Too Bad to Judge!

[indaycare]

Hmmmm... the guy i been talking... share about me to one of his co worker. " i meet this woman from Philippines, I'm coming down there in April"

 his co-worker say wow really... be careful she might scam you or run away after she get' her citizenship. i heard a lot story about filipinas.

here what i say to him. (in my opinion) those guy's who claimed they been scammed are stupid, first of all if you don't  send any cents. do you think they can scam you? 

running away? lmbo.. i told him if all i wanna do is to broke the rules. i been in the U.S. three times carry a 6 years multiply visa.  if that's all i want in life to be a US citizen i already did long time ago. i told him not just in the U.S i been in France, Spain and Netherlands i got a lot of chance to do all of that if i want to...

I'm laughing My Butt Off!

[Woody]

Inday,
To be fair, it is a legitimate concern, even if no money transfer is involved. I think the number of women that are visa/USC sharks is very low and greatly exaggerated, but they are an ever present risk associated with dating for the purposes of importing a wife. The common way guys use to test if a woman is sincere is to state that they are moving to the woman's country. This is thought to send the sharks running to the hills.

That said, with you it is a very low risk, just for the reasons stated. You had the opportunity to cheat the system and stay in the US, you didn't. That speaks volumes about your character.

-Woody

[piglett]

Hmmmm... the guy i been talking... share about me to one of his co worker. " i meet this woman from Philippines, I'm coming down there in April"

 his co-worker say wow really... be careful she might scam you or run away after she get' her citizenship. i heard a lot story about filipinas.

here what i say to him. (in my opinion) those guy's who claimed they been scammed are stupid, first of all if you don't  send any cents. do you think they can scam you?

 Inday i too had coworkers that made these kind of statements
then i looked at their situation (married to a over weight woman with bad manners)
i figured hey why not? what do i have to loose? most of the ladies in the USA make very poor wives so i had to go to the Philippines to find what i was looking for. I hope things work out well for you

good luck
piglett

[Researcher]

    Indaycare, these statements were probably made because of ignorance.These people probably don't know anything about you and were just warning their friend to be careful.But you are right it is bad to judge, especially without know anything about the person.

    Researcher

[z_k_g]

Inday,

They probably saw your picture! 

Most American women don't have your exotic features and if they did, typically would have an 'exotic' attitude to go with it.

So when they see him with you, they can't imagine its the real deal!

But....who cares what they think!!   
 
Zulu

[indaycare]

That said, with you it is a very low risk, just for the reasons stated. You had the opportunity to cheat the system and stay in the US, you didn't. That speaks volumes about your character.

Thank you Bro!

Indaycare,

[thekfc]

I too had a co-worker who was "talking crap".
I told her but I took her to a mirror & told her look in the mirror and said a few things to her (I do not remember the exact words), that completely shut her up.
She have not said a "negative" word to me since - she even "compliment" me on my wife's beauty (one of Ahya's pic is my wallpaper on my computer at work).

[indaycare]

 Inday i too had coworkers that made these kind of statements
then i looked at their situation (married to a over weight woman with bad manners)
i figured hey why not? what do i have to loose? most of the ladies in the USA make very poor wives so i had to go to the Philippines to find what i was looking for. I hope things work out well for you

good luck
piglett

Piglett,

Two years ago out of no where the best friend of my ex emailed me in my space account and told me "you want my best friend just to get out your poor country, your nothing but a visa/USC sharks, it hurts my feeling she even add this your too short and ugly for him. so racist... i got the feeling that my ex took her side over mine after that my ex and i get into big fights and i decide to go separate ways. I'm not a racist ,i don't care if your skin color white, black. or purple we should be treated equal as human. 

Indaycare,

[indaycare]

Inday,

They probably saw your picture! 

Most American women don't have your exotic features and if they did, typically would have an 'exotic' attitude to go with it.

So when they see him with you, they can't imagine its the real deal!

But....who cares what they think!!   
 
Zulu

Zulu,

That's right, who cares what they think. i don't 

[indaycare]

I too had a co-worker who was "talking crap".
I told her but I took her to a mirror & told her look in the mirror and said a few things to her (I do not remember the exact words), that completely shut her up.
She have not said a "negative" word to me since - she even "compliment" me on my wife's beauty (one of Ahya's pic is my wallpaper on my computer at work).

