Being a Caballero - Manners and Etiquette in Colombia

[z_k_g]

LOL, this entire thread is killing me!!      

Ray is HOLDING HIS TONGUE!!  ROTFL!!!!   

Zulu

[Kiltboy1]

mmmm

Not for me. 

KB

[euforia51]

euforia51 ask your girl if it´s all right if you carry her money (assuming she has any).

Jim ... I don't have to ask, I already have her ATM card and PIN number. Pretty sure she has a little money since she paid our bus fare back to the city from the airport, bought me a nice jacket for Christmas, and also bought our beers for the two days I've been here so far among other things. But let's stay on topic here ... Manners and Etiquette...

[Bob_S]

LOL, this entire thread is killing me!!      
Ray is HOLDING HIS TONGUE!!  ROTFL!!!!   

But not his wife's purse, I'm sure.    

[AndyLee]

Thanks, excellent thread with many good tips. For example, I've lived in Colombia a year and didn't know I should tip the grocery baggers. How big a tip do you think is reasonable if you are spending 150,000 for a week's groceries at Exito, or if only buying one or two items like in a super mercado?

[pchip]

So, I thought I'd save the new guys some embarrassment and compile a list of things you can do to be a caballero (gentleman) here in Colombia and impress your lady with your good manners.

Thanks Whitey, very appreciated.  I think this is why this board is for so us newbies can learn on the (hard) lessons that you experienced guys had so we don't have to go through the same trials and errors.  That said, I am a little surprised to see this thread go in the direction of who would follow what Columbian cultural expectation of a man when the thread is about manners and etiquette in Columbia...

Most Colombian women are very gentle and feminine. If you are greeting someone, shake her hand very gently, not
the firm grip we use at home.  On the weekend I met a Colombian woman here on vacation after living in the USA
for 15 years.  She had what would be considered a normal grip for back home, but it felt really strange to me and
VERY unfeminine after having been here for a couple weeks. 

Most Colombian men will also offer you a pretty weak handshake, so turn down the grip pressure. 

Ah ha so it is a cultural thing!!!  When I came to live in Canada, I always had trouble doing handshakes and always thought I was at fault.  Cool!!  Tkx again Whitey.

[Bob_S]

That said, I am a little surprised to see this thread go in the direction of who would follow what Columbian cultural expectation of a man when the thread is about manners and etiquette in Columbia...

Par for the course around here.  It's a miracle if any discussion stays on topic for more than a single page. 
Just be glad if it doesn't degenerate into a flame fest.    

[whitey]

Well, here's a new one that is similar to what I've heard from the guys over on the Asian board:

Don't argue or even discuss anything in a public setting that might be viewed as contentious - save it until you are at home and in private.

Here's what happened a couple days ago:

Barranquilla has a nice new (air conditioned!) Transmetro bus system that is modelled after the Transmilenio system in Bogota.  You use a smart card which can be recharged, and it tracks transfers, allowing you up to 3 transfers within a defined period of time.

Nazly and I both have our own cards, but when we are on the bus together, she uses my card, hands it back to me, and I swipe it again for myself.  This is no problem if we are just going point to point without transfers, but if we transfer, I think it means I am paying 3 fares, when between us we would only pay 2 fares if she used her card instead of mine (which of course I could recharge for her).

Anyway, I mentioned this as we were waiting for the next bus.  She thinks we are still only paying 2 fares, so we were having a discussion about the whole thing, each of us trying to explain how we thought the cards worked.  I'm still not sure who is right - I'll have to watch really closely next time to see how much is deducted off my card (which I guess is besides the point).

The point is that afterwards she told me we shouldn't be discussing these things in public, as it may look like we are arguing, and as someone might overhear.  I have to say in general, I like the idea this demonstrates of showing more respect for the relationship. 

In this particular case though, as far as I was concerned, this was just a normal everyday conversation, in a conversational tone of voice (neither of us was upset in any way).  It would get pretty inconvenient to shelve every conversation until we get home, unless it started to get heated.

[Researcher]

    That's true Whitey.Arguing in public isn't considered a good thing.Also, displaying anger in public is a no no as well.I think that is a latin thing.I quickly learned in Mexico not to display anger in public.Working there was a real challenge and sometimes I would get very frustrated.Once I let things get to me and had a little "tantrum".The folks at the plant didn't talk to me for a week.After that I took things in stride.It seems to be the same in Colombia.I think it is considered very disrespectful to do these kinds of things.It's best to be respectful and polite in public situations.

