Already in it deep

[CyberGlitch]

Thought I would move my conversations over here now.

I am already in it deep. Signed up DiA Friday. Had a few people msg me and I msged a few as well. Nothing major or not many responses after hi. 1 pinay msged me Saturday and responded back and forth a couple times and Monday brought it to Yahoo. Originally was only interested in chinese women as well but figured talking to her wouldn't hurt and she's easy on the eyes too.  Chatted for about an hour and we both turned cams on, no audio. Chatted for a couple more hours and really hit it off. So far every day this week we have chated on yahoo with cams for around 4 hours each day. Today we chated for 5 hours. Her mom even came on the cam for a short period to wave hi and to see me. Also did the same with a friend of hers that used DiA and has since gotten married, moving to Canada next month.

She just signed up for DiA on Saturday and then saw my profile. I mean, my picture couldn't have been approved for very long when she saw my profile. I don't want to jump ahead to far and to quick but part of me is thinking it was meant to happen. Everything so far has clicked. She even gets my weird sense of humor and I enjoy it when I see her laugh. My birthday is on the first, and it so happens her friends is the same day. Today she asked for my address to send me a birthday card. She knows it won't get here in time but wanted to send one anyways.

Now, all that's not to say I'm still not looking at profiles as they come in. I've even responded to a couple but seem to not get many responses back beyond that.

[jm21-2]

I would be a bit worried if I had just been chatting with a girl a couple days and she introduced her mom to me. But maybe it's different in the PI.

[CyberGlitch]

I wasn't put off by it. Her mom happened to be in the room. So she turned the computer to her so she could see me and as a result I could see her. Was for like 30 seconds.

[piglett]

sounds good so far
her understanding you is sure a big plus
i had 1 lady (18 year old nursing student)
i really liked her & she stood out from the rest but man O man
many times she would take things i said the wrong way
if there were 2 ways to take something she would take it the wrong way
my now wife is not at all like that & is a much better fit for me


piglett

[CyberGlitch]

1 of my "faults" coming from my ex is I pick on people to much, it's a way I show I care so sue me. I got the chance to do that today with her, so I pressed hard. She couldn't stop laughing, at 1 point she started making frowning faces at the cam but couldn't stop from laughing. I couldn't help myself and kept picking on her. We both had a good laugh through all that. So I think she does understand me and I her. I pulled out my old rosetta stone and got the tagalog cds from a friend. Went over those briefly the other day and her and I were going back and forth. she had to go and pull out her tagalog to english dictionary at 1 point. Was a lot of fun.

Will just take it a day at a time and see how it progresses.

[jm21-2]

1 of my "faults" coming from my ex is I pick on people to much, it's a way I show I care so sue me. I got the chance to do that today with her, so I pressed hard. She couldn't stop laughing, at 1 point she started making frowning faces at the cam but couldn't stop from laughing. I couldn't help myself and kept picking on her. We both had a good laugh through all that. So I think she does understand me and I her. I pulled out my old rosetta stone and got the tagalog cds from a friend. Went over those briefly the other day and her and I were going back and forth. she had to go and pull out her tagalog to english dictionary at 1 point. Was a lot of fun.

Will just take it a day at a time and see how it progresses.

That's good...I tease my fiance a lot and she likes it except for a few times. I kind of forgot how important that is since I've been dating her quite a while.

[piglett]

That's good...I tease my fiance a lot and she likes it except for a few times. I kind of forgot how important that is since I've been dating her quite a while.

i do the same with the same results. 95% of the time Marily gets a kick of of the silly things i say the other 5% i have to explain it to her but those are still good presentages IMHO


pig

[CyberGlitch]

Well, talked on the phone for the first time this morning. We kept it short, 10 minutes. We were both pretty nervous about it. I tried my best to keep the conversation going. Her best friend was more excited then she was and even got on the phone for a minute to tell me how excited she was that maribel found me. After wards I left and went to work and then got on yahoo and we chanted for a couple hours. Her best friend was also talking to her husband at the time. At one point they tried putting the 2 laptops facing each other to attempt for us to see each other. Was pretty funny. She's a little down about her best friend moving to Canada next month.

All in all things continue to go well between us.

[indaycare]

Well, talked on the phone for the first time this morning. We kept it short, 10 minutes. We were both pretty nervous about it. I tried my best to keep the conversation going. Her best friend was more excited then she was and even got on the phone for a minute to tell me how excited she was that maribel found me. After wards I left and went to work and then got on yahoo and we chanted for a couple hours. Her best friend was also talking to her husband at the time. At one point they tried putting the 2 laptops facing each other to attempt for us to see each other. Was pretty funny. She's a little down about her best friend moving to Canada next month.

All in all things continue to go well between us.

Good for you CyberCgitch....  accidentally your woman and i got same name i thought your talking about me since i am a member on DIA too hahahahaaha just kidding lol...... good luck to you!

