Differences and Adjustments...

[euforia51]

Zack brought up a good point in one of the threads about his wife having to adjust to life in his quiet neighborhood from a lively neighborhood in Colombia. I would think this is a pretty important dynamic of life that might need some serious effort in order to successfully adapt, depending on the person. This point hit home with me because my girl's street is pretty lively and my neighborhood is really tame. Just getting members of her family together by themselves is enough to make a killer party.

So I am curious to see what other differences a foreign woman would encounter by living here and what adjustments have been made either by you, her, or both.

[utopiacowboy]

Do you live in an area that is heavily Latino? If so, there might not be as many adjustments as there would be otherwise.

[euforia51]

No, my rather quiet neighborhood is what I would call "mixed". There is a Spanish family up the street but they are pretty quiet as well.

[raycjs]

my girl has had to adjust to a lot of major things.
1 winter and snow
2 no latins (only a few Mexicans working the farms)
3 driving
4 no neighbors (we live on a farm)
5 very little to no night life(we live 1 hour from the city)
6 90% of the people where we live are white.
7 she is constantly asked about the age difference and why?
8 ect....
here are 2 examples in the last few days. yesterday we went to the dentist
to get our teeth cleaned we where in 2 separate rooms. when we got home she told
me the nurse asked her if there was arranged marrages in her country.. she told the women no.she new why she asked because of our major age difference. the other was when she was taking driving leassons and the instructor asked her if i came home from work every day? or just a few times a month. she told her no he walks in the door everyday at the same time. she asked this because she thought my girl was put up in the house and was my on the side fling. again the age difference. a day does not go by that we are not looked at or questioned i am Italian and she is Colombian...the people in the area think we are drug dealing mobsters.... stereo typing is a way of life unfortunately.

we talk all the time and she tells me she is very happy, i can see it in the way she goes about her daily life. the way she keeps out home inside and out it is all in her style and that is fine with me. the only major thing she misses at this time is her family, but they talk 2 to 3 times a week.

Ray

[z_k_g]

7 she is constantly asked about the age difference and why?

we talk all the time and she tells me she is very happy, i can see it in the way she goes about her daily life. the way she keeps out home inside and out it is all in her style and that is fine with me. the only major thing she misses at this time is her family, but they talk 2 to 3 times a week.

Ray,

A funny, poignant and inspirational accout!   

Zulu

[piglett]

the people in the area think we are drug dealing mobsters.... stereo typing is a way of life unfortunately.

W T F can i ask where you live?
I would say my area is 95% white but that is not to say that everyone here looks down their nose at people that are not white. we actually have students from all over the world living here due to the fact that we are host to a very expensive private boarding school. http://www.brewsteracademy.org/RelId/33637/ISvars/default/Home.htm
we have a number of students from China for example & i can't see that they are treated any different than anyone else.
as far as the age thing goes i still look 25 according to most people so i don't think I'll asked if my wife is my daughter or my love slave or some such sh*t


good luck
pig

[ignorante]

i still look 25

 

[z_k_g]

as far as the age thing goes i still look 25 according to most people so i don't think I'll asked if my wife is my daughter or my love slave or some such sh*t


good luck
pig

You look 26 you liar!!

Zulu

[Researcher]

   Hey Ray, it's pretty much the same here.People can't seem to get over the age difference.I think it is pretty much a feminist thing.They hate to see a younger woman with an older guy,it reminds them of how unwanted they(those old broad feminists) are.

   1)I've had to adjust to it being colder in the house.
   2)Walking slower.
   3)Being friends with alot of latin people(a good thing).
   4)Being more sociable(another good thing)
   5)Having patience with many things.(a tough one for me)


     Researcher

[Bob_S]

2 noticeable adjustments off the top of my head:
1.  Being mistook for a younger age (my 40-something wife got carded a couple weeks back when buying sake at the store); 
2.  Driving.  For my wife, it was driving on the other side of the road.  If your spouse or fianceé comes from a 3rd world country, it might be adjusting to the fact that we have actual road rules and not merely road optional suggestions.   

[william3rd]

W T F can i ask where you live?
I would say my area is 95% white but that is not to say that everyone here looks down their nose at people that are not white. we actually have students from all over the world living here due to the fact that we are host to a very expensive private boarding school. http://www.brewsteracademy.org/RelId/33637/ISvars/default/Home.htm
we have a number of students from China for example & i can't see that they are treated any different than anyone else.
as far as the age thing goes i still look 25 according to most people so i don't think I'll asked if my wife is my daughter or my love slave or some such sh*t


good luck
pig

Where did you get that 25 estimate? From the Braille Institute?

[robert angel]

It's fairly well known that guys look in the mirror and cannot realistically fathom how old they actually look, versus how old they 'think' they look. Piglett, you getting AARP mail yet? That's usually an indicator of sorts...

I know for real that it's as clear as slap that there's a big age gap between my wife and I, but for whatever reason, we don't over hear many comments or get many stares suggesting we're some kind of perverse 'freak show couple' as we walk hand in hand, in the city, parks, mall, beach, etc.

99% of 'stares' we get are from dudes scoping her out for her looks, ignoring me completely, along with some other women 'checking her out'. I guess they have good taste.

[robert angel]

Kind of funny how my wife remembers lean times as a child, where they maybe had some rice and a little cold water in the cooler, perhaps some powdered milk. Later on in college in the big city, there were street vendors selling every kind of food, both fresh and cooked, food courts in malls with 100's of great looking and tasty dishes, crowded with happy people, 80% maybe 90% of whom probably have no money in their pockets.

Now, here in the USA, we're blessed in that we always have ice cream in the freezer, cookies, chips, some fruit, meats, bread, eggs, etc--but there's really not much that she truly cares for. It's nothing like the great food 'back home' and I agree. Sometimes, ironically, she looks at all our "American style' food over flowing our fridge and laments "there's nothing to eat". Really she means there's nothing that she REALLY wants to eat, like 'back home'.

