Gift giving in The Philippines

[thekfc]

These are 5 major gift giving occasions/days in the Philippines NOT to forget.

Birthday:
There is usually a party for the celebrant thrown by family, friends, classmates or co-workers. Food, music, entertainment, etc,.

Debut:
Debut is a cultural tradition of the Filipino people. A coming-of-age celebration for Philippine women.  The family throws a large party, and the birthday girl would hand-picked a debut court of 18 people - 9 males and 9 females who are pairs off into partners. She would wear a beautiful gown (similar to what is worn at weddings) and some of the guest would also dress likewise.
She also have 18  chosen "candles"  - females who know the celebrant and must give a short speech on their relationship with the celebrant and/or any special birthday wishes they have for their celebrant.

There is also the dance – the “Grand Cotillion Dance” in which the birthday girl dances with her partner. Then the “18 Rose Dance” where she dance with 18 males picked by her – they present her with a single rose before the dance. And the "Father and Daughter Dance".

If your wife have a female family member who is about to turn 18, I would advice to send a gift.

Valentines Day:
Some say that Valentine’s Day in the Philippines is a much bigger celebration than it is in the States. Some schools are close or “half day”, some teachers even have special programs for VD.  If you go out – just about every restaurant will have a VD theme. I can go on & on but that will make the piggy more guilty.

X-Mas:
Let me just read you a quote:
Filipinos are proud to proclaim their Christmas celebration to be the longest and merriest in the world. As early as September, holiday decorations go up in people's homes and festive music plays on the radio and in stores. The celebration formally begins on December 16 with attendance at the first of nine pre-dawn or early morning masses and continues on nonstop until the first Sunday of January.  To most Filipinos, Christmas is the most anticipated fiesta of the year and is celebrated accordingly.

Anniversary:
Another important day that is celebrated & taken personally

As for gift giving this is what I told my wife and some members of her family:
~I will only send gifts to certain family members.
~Birthday gifts would be something that the celebrant will enjoy as well as the other members. Something like a cake,  pizza or some other food item.
~X-Mas gifts would be whatever I feel is appropriate & I (we) am able to send.
~I do not send gifts to men – it is against my religion. 

So far I have only received one request which I initiated. It is for a niece Birthday in July (she want a Nokia phone, the one she have is like 200 years old & I always bug her about it ). I am eying the Nokia N8, I should be able to get it in June for about half the current asking price.

[Ray]

kfc,

Gifts are appropriate for most of those occasions but are not an absolute requirement. You can celebrate a close friend’s or family member’s birthday for example without giving any significant gifts. It is also appropriate to send a nice greeting card in place of a gift if you don’t have the financial means to spend the money for a nice gift. It is the thought that counts, not the monetary value of the gift.

Other gift-giving occasions include weddings, baptisms, graduations,  and even pasalubong gifts when returning from a trip. They do not have to be expensive.

Gifts are not normally opened in public at the party or celebration, to avoid any gift-giver losing face because of a very simple or inexpensive gift. Gifts are usually opened later in private.

The Christmas celebration that starts on Dec 16th with the dawn mass is called Simbang Gabi, which includes daily novena masses from Dec 16th through Dec 24th. They usually happen at 4 a.m. Here in San Diego, my church has a Simbang Gabi celebration every year at 5 a.m. on Dec 15th through Dec 23rd. The masses are celebrated in Pilipino with lots of singing of Tagalog Christmas songs and are a lot of fun.

I’m not sure what you mean by you initiating the birthday gift request, but frankly, I think requests for expensive birthday gifts, or any specific gifts for that matter, such as cell phones for example, are inappropriate and should be ignored. But that’s just my opinion…

Inday, what are your thoughts on gift-giving?

Ray

[z_k_g]

Porky is simply screwed!!   

I want the boots!!

Zulu

[piglett]

Porky is simply screwed!!   

I want the boots!!

Zulu

not so
i told Marily that i didn't know VD was in the PI too
she said it wasn't a big deal because i wasn't over there with her
(i guess i had better never miss 1 VD once she arrives though)

pig

[indaycare]

Kuya Ray

It is the thought that counts, not the monetary value of the gift.

Bingo! in any occasions your presence being there is the best gift. (at least your there even no gifts)

pasalubong gifts when returning from a trip. They do not have to be expensive.

