The Nice Guy

[Colgando]

There is a good thread in the archives regarding nice guys, but I thought why not start a fresh one since being a nice guy has come up recently. I suspect that there may different interpretations and connotations associated with this term as well, like there are with the word game. I am curious how people interpret this term and what their experiences are with nice guys. I put some questions below I am curious about to get responses. I consider myself a reformed nice guy and I can explain what that means to me.

1. Are you a nice guy? If so, what does that mean to you to be a nice guy? If not, what do you consider to be the characteristics of a nice guy and why do you not describe yourself as a nice guy?

2. Taking into consideration your answer to question 1, how do you think nice guys fair on the dating scene in Colombia?

3. If you consider yourself a nice guy, what have your experiences been dating women in your home country?

4. Why is it that women place nice guys into the "friend zone"?

5. For those experienced in courting in Colombia, how do nice guys fair?  Do Colombian women dig nice guys over the long-term?

6. Are their any nice guys who changed the way they deal with women?
 

[Colgando]

Nice guy
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Nice guy is a term in the general public discourse and in popular culture describing an adult male with friendly yet unassertive personality traits in the context of a relationship with a woman.[1] A typical "nice guy" is perceived to put the needs of others before his own, avoids confrontations, does favors, gives emotional support, and generally acts nicely towards women.[2] There is an active debate about whether the nice-guy personality profile may actually make a man less desirable to women romantically and/or sexually. Part of this debate includes speculation about possible hypocrisy among women in the dating world: that women may say they want a nice guy but won't date him or have sex with him, and rather subconsciously prefer men who are more confident and assertive but less considerate.

[Researcher]

Nice guy is a term in the general public discourse and in popular culture describing an adult male with friendly yet unassertive personality traits in the context of a relationship with a woman.[1] A typical "nice guy" is perceived to put the needs of others before his own, avoids confrontations, does favors, gives emotional support, and generally acts nicely towards women.[2] There is an active debate about whether the nice-guy personality profile may actually make a man less desirable to women romantically and/or sexually. Part of this debate includes speculation about possible hypocrisy among women in the dating world: that women may say they want a nice guy but won't date him or have sex with him, and rather subconsciously prefer men who are more confident and assertive but less considerate.

        IMHO, the definition of a nice guy is wwaaayyy off.Here is what is really defined here:
Unassertive personality traits: wussy
Put the needs of others before his: Sucker
Avoids confrontations: Wussy
Does favors: not too bad but probably a sucker
Gives emotional support: Some is OK but too much is gay
And generally acts nice towards women:That's OK

     Researcher

[Researcher]

    So, to answer your questions.

    1)Yes I consider myself a nice guy but not by wikipedia's definition.IMHO, having a balance of assertiveness, confidence, without being totally self centered is the key.I help others but I look out for myself as well.I'm polite but I don't take any crap.I'm nice to women(as long as they are nice to me).

    2)The wikipedia nice guys get eaten alive. I did just fine.Gringos have a pretty good reputation in Colombia.

    3)I learned alot from dating AW's.I learned how to be a nice guy and not get eaten alive.Women will lose respect for a wiki- nice guy then its over.

      4)Because they can have a boyfriend without having sex with him.Then they can have sex with other guys until Mr Right comes along.

       5)At first until the novelty of being with a gringo wears off.Then you are just another guy.

       6)I'd say I changed a long time ago.After I learned the difference between being a nice guy and a door mat.


       Researcher

[vallenatoman]

Yea i agree that definition is off. That is def of a door mat or "gay male friend" in some contexts. A nice guy doesnt have to be a wuss at all. My dad had pythons almost as big as hulk hogan and the ladies always seemed to like him but was a nice guy (im sure thats where i get it from as I consider myself a Nice Guy).

In context of this board and dating/findinga wife in colombia....

A nice guy is one who treats a woman with respect. Seriously putting in effort to develop a relationship that is stable and long lasting. One who is fun without being vulgar or perverted(aka not asking for naked pictures after just a week of knowing her), cares about others feelings to the extent you dont WANT or TRY to harm others.

One who is honest (with the ladies), is loyal in a relationship, and doesnt need to TRY to do the right thing it comes naturally (aka remembering birthdays, anniversaries, calling to say hello, etc etc). A man who likes to see his lady happy and does all he can to see that happen.

now this isnt an official definition im not sure ANYONE can make one official.

