Changing habits or giving up hobbies/activities

[Jeff S]

It's not a now or never thing - no shame in postponing things until finances are in-order. Besides, you can always build a better boat than you can buy.

[piglett]

It's just a cheap old boat, a '71 ericson 27', but in very good shape for its age. Just a boat you can gunkhole around in without worrying about spending a fortune. A trailerable boat has some advantages...would be great ot go up to desolation sound for a week or so. A little powerboat would be fun because I could go to a lot more interesting places on the weekends. Well, we'll see.Talked with my dad a bit last night and he thinks I should sell the boat for now just inc ase my finances don't work out, then in a year or two think about it again.

not sure about the left coast but here in the east used boats are going really cheep. how big of a bath are you willing to take?
30% below what it should bring?
find a spot that you can rent cheep & drag it up on shore & put it up on blocking, or put it out in the harbor & just run a dingy out to it.


pig

[Researcher]

  I ran my dingy out in a harbor one time and almost got arrested!!


   Researcher

[Jedironin]

Keep that dingy secured until you're in a private slip! 

[Slingerland]

A 27' boat is definitely a fun vessel onthe water.  But the others have a good suggestion: is there someplace on land you can store it temporarily?  It might let you save some money, postpone upgrades, and once the lady is here, you can show it to her... THEN make a decision.

[whitey]

  I ran my dingy out in a harbor one time and almost got arrested!!

And that's why you are ... "the most interesting man in the world ..."

[jm21-2]

There is some dry storage here and there, but my moorage is about as cheap as you get so the dry storage isn't much less expensive. Moorage is $175 and dry storage is maybe $120.

I won't take a bath on selling the boat. Actually I'll probably gain money. The boat was about to be auctioned off and I made a deal with the guy to pay the moorage for two cruising seasons, share the boat with him, and then I'd get ownership after that. So the basic boat was basically free. The big investment was the new outboard, but I was able to sell the broken outboard for a bit and got the other guy to pitch in some money, so my total investment in the boat is maybe $1,500 (excluding moorage). Can probably sell for at least $4,500.

[Researcher]

And that's why you are ... "the most interesting man in the world ..."

   Stay thirsty my friend!

  Researcher

[Slingerland]

"so my total investment in the boat is maybe $1,500 (excluding moorage). Can probably sell for at least $4,500."

Not bad.  Here's another thought... is ther a sailing club you can join?  Granted it would not be your boat, but if you crewed on somebody else's boat, you'll still get to enjoy the water (some) and possibly introduce your lady to it as well.  Perhaps win her over gradually... if she were to see how much you enjoy the boats... perhaps find a boat and build it up together.  Make it "part hers" as well.

Of course I tried that with my ex... she hated the boat no matter what...

[jm21-2]

"so my total investment in the boat is maybe $1,500 (excluding moorage). Can probably sell for at least $4,500."

Not bad.  Here's another thought... is ther a sailing club you can join?  Granted it would not be your boat, but if you crewed on somebody else's boat, you'll still get to enjoy the water (some) and possibly introduce your lady to it as well.  Perhaps win her over gradually... if she were to see how much you enjoy the boats... perhaps find a boat and build it up together.  Make it "part hers" as well.

Of course I tried that with my ex... she hated the boat no matter what...

There are some sailing clubs here, but I think they're relatively expensive for what they are (I mean, the type where they have X number of boats members can use, and you get so many days per month/year). I can crew on boats whenever I want pretty much. My dad has gotten into racing again now that he's retired and his boat is moored next to one of the best racers in the area. He'd probably be fine with me taking his boat out now and then as well...

My parents have a small dock at their new house that can have a powerboat at it...too shallow for a sailboat...we've been talking about going in on one together. He has a nice sailboat but if he and my mom want to go out for the day a small powerboat would be really convenient for them. Would be more practical for me too since I'd be going on the weekends. A 26' cabin cruiser, single screw probably. No moorage, would have larger berths, a shower, could get places relatively fast...seems like a decent deal. More amenities than my current boat and probably more comfortable for a lady.

I'd like to get her out on the water at least once before getting married in any case...

[CeeTeeEnn]

I only noticed this well-developed OP recently, but felt i had to muck in as it opens up some serious and difficult issues for many of us.

If the average Joe has a tough enough job looking for a wife or partner abroad, those guys who have serious passions and hobbies, expensive or not, have it twice as hard. I don't know enough about your situation JM and I have only ever sailed a 4m laser down the Thames but i know that serious yachting is an expensive hobby wherever you are and it's not getting any cheaper. If this is indeed a control issue, then this might be a lucky early warning sign. If on the other hand it's a case of someone who is so frugal that she knows the price of everything but the value of nothing... then once again, this is an ominous sign of things to come. I don't really know what more to say, other than it's a pity she's not into boats.