"indaycare"

[Jedironin]

^ I wondered about that, too... 

[z_k_g]

CG,

My advice- Take your time and grow the relationship slowly.

Check out Kfc's newbie guide

This post is for the newbies & others who are starting out / progressing:

Situation 1:
She began asking for an "allowance" of $100 per week.
~I was saving up for our wedding so I explained that to her and declined the idea. She wasn't too happy with it but she seemed to get over it.~

It doesn't matter if you are a millionaire, how much money you make or if it is a request for $5 or $10 per week. This should have been initiated by you (not her) & discussed in details (especially when she did brought it up). Any request for money should have been resolved, stopped, or squashed at this stage.
Plus she should have been told that any/all further unnecessary request would not be tolerated....period.

Situation 2:
She started asking for money to buy clothes and other things - name brand stuff.
~Again, I explained that we needed to save for our wedding and starting a life here in the US.~

That is a WTF moment.
In my view, that is a major red flag right there.

There should have been no further explanation about needing to save.
The OP should have put an end to ALL unnecessary monetary request right then - especially if it wasn't done at the situation 1 stage.

Also, the "western" brands are coveted in Asia. If she want name brand stuff, she get it in the USA where it is cheaper, have better & wider selection - not there.

Situation 3:
Ask for money to help her mother start a small business - $6000.
~I don't have a problem with helping anyone but I felt that since we had the visa pending, a wedding to plan, and other things, this issue would be better decided on after we were married. ~

An issue like this should NOT be discussed after the wedding  - it should be discussed before.

Situation 4:
She needed the money for her Mom's business as well as money to buy the clothes and jewelry she wanted before or she wouldn't come to the US.

This should have never gotten to this stage. If an ultimatum had to be given - it should had been the op giving it after situation 2.

The OP had time, money and effort "invested" in this process and he wanted to see things work out but at the same time he also "helped" the situation to "deteriorate" to this point by not putting an end to it early, by deciding to discuss certain issues after the wedding and "waiting" to see how things progress.

You have to "sit her down" and discuss things. What should be tolerated & shouldn't, what is expected, guidelines, rules & what the consequences are.
You must lead the process & situation and should not let her take the lead (which is what that woman did).

No matter where we are or look in this world, things like that can & do happen.
Learn to recognize the "issues aka warning signs" for when & if they comes up, take note of the situations, learn from them, know how to handle them when, taking control and do not leave things "to discuss later". You have to resolve it as it occurs / put a stop to it - you cannot let it progress because if you do,  the "demand & request" will just grow.

Its good that you are developing a relationship with her friend, hopefully that will give you some insights into her "real" personality.

Oh yeah...when you have an issue, read the archives and see if you can get some solutions.  If not or at the same time you can always ask the forum.

Zulu

[CyberGlitch]

Yea, I've read some of the archives. Well actually almost all the forums. I work IT and have a lot of spare time on my hands.  That's how I can talk to my girl 4-5 hours while at work.

So far no warning signs and actually seems the opposite. She is sending me a birthday card and when I asked about how much it is for her to send me txt messages she said not to worry it's not expensive. I later found out it's the same price as me $.20/msg. So not a single word of warning.

It is hard to take it slow though. We both just seem to get along so well.

[z_k_g]

Yea, I've read some of the archives. Well actually almost all the forums. I work IT and have a lot of spare time on my hands.  That's how I can talk to my girl 4-5 hours while at work.

So far no warning signs and actually seems the opposite. She is sending me a birthday card and when I asked about how much it is for her to send me txt messages she said not to worry it's not expensive. I later found out it's the same price as me $.20/msg. So not a single word of warning.

It is hard to take it slow though. We both just seem to get along so well.

CG,

That's about 9 pesos per text.  Pretty expensive for her!

Investigate getting her a yahoo messenger plan on her phone via one of the chat services.  Smart, Sun and Globe have plans for their 3g phones.  This will cost maybe 50 pesos per month and you can chat unlimited for that period.

Most 3g phone here have yahoo chat pre-installed, if not you can download it pretty easily.

My sweetie and I chat on yahoo pretty much unlimited.  We also chat on yahoo messenger and do cam and voice on my computer and her laptop.  At this introduction stage, you will save her a lot of money to communicate with you.

When I decided that this was the only woman for me, I started to pay ALL of the communication costs because they are so expensive.  I purchased her the 3g phone (Smart) and I load it every month via online loading so she never has to worry about whether we can communicate.  I don't know your sweeties financial situation but most pinays don't have the disposable income to go to sustain communication associated with an international relationship. She may not tell you, but you don't want her skipping essentials in order to chat, text or cam with you.  (This is only a suggestion for you to consider)

Its up to you to ask the right questions to understand her financial situation and then take the leadership and responsibility to make sure you can keep a healthy line of communication open.