Oh! don't ever forget these!

even small chocolate bars they would be so happy.. any small things. (we filipinos feel special by that)

Gifts are not normally opened in public at the party or celebration, to avoid any gift-giver losing face because of a very simple or inexpensive gift. Gifts are usually opened later in private.

So true! do it in private because some might be offended. (some filipinos are very sensitive person) "that's cultural"

"indaycare"

[michaelb]

Debut:
Debut is a cultural tradition of the Filipino people. A coming-of-age celebration for Philippine women.  The family throws a large party, and the birthday girl would hand-picked a debut court of 18 people - 9 males and 9 females who are pairs off into partners. She would wear a beautiful gown (similar to what is worn at weddings) and some of the guest would also dress likewise.
She also have 18  chosen "candles"  - females who know the celebrant and must give a short speech on their relationship with the celebrant and/or any special birthday wishes they have for their celebrant.

There is also the dance – the “Grand Cotillion Dance” in which the birthday girl dances with her partner. Then the “18 Rose Dance” where she dance with 18 males picked by her – they present her with a single rose before the dance. And the "Father and Daughter Dance".

If your wife have a female family member who is about to turn 18, I would advice to send a gift.

hmmm, sounds a lot like Qunice Anos in Latin countries. Since the number 18 appears so often in your description, I suppose in PI this is done at age 18 vs 15 (hence the word 'quince') in Latin countries. Which ever age you chose and whatever you name the party, it is symbolic that the 'little girl' has now become a 'woman'.

[z_k_g]

not so
i told Marily that i didn't know VD was in the PI too
she said it wasn't a big deal because i wasn't over there with her
(i guess i had better never miss 1 VD once she arrives though)

pig

Hey Porkums, quick thinking!  You saved your bacon!!! 

We'll be watching, guard the boots!!

Zulu

[Dave H]

I’m not sure what you mean by you initiating the birthday gift request, but frankly, I think requests for expensive birthday gifts, or any specific gifts for that matter, such as cell phones for example, are inappropriate and should be ignored. But that’s just my opinion…

Inday, what are your thoughts on gift-giving?

Ray

Hey Ray,

Well, I am not Inday...but I will agree with your opinion. If you start giving expensive gifts for one relative, everyone will start to expect it! If you continue, you will go bankrupt in no time! Gift requests are generally  inappropriate in my opinion. I once asked a friend's 5 year old daughter what she wanted for her birthday...she rattled off a list of high tech goodies! Never again, will I make that mistake! Most Filipinos are happy if you give them anything...if not, run away quickly!

In this case, I would have to agree that thekfc actually initiated the cellphone request...I wish he was my brother-in-law!  Hey thekfc, I still have an analog Motorola "brick" phone that is about 1000 years old! I tell Filipinos that I am lowtech...then I pull it out.  I usually get some stunned looks, then a nervous giggle or two. I guess my wife doesn't think it's very funny, because it keeps disappearing. That thing is a great weapon and you don't have to worry about anyone stealing it!

Dave

[Dave H]

hmmm, sounds a lot like Qunice Anos in Latin countries. Since the number 18 appears so often in your description, I suppose in PI this is done at age 18 vs 15 (hence the word 'quince') in Latin countries. Which ever age you chose and whatever you name the party, it is symbolic that the 'little girl' has now become a 'woman'.

Hey Michael,

Same thing. I believe that the Latin American countries hold it at 15 because most Latinas need to start shaving her legs by then.  After the "Quinceañera" they can wear makeup and shave. My ex sister-in-law had to break the rules and secretly start shaving her legs (and mustache) at 12.  With Filipinas, there is no hurry since many never have to shave their entire life.

Actually, I don't know why the "Debut" is at 18 in the Philippines, instead of 15 like the Spanish "Quinceañera". It definitely appears to be a tradition that is linked to the Spanish. God only knows how many of both I have been to!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philippine_Debut

Dave

[Jhengsman]

Birthday:
There is usually a party for the celebrant thrown by family, friends, classmates or co-workers. Food, music, entertainment, etc,.

Debut:
Debut is a cultural tradition of the Filipino people. A coming-of-age celebration for Philippine women.  The family throws a large party, and the birthday girl would hand-picked a debut court of 18 people - 9 males and 9 females who are pairs off into partners. She would wear a beautiful gown (similar to what is worn at weddings) and some of the guest would also dress likewise.
She also have 18  chosen "candles"  - females who know the celebrant and must give a short speech on their relationship with the celebrant and/or any special birthday wishes they have for their celebrant.