Nonetheless, out of all the hobbies and past-times that can stress a marriage, i still think music is the #1 bête noir. The stories I have heard from musicians suffering stressed and fractured relationships has convinced me of this and my heart goes out to all of you. The hostility i faced from my own female family members when trying to pursue my love of music has only cemented this belief. I now represent myself to women I meet as being nothing more than a 40+ long-haired bum with a guitar - that's it. To impress me they know what to do or what to try and do - otherwise they can just walk away. Those who do impress me might just get to find out about my education, qualifications, languages, jobs, investment portfolio etc. - but not otherwise. They will also get to discover that I am married to my music, and that any discussion of my equipment being mere "toys" or of my music being compromised for the sake of marriage and family will result in the door being shown.

I'm not making myself out to be an example for others to follow, but there's a moral in there somewhere methinks. It's only a pity that showing a pic of a guy with his guitars or studio is not quite the same as that of a guy on board his yacht - that might attract some rather unwelcome female interest not directly connected with sailing

[william3rd]

If you are really into sailing then getting rid of the boat is not an option.

I am really into deep sea fishing. Wife intends to go fishing. If it makes her miserable, then she can stay home and I will go myself. There is something a little strange about demands for lifestyle modifications before she has even arrived or married you.

[Ray]

If you are really into sailing then getting rid of the boat is not an option.

I am really into deep sea fishing. Wife intends to go fishing. If it makes her miserable, then she can stay home and I will go myself. There is something a little strange about demands for lifestyle modifications before she has even arrived or married you.

Hey William,

I am guessing that when you bring home those fresh fish with heads, eyeballs, and all, she will love you for the rest of your lfe...   

Ray

[Ray]

I like your perspective CeeTeeEnn!   

Ray

[euforia51]

From this article here:
http://www.the-spearhead.com/2010/02/14/avoiding-the-fate-of-the-amc/

I submit the quote that sums it all up in the most simple terms:

Maintain friends and interests of your own…especially those considered “masculine.” Hunting, fishing…whatever. Something for which you can go and do without her. Never give up your hobby or recreation ESPECIALLY if she tries to get you to stop.  Hunters, hunt. Fisherman, fish. Surfers, surf. Skiers, ski. Ballplayers, play ball. She knows what kind of guy she’s marrying and the hobbies he enjoys. Her trying to get you to quit your hobby or activity is really just a sh*t test to see how much of a spine you have.

[william3rd]

Hey William,

I am guessing that when you bring home those fresh fish with heads, eyeballs, and all, she will love you for the rest of your lfe...   

Ray

We will see when the rockfish grounds open up in March

[thekfc]

~~Maintain friends and interests of your own…especially those considered “masculine.” Hunting, fishing…whatever. Something for which you can go and do without her. Never give up your hobby or recreation ESPECIALLY if she tries to get you to stop.  Hunters, hunt. Fisherman, fish. Surfers, surf. Skiers, ski. Ballplayers, play ball. She knows what kind of guy she’s marrying and the hobbies he enjoys. Her trying to get you to quit your hobby or activity is really just a sh*t test to see how much of a spine you have. ~~

I would not say never - I would say communicate, re-evaluate first & then make your decision.

There are a lot of things that we do as single guys that are downright dangerous. We do them with our buddies because they are fun, we don't have that much responsibilities (no wife & some no kids), because of our our macho ego or at time we just don't think.

Communicate with our other half, find out what reasons she want you to stop. She may or may not have a valid reason. Maybe she had the experience of losing someone or saw things happen to someone and do not want the same thing to happen to you.

Communicate, re-evaluate, decision, communicate.

Question euforia51, I read the entire article in the link you submitted and the writer is talking about & referring to Western Women. Would you say the same thing would hold true to both Latin & Asian women?

I also wonder who wrote that article.

[euforia51]

Question euforia51, I read the entire article in the link you submitted and the writer is talking about & referring to Western Women. Would you say the same thing would hold true to both Latin & Asian women?

I also wonder who wrote that article.

Well, I stand by my motto that is if it's on the Internet, it must be true.   Kidding.

Seriously as I stated in another thread, I believe all women, regardless of where they're from, have the capacity to become undesirable to us through their behavior ... and for whatever reason. The AWs would seem to have a a bit of a head start over their Latin & Asian counterparts due to upbringing (or lack of), social programming, or what have you. Of course without my providing concrete evidence such as psychological studies, statistics, etc., who is to say? Based on my personal experiences however, I can say I am finished with seriously considering a substantial relationship with an AW; especially knowing there would seem to be far better choices, or more suitable to our desires, to explore overseas (and once again, I thank the Internet). But these observations are simply my own conclusions thus far.