You will find that a close and constant communication will give you a better overall feel for the situation because you are so far apart.  Any unexplained disappearances will start to become noticeable and you will have a better feel for her real lifestyle (as much as you can anyways)

Zulu

[CyberGlitch]

I brought up the txting because she was away over the weekend at her brothers with no internet. I sent her maybe 3-4 txts and she replied twice I think. She's also mentioned she will be going back home later this month and the internet there isn't so good. So that's why I've been looking at alternative means of communication. I was looking at what it would take to get yahoo or something on a phone so we could do that unlimited.

I know right now she isn't working and is looking for a new job when she gets back home. She is in manila right now staying with her sister.

I guess my plan would be to find out the phone options and let her know, me not offering anything to her, and see what she says. If she's willing to do get it all herself or even has the means right now for it I think we've got a keeper. Even if not and she just says she can't but doesn't ask for money I think we'll be good.

Any specific phone recomendations for yahoo messenger on a certain network?

[z_k_g]

Any specific phone recomendations for yahoo messenger on a certain network?

CG,

In Manila, Sun is the best network.  But you need to check what province her family is from because Smart and Globe are best in the provinces and she may want to go with one of those.  It really doesn't matter because most pinays have unlocked GSM phones.

Anyways, if you go with Sun, then just check their website for what 3g phones they offer and then research their text and yahoo messing options and costs.

What I did?

I went to Smart's website and looked at the phone selections.  I then went to www.Ebay.ph and found a used 3g Smart phone (unlocked gsm) and ordered that phone for her and had it sent to her house. ($50)  

I then found a LA based company that catered to Filipinos OSW (over seas workers) they had an online spot to load a smart phone here in the states. ($12)

As I said earlier, its really up to you how you want to handle her and the communication aspect.  Remember the success or failure of this venture is directly related to your communication with her.

You are not buying her an Iphone or a new Droid!  Just a simple 2000 peso Nokia or Samsung with 3g so you can chat.  Its well worth the cost if she looks like she is the one!  If not, you are only out of $50 to $75 bucks total.

Zulu

[indaycare]

CG,


 I started to pay ALL of the communication costs because they are so expensive.  I purchased her the 3g phone (Smart) and I load it every month via online loading so she never has to worry about whether we can communicate. 

WOW!!! lucky women!!! it's my first time to heard these! thumbs up!!!! when i calls or texts always come out from my own pocket. i guess im not lucky enough hahahaha!

[Ray]

CG,

In Manila, Sun is the best network.  But you need to check what province her family is from because Smart and Globe are best in the provinces and she may want to go with one of those.  It really doesn't matter because most pinays have unlocked GSM phones.


Anyways, if you go with Sun, then just check their website for what 3g phones they offer and then research their text and yahoo messing options and costs.

What I did?

I went to Smart's website and looked at the phone selections.  I then went to www.Ebay.ph and found a used 3g Smart phone (unlocked gsm) and ordered that phone for her and had it sent to her house. ($50) 

I then found a LA based company that catered to Filipinos OSW (over seas workers) they had an online spot to load a smart phone here in the states. ($12)

As I said earlier, its really up to you how you want to handle her and the communication aspect.  Remember the success or failure of this venture is directly related to your communication with her.

You are not buying her an Iphone or a new Droid!  Just a simple 2000 peso Nokia or Samsung with 3g so you can chat.  Its well worth the cost if she looks like she is the one!  If not, you are only out of $50 to $75 bucks total.

Zulu

Zulu,

I agree that communication is important when working on these foreign relationships.

However, constant daily communication in the form of live chat, web cams, e-mails, entailing 4-5 hours/day is not a requirement for a good relationship.

Remember that a lot of us old timers got into this before the advent of the Internet and our mode of communication was almost entirely by snail mail through the postal service. Phone calls were extremely expensive and we had to rely on letter writing.

Still, we managed to develop strong relationships that have stood the test of time. Ask Jeff S if you don’t believe that.   

I understand that modern communication technology is cheap, convenient, and satisfies the need for instant gratification, but it is not essential to a successful relationship.

I understand that couples can get carried away and spend virtually 1/3-1/2 of their waking hours chatting and texting every day, but where do you draw the line in what is healthy and what is obsessive?

I would seriously think about putting some limits on the communications just to give the both of you some relief from the need to always be available. Everyone needs some alone time and a break in the chit-chat.

I would not consider a break in communication of a few days or a week or so as any kind of red flag.

And as far as purchasing phones and paying for all the communications costs, I would be very careful! My advice would lean toward letting her worry about her own communication expenses initially and preferably until you meet in person. After that, use your own good judgement.

