What makes a Filipina 'mature'? Is 'mature' different than in your country?

[robert angel]

It seems a lot of guys tout the ladies they're favoring, as being 'mature'. Not to say they are or aren't, but it does seem that the word 'mature' is often attached to the words 'for her age', as sort of a justification, often times to rationalize a significant age difference as being workable.

Is she 'mature' simply because she had to cook, clean, help raise kids, help elderly family and maybe even work in a job to provide economic support to help them?

Are there other characteristics that you use to come to a conclusion that a Filipina's 'mature' and would you use the same 'yardstick' (meter stick, if you will) of measurement to someone in your home town?

[euforia51]

Robert, is this post intended only for Filipinas because it is in the Asian section or can anyone offer their 2 cents here?

[robert angel]

Euforia51,

Bring it on! We have so many cross thread discussions here and  so many things stray off topic, that I think it's pretty much more the norm than the exception.

As Whitey recently pointed out, there are a lot of similarities between some South American (and I'd guess Mexican and C. America too) cultures with that of the Philippines. After all most of these places experience 100's of years of heavy handed Spanish rule, have a lot of poverty and to an extent, the people can even look quite similar.

I don't carry any more weight here than anyone else, but I  think we safely say 'yea--let's see how things like mature' and 'simple' are seen by different guys and in different places--the more we learn, the more we compare and contrast, the better we'll be able to decide which direction we want to go!'

[thekfc]

Whether it is posted in the Asian Side or the Latin side - there are a lot of threads/topics that would apply to both.

Also, I don't think that there is any one thread that stays on topic.

[Ray]

It seems a lot of guys tout the ladies they're favoring, as being 'mature'. Not to say they are or aren't, but it does seem that the word 'mature' is often attached to the words 'for her age', as sort of a justification, often times to rationalize a significant age difference as being workable.

Is she 'mature' simply because she had to cook, clean, help raise kids, help elderly family and maybe even work in a job to provide economic support to help them?

Are there other characteristics that you use to come to a conclusion that a Filipina's 'mature' and would you use the same 'yardstick' (meter stick, if you will) of measurement to someone in your home town?

Robert,

Yes, it seems that some guys need to justify hooking up with a teenager by claiming that she is “mature’ for her age. It’s mostly all BS.

Personally, I see no need to justify anything to anyone when it comes to age differences. If they are both adults (18-years-old), then they are legally and morally able to make their own decisions. Discussing the pitfalls of a fully mature man marrying a teenager is certainly open for discussion, but referring to him as some kind of ‘pervert’ or ‘pedophile’ is out of bounds IMHO.

I’m sorry gents, but squatting down and washing clothes by hand in a big tub of cold water does not make one mature. It just gives you hemorrhoids. The biggest factor is still age.

So Robert, what is your opinion (in 100 words or less)?  

Note: There is an old saying in the Philippines that says when a girl can cook perfect rice, she is ready for marriage. If you should hear that, please don’t take it serious guys!  

Ray

[Ray]

Robert, is this post intended only for Filipinas because it is in the Asian section or can anyone offer their 2 cents here?

Hey, you are certainly welcome to participate here on the Asian Forum as far as I’m concerned.

As far as I know, there is only one whiny rookie (on the Latin Board) that seems to have a huge problem with a member posting on other forums than the one that was stated as his preference in his profile. There was a poll proposing that there should be “Latin only” or “Asian only” forums and that idea was soundly rejected by the members.

Please do express your opinions on this topic or any other topics of interest to you.

Ray

[z_k_g]

Is she 'mature' simply because she had to cook, clean, help raise kids, help elderly family and maybe even work in a job to provide economic support to help them?

Cooking, cleaning and raising kids is NOT an indicator of a woman's potential as a good wife and ultimately will not determine the success or failure of a relationship.

Zulu

[Woody]

Personally, I see no need to justify anything to anyone when it comes to age differences. If they are both adults (18-years-old), then they are legally and morally able to make their own decisions. Discussing the pitfalls of a fully mature man marrying a teenager is certainly open for discussion, but referring to him as some kind of ‘pervert’ or ‘pedophile’ is out of bounds IMHO.

Agreed. As long as she is an adult, she can hookup with whomever she pleases. The internal reaction from most men that see a large age gap isn't anger, it is jealousy.

