Already in it deep

[thekfc]

We talked a bit today about cell phones and such. Those things for a simple 3g phone seem expensive! I couldn't find any cheap ones (under $150) on ebay.ph. I never said I would buy anything and she said right now can not afford it. She never asked for me to help her either.

Yes they are expensive. I personally went into some store while in the PI and checked the selection & prices.
For later on in the "relationship" it would be better if you send her a phone - preferable Nokia. unlocked, GSM quad band AND tri-band UMTS / HSDPA (the USA uses 850/1900 - the PI uses 2100).

Support: Whatever unlocked GSM quad band phone you send will work right out of the box but to get the full advantage of the phone - some tweaking may (or may not) have to be done - depending on the phone.

On my first trip I gave my wife a Motorola phone (unlocked, GSM quad band & tri-band HSDPA), everything worked out of the box except the internet - free wifi worked (choppy) but not from her cell company. They had no support for that phone - none of the big 3 had. I called a friend in HK and he sent me an alternate program and then I tweak the phone. After that the speed was just like a computer.

They had support for every damn Nokia &  Samsung phones but very little for USA/western based phones.

Also my Nokia E71 worked fine in both HK & the PI (no tweaking needed) - all I had to do was change the sim card.

[Dave H]

Hey Ray,

I'd  have to agree! I wrote more far letters to my future wife than I ever had written in my entire life to everyone else combined. I actually enjoyed writing. She enjoyed reading my letters and loved the cute stationary that I found in the US. I also treasured her letters! I think my wife and I would have broken up before we had ever gotten married if we had spent time every day chatting (not available in her city) or talking on the phone for hours...neither one of us is fond of phones (or chat) but it was nice to hear each others' voice for a few minutes every week or so. We don't need to hear "I LOVE YOU!!!" a hundred times a day to know how we feel about each other. It took me about a week to find enough things to write about to fill up a 3-5 page letter. (I have BIG handwriting) 

Dave

[z_k_g]

I'd  have to agree! I wrote more far letters to my future wife than I ever had written in my entire life to everyone else combined. I actually enjoyed writing. She enjoyed reading my letters and loved the cute stationary that I found in the US.

Confirmed!!!  Dave was is a reformed metrosexual!!!  hehe

Hey Davie (hehe) you got any suggestions for a new bedroom suite?  What do you think about pink and green curtains in the game room? 

Did you actually use the word "CUTE"!!!!  ROTFLMAO!!!

Zulu

[Jedironin]

Awww... c'mon. You can never have too much "cute"! 

[Jeff S]

Confirmed!!!  Dave was is a reformed metrosexual!!!  hehe

Hey Davie (hehe) you got any suggestions for a new bedroom suite?  What do you think about pink and green curtains in the game room?  

Did you actually use the word "CUTE"!!!!  ROTFLMAO!!!

Zulu

You outed him Z-Man.  

No wonder they ask him to judge the ladyboy pagents.

[CyberGlitch]

So after seeing all her photos on facebook had some questions for her. She knows the deal, 2 sisters, 1 step-sister and her bestfriend all married foreigners. Her best friend is going to get her setup on skype and a few other things before she leaves for canada later this month.

[z_k_g]

So after seeing all her photos on facebook had some questions for her. She knows the deal, 2 sisters, 1 step-sister and her bestfriend all married foreigners. Her best friend is going to get her setup on skype and a few other things before she leaves for canada later this month.

CG,

I'm starting to get some doubts about this situation.

Sounds like her entire family is into the "marry foreign" lottery, that doesn't make her bad its just the odds of all the sisters marrying a foreign guy, let me say, interesting???

Proceed with extreme caution, she may be giving you all the right answers from the script book.

I see Red!

Zulu

[CyberGlitch]

Yea, that had me a little worried. I know the 2 sisters husbands moved down there to live and I know the best friend is moving to Canada late this month. I'm going to continue to probe for information about all this and see where it leads.

[CyberGlitch]

So pulled a little more information about her sisters today.

First one met him while he was traveling there and thinking of moving there. He moved down there and they got married. 5 years now.

Second one really liked her sisters husband personality and attitude and thought all americans were like that. Dated online, met husband and he moved down there and they got married. 3 years now.

Her. Wants to find love but also wants to travel abroad. So thought the best way to get both was Date in Asia.

Will continue to proceed with caution and just see what happens. It's still early in any relationship we may have.

[Bob_S]

Wants to find love but also wants to travel abroad. So thought the best way to get both was Date in Asia.
Will continue to proceed with caution and just see what happens. It's still early in any relationship we may have.

Careful that she isn't just looking for a sugar daddy / travel agent (unless you're happy with that role).
Be ready to run from this one. 

[CyberGlitch]

She's knows I'm no sugar daddy, I've flat out told her my financial situation. I am proceeding with caution and if too many warning signs come up am willing to run away. Right now though even these small things I don't see an issue right now with her and how she comes off while we chat. Now, it might be a different story once she goes back home and is no longer in manila so we'll see.

[Ray]

She's knows I'm no sugar daddy, I've flat out told her my financial situation. I am proceeding with caution and if too many warning signs come up am willing to run away. Right now though even these small things I don't see an issue right now with her and how she comes off while we chat. Now, it might be a different story once she goes back home and is no longer in manila so we'll see.

Once again for the newbees out there, my advice is to keep ALL discussions of your financial situation and money completely out of these early relationships.

As long as you can afford the trip to meet her, and your income meets the minimum standards for a visa petition , she doesn’t need to know anything about your finances.

Ray

[CyberGlitch]

Well, not in so many words. Basically that I'm flat out broke and will take me awhile to save up money to travel out there to see her if I ever decide to do that.

[Ray]

Well, as long as you are actively saving up for the trip, she doesn't need to know any more so be careful what you tell her.

