Changing habits or giving up hobbies/activities

[Dave H]

If you go to the Philippines there is a good chance that you have to do a round of karaoke. On a few of the songs I sucked but I did get 100% for "Hotel California".     

Cool pic Dave...I knew that you were always cool but I didn't know that you used to have a 'fro. 

Hey thekfc,

I always wanted one of those 'fro picks with the fist handle. It looked pretty cool sticking out of the back pants pocket!  "Strait or Afro, long or short...Ike always had great hair!

Dave

[Capstone]

Funny, I was just talking about this with some Filipino-Chinese friends the other day. They (as have others in the past) told me that their parents or grandparents from  mainland China are very serious, strict, and a bit of a pain in the "A." They said that if there is some Filipino blood, the children tend to be much more mellow than the pure Chinese offspring.

I think that it is really a generational thing. I have found that young Chinese (45 & under) on the Mainland are extremely laid back, very easy going and fun to be around and go out with. But the older generation is exactly how your friends have described their parents & grandparents - very serious, strict, etc. 

[Dave H]

Re:

>>Koreans are now the largest foreign group in the Philippines<<

Wow, that's food for thought---I knew their numbers were increasing, but I had no idea. Is that according to the RP govt?

I guess a lot of the pure blooded Chinese who are second generation, with families, aren't counted. Are Indians the third largest foreign group there?

Hey Rob,

I don't know, but there are a number of Indians in the 5-6 loan business in the Philippines.

Lots of pure blooded Chinese in the Philippines...but like you said, born here, so not counted. We just had 5,000 mainland Chinese arrive in town to learn English. Everywhere you look, "bachelor pads" and apartments are going up! 50,000 Chinese students (English) are supposed to arrive in the Philippines between January and February 2011.

The Philippines might not be a bad place to look for a "Chinese woman." They are usually highly educated (many that I know are doctors and dentists) and speak very good English. However, while maintaining some degree of Chinese culture and tradition, they are more westernized which wouldn't appeal to some guys. If my daughter already knew Filipino (language), I would enroll her in a Chinese school to learn Mandarin. I wonder if they teach their students how to use the abacus? It's been a while since I've used one. 

Dave

[Dave H]

I think that it is really a generational thing. I have found that young Chinese (45 & under) on the Mainland are extremely laid back, very easy going and fun to be around and go out with. But the older generation is exactly how your friends have described their parents & grandparents - very serious, strict, etc.  

Hey Capestone,

I think there is a lot to do with that. In  the Philippines, I have found that most of the younger generations, brought up in the Filipino culture, tend to be more mellow. But, you should have heard the speech of the valedictorian (pure Chinese, 2nd generation Filipino) of my niece's elementary class! He stated that he had given up video games and his foolish and childish ways, since he was now a man! He encouraged others to do the same...FAT chance!  

The parents of my best friend in the Philippines immigrated from Fujian Province in China. He is the hardest working guy that I know! When I can get him to relax, he is a lot of fun!  

Dave

[jm21-2]

So was doing some calculations. Best case scenario the boat would cost about $160 per night out on the boat, worst case scenario $250-400/night. I can't really justify that kind of expense and the utility of my current boat vs. a trailerable boat is not that different. Figure buy a trailerable boat and try to get her interested in that. 2-3 years down the road when my finances are settled out a bit and if she's gotten into it a bit maybe buy a bigger boat that's more comfortable for 1-2 week trips. She would probably like some places up in Canada like desolation sound I think (the water is very warm there due to odd currents) and I could actually get up there for a 3-4 day weekend in a trailerable boat. If I had to move my current boat there it would take 2 days of solid motoring/sailing each way. Called my insurance company and I can trailer one behind my car and still be covered so don't have to buy a truck. Smaller sailboats are light enough where I could pull one. 20-22 feet or so. That would put it at $20-40 per night which is very acceptable.

I know there's the take-an-inch-give-a-mile/slippery-slope argument but I just don't think it applies as much here. Right now it's a large expense for something I know I'm not going to use much, and the alternative is almost as good.  The only reason I can come up with for refusing to sell my current boat is principle/stubbornness which I just don't see as being a good enough reason.

[Ray]

jm,

Here's a wedding shirt for you...


     

[jm21-2]

Right Ray....

1. Fiance/wife thinks something you are doing is financially irresponsible.
2. You crunch the numbers and yes, she's almost certainly right.
3. There is an alternative which would allow for almost the same lifestyle but at vastly reduced costs.

So along your line of reasoning:

You stand on principle and tell her to go pound sand and you'll do what you want, because you're worried about a slippery slope where if you agree with her you will forever be under her control.


Does that about sum it up?