For me, especially since my last experience with a 19yo, no thanks on the younger women. The woman that I am conversing with right now is less than two years younger than me(25 & 27) and it is so much better talking to someone with experience in life. It also helps that her English is excellent. She has a college level vocabulary and makes very few mistakes(We're talking about 1000-1500 word emails, back and forth). Oh, and she is in her last semester for her Masters in Surgical Nursing. (Now there is a bonus should she come here. Employment would be a non-issue.)

My point is, I can have conversations with her on any subject and it is a true back-and-forth. She has opinions, we discuss, debate, etc. Now add to that I finally met someone with a specific area of knowledge that far outclasses my own! (Bio/medical)

Young is fun at first, but give me slightly older with an education and real world experience any day.

[z_k_g]

Personally, I see no need to justify anything to anyone when it comes to age differences. If they are both adults (18-years-old), then they are legally and morally able to make their own decisions. Discussing the pitfalls of a fully mature man marrying a teenager is certainly open for discussion, but referring to him as some kind of ‘pervert’ or ‘pedophile’ is out of bounds IMHO.

Ray,

I agree.

If two adults want to marry what is the issue?  As long as thy have the legal capacity and both can repeat the vows its their choice and others opinions of that union is just tongue wagging.

As far as the success of that union, that's an entire different conversation.  In my posts I have directly addressed this aspect of these type of unions that involve a large age difference or very young bride.

But I disagree that age is a primary factor.  Is it one of the factors, yes.  But its a variable in an equation with many many factors.  Age is an indirect co-factor that deals with maturing and long term goals.  

Most of the arguments against a union with an 18 year involve immaturity, changing of long and short term goals and emotional instability.  Are these valid issues and criticisms?  Yes, of course, but on balance these are issues with every marriage.  If you look at analysis of causes for divorces you will find these EXACT same issues.  

Others will respond that the odds are higher with an 18 year old bride and she is just not ready for marriage.   I find it interesting that most marriages, over 50% in USA, end in divorce.  So whats the real argument here?

Marriages are the most intimate level of interpersonal relationships.  

(Repeated from my earlier post)

First, relationships are about people and communication, the better a couple is able to communicate honestly the stronger the relationship.  

Second, its about expectations and goals and mutual love and respect.  If you develop these attributes with your potential mate, your relationship is bound to grow and prosper.

Age difference plays a role in all of the above, not as an indicator of the persons capacity, but rather an arbitrary measurement of their "wisdom", depth of understanding and maturity.   Well, sometimes.  We all know of 40 year old fools.  Some people never actually get it and getting older doesn't translate into maturity, or even a better understanding of how to have a successful relationship.  

Of course a younger person just doesn't have the experiences to draw upon, that's simply stating the obvious.  You gotta live life to understand life, we all learn this the hard way as we get older.

But, in the end, relationships are about fulfilling your personal hierarchy of needs, both parties want something.  If both your needs are being met and you are fulfilled, your relationship is successful.  You grow old together and physical differences blur ( age difference, your beer gut, losing your hair or her thunder thighs) and become pretty much meaningless in the end.  This is the elusive happiness we all seek!

Finally, if you have developed a strong interpersonal bond, your relationship survives another day.  Also, if you develop some decent conflict resolution skills (which most couples sorely lack) you will further improve the odds that you will succeed.

Improving interpersonal skills will increase your odds in any relationship, no matter what the country, culture or age difference.

Bottom line, you should never chose a woman because of here age, whether 18 or 38.

Zulu

[thekfc]

Young is fun at first, but give me slightly older with an education and real world experience any day.

[piglett]

It also helps that her English is excellent. She has a college level vocabulary and makes very few mistakes(We're talking about 1000-1500 word emails, back and forth).

is she somehow realted to Robert

Oh, and she is in her last semester for her Masters in Surgical Nursing. (Now there is a bonus should she come here. Employment would be a non-issue.)

just make sure she takes the nursing exam there before she moves or those nursing class may be worthless here.just ask Howard on that one(poor guy)

pig

[z_k_g]

Pig,

I like the new avatar!!

When did you take that pic?   

Zulu

[piglett]

Pig,

I like the new avatar!!

When did you take that pic?  

Zulu

i got it online a while back , i think it was from here
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/7121/
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/80597266/

[william3rd]

Note: There is an old saying in the Philippines that says when a girl can cook perfect rice, she is ready for marriage. If you should hear that, please don’t take it serious guys!  