That's what i want to see.. in my partner to stand up for us as couple!

[Ray]

…i don't care if your skin color white, black. or purple…

I knew a Filipina once with purple skin. She ate too much ube.   

But seriously Inday, my question to you is why did your current guy friend even tell you this story of what his stupid co-worker said about you? Didn’t he care if that might upset you?

He should have (1) smiled and ignored the comment, (2) if the co-worker continued making those comments, he should have politely asked him to STFU, (3) not bothered to pass on those prejudiced comments to you.

Yes, there are many ignorant people in this world and it is best to just ignore folks like that. By repeating that story to you, I believe that your friend was either (1) not using good judgement, or (2) indirectly expressing to you his own fears that you might be out to scam him.

If you two have only been communicating for a very short time, then it is somewhat understandable that he still does not trust you 100%, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. All you can do for now is to be honest with him and give him a little more time.

Good luck,

Ray

[piglett]

Piglett,

Two years ago out of no where the best friend of my ex emailed me in my space account and told me "you want my best friend just to get out your poor country, your nothing but a visa/USC sharks, it hurts my feeling she even add this your too short and ugly for him. so racist... i got the feeling that my ex took her side over mine after that my ex and i get into big fights and i decide to go separate ways. I'm not a racist ,i don't care if your skin color white, black. or purple we should be treated equal as human. 

Indaycare,

W O W Inday you would even except a man with purple skin you are open minded
you should keep an eye out for people that you think are your friends there in the "PI"
my wife found out that some of her friends had soooooo much envy
her best friend started saying many bad thing infact she would not have ever believed it unless she had heard it with her own 2 ears due to the fact that the girl was her life long friend ......but not now.
now they never even talk. sad situation

Have you even been an OFW, is that how you have been to so many places?


take care
piglett

 

[indaycare]

my question to you is why did your current guy friend even tell you this story of what his stupid co-worker said about you? Didn’t he care if that might upset you?

Kuya Ray,

Before he told me about it, he warm me saying please don't feel bad, i trust you and i believe what you been telling me. so i said what happened. since that day we talked about positives and negatives. he said people will say something about you, u like it or not but don't let them affect your life. after he told me about it, i was laughing and i said it's not my first time to heard that. actually he was surprise my reaction.. that i don't feel upset. I'm very open minded and a happy person so i don't take that crap serious.  from now on i start eating ube! hehehe!

inday,

[indaycare]

Have you even been an OFW, is that how you have been to so many places?

Not really, I'm working with this american peps that base in the Philipppines.
i been in those places cause they got houses there, some times i need to be there... take care some stuff. 

indaycare,

[robert angel]

Keeping your business to yourself regarding an upcoming marriage and immigration is generally the best way to go. When we had some delays, there was one cousin in particular who was a cruel, naysaying gossip.

Even though my wife wasn't close to this bitter person, that cousin tried to tell anyone who cared to listen, that the marriage wasn't going to happen, that immigration paperwork delays were proof of that, on and on.

My wife's reaction then and now to mean people like that is not to get upset in front of people outside of me and and her immediate family. But it did hurt her and she's still privately sensitive to mean people. She just doesn't give them the satisfaction of them seeing her angry, mad or upset--that tends to give them more fuel for their meanness.

Just the other day, a customer at work, probably in his mid to late 60's, said to her (she's the head manager) "I wish you could sit in my lap" and she was able to laugh about it and the jerk noted her wedding ring. Five or six years ago, that type of twisted American 'humor' would've shook her up.

There are, as said, many people who'll treat someone who's moving overseas as if they won millions of dollars in the lottery, another reason to keep your business to yourself. Once you start giving them money, they'll probably never stop expecting more. They typically have no idea how much it costs to live here--how by necessity, usually both the husband and wife both work.


I think Zulu said he lives in the South Eastern USA and it sounds like he expects negative comments. Kfc has apparently gotten a bit already.We live in the S.E. and in the workplace, as well as in public, the comments  have been very, very minimal. Our age difference is very apparent too--my wife easily looks more than ten years younger than her actual age,--a lot of Americans think she's around 17 y/o and are skeptical when she tells them she's  '30ish'--but basically we don't give a rat's ass what 98% of people think and the people who do matter to us are very fine with everything.

