).

It's very natural that the family will invite you for lunch.  Every time I plan a trip to BAQ, at least one or two of my friends here in Canada give me the names and addresses of family members that they want me to visit.  Colombians are very social.

Have a great time, whether you go just for one person, or to meet several.  The main thing on a first trip is just to go ... get your feet wet ... experience the country, the culture, and at least one woman!

[thekfc]

Have a great time, whether you go just for one person, or to meet several.  The main thing on a first trip is just to go ... get your feet wet ... experience the country, the culture, and at least one woman!

[Micky]

As AB and Whitey said,  in Colombia time off work is NEAR impossible for most working class.  You should be taking it as a sign of a green flag that she has a job.  Meeting the family,  no problem there,  like Whitey said make it for after you are there at least a couple of days,  that is actually another good sign from her,  she does not sound like a player.   If all is not going too good you can cut her off and move on after one meet.  UC said have your plan B,  then put it into action.  Do not have ANY expections and you will win either way it goes.


Micky

[dennislevy]

Meet the girl, meet her family...even if you and the girl arent a fitr......, you ll have the first family visit under your belt.....it s part of the process...get used to answering questions!!!!!!

And KNOW what you are going to say.....before you visit Some of wehat you may get asked....

Why did you decide to come to Colombia?
Are you comfortable here?
What do you think of our (sister............daugher?
When are you going back to  the US?
When are you returning to Barfanquilla?.
Do you have a family?
Do you have photos of them with you?

Not kididng, do your prep beofre you get on the plane.
 
Good luck!

[InSanDiego]

thank you for all the replies. They are very helpful

[Researcher]

Even though I am a WOVO enthusiast, have a Plan B ready.

     A plan B suggestion?...glad to see you are coming around UC! hehehe....


       Researcher

[InSanDiego]

One thing I like about her, she appears very sincere in what she tells me. She told me tonight that she and her nurse coworkers have not been paid for the last 3 months (could be a ploy to ask me for money but I don't think so), and that in the past she has had male supervisors tell her they would take care of her financially if she had sex with them. She could be making this up but based on my chatting with her on average 2-3 hours a night for the last two weeks I'm inclined to believe her. She has not asked me for money nor sent naked pictures so whatever relationship we are building through chatting is potentially substantive...My response to her telling me about not getting paid was not to offer her money but rather that in the States she will be compensated for her work...The more she tells me about Colombia and the way men treat women there, the better I feel about what I have to offer in comparison to what they offer...All the chatting I'm doing requires a massive leap of faith on my part and her part , but I'm getting alot of good practice on my Spanish and potentially building a positive relationship for my trip and beyond...

[Researcher]

      Those are the kind of things that happen in Colombia.I don't know if not getting paid for 3 months is that common but it would explain why there are so many working poor there.

     She could be preparing you for the old papaya game but wait and see if you want to know for sure.Man, you WOVO guys sure do like putting all those eggs in a "iffy" basket!

      Researcher

[Alabamaboy!]

It does happen like that. My sister in law is in that boat. She has gone as long as two months without getting paid as a medical tech in an EPS, but she has friends working other places who have gone longer.

And it is pretty much SOP that the boss is going to be propositioning any attractive girls like you described. It is just the way it is in most parts of BAQ anyway from what the women tell me there. I have had the opportunity to hang out with some of these "bosses/supervisors" and have heard alot of their stories. And yeah, you are right, after hearing some of these things, then it starts to make a bit more sense in why they are willing to leave their homeland and family.

My ex from BAQ is a super hot, exotic, young morena who had the goal of working to earn "her own money" so she did not get into the situation her mother did....namely being a mother with two kids with a physically abusive husband, with no career. So in the end, that is what she got. She started working at a busy office for about 600K COP which is more than minimum. But you need to subtract out of that the transportation cost and her lunch. And then factor in that you work 5  1/2 days there and your boss is hitting on you all the time and if you don't comply, then he can make your life a little difficult. Needless to say she learned the hard way that life is not so easy there. And all that women's lib BS is completely unrealistic if you are planning on working as an office secretary in Barranquilla. You are never going to get far.

[Researcher]

   So true AB.Just goes to show that Colombia is a much different place than what we know here.


       Researcher

[whitey]

One thing I like about her, she appears very sincere in what she tells me. She told me tonight that she and her nurse coworkers have not been paid for the last 3 months (could be a ploy to ask me for money but I don't think so), and that in the past she has had male supervisors tell her they would take care of her financially if she had sex with them. She could be making this up but based on my chatting with her on average 2-3 hours a night for the last two weeks I'm inclined to believe her. She has not asked me for money nor sent naked pictures so whatever relationship we are building through chatting is potentially substantive...My response to her telling me about not getting paid was not to offer her money but rather that in the States she will be compensated for her work...The more she tells me about Colombia and the way men treat women there, the better I feel about what I have to offer in comparison to what they offer...All the chatting I'm doing requires a massive leap of faith on my part and her part , but I'm getting alot of good practice on my Spanish and potentially building a positive relationship for my trip and beyond...