Ray

Oh shid- my wife is 40 and still cant cook. I guess in Thailand a girl is ready for marriage when her maid can cook perfect rice.

[Woody]

just make sure she takes the nursing exam there before she moves or those nursing class may be worthless here.just ask Howard on that one(poor guy)

Already considered that, but probably a non issue. She was already an RN, worked a few years in a non-nursing field, and is going back to finish her masters while volunteering at a hospital. I'm not going on what she told me, this is all information that can be learned by reading her facebook posts.

I would definitely make sure she would be good to go if she was coming over.

[euforia51]

I've been thinking about this ever since Robert posted it. Looks like this thread will fill up quick like a few of the others as well. I'm not a big proponent of much younger than me regardless of where she is from. When dating a woman from the States, I actually preferred older. Glory is 2 years younger than me ... and I like it this way. In fact, for me, it's perfect. So this part of the equation is a non issue.

I can say she's responsible enough to maintain her employment 6 days a week. Granted, she's not a rocket scientist but she is doing well enough to buy the things she likes and live well on her own accord. She lives with her family. And while I don't know the financial dynamics of her household, I imagine she's making some kind of contribution. Sooner or later, I'll ask her about this. For now, it's not important. In my mind, she's mature enough to function "correctly" in her society. And this is all I would expect from her right now.

Emotionally mature, I'm still figuring this out and it will take some time. Due to the language barrier, this isn't cut and dry and spelled out for us. There's the added challenge for us to be sure we are understanding each other correctly when discussing important/personal topics. And many times, further clarification has been needed. But I am sensing all is well and intact, so far. She understands the necessity and desire for communication between us. And she has been upfront with stating her desires and opinions. Try the addition of a language barrier with an already complex (and more often than not immature) American woman, and I'd say forget it. No thanks!

If I had an issue with her maturity, at this point, I'd say it would be one of those little idiosyncrosies that you might think is cute in the beginning only to find it's a deal breaker later on. And right now, I don't have a good feel for what some of these might be yet. Other than to say, for example, she is not shy about acting like a goofball with taking pictures, singing out loud, or even whistling. I actually think it's refreshing because it shows me she is happy. But I'm not ready to mistakenly take this as being immature unless she were to break into song during an embassy interview or something.  

[piglett]

Already considered that, but probably a non issue. She was already an RN, worked a few years in a non-nursing field, and is going back to finish her masters while volunteering at a hospital. I'm not going on what she told me, this is all information that can be learned by reading her facebook posts.

I would definitely make sure she would be good to go if she was coming over.

Correct poor Howard is out a pile of hard earned cash & has little to show for it
his new bride wanted to come to the US quickly so she didn't stay long enough to take the national RN exam (i don't recall it's exact name)
this move basically killed any chance his wife ever has of working as an RN here, even though she has a BS in nursing.

my wife had worked 4 or 5 years as a private nurse but had never taken the RN exam. I sent her to a high quality review class (4 months long) & she has now taken the RN exam & is waiting on the results to see if she passed.


pig

[Researcher]

    From my own experience, comitting to a woman 18 to 25 is a very risky thing to do.Mostly because they are likely to change because of their lack of life experience and other factors.When is someone mature? That's a question that could really only be answered on an individual basis but generally speaking I'd say it is when someone knows for sure what they want out of life.I don't know how many dishes a person has to wash to know that.

   You could always play it safe, if you like the young ones, and follow the advice of good old Jerry Lee Lewis: marry a 12 year old, that way you can raise them the way you want! hehehe!

  Researcher

[Ray]

…poor Howard is out a pile of hard earned cash & has little to show for it

his new bride wanted to come to the US quickly so she didn't stay long enough to take the national RN exam (i don't recall it's exact name)
this move basically killed any chance his wife ever has of working as an RN here, even though she has a BS in nursing.

pig

Poor Howard??  …has little to show for it??

Pig, I suggest that you not publicly put Howard or his wife down. I guess you don’t know the facts, do you?

Ray

[z_k_g]

   You could always play it safe, if you like the young ones, and follow the advice of good old Jerry Lee Lewis: marry a 12 year old, that way you can raise them the way you want! hehehe!

  Researcher

Or good old Elvis Presley when he got him a cute 15 year old!

But nowadays this advice will land you in jail!