It is much harder to be a "NICE GUY" than a "BAD BOY" as the saying goes. Much, much harder actually.

But in the end int pays off...

Because as been said before here when you have to go from GIRL to GIRL to GIRL because all you do is trick them into something with "game" well it doesnt last ...

sadly nice guys have to come in and deal with the mess usually.

[Colgando]

    So, to answer your questions.

    1)Yes I consider myself a nice guy but not by wikipedia's definition.IMHO, having a balance of assertiveness, confidence, without being totally self centered is the key.I help others but I look out for myself as well.I'm polite but I don't take any crap.I'm nice to women(as long as they are nice to me).

I hear you researcher....I use to be the Wiki Definition of the nice guy. I was the boyfriend without intimacy or sex for many women. Some pretty messed up situations happened to me early on. What you describe here is how I consider myself to be a reformed nice guy.

[euforia51]

Nice guy
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Nice guy is a term in the general public discourse and in popular culture describing an adult male with friendly yet unassertive personality traits in the context of a relationship with a woman.[1] A typical "nice guy" is perceived to put the needs of others before his own, avoids confrontations, does favors, gives emotional support, and generally acts nicely towards women.[2] There is an active debate about whether the nice-guy personality profile may actually make a man less desirable to women romantically and/or sexually. Part of this debate includes speculation about possible hypocrisy among women in the dating world: that women may say they want a nice guy but won't date him or have sex with him, and rather subconsciously prefer men who are more confident and assertive but less considerate.

Oh boy ... this is one of those tasty threads that has the potential to get a lot of action, debate, and who knows what else. Personally, I agree with what Wiki is presenting to us and I can personally attest to carrying these flaws as stated in definition [1] during my often disastrous younger years with dating and relationships. As for definition [2], if you're having trouble understanding what is being said, try to think of it in a more simple way:

Picture a hot woman sitting next to a sheep. She is petting the sheep. The sheep is all soft and warm and cuddly and nothing much is going on. Everything is so warm and safe and nice and unexciting; and even a little boring. Unfortunately for the sheep (and the woman), there isn't much more to say about this picture.

Now, picture the same hot woman sitting next to a big, male lion. She is petting the lion. And the lion has his head perched up in a confident posture and possessing an almost piercing gaze; like in any moment, the lion could get up and attack. Are you 100% sure it wouldn't? Again, the lion is soft and warm and even cuddly but now there is an element of unpredictability in not knowing what the lion could do. A big, soft, warm, and cuddly beast that could rip you to shreds with a swat of it's paw if it needed to. The woman must show some caution and definitely a whole lot of respect. You won't get this same effect petting a sheep. So in this sense, it can be said this picture is a bit more exciting to the woman.

Obviously, you would need a book (and many have been written) to go into more detail on the hows and whys. And fortunately, I am not a psychologist that could even attempt to explain this further. So consider it as food for thought and draw your own conclusions. Do you represent the nice guy (sheep) who is warm, cuddly, and hopelessly predictable? Or do you represent the nice guy with the element of unpredictablity that can turn a woman on (lion)?

[Colgando]

Oh boy ... this is one of those tasty threads that has the potential to get a lot of action, debate, and who knows what else. Personally, I agree with what Wiki is presenting to us and I can personally attest to carrying these flaws as stated in definition [1] during my often disastrous younger years with dating and relationships. As for definition [2], if you're having trouble understanding what is being said, try to think of it in a more simple way:

Picture a hot woman sitting next to a sheep. She is petting the sheep. The sheep is all soft and warm and cuddly and nothing much is going on. Everything is so warm and safe and nice and unexciting; and even a little boring. Unfortunately for the sheep (and the woman), there isn't much more to say about this picture.

Now, picture the same hot woman sitting next to a big, male lion. She is petting the lion. And the lion has his head perched up in a confident posture and possessing an almost piercing gaze; like in any moment, the lion could get up and attack. Are you 100% sure it wouldn't? Again, the lion is soft and warm and even cuddly but now there is an element of unpredictability in not knowing what the lion could do. A big, soft, warm, and cuddly beast that could rip you to shreds with a swat of it's paw if it needed to. The woman must show some caution and definitely a whole lot of respect. You won't get this same effect petting a sheep. So in this sense, it can be said this picture is a bit more exciting to the woman.