I see a slight disagreement on the Birthday celebration, especially once she becomes self supporting. If you ever been to lan office birthday celebration when everyone chips in to buy the birthday boy lunch well Pinoys have the opposite take. The birthday boy will buy lunch for everybody who shows up so like with wedding guest he has to be careful of just who is invited.

hmmm, sounds a lot like Qunice Anos in Latin countries. Since the number 18 appears so often in your description, I suppose in PI this is done at age 18 vs 15 (hence the word 'quince') in Latin countries. Which ever age you chose and whatever you name the party, it is symbolic that the 'little girl' has now become a 'woman'.

I believe that also, as was discussed in the legal marriage ages of the Philippines recently. Even though a girl would have finished public education at 16 she can not marry even with parental permission until she is 18 and there is continual levels of legal parental involvement until she is 25.
 

[thekfc]

I agree with what both Ray & Inday said.

My initial post was 5 occasions/days NOT to forget and NOT what kind of gift to bring/send.

I did not include pasalubong gifts 'cause I assume that is a given - it have been talk about so many times in here.

As for the cellphone, let me explain. She never actually requested a gift, I "initiated" the gift by telling her that I will send her a cellphone & she can throw that "crap" she have away. Then after that she "requested" that it be a Nokia. Maybe I didn't explain myself clearly.

As to what kind of phone that I would send,  I would not give an "analog" phone, like I said many times before I am a technology guy and for me to give a dumb phone is going backwards. I personally think that they should get rid of all analog phones or stop the support for them. One of the 2 phones that I am eying are phones that she do not have to tweak, can use as a "computer" and I could get for about half the price....when the time comes.

i told Marily that i didn't know VD was in the PI too
she said it wasn't a big deal because i wasn't over there with her
(i guess i had better never miss 1 VD once she arrives though)

Sweet!!!!   She was being so nice to you. 

[thekfc]

I see a slight disagreement on the Birthday celebration, especially once she becomes self supporting. If you ever been to lan office birthday celebration when everyone chips in to buy the birthday boy lunch well Pinoys have the opposite take. The birthday boy will buy lunch for everybody who shows up so like with wedding guest he has to be careful of just who is invited.

I agree to a degree....I also did not go into details of who pays.

[Gato4Astrid]

My girlfriend's 10 years old niece asked her mother for an iPad for Christmas!!    Her mother does not have the sort of money to buy an useless iPad thing!   !!!!!    She received a cellular phone instead which it was a special offer that time - Buy 1 and Get 1  Free offer 

[thekfc]

My girlfriend's 10 years old niece asked her mother for an iPad for Christmas!!    Her mother does not have the sort of money to buy an useless iPad thing!   !!!!!    She received a cellular phone instead which it was a special offer that time - Buy 1 and Get 1  Free offer 

A 10 year old asking for an Ipad. 

My "niece" will be turning 19.

[robert angel]

I can't be certain, but I don't think that the 'Debut' thing and as a result, the need to come up with a gift, is all that commom. I could be wrong, but where my wife comes from--her family anyway, they see it as sort of a waste of money and she didn't say this, but probably a bit pretentious too.  That's money they could use for school or to put back into land development--'farming'.

When she was growing up and now once again, her father was/is barangay captain and she was voted barangay queen around festival time and didn't even accept that, so maybe it's not typical, They must be one of few familys that are poorer for political service--the barangay is fairly small and as a result, being captain doesn't pay much at all and it takes him away from his real job--making sure the land is worked and a lot of the barangay employed as a result.

It might be the 'debut' thing is more a larger city deal, but out in the country where she's from--and probably not even in the bigger town 20 minutes away, I doubt if it's that big a deal. Now the other things--birthdays, Valentines day, etc are definitely observed, but and again this may be unusual, but when giving gifts, they aren't into fancy stuff and don't even wrap presents in fancy paper.

[z_k_g]

I believe that also, as was discussed in the legal marriage ages of the Philippines recently. Even though a girl would have finished public education at 16 she can not marry even with parental permission until she is 18 and there is continual levels of legal parental involvement until she is 25.

Jhengs,

Kfc had a post concerning marriage recently. 

Based on his post, there are no legal limitations on marriage after 21. 

Once a person reaches 21, they only have to "inform" the parents of the marriage, but there are no requirements for the parents to actually approve the marriage for it to proceed.

The only legal requirement is that they are told.