It's not like she doesn't totally appreciate things--in fact when we eat, we very often wish family elsewhere were with us to share. She's not spoiled--not 'jaded'. What we have is good--it's just not like 'back home'. And as the lady said: "There's NO place like home'....

[Researcher]

   My wife cooks Colombian style food here.She can't find  a certain kind of corn meal(I think) or it could be flour that she used in Colombia.There are some Colombian stores in Atlanta that have it so we probably will be going there soon to pick some up.


    Researcher

[euforia51]

Funny ... I found myself looking for arepas in Wal-Mart the other day just to see; but with no such luck. There are plenty of flour tortillas to be had but these are not the same. I think the arepas are made from corn (mais).

Robert Angel, isn't it the American way to look at your fridge full of food and say there's nothing to eat?
Or flip through the 100+ cable/satellite channels and say there's nothing to watch on TV?

[piglett]

Where did you get that 25 estimate? From the Braille Institute?

no actually i got it from the 18-20 year old chicks that i started working with when i changed jobs a couple of years ago. i didn't tell anyone my age there & a 20 year old blond wanted to ask me out (ya she was a real shy thing )
she asked my age & i said well how old do i look?(she thought i was 25)
 there was not 1 person there that came even close to guessing my age. hell up till about 2 years ago i used to get carded every dam time i went in to buy alcohol. they would look at my ID & the look at me then look at my birth year "1970" & then look at me. It was almost like they thought my licence was fake or something. 

pig

[thekfc]

flip through the 100+ cable/satellite channels and say there's nothing to watch on TV?

One day last week the tv was off when I was chatting with my wife (it is usually playing in the background when we chat & she can see & sometimes hear it). She asked me why is the tv off and I told her that there is nothing good to watch, then she asked me how many tv channels that I have & I told her about 250.
She gave me a strange look & said "over". 

I turned the tv on & we spent the next hour or so talking about tv programs. While chatting she busted laughing & couldn't stop - "The Smoking Gun Presents World's Dumbest Daredevils" was playing. 

[Researcher]

   I don't know if this would be considered an adjustment but since my wife arrived here I have been finding ways to get her credit established.Not that she has even used any of her credit yet but I started putting her name on some accounts that I have.I had planned to payoff the balances and I have so far.With her working also she now has a pretty good rating.It seems nowadays you can't even function in this country without credit, with employers and landlords checking your credit.She doesn't like to carry debt so I am lucky there but I think she understands that she needs to have established credit here.

  Researcher

[Jedironin]

^ That's a good point! When my sister and I were growing up, Mom & Dad had us get one or two credit cards about as soon as we were able to. Then we used them for small items, always making sure it was something that we can/could pay cash for. Then when the bill came, pay it off in full each month. That way we didn't spend too much, yet built up solid credit histories. That sure came in handy later, when we were ready to buy some big items for a change! (new TV or a car)

People just have to be very careful to not max out the new card if they don't actually have the money for it! 

[robert angel]

Re:

>>Robert Angel, isn't it the American way to look at your fridge full of food and say there's nothing to eat?
Or flip through the 100+ cable/satellite channels and say there's nothing to watch on TV? <<

Afraid it is, Euforia. And we want more, right NOW! It's the land where too many expect 'instant gratification'. Heck, back where my wife comes from, if you eat at a restaurant and the food they bring you is cold or burned, you pay, regardless.

[euforia51]

People just have to be very careful to not max out the new card if they don't actually have the money for it! 

Come on man ... this is a America, baby! Max that sucker out and then just get another one! 

Seriously, the credit thing is something I didn't think about with a foreign woman. So this is a good point. And oddly enough, it ties into the whole instant gratification syndrome most of us here in the States have suffered from at least once; because having credit helps to make this possible.

[raycjs]

Researcher

that is a good idea getting your girls credit established, i am happy to see you have or plan to pay down or off your balances. That is the number 1 problem in our country and many others. Living above are means...we buy a lot of our Colombia spices and flours over the internet and have it shipped to the house. I love the famous saying" there is nothing on TV" with over 250 plus channels...JaJaJa

Ray 

[JimmySTLOUIS]

I think the bottom line with adjustments and differences is patience

I used to think I was patient but I have had to up that 10x and my wife still thinks I am "voluble"

so much depends on the girls age and background

I wonder if anyone ever married a girl from the mountains?

anyway - the bottom line is to be prepared for a lot of adjusting - adjust and move on

remember you don't know 1/2 as much about the Latin culture as you think you do 

TE AMO PERU!

Jim

[Kiltboy1]

My wife just got her first credit card with $ 500 to start with, unfortunately, she has to use 300 of it off the bat to pay for her 83 in a 65 speeding ticket 
But she learned a good lession and word of advice, if you are Latin, your attorney only costs $50 and the American born ones wanted 200-300 .

KB

[Chris F]

2.  Driving.  For my wife, it was driving on the other side of the road.  If your spouse or fianceé comes from a 3rd world country, it might be adjusting to the fact that we have actual road rules and not merely road optional suggestions.   

I knew I was not alone in this department!!

My wife from Peru had a car in her country. While courting her there, I noticed how she drove in the typical aggressive third world situation.  I knew that when I married her that she was going to have to adjust to US driving rules which as you say are not suggestions.

1. I had to teach her that the horn was for emergencies only, at first she wanted to honk at everyone who was not going fast enough for her.

2. She has no patience with slow drivers to this day...none what so ever.

3. Once she received a ticket for roll stopping a stop sign, she calmed down a bit.

Driving has been easily the biggest adjustment for both of us.