Obviously, you would need a book (and many have been written) to go into more detail on the hows and whys. And fortunately, I am not a psychologist that could even attempt to explain this further. So consider it as food for thought and draw your own conclusions. Do you represent the nice guy (sheep) who is warm, cuddly, and hopelessly predictable? Or do you represent the nice guy with the element of unpredictablity that can turn a woman on (lion)?

That is poetry to me Euforia, very nice.

Seems you and I have similar experiences being the Wiki definition of a nice guy.

What about the Lion that does shred the woman with their paws, the woman then goes back and pets the sheep, but only for a little while, then she goes back to the same Lion that just swatted her, or she may find a new Lion and hope the new one does not shred her to pieces. Why is this? Is she in search of her Lion that won't shred her to pieces? I have never seen a successful sheep unless the sheep has some bling around his neck and some premium wool on his back?

[euforia51]

That is poetry to me Euforia, very nice.

Poetry? Thanks, iz_he. There was once upon a time where I thought being a poet was a surefire way into a woman's other heart (use your imagination).

What about the Lion that does shred the woman with their paws, the woman then goes back and pets the sheep, but only for a little while, then she goes back to the same Lion that just swatted her, or she may find a new Lion and hope the new one does not shred her to pieces. Why is this? Is she in search of her Lion that won't shred her to pieces? I have never seen a successful sheep unless the sheep has some bling around his neck and some premium wool on his back?

To me, this sounds like you are asking about the abusive and the abused and ultimately, the confused. Once the lion swats, the woman should have enough self-respect to leave and never return. And she should not go find a sheep to comfort her (temporarily). It is likely, she would only leave him again once she is bored in hopes of finding the lion who won't swat. If this is not the case, one should probably find another woman.

Funny ... I've never seen a sheep with bling or one with premium wool. But I have seen a few driving Ferraris.

[Colgando]

Poetry? Thanks, iz_he. There was once upon a time where I thought being a poet was a surefire way into a woman's other heart

When I was reading it, I was imagining a Lion sitting in a grassy plain of Africa on a breezy, cool afternoon with a hot latina dressed in playboy sexy jungle wear by his side stroking his mane....LOL!

[Researcher]

  This is fairly simple guys.It all goes back to how nature has wired us.IMHO, women want security and protection from men.Which would you rather have providing that for you a lion or attack sheep?The world hasn't always been as civilized as it has in modern times so women required protection and security.There is more to it than that but that is the basic idea.

   Researcher

[william3rd]

  This is fairly simple guys.It all goes back to how nature has wired us.IMHO, women want security and protection from men.Which would you rather have providing that for you a lion or attack sheep?The world hasn't always been as civilized as it has in modern times so women required protection and security.There is more to it than that but that is the basic idea.

   Researcher

If the attack sheep is making 1 million a year, then the choice is obvious

[euforia51]

The world hasn't always been as civilized as it has in modern times so women required protection and security.

And this statement brings us to the next point in Evolutionary Psychology 101 for P-L. It has been suggested that the so-called reptilian brain, the part of the brain that controls instincts, primary motor functions like breathing, and also knows no logic or reason, is anywhere from 10 to 40 thousand years behind in development versus the conscious logical and reasoning portion of the brain that can learn and adapt on the fly.

So would it make sense that women are naturally attracted to a flavor of men who are either raw, vicious, dominant in behavior (alpha), seemingly uncaring, and a multitude of other traits that are typically associated with the "bad boy"? A bad boy that would appear to be able to protect her (like the lion) in most situations that happen in the jungle? Just a thought...

Researcher, you have an uncanny ability for taking a rather complex topic and simpifying it. I dig it!  

[Colgando]

Researcher, you have an uncanny ability for taking a rather complex topic and simpifying it. I dig it!  

Researcher does break it down to the most simplest form!

[bcc_1_2]

"Nice" guys might as well just head on over to the asia forum right now.

I do remember one trip report to Colombia written by a nice guy. A woman he was interested in thought he was gayer than little richards underpants.

Man when I run into a girl I haven't seen since high school she remembers me as a prick. And she'd be right. And if I hadn't gotten into her pants I surely screwed one of her friends. I'm almost certain me and my friends as freshman watched how upper classmen behaved. The pricks got laid. That's probably all the deeper it is.