There seems to be a contingent of Filipinas in their 30's and 40's--mostly divorced women of questionable virtue already, who seem very interested in the sex lives of other people and ask inappropriate questions and/or make unwanted comments about couples with an age difference between them, trying to pry. I get a strong feeling that our love life is a helluva a lot better than anything they've ever had, but even amongst her best friends, my wife doesn't discuss such things and she never brags about anything.

We've run into that sort of person, mostly at Fil-Am events and they're typically dressed like loose women--way too sexy dressed, too much makeup, cheap jewelry, spiked heels--like hookers. Some will tell me where they live or how to contact them when my wife leaves the table--real class. They can't find out what they want about our love life, so they want a crack at me to find out first hand, I guess. I need that like I need herpes--NOT!

We avoid most Fil-Am events and people like that in general, but when you're at an event and they're seated at the same table, you can't help but see how they really are. Now, as well as in the end, the people who matter don't mind and the people who do seem to mind don't matter to us.

[indaycare]

the people who matter don't mind and the people who do seem to mind don't matter to us.

Dang... I Agree!!!

[jm21-2]

I've seen quite a few guys who married scammers/visa sharks out of the PI. It's definitely not unheard of. Usually pretty easy to spot but some guys are too dumb or don't think.

[robert angel]

I'd  venture to guess that a good percentage of so called 'green card sharks' are young women who like the guys they came over here to ostensibly marry and 'live happily ever after', found out they made a BIG mistake in picking a partner and shifted gears in a bad way.

Sometimes a woman new to this country can make friends who offer her ALL kinds of wicked advice and they fall for it.


Maybe the guy wasn't anything like what she expected, maybe his family was over bearing--maybe she was immature and nuts, but I bet a lot of women who end up leaving the guy after they get a green card or otherwise end up going on the lam, didn't exactly plan it that way.

[Jeff S]

I think you're right Robert. More often that not, jerks whose wives find out what a-holes they really are and leave them try to save their egos by claiming she was a scammer all along.

[Ray]

I think you're right Robert. More often that not, jerks whose wives find out what a-holes they really are and leave them try to save their egos by claiming she was a scammer all along.

Hey, that's exactly what I've been saying for 12 years on this forum.

From my experience, I'd say that 98% of the women who take off or divorce their American husbands shortly after arriving here, do so because he was an A-Hole.

And we've had our share of whiny A-Holes that fit that scenario right here on P-L...   

Ray

[z_k_g]

From my experience, I'd say that 98% of the women who take off or divorce their American husbands shortly after arriving here, do so because he was an A-Hole.

Ray,

The primary reason for a failure of most of the relationships is: If a man is not ready for a relationship, it will fail, plain and simple.

I would like to examine this in more detail.

I think most of the women who leave their countries are not leaving to necessarily get rich.  They want what all women want from a man, a leader, security and a good life for herself and her children when she has them.

But....some men lie and cheat. 

They invent fake personas to convince these women to marry them and when they arrive, wham!  It eventually all comes out! 

Lets call them Fakers!  (Bitchboys are the guys who keep their exploits domestic)

Even talking with my friends (bitchboys), they see my quest as somewhat interesting, I am picking only one pinay? 

"Dude you can go over there and bang a few dozen with the kinda money that trip costs!!"

I think this type of attitude exists with most men who do not have the fundamental trait that it takes to be a real man and sorely lacking in American men today- a strong sense of ethics and Leadership!  (Bitchboys created by Femnazis)

I mean, we always discuss wanting a foreign bride because of her respect for "traditional" values i.e. gender roles, man and wife.

Well, what do they want from us?

Well, I think they want a strong man who they can respect and will lead their lives as a proper husband.  Also, we obviously represent a country that is perceived as rich and prosperous and they would love to live in "America" but I think that's just icing on the cake.

So why do the relationships fail?  The fakers insist that she is to blame: HER age was a factor, her new friends influenced her, she was a scammer or she became Americanized!

All faker distractions and excuses! The real issues of why their relationship failed: lies and deceit and total lack of Leadership!

Let me say this, I know that their are some women who are NOT cut out for marriage, at any age, they make bad wives. 

But I think that MOST foreign and some American women practice their entire lives to be good girlfriends, wives and eventually mothers and grandmothers.  Its an essential part of being a female and something we just can't or never will share with the fairer sex.

This is important to remember for two reasons. 

1st, women are ready sooner than we are for marriage, and

2nd, they are more likely to want to maintain the marriage than we are because of the the children, family and love aspect.