Zulu

[michaelb]

   You could always play it safe, if you like the young ones, and follow the advice of good old Jerry Lee Lewis: marry a 12 year old, that way you can raise them the way you want! hehehe!

  Researcher

 Now now, let's keep the facts straight, she was 13 (and he tried to pass her off as 15)....12 would be cradle robbing . Although as his wife said "You can marry at 10 if you can find a husband."

[piglett]

Poor Howard??  …has little to show for it??

Correct he has little to show for all of his efforts (i was talking about his efforts in trying to get his wife certified as an RN here)go back & reread what i said in the 1st post if you didn't understand it the 1st time.

Pig, I suggest that you not publicly put Howard or his wife down.

at no time did i do this you just didn't understand me uncle Ray

I guess you don’t know the facts, do you?
Ray

Oh i do know & the info i have came straight from the source


pig

[robert angel]

I guess you could look at 'maturity' from a qualitative or quantitative point of view, or combinations of both. Someone might not be well read, say in books many westerners have been raised on, such as Tom Sawyer, Huck Finn, to Tom Clancy and Nicholas Sparks, onto European classics etc.

She might not know a lot of uncommonly used words, especially long, more typically words used in America or a word like 'gourmet'. She might not how to use a microwave oven or much about Geography, such as major world capitals and approximate populations of major cities.

Yet, to some a contradiction, she--the same person described above, might still have a medical/technical degree from a fine university, whose credits are all readily accepted in the USA. She might have impeccable table manners, more than enough to fit right in in a five star restaurant.

My wife pretty much fits the above description, not exactly, but kind of. They didn't have a lot of books in the house, but they were good ones, like Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People". Growing up, she fit right in with everyone, in her small, rural farm economy based barangay, where her college educated parents taught her values and manners that continue to extend not only into her thinking, but more importantly, into the way in which she treats everyone she meets, regardless of their station in life, then and there, as well as here and now.

Her manners, her interpersonal behavior and her honesty, are impeccable and seem to have been ingrained in her from her earliest years. She is just a very nice, sensitive person, who's not stupid and not easily fooled. She 'sees' and 'senses' things correctly that I sometimes totally miss and is a good judge of character.

Since she came to the USA, she's taken upon her self to do things like read English dictionaries, and expand her reading. Lately she's reading stuff written by the Dali Lama and reflecting on his wisdom, but next week it might be Barbara Bush's biography--who knows? She's chosen to improve her English reading, writing and speech and even taken up Spanish. So from the the above paragraph, into the next paragraph, we sort of segue from the qualitative to the qualitative.

I could go on and on, but regular readers here know I never do that. But the bottom line is that she makes judgement calls very quickly and accurately and while she's typically calm and quiet in public, she's no pushover. Calm 'still' waters often run deep. On both the quantitative and qualitative fronts, I'd say she's pretty mature. And I almost added 'mature for her age', but when you think about it, there are plenty of people all over the world who never grow up, who in some ways are forever immature.

She married me, thinking that marrying a guy with some age on him would give her a mature husband. While she's never called me 'immature' she has privately called me out on some things I've done that I could've handled better and shown a lot of poise in the process.

I don't think it was years of her waking up before anyone else to cook, or her helping to raise all her younger siblings, or all those long, long walks to school and always getting top grades, that made her 'mature'. There's a whole lot more to it than that, but all I can say for sure is that I give her family a lot of credit, because they were certainly a big part of it.

[Jhengsman]

I guess you could look at 'maturity' from a qualitative or quantitative point of view, or combinations of both. Someone might not be well read, say in books many westerners have been raised on, such as Tom Sawyer, Huck Finn, to Tom Clancy and Nicholas Sparks, onto European classics etc.

She might not know a lot of uncommonly used words, especially long, more typically words used in America or a word like 'gourmet'. She might not how to use a microwave oven or much about Geography, such as major world capitals and approximate populations of major cities.

Yet, to some a contradiction, she--the same person described above, might still have a medical/technical degree from a fine university, whose credits are all readily accepted in the USA. She might have impeccable table manners, more than enough to fit right in in a five star restaurant.

My wife and her family in the Philippines all had "perfect 5 star table manners", until they got used to me being around and sure that I would stay. Then they reverted to their fingers 

[stevjulietb]

Hey Pig,,,did your wife take the NClex test in the PI?

Steveb