[CeeTeeEnn]

Euforia makes an interesting point in that quote "just a sh*t test to see how much of a spine you have." I agree, and would like to develop the argument further - it's a pretty good test to measure a woman's potential as a wife to see how well she adopts to a man's hobbies in terms of supporting them, and engaging in them if/where appropriate.

That's how i play the game in terms of my my music. I have turned down several opportunities that many guys would consider "prize catches", and have even reached the unfortunate (though highly contentious) conclusion that searching for a suitable partner in Asia would simply be too difficult a task for me to undertake.

Of course, some hobbies are men's preserves; few guys could reasonably expect their partners to spar with them in the boxing ring or participate in deer hunting. But tacit support and passive background interest is the *least* any guy should be prepared to expect, and would have every good reason to seek out when courting someone new.

After all, it's not like there's no competition out there for us out there, right?

[thekfc]

Lets say that you are a sky diver - it is your passion, your life.
You recently got married & have a new born baby on the way. Your wife insist that you stop sky diving completely as she fear that one day your parachute will fail to open and her life will be turn upside down.

Will you give it up?

[euforia51]

Lets say that you are a sky diver - it is your passion, your life.
You recently got married & have a new born baby on the way. Your wife insist that you stop sky diving completely as she fear that one day your parachute will fail to open and her life will be turn upside down.

Will you give it up?

Sorry KFC, but no. Let's say, for the sake of argument, that one of the reasons the wife fell for the guy in the first place was because he was a skydiver ... the thrill of it all, right? What an exciting guy he must be ... she thinks to herself. One of the components of the so-called sh*t tests is to see if the man will give up a passion with the woman knowing full and well what she was signing up for before she married him. Can they come to a suitable compromise of sorts? Sure. But to give up a passion simply because she demands it, for whatever reason, is unacceptable.

EDIT:
It is in arguments like these, where the principle beneath the situation trumps the situation itself. i.e. If you say yes to this, what else would you say yes to, for example. And while it's easier said than done to sit here and theorize how you should behave in a given situation, isn't one of the reasons many of us are in pursuit of foreign women is so we don't have to tolerate such arguments in the first place? Or is this a misconception on my part?

[CeeTeeEnn]

Good point KFC, but i still maintain that any woman worthy to be a skydiver's wife would recognise the fact that a skydiver lives for skydiving unless HE chooses to give it up. Of course, a responsible skydiver would have up-to-date life insurance, and a responsible skydiver's wife would probably have her own job or career to support herself and her family if something terrible did happen.

And if something terrible did happen, then surely a worthy wife would concede that her husband went out as he would have wanted to and that she was proud to have been the wife of a skydiver. Such a mindset is perhaps rare to see among the wives of guys pursuing dangerous hobbies but it's not that uncommon to see among the women married to serving members of the Armed Forces. Just a thought

[Dave H]

Her only experience with boating is ferries. She didn't like riding a ferry on the pacific with huge waves going out to an island, so gunkholing around a calm sound must be bad.
 

Hy jm,

Too many ferries and boats sink in the Philippines for my wife to relax and enjoy a relaxing boat ride. I took her out on my brother's 25 foot Donzi for a relaxing cruise and all she could think about was what she would do if the boat flipped and sank. It's probably a good thing that I already sold my power and sailboats before I met her. LOL I am still planning on buying or building a power boat (Jeff has great designs and plans) one of these days for inter-island hoping in the Philippines.

Dave

[Ray]

Too many ferries and boats sink in the Philippines for my wife to relax and enjoy a relaxing boat ride. I took her out on my brother's 25 foot Donzi for a relaxing cruise and all she could think about was what she would do if the boat flipped and sank. It's probably a good thing that I already sold my power and sailboats before I met her. LOL I am still planning on buying or building a power boat (Jeff has great designs and plans) one of these days for inter-island hoping in the Philippines.

Dave,

Why didn’t I think of that?

That’s a great term “inter-island hoping”, as in hoping the damn thing don’t sink between islands. LOL!

I always try to avoid overnight ferry rides in the Philippines, wherever possible. I don’t want to be asleep if the thing decides to make a side trip to Davey Jones’ Locker in the middle of the night.

What’s a “Donzi”? If that’s short for “Doña Paz” then I don’t think you’ll ever get your wife on board!   

Ray

[Ray]

Lets say that you are a sky diver - it is your passion, your life.
You recently got married & have a new born baby on the way. Your wife insist that you stop sky diving completely as she fear that one day your parachute will fail to open and her life will be turn upside down.

Will you give it up?

Yes, sky diving is a dangerous sport and should be open for discussion when deciding whether or not it should be a part of a married man's life.

HOWEVER, this is something that should be discussed BEFORE you are married and make babies!

In your hypothetical case, if he didn’t disclose his dangerous hobby before he married her, then he is an idiot. If she didn’t bring the topic up for a mutual resolution before deciding to marry the guy, then she is an idiot.

Ray