You handled that well, InSanDiego.

Sad story ... I've heard of this happening, but not for 3 months (doesn't mean she's not telling the truth though).  Something to talk about with my wifey tonight ...

[Gato4Astrid]

She told me tonight that she and her nurse coworkers have not been paid for the last 3 months (could be a ploy to ask me for money but I don't think so), and that in the past she has had male supervisors tell her they would take care of her financially if she had sex with them. She could be making this up but based on my chatting with her on average 2-3 hours a night for the last two weeks I'm inclined to believe her.

As a matter of fact, it is true.  My ex-girlfriend hadn't paid for 3 months.  She worked for an insurance company.   Her boss even "promised" her to get paid and even though after the boss had to lay off many employers.   A month later she had to quit and worked for someone else - similar job.  Same story - no getting paid!
I asked the same question in other site (Non-Dating site), and many of them had replies, saying that it is true!

Maybe she had told you the truth, but it is also easy to lie..... either way.. DO NOT SEND HER MONEY!
 
My current girlfriend worked for 2 months last year for a supermarket.  She had to go out door-to-door taking orders etc.   Every Monday she had to go to San Javier (a barrio in Medellin) which is very dangerous area and also Manrique (another dangerous area) on Tuesdays, Wednesdays to Fridays - some good areas.  She was told that she would earn $550,000 COP a month, but in fact she received only 275,000 COP.   She had to quit immediately.
 
 

 
 
 

[utopiacowboy]

One thing I like about her, she appears very sincere in what she tells me. She told me tonight that she and her nurse coworkers have not been paid for the last 3 months (could be a ploy to ask me for money but I don't think so), and that in the past she has had male supervisors tell her they would take care of her financially if she had sex with them. She could be making this up but based on my chatting with her on average 2-3 hours a night for the last two weeks I'm inclined to believe her. She has not asked me for money nor sent naked pictures so whatever relationship we are building through chatting is potentially substantive...My response to her telling me about not getting paid was not to offer her money but rather that in the States she will be compensated for her work...The more she tells me about Colombia and the way men treat women there, the better I feel about what I have to offer in comparison to what they offer...All the chatting I'm doing requires a massive leap of faith on my part and her part , but I'm getting alot of good practice on my Spanish and potentially building a positive relationship for my trip and beyond...

Based on my experience she is telling the truth. Laws against sexual harassment may exist in Colombia but they are not enforced. My wife used to get harassed all the time when she worked for Coltejer. Which brings me to my next point - even though they were one of the world's largest textile companies, after she left, Coltejer had trouble paying its employees and they would go without pay for weeks at a time. Finally they got bought out by a Mexican syndicate.

One thing to remember is even though they complain about how Colombian men treat them that is what they are used to. It helps to be somewhat machista in dealing with them. If you're a typical American "nice guy", they will eat you alive.

[Alabamaboy!]

UC...good advice. If you do not have a little "edge" to you, you will get eaten alive. Nobody will respect you and you might as well have a big target pasted on your back.

[InSanDiego]

@utopiacowboy, good point about the "nice guy," stuff. Despite all the cultural differences between the US and Colombia, women everywhere can smell a man with no backbone. Women will marry a man who they do not respect, but I think it is just about impossible for a woman to love a man she does not respect. In my opinion, any woman is bound to test a man constantly in this area to see to what extent she can respect him...

[InnocentVixen]

The more she tells me about Colombia and the way men treat women there, the better I feel about what I have to offer in comparison to what they offer...

I see this as a red flag on your part... ok ok I'm just half joking here, she sounds like a nice girl but be sure you like her for who she is and that you guys are compatible and not only because you can rescue her and she happens to be hot.

It is normal to talk about life in her country as you are getting to know each other, some things might not sound so great, but some should actually sound better than your country, even a dirt poor girl should have something she likes about her life, never underestimate the power of a positive attitude, if she is complaining about everything back home, guess what? once you "rescue" her, she will be complaining about everything at your home regardless of how much better her new life is.


Respect and backbone are both great things to have when you are thinking about getting in a relationship or for life in general for that matter.

[InSanDiego]

IV, the work part and the soliciting from male bosses are the only negatives she's mentioned. I was just shocked to hear that a nurse wouldn't get paid, that is outside my cultural experience as an American citizen... To be honest, she is not that hot. Yes, she is physically attractive, but there were others on LAC, some of whom I chatted with, who were physically more attractive. I have also been with some model types in my life who I could not wait to get away from, so looks are not the most important thing to me...The not getting paid part aside, she seems to have a very close and large family with plenty of love, and I would be very concerned about her leaving that behind, which I bring up with her and plan to bring up with her family when I visit...

[InSanDiego]

update: last night, just when I was feeling warm and fuzzy towards her, she says: "una cosa..." and explains that she needs to pay off her nursing school debt and can I help her. I say no, I don't want money to be part of our relationship. She says thank you to me, she totally understands, she's not like those women who are only after money, jaja...Deal breaker for you guys?