[piglett]

Called my insurance company and I can trailer one behind my car and still be covered so don't have to buy a truck. Smaller sailboats are light enough where I could pull one. 20-22 feet or so. 

i am not so sure you will be able to pull a 20/22 foot boat on a trailer up a slippery boat ramp. how many trailers have you pulled? if i was going to pull a trailer of that size i would would want a 3/4 ton truck & it dam sure would be a 4x4. i wouldn't care if it was a $5000 used truck but i sure as hell wouldn't be pulling a big trailer with a car. years back guys used to like to use the family station wagon. back then most had a big V8 under the hood so they had the power but the rear springs were way too soft so any amount of tongue weight was a big problem. also when the boat ramp got slippery (it happens) they had to call a tow truck or get yanked out by another vehicle. pulling trailers is a whole nother can of worms.......good luck with it



pig

[Woody]

i am not so sure you will be able to pull a 20/22 foot boat on a trailer up a slippery boat ramp. how many trailers have you pulled? if i was going to pull a trailer of that size i would would want a 3/4 ton truck & it dam sure would be a 4x4. i wouldn't care if it was a $5000 used truck but i sure as hell wouldn't be pulling a big trailer with a car. years back guys used to like to use the family station wagon. back then most had a big V8 under the hood so they had the power but the rear springs were way too soft so any amount of tongue weight was a big problem. also when the boat ramp got slippery (it happens) they had to call a tow truck or get yanked out by another vehicle. pulling trailers is a whole nother can of worms.......good luck with it

Actually, the biggest issue he will face is if he has an automatic transmission in his car. Launching a 20' fiberglass sailer (esp a catamaran) isn't a big issue. The tongue weight should be less than 100lbs. Now, start talking boats with motors, the biggest thing you want to launch with a small car is a little 13' jet boat.

Towing too big will destroy a small automatic transmission car. The only reason I can get away with towing as much as I do with my car(Rated towing capacity is 1500lbs, I regularly exceed 3000lbs) is that it is a manual transmission.

[piglett]

for a trailer to tag rite you want +/- 10% tongue weight


pig

[jm21-2]

My car is relatively heavy and ~200hp. It's rated at above 2,000lbs in every country but America pretty much. My parents towed a San Juan 21 with their old hornet station wagon and my car will beat that out in every way. An old V-8 with a crap chassis can't even compare to a modern car.  My worry would be that it's FR. But I'll be buying another car when she gets here and can aim for something that's FF or 4x4.

[piglett]

here ya go JM
this baby will get it done, no problem
it's cheep too 
http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/Lexus-LX-NAVIGATION-2009-LEXUS-LX570-_W0QQcmdZViewItemQQhashZitem3f06d13875QQitemZ270697314421QQptZUSQ5fCarsQ5fTrucks

[Ray]

Right Ray....

Does that about sum it up?

My last post summed it up perfectly...

 

[Ray]

Hey jm, I was just curious.

Since you obviously decided to go with option #1 in your poll, and nobody (0%) voted for that option, which option did you vote for and why did you change your mind?


 

[robert angel]

The way a transmission is geared is crucial to towing. That's why cars like sports cars that accelerate real quickly, typically are a disaster for towing. That's why a Corvette can get pretty good mileage (comparably) on the highway and actually not that badmileage in the city. But forget about pulling anything, unless you want to leave the rear end on the ramp or street.

For a long time now, cars have been built with 'unibody' construction. I'll take something built on a ladder frame with a small V8 anytime I can, when towing. I've seen too many cars just not make it on boat ramps and sooner or later, go through very expensive transmissions. Sink 2000 to 3500 into a tranny and any savings made from keeping a boat in the water versus towing, fade pretty fast.

 You better fresh water wash everything after, if you're talking salt water, or else your vehicle will not be appealing as a resale later. Even fresh water washes don't eliminate the rust/corrosion factor you'll get from putting boats in and out of the salt water

[Bob_S]

jm,
Here's a wedding shirt for you...

I'd say it speaks well of his woman if she has such power.  If you get a woman that you can so easily ignore her wishes and concerns, she must not be very much of a real woman.  The bachelors here would be lucky to find a gal with such mind-blowing sensuous femininity!   

[william3rd]

Hey jm, I was just curious.

Since you obviously decided to go with option #1 in your poll, and nobody (0%) voted for that option, which option did you vote for and why did you change your mind?


 

He voted for option #3 and is sticking to it!!!!

[jm21-2]

Ray,

After really looking closely at the situation, crunching numbers, looking at alternatives, etc., I would probably make the change without her urging. In exchange for about 10 hours of extra work a year loading/unloading a trailer, I save about $2,500-3,000 per year for almost the same experience. In some ways a better experience (better light wind sailing, can transport to someplace further away for 3-4 day weekend) in some ways not as good (less headroom, less stable at anchor, worse high wind sailing). In any case, objectively I think the trailerable boat is a better alternative for now. If we ended up parting ways, I'd probably still be using my vacation time to go abroad, so that's even more reason to switch to a trailerable boat.

Now whether she will come out with me or not is still an issue...but I think she will at least give it a shot on a trailerable boat.

Bob,

It's more that I'd far prefer a saver to a spender, even if it means I have to cut back my own expenses. I really and truly believe she is thinking more about our future as a couple than for herself. E.g. she wants savings in case one of us gets hurt, a large emergency fund in case the economy goes bad, save extra for retirement because she knows I don't exactly love my job and wants me to retire as early as possible, an extra cushion in case I have to switch careers in the future, etc.