Zulu

[indaycare]

Based on his post, there are no legal limitations on marriage after 21. 

Once a person reaches 21, they only have to "inform" the parents of the marriage, but there are no requirements for the parents to actually approve the marriage for it to proceed.

The only legal requirement is that they are told.

Zulu

Hey Z-man,

I'm 27 soon.. if i get married tomorrow i don't think i need that legal requirement "approve stuff"

[Ray]

As for the cellphone, let me explain. She never actually requested a gift, I "initiated" the gift by telling her that I will send her a cellphone & she can throw that "crap" she have away. Then after that she "requested" that it be a Nokia. Maybe I didn't explain myself clearly.

OK, since you offered, then she didn’t do anything wrong.

As to what kind of phone that I would send, I would not give an "analog" phone, like I said many times before I am a technology guy and for me to give a dumb phone is going backwards. I personally think that they should get rid of all analog phones or stop the support for them. One of the 2 phones that I am eying are phones that she do not have to tweak, can use as a "computer" and I could get for about half the price....when the time comes.

I would be careful here kfc. Having the latest technology over there is not like it is here. I don’t think most Filipinos see the latest full-featured phones as any kind of necessity, but more as a pure luxury item. You may be turning her younger family members into materialistic beings, or may cause them to be perceived as such by friends. If it can send and receive texts, then it satisfies the basic requirement. MANY Filipinos can’t afford to own and use even the older analog phones.

Also, keep in mind that whenever she whips that thing out in public, she is going to be a potential victim for the snatchers, who are always watching for an opportunity. She could get seriously hurt, especially if she tries to fight them off.

The other problem is yours alone and I think perhaps that you have already accepted that you are going to be seen as The Central Bank of the Philippines to the family and their acquaintances. Whenever there is a need for financial assistance, they just may see you as the only source of help and your wife may end up bearing the brunt of a lot of requests. Also understand that it is much more difficult for the typical Filipino to say no to requests for help than it is for us Westerners.

Sometimes it is difficult to balance your generosity and how you are perceived because of it. I think you should consult with your wife for guidance here.



Ray

[indaycare]

 Most Filipinos are happy if you give them anything...if not, run away quickly!

[Ray]

Based on his post, there are no legal limitations on marriage after 21. 

Once a person reaches 21, they only have to "inform" the parents of the marriage, but there are no requirements for the parents to actually approve the marriage for it to proceed.

In fact there are legal limitations on marriage after 21. For any party between 21 and 25, there is a requirement for parental advice and formal pre-marriage counseling.

Without favorable parental advice, the marriage can still take place, but there will be an additional 3-month wait for the marriage license to be issued. In this case, the parents do not have to even be informed of the intent to marry, except for the required public posting of the license application for 10 days before issuance.

Ray

[Ray]

... if i get married tomorrow i don't think i need that legal requirement "approve stuff"

Hey Inday,

Are you getting married tomorrow? Congratulations!

Ray

 

[indaycare]

Hey Inday,

Are you getting married tomorrow? Congratulations!

Ray

 

Kuya Ray, in my dream.  

how i wish i have bf...   (wish ko lang)  

[thekfc]

Jhengs,

Kfc had a post concerning marriage recently. 

Based on his post, there are no legal limitations on marriage after 21. 

Once a person reaches 21, they only have to "inform" the parents of the marriage, but there are no requirements for the parents to actually approve the marriage for it to proceed.

The only legal requirement is that they are told.

Zulu

This is what I posted:
http://www.planet-love.com/forum/index.php?topic=5929.msg75669#msg75669

Under 18 - marriage is prohibited
18 to 21 - must have parental consent in writing.
21 to 25 - must have written parental advice (a written indication that the parents are aware of the couple's intent to marry).
Over 25 - neither advice nor consent is needed.

[z_k_g]

Jhengs,

Kfc had a post concerning marriage recently. 

Based on his post, there are no legal limitations on marriage after 21. 

Once a person reaches 21, they only have to "inform" the parents of the marriage, but there are no requirements for the parents to actually approve the marriage for it to proceed.

The only legal requirement is that they are told.

Zulu

Ray, Kfc,

If you are over 21 you inform your parents, that's the only legal requirements as far as the parents are concerned, and you do not need their approval to marry.

Zulu

[indaycare]

If you are over 21 you inform your parents, that's the only legal requirements as far as the parents are concerned, and you do not need their approval to marry.

Hey Z,

how young your sweetie? just wondering