This forum actually helped me in that way. I learned that if I was going to travel to Latin America I needed to summon my inner 16 year old (to a degree). If you can't do that go to asia or be prepared to star in your own Will & Grace episode.

Man there so should be kind of study here in the USA. I bet guys that act like complete tools get divorced much less. Well maybe they leave their spouse... as opposed to the nice guys that get walked all over and then dumped.

[Colgando]

"Nice" guys might as well just head on over to the asia forum right now.

I do remember one trip report to Colombia written by a nice guy. A woman he was interested in thought he was gayer than little richards underpants.

Man when I run into a girl I haven't seen since high school she remembers me as a prick. And she'd be right. And if I hadn't gotten into her pants I surely screwed one of her friends. I'm almost certain me and my friends as freshman watched how upper classmen behaved. The pricks got laid. That's probably all the deeper it is.

This forum actually helped me in that way. I learned that if I was going to travel to Latin America I needed to summon my inner 16 year old (to a degree). If you can't do that go to asia or be prepared to star in your own Will & Grace episode.

Man there so should be kind of study here in the USA. I bet guys that act like complete tools get divorced much less. Well maybe they leave their spouse... as opposed to the nice guys that get walked all over and then dumped.

LMAO!

Bcc, are you a young guy, or am I mistaken?  I believe I read some of your posts where you said you were 25 a few years ago?  You are married now, how did all of that work out?

[bcc_1_2]

LMAO!

Bcc, are you a young guy, or am I mistaken?  I believe I read some of your posts where you said you were 25 a few years ago?  You are married now, how did all of that work out?

You are correct. Everything is awesome... the only way I could screw it up would be to boink so other chick. Not planning on doing that btw.

But I didn't go to Latin America (Costa Rica, Colombia, Mexico, Honduras) because I was a nice guy, or looking for a much younger chick, or because I was always in the friend zone, etc. Latin America isn't a place to work your issues out. It is however a great place to get away from stuck up bitches.

[Colgando]

You are correct. Everything is awesome... the only way I could screw it up would be to boink so other chick. Not planning on doing that btw.

But I didn't go to Latin America (Costa Rica, Colombia, Mexico, Honduras) because I was a nice guy, or looking for a much younger chick, or because I was always in the friend zone, etc. Latin America isn't a place to work your issues out. It is however a great place to get away from stuck up bitches.

Your off the cuff writing style makes me laugh...Boink....and btw, not planning on doing that, LOL.

I hear you, I get the sense that many men head south with their issues in tact, I do not know for sure, but I would not be surprised if the common stereotype of men heading south to look for a mate is true for a bunch of men. I hope many men thinking about heading south who are reading this board take a hard look inside and man-up.

[jm21-2]

"Nice" guys might as well just head on over to the asia forum right now.

I do remember one trip report to Colombia written by a nice guy. A woman he was interested in thought he was gayer than little richards underpants.

Man when I run into a girl I haven't seen since high school she remembers me as a prick. And she'd be right. And if I hadn't gotten into her pants I surely screwed one of her friends. I'm almost certain me and my friends as freshman watched how upper classmen behaved. The pricks got laid. That's probably all the deeper it is.

This forum actually helped me in that way. I learned that if I was going to travel to Latin America I needed to summon my inner 16 year old (to a degree). If you can't do that go to asia or be prepared to star in your own Will & Grace episode.

Man there so should be kind of study here in the USA. I bet guys that act like complete tools get divorced much less. Well maybe they leave their spouse... as opposed to the nice guys that get walked all over and then dumped.

Most  Asian girls will want a masculine guy, but in a more stoic way. They tend to crave security which means being confident and a strong provider, but not a prick or showboat.

[bcc_1_2]

I hope many men thinking about heading south who are reading this board take a hard look inside and man-up.

The information is all here for them, but with many people i'm sure they just tell themselves what they want to hear. but then again i bet some guys have switched from latin america to asia after studying the forums so that's positive.

I remember in another thread some poster commented on how much older and average the men photographed for the latin-wife website looked than he expected. Then you have posters on this forum come on and talk about using latin-wife and what studs they are. And then their stories/trip reports kinda get a little crazy.

I know the lack of vacation time gets used as an excuse all the time, but while it is valid I'm impressed with the men able to "fish" for themselves. Cali was the easiest place in the world to score a date.

For those that don't already know latinas are crazy passionate and wear their heart on their sleeve. I credit myself for a few things when picking a mate...