If her attitude was "sure, spend the money on the boat, just give me your credit card and I'll be spending $300/month on shoes," I'd be much more concerned...

[Howard]

Hey H,

I was fortunate in that area...my wife is more of a rocker than the average Filipina.   No Backstreet Boys or Justin Bieber for me. I did watch some American Idol, but she only watched it if she was flipping through the channels and it popped up.  My musical tastes are much more eclectic and extreme and includes many musical genres.

I was at a wedding the other day and lent some badly needed background vocals. I started on a cover of the Bee Gee's "How Deep Is Your Love" (tough to do a falsetto with my bass vocals) and finished the set keeping my pimp hand strong, by filling in for the late Ike Turner on a cover of their version of "Proud Mary." While my voice wasn't too bad, regrettably, I will never have hair as cool as Ike! I could always buy a wig! My wife was disappointed that I didn't do a love ballad for her from one of her favorite 80's Hair Metal Bands! I may have to buy another wig for that!

I guess I have actually compromised too, since my wife has introduced me to 80's Glam and Hair Metal music. I have even listened to Bon Jovi CD's with her and saw them in concert (thankfully it was free!)  

Dave

Yo Hammy,

Ike may have had the hair, but did he have a Purple G-String?

LOL

H

[Dave H]

Yo Hammy,

Ike may have had the hair, but did he have a Purple G-String?

LOL

H

Hey H,

Good point! I think NOT!  If he did, Cher would have grabbed Ike after she convinced Tina to leave him!

Dave

[Dave H]

jm,

Here's a wedding shirt for you...


    

Hey Ray,

Great T-shirt!  I want to order 100 to hand out to a "few" people that I know!

My fellow firefighters gave me some great advice before my first marriage. I was 26 and still believed in fairy tales. They saw things that I refused to see! After I wouldn't listen to "Don't do it!"...they finally told me "Oh well, everyone is entitled to one mistake. Just don't whine about it later on!" Man I should have listened!!!

Oh well...like they say, "Whatever floats your boat!"

Dave

[Dave H]

So was doing some calculations.

What can you say...It's "her" money and she's paying for everything...RIGHT?  

Figure down the road when my finances are settled out a bit and if she's gotten into it a bit maybe buy a bigger boat that's more comfortable for 1-2 week trips.

I wouldn't hold my breath! Wait until you and married and she really takes control of the finances! Oh well...you will always have plenty of white rice to eat!!! 

Right now it's a large expense for something I know I'm not going to use much, and the alternative is almost as good.

I can't really justify that kind of expense

That's exactly how I feel about clothes and jewelry!  

Dave

[piglett]

What can you say...It's "her" money and she's paying for everything...RIGHT?  
I wouldn't hold my breath! Wait until you and married and she really takes control of the finances! Oh well...you will always have plenty of white rice to eat!!!  Dave

I think Jm is in his late 20's so that makes him not a generation X'er but from the so called millennium generation. if you take a group of collage students & split them into two & tell them that they are expected to debate a given subject many time they will just say "can't we just come to a consenses?" now Jm is a lawyer but he didn't grow up in the country that us old bucks grew up in. I think he is trying to go along to get along.....but i could be wrong. we are all looking at this problem through old eyes so for the most part we feel that Jm should hold his ground.However he has not yet had the life experiences that us older guys have had. I have seen so many friends & coworkers go though so much sh*t that when i start to see a "sign" i go on high alert because i have already seen with my own eyes the same or a similar situation play out time & time again.

Jm i would not assume that you will be "allowed" to buy a big boat any time in the future. I would say sit down with your girl & make a statement "when we get to X (maybe pay off the house?) i intend to buy another big boat" if you don't go on record NOW you are going to have a rough time later.


best of luck
p i g     

[jm21-2]

That's exactly how I feel about clothes and jewelry!  

Dave

If she was into clothes and jewelry, or any other expensive habit, I would already be gone. As it is, she's lived in first world countries and was never tempted at all to become materialistic. That's why I'm willing to consider cutting back my own expenses.

Pig,

I think it has more to do with personality than generational issues. I see people spending $200 to fight over $50 all the time because of th principle of the thing, and what does it get them? More difficulties down the road. I am a very pragmatic person.

The problem I foresee is this: She would be fine with me spending the money on boating, but she would want to spend the same amount of money on her dreams/hobbies. For her, that means traveling. So I spend $3k/year on boats, she spends $3k/year on traveling. Where do we wind up with that? I spend money on a boat which she doesn't like, so she doesn't want to come boating with me. I go sailing a few weeks a year by myself. She spends $3k on traveling by herself which I don't like because it means we never go on vacation together and between both of our vacations we spend 1-2 months apart each year.


Actually, thinking on Dave's comment, maybe it owuld be better if she had some hobby like buying clothes instead of traveling...

[piglett]

but she has never even been on your boat?
how can you be sooooo sure that she will not like it?
tell her that you like to travel too but you want to use your boat for the transportation 

pig