Just be aware of the real costs to the one you are communicating with and don’t expect her to be available 24-7 to satisfy your need for frequent, continual communications. Give her a break and let her go spend time with her family in the province without the need to feel obligated to keep in touch with you daily.

That’s my advice for what it’s worth…

Ray

[CyberGlitch]

We talked a bit today about cell phones and such. Those things for a simple 3g phone seem expensive! I couldn't find any cheap ones (under $150) on ebay.ph. I never said I would buy anything and she said right now can not afford it. She never asked for me to help her either.

So we've come up with a plan. She can use verizons site to send me txts for free. I can use chikka to send her texts for free and then I'll call her every once in awhile. Then whenever she does get to Internet access we can use yahoo. So I think we've got a solid plan for when she goes back home.

I am going to start telling her to go to bed and not try to stay up just to chat with me. Poor thing feel asleep at the keyboard today a couple times. She was still online at 2am her time.  I had to tell her to go to bed. Tomorrow will chat for an hour or so and tell her to go to bed earlier or something. You are right, there is a thin line to where it can become obsessive. We're reaching that line. 

[indaycare]

I agree that communication is important when working on these foreign relationships.

However, constant daily communication in the form of live chat, web cams, e-mails, entailing 4-5 hours/day is not a requirement for a good relationship.

Remember that a lot of us old timers got into this before the advent of the Internet and our mode of communication was almost entirely by snail mail through the postal service. Phone calls were extremely expensive and we had to rely on letter writing.

Still, we managed to develop strong relationships that have stood the test of time. Ask Jeff S if you don’t believe that.   

I understand that modern communication technology is cheap, convenient, and satisfies the need for instant gratification, but it is not essential to a successful relationship.

I understand that couples can get carried away and spend virtually 1/3-1/2 of their waking hours chatting and texting every day, but where do you draw the line in what is healthy and what is obsessive?

I would seriously think about putting some limits on the communications just to give the both of you some relief from the need to always be available. Everyone needs some alone time and a break in the chit-chat.

I would not consider a break in communication of a few days or a week or so as any kind of red flag.

And as far as purchasing phones and paying for all the communications costs, I would be very careful! My advice would lean toward letting her worry about her own communication expenses initially and preferably until you meet in person. After that, use your own good judgement.

Just be aware of the real costs to the one you are communicating with and don’t expect her to be available 24-7 to satisfy your need for frequent, continual communications. Give her a break and let her go spend time with her family in the province without the need to feel obligated to keep in touch with you daily.

That’s my advice for what it’s worth…

Ray

Kuya Ray, nice one. i can apply this to my self as well... not to worry too much..    since i am paying my own money it come to communication, and now i realize it's important to have limits, not only the money costs but the emotions as well.

"indaycare"

[z_k_g]

Ray,

I am not in favor of anyone having non-stop communication. I think that is unrealistic at best, you would never get in sleep.  

What I think is more manageable is daily communication.  To me this means chatting online, cam, calling or texting for a few minutes or a few hours (whatever works best)

In terms of what is "normal" I'm pretty comfortable with this minimal communication, but anything less than daily would not work for me.  Of course that's my personal feeling on the subject and everyone has a different level of comfort.

Once you are committed, I would not feel comfortable going an entire day without my sweetie saying "hi" or me sending her a note to check on how her day is going.  

Like I said, that's just me.  I really would treat my relationship the same if my sweetie were living in the states in the city with me.  How you go into a relationship is how you act during the relationship.

Everyone has different sensibilities and that's why relationships are so personal, what works for you may not work for me.

My advice is based solely on what works for me and what I THINK might work for a guy in a similar situation.

But I will say this...and I think this does apply to ALL relationships....

Communication, or lack of it, is the number one reason relationships fail.  

Too much communication won't hurt you, but too little damn well ensures that you will!

Zulu



 

[indaycare]

WOW!!! lucky woman!!! it's my first time to heard these! thumbs up!!!! when i calls or texts always come out from my own pocket. i guess im not lucky enough hahahaha!

lol.. wrong clicked!  

[piglett]

once i had been chatting with my now wife for quite a while another member "Cbear" told me about  https://www.aryty.com
for $2.88 you can send your girl a phone load from here in the U.S.
i can't say i would do it for a lady that i had just started chatting with though



good luck
piglett

[indaycare]

once i had been chatting with my now wife for quite a while another member "Cbear" told me about  https://www.aryty.com
for $2.88 you can send your girl a phone load from here in the U.S.
i can't say i would do it for a lady that i had just started chatting with though



good luck
piglett

I know porky... anything might happen.. if so it won't hurt that bad, because in my experience even u already meet in person there still some red flags that you wish never showed up.

i learned my lesson... soon or later i might know someone... i need this "take it slow"

[Researcher]

    That's good info piglet!

      Researcher

[CyberGlitch]

Thanks for all the great information everyone!

Will keep everyone posted as things progress.