Her family was very middle class but she was educated and fluent in english before i met her. I nixed women that weren't at least in the process of learning our language. You can't get by on espanol alone in the Midwest. Also, she wasn't a product of abuse or other family issues. Lack of education, lack of english, family issues, etc all would have turned into huge issues IMO (which was why most low strata girls were off the list regardless of how cute).

A fine line between passion and insanity. And for those that go to latin america so they can "be men" and "wont be pussy whipped" have it wrong too. If you want to be a cold sex deprived guy stick with the AW. A good latina will impact you as much as you do her.

[bcc_1_2]

Most  Asian girls will want a masculine guy, but in a more stoic way. They tend to crave security which means being confident and a strong provider, but not a prick or showboat.

First, I'm not trying to knock men that go the asian route (i considered it myself). But my female friend from Hong Kong was always trying to get me to go to Hong Kong to meet her girlfriends because she thought i had a "nice" personality. What she meant by that was that I basically say whatever I want and she thought I was funny. Plus the tall white thing probably didn't hurt either.

In reality are you sure what you wrote is what asian women say they crave or by nature crave? Not trying to be a dick... seriously asking.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IMK3UCFU0Og&feature=related

[Colgando]

I know the lack of vacation time gets used as an excuse all the time, but while it is valid I'm impressed with the men able to "fish" for themselves. Cali was the easiest place in the world to score a date.

For me, I do not make excuses, not my style, I am using Latin Wife because meeting 40+ available women that want to date me on my 1st trip, with all the logistics taken care of is appealing and affordable for me. I want to make friends in Colombia so that I can go back and chill for a week, hang-out, meet women. I view Latin-Wife as an acceptable way to make a big splash on my 1st trip.

I am not anymore impressed with guys that can fish on their own there or here. All it takes to get a date is eye contact and an assertive move to her direction, a little small talk, then you tell her to give you her number or meet-up with you later. I am impressed with guys that can sustain long-term, healthy marriages, regardless of how they met their wife, that is a rare thing these days.    

[bcc_1_2]

I am not anymore impressed with guys that can fish on their own there or here. All it takes to get a date is eye contact and an assertive move to her direction, a little small talk, then you tell her to give you her number or meet-up with you later.

This is my only point... if you aren't capable of fishing on your own in Cali, Colombia you are probably going to be walked all over by your date. Go make an english teacher friend and he can put you in front of more women than any agency... and all you gotta do is buy him a beer.

[Colgando]

This is my only point... if you aren't capable of fishing on your own in Cali, Colombia you are probably going to be walked all over by your date. Go make an english teacher friend and he can put you in front of more women than any agency... and all you gotta do is buy him a beer.

That's whats up, I can dig that.

During my downtime, I think I will go visit the ESL schools, plant seeds for my second trip, yeeeaaaahhhh!

[jm21-2]

First, I'm not trying to knock men that go the asian route (i considered it myself). But my female friend from Hong Kong was always trying to get me to go to Hong Kong to meet her girlfriends because she thought i had a "nice" personality. What she meant by that was that I basically say whatever I want and she thought I was funny. Plus the tall white thing probably didn't hurt either.

In reality are you sure what you wrote is what asian women say they crave or by nature crave? Not trying to be a dick... seriously asking.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IMK3UCFU0Og&feature=related

OMFG if my fiance feels insecure she flips into hyper-worry mode. Convincing her to leave AUS (can basically never be poor, national healthcare, lots of safety nets) to come here (jack [snip] benefits for middle class, ridiculously expensive health care) was not easy. She just figured out how much doctor's visits and health insurance cost here and was in freak-out mode worrying that she's going to get sick and die because we won't be able to afford the treatments. And if I die when we don't have children she doesn't get anything to get back on her feet from the govt and  her uncle in chicago died but she didn't get the life insurance money, and......

She worries a lot more than most, but it really seems to be a big deal over there. China also seems to be a more money-centric society which makes financial/provider issues more important.

Of course being a provider is not enough, but your job as far as your masculinity is concerned is more to be a rock in the storm, the guy who gives her his jacket when she's cold or uses it to cover her when it's raining. That sort of thing. Make her feel safe and protected.

If you watch Japanese shows you will often hear the girls describe being in love or being with their lover as "anshin de imasu" or "anshin de iru" which means feeling safe/protected.