Well if a woman perceives that you are not a leader (her leader) she will find another man who will be.  Its that simple.  All of her womanly instincts will dissolve very quickly and she will find a replacement for your sorry ass, Asian, American, European, South, Latin American doesn't matter.

Leadership, I think this is the real issue.  (Guys women don't want lying wimpy bitchboys)

Now this is totally non-PC but I will say what I think anyways.

Women will put up with all kinds of abuse, mental, physical, emotional etc and stay with a man.  Why?  In my opinion because she loves him and most importantly she sees him as the DA MAN.  They like being dominated even to their detriment.  Now that opinion will probably make me some enemies, but I have seen a lot of relationships that support that assertion, its not true in all cases, I will admit that, but in most.

When a man lies about his wealth, education, intentions and family status and basically invents a phony persona to convince his foreign bride to marry him, he foolishly setting himself up for failure.  The walls will eventually come tumbling down!

As I said earlier, If a man is not ready for a relationship, it will fail, plain and simple.  When he lies and deceives he is covering the facts that he is not ready- he is a faker!

His Leadership built on a totally false premise.  When she finds out, she is outta there!

No Leadership, No Woman!

So Ray, the I think the correct term is Faker, which also makes him an A-hole by default!

[Researcher]

I've seen quite a few guys who married scammers/visa sharks out of the PI. It's definitely not unheard of. Usually pretty easy to spot but some guys are too dumb or don't think.

   Dumb, don't think or don't care.


     Researcher

[Researcher]

I think you're right Robert. More often that not, jerks whose wives find out what a-holes they really are and leave them try to save their egos by claiming she was a scammer all along.

       That's ONE reason but not the reason for EVERY breakup.There isn't one reason, but many.

              
       Some cling to only certain reasons as if they are trying to justify something.

       If a relationship fails it is usually due to more than one reason and also blame can be shared by both involved. No one is usually completely innocent.      

          Researcher

[euforia51]

Well, I think they want a strong man who they can respect and will lead their lives as a proper husband.

Well if a woman perceives that you are not a leader (her leader) she will find another man who will be.  Its that simple.  All of her womanly instincts will dissolve very quickly and she will find a replacement for your sorry ass, Asian, American, European, South, Latin American doesn't matter.

Women will put up with all kinds of abuse, mental, physical, emotional etc and stay with a man.  Why?  In my opinion because she loves him and most importantly she sees him as the DA MAN.  They like being dominated even to their detriment.

No Leadership, No Woman!

I believe there is some confusing truth in this last paragraph that could use some clarity. While a healthy woman, no matter where she is from, is seeking a leader, to say she likes being dominated even to her detriment is a little strong; depending on the woman of course, clearly (maybe she has a fetish or a fantasy). 

A healthy woman would never tolerate or confuse being dominant with either physically or emotionally abusive behavior from a man; nor should she. And it is unlikely she would even give a man like this the time of day to begin with. Given a fair opportunity, she will most likely recognize something isn't right with him; very much in the same way we tune and use our intuition to lookout for scammers and ladyboys.

But for the sake of discussion, we can simply define a healthy woman with 4 qualities:
One who is emotionally stable, intellectually tuned by experience, confident, and secure with being feminine.

I suggest a healthy woman is looking for a satisfaction of her needs by being with man who consistently demonstrates his ability to lead her in a dominant manner ... without being dominant.

from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/dominant
1 a : commanding, controlling, or prevailing over all others

The last thing a modern, healthy woman wants is to be controlled in a relationship. She does, however, want to be lead and even more so, she wants to enjoy it. She wants a voice and wants to be heard but ultimately she wants the man to make the decisions and live with them.. And obviously, she not only wants to respect her man, it is a necessity or as Zulu said, she is as good as gone. Her feminity will dissolve and you will be stuck on the couch.

A very simple example of being lead: you are going out to dinner. Maybe you ask her what she has a taste for. Unless she is hell bent on Thai food or Taco Bell, she will most likely leave the decision to you. She does not want to flounder back and forth for a half hour ... "I don't know, what do you want?" She wants ... "I want a steak tonight." And that's the end of it. A woman who respects the man will be perfectly fine with this.

[indaycare]

       If a relationship fails it is usually due to more than one reason and also blame can be shared by both involved. No one is usually completely innocent.      

So True!