Ray

 

[Researcher]

   CyberGlitch, any reason to suspect she is a gold digger or green card shark? Does she hit you up for money? or ask alot of questions about your finances?


      Researcher

[CyberGlitch]

Nope, none at all. Even when I brought up the conversation about cell phones, she never asked me to buy her one. She said hers is broken and she is using her moms but again never asked for money to buy one. I've also said many times it could be a year or more till I am able to make it out there to see her and she said she can wait.

So has never asked for money for asked about my finances.

[Researcher]

     Just keep your eyes and ears open CG. She didn't outright ask you for a phone but mentioning hers is "broken" sometimes is the same as asking you to buy her one. Some women will fish around for ways to get stuff out of you. Alot of guys would jump at buying a new phone for a woman if she mentioned hers was broken. Kudos to you for not being one of them. At this point she could be sincere or playing you. The best way to find out is just continue, if you are still interested in her. Don't get so "head over heels" for her that you ignore red flags and start making excuses for her. Stay the course. The best way to get rid of a scammer is by not sending them money.

      Researcher

[jm21-2]

Nope, none at all. Even when I brought up the conversation about cell phones, she never asked me to buy her one. She said hers is broken and she is using her moms but again never asked for money to buy one. I've also said many times it could be a year or more till I am able to make it out there to see her and she said she can wait.

So has never asked for money for asked about my finances.

You started getting on dating sites and chatting up girls knowing that it will be at least a year before you can visit any of them? Why not wait until you're at least a little bit closer than that? You're building some huge expectations and/or she's going to get tired of waiting....is it that hard to wait a few months before jumping into the pool? I would say a guy shouldn't even start talking wtih these girls until he knows he can take a trip within ht next 6 months. Maybe you end up waiting for 8 because you have to sift through a bunch of girls, but the possibility of making a trip in the relatively near future should at least be there.

I doubt a good scammer would just up and ask you for money...they are going to give sob stories about how they had trouble befall them but they're dealing with it and guilt trip the guy into sending something. Or maybe, "I'd love to talk with you, but I can only do it for a few minutes a day without my own cell phone, oh woe is me!" "hey baby, no problem, let me send you some money for a cell phone!"

[CyberGlitch]

That is only what I've said to her just to get reactions. In all honestly I could go tomorrow if I wanted to. Just small things mentioned to guage reactions, like the cell phone thing. Not making this out to be a complete test but not telling the whole truth up front. It's the get to know you phase so I might say certain things to get to know her, or her intentions, better. That probably sounds bad.

I really like this girl so far but still have to keep the radar up at this point.

[z_k_g]

CG,

I bought my sweetie a Nokia (2000p) so we could communicate cheaply.

She lost the phone, never mentioned it too me, used her brothers phone for 2 months, bought an exact copy of her missing phone and then told me once she was up and running again with the replacement!

A woman has NO reason to tell you her problems and pitfalls in life (even if they are ligit) when you first meet.

Ray is 100% correct, there is no need to mention finances to her, period.  I won't repeat his post here.  All she needs to know is that you will visit to meet her and her family.

All of us have problems- financial, social etc. 

She doesn't have to spend time telling you a list of hers.  When you find her conversation leaning to her problems (which she wants you to solve), emergencies (that you have to respond to) or issues with her family (that you should help out with) then you need to ask her two questions.

1.  What were you doing before I met you sweetie?
2.  Do you think I'm an ATM machine?

Then tell her that you are looking for a wife, not a dependent, and that you are not an ATM machine for her.

Then dump her.

Zulu

[Ray]

When you find her conversation leaning to her problems (which she wants you to solve), emergencies (that you have to respond to) or issues with her family (that you should help out with) then you need to ask her two questions.

1.  What were you doing before I met you sweetie?
2.  Do you think I'm an ATM machine?

Then tell her that you are looking for a wife, not a dependent, and that you are not an ATM machine for her.

Then dump her.

I would do it a little differently Zulu.

If a fairly new acquaintance started bringing up all kinds of personal problems in your conversations, I would first ignore the problems, change the subject, not get into any discussion about them, or do whatever to silently make it understood that you aren’t interested in hearing all the negative stuff.

Then if she persists in trying to burden you with her problems …

[z_k_g]

Ray!!

The BIG RED DUMP TRUCK!!   

Zulu

[Researcher]

     Hey CG, like I said before the cell phone story could be legit or it could be an attempt to get you to send money. Scammers usually fish around to see how easy a guy is to send money then they milk it. Small things at first, like cell phone story, then it progresses from there until their sick Grandma needs an operation and without it she will die. Of course the don't have the money for it. If these kind of stories keep going and progress you might want to move on.

      Researcher

[z_k_g]

     Hey CG, like I said before the cell phone story could be legit or it could be an attempt to get you to send money. Scammers usually fish around to see how easy a guy is to send money then they milk it. Small things at first, like cell phone story, then it progresses from there until their sick Grandma needs an operation and without it she will die. Of course the don't have the money for it. If these kind of stories keep going and progress you might want to move on.

Researcher,

What was your most memorable scammer experience? 

Just curious.

Mine were all pretty much the same, the cell phone broken, missing, lost, borrowed not returned, got wet.....etc, etc, or  my favorite, I am running out of time at the Internet cafe!  Need money to stay online to talk to ONLY you!!

Had a few ladyboys also, but I learned to weed them out quickly- I always asked up front, are you a ladyboy?  Were you born with a penis?   

Sounds harsh, but damn effective.

Zulu

[CyberGlitch]

Right now I have no reason to suspect scam. The cell phone was mentioned over a week ago and only once. Hasn't come up since. It only came up because I asked her what type of phone she had and said hers was broken but she uses her moms. We will see how it goes once she goes back home though next week.