  Researcher

[jm21-2]

Arguing in public didn't seem to be that big of a deal in China or Taiwan. I always thought waiting for some privacy to argue was a US thing. I think it's extremely bad manners to argue in public. My fiance got angry at me for something at a night market and all I was thinking was let's wait on this until we get back to the hotel, I'm not going to get into an argument with so many people around.

She uses a tiny purse that fits in my pocket so thankful for that. I don't think I could take carrying around a big purse.

[Jeff S]

Yeah - you see a lot of open emotion in China but never in Japan. In Japan you keep everything quiet in public and save it for back home. No purse carrying for me. She knows better and will leave it at home or in the car if she doesn't want to hump it. I will push a grocery cart with her purse in it though.

[whitey]

Haha ... this whole purse thing seems to have taken a life of its own.  I wouldn't carry one around either.

Here's a picture of the offending bag ... it's more of a satchel than a purse ... errr ... at least that's what I'm telling myself ... 

[Ray]

I'm sorry, but carrying a purse is for women and faggots... Maybe it's OK in San Francisco, but it's not for me!

 

[michaelb]

Yeah, what Ray said. That's why I carry a "sack", a plain white canvas tote bag that I bought at Hobby Lobby for $2.98. I have to continually correct my daughter when she calls it a "purse" to tease me. My wife, OTOH, calls it my "maleta", so that's OK.

[z_k_g]

I'm sorry, but carrying a purse is for women and faggots... Maybe it's OK in San Francisco, but it's not for me!

 

Finally!!   

Zulu

[Researcher]

   Yeah, alot of guys don't like to carry a purse unless they have shoes to match!


   It doesn't bother me to carry my wife's purse.I just try and look manly when we leave the house, like wearing my "wife beater" tank top, dirty jeans and work boots.Nobody says anything!hehehe...macho, macho man, I've got to be a macho man!

  Researcher

[z_k_g]

   Yeah, alot of guys don't like to carry a purse unless they have shoes to match!


   It doesn't bother me to carry my wife's purse.I just try and look manly when we leave the house, like wearing my "wife beater" tank top, dirty jeans and work boots.Nobody says anything!hehehe...macho, macho man, I've got to be a macho man!

  Researcher

Just don't let your buddies see this Researcher!!   

The things we do for a beautiful woman!!!

Zulu

[InnocentVixen]

  to make a guy carry my purse?
It never crossed my mind, just like it never occurred to me to ask my boyfriend to trade shoes because my heels are killing me... then again I don't use those huge purses that fashionistas use, or uncomfortable shoes, I am more practical when it comes to that I guess.

I am trying to think if I have seen guys here in Mexico carrying a purse for their wife, but no, not that I remember, I have seen guys carrying their own purse though (both "manly" and not so manly ones!)

The handshake!!! yes! it has caught me off guard when it happens that a man has a strong handshake, makes me wonder if he failed to notice I am a girl.

And yes, some subjects even if it's not an argument you need to watch up for in public, your girl might not feel comfortable with it.

[whitey]

Thanks, excellent thread with many good tips. For example, I've lived in Colombia a year and didn't know I should tip the grocery baggers. How big a tip do you think is reasonable if you are spending 150,000 for a week's groceries at Exito, or if only buying one or two items like in a super mercado?

Hey AndyLee:

I asked a few friends about this and everyone has their own opinion.  One friend says he would pay 1% on $150.000 or $1.500.  Maybe up to $2.000 if there were a lot of bags and the bagger helped put them in the car.  Another person says she never pays more than $1.000, but I doubt she would ever buy $150.000 of groceries in one shot either.

I would think a combination of how much effort (i.e. how many bags) and how much was spent would be the thing to do.  For instance, if you buy a bottle of Old Parr for $90.000, it's just one bag and not much effort.  Something like 200-400 centavos would probably be fine.  If you're just buying a bottle of water and a beer, maybe no tip at all.

[jm21-2]

to make a guy carry my purse?
It never crossed my mind, just like it never occurred to me to ask my boyfriend to trade shoes because my heels are killing me... then again I don't use those huge purses that fashionistas use, or uncomfortable shoes, I am more practical when it comes to that I guess.

A lot of guys don't realize what a PITA those fashionista girls can be and fail to appreciate a practical girl. With my fiance I was wishing she would dress more fashionably until I saw the price of some of those fashionable items! Jaw dropping, haha. Clue a guy in to what some of that stuff costs and he'll be head over heels for your practicality .

[euforia51]

Well, I asked my girl, in Medellin, last night if I needed to carry or hold her purse and she said it was not necessary.

Now that I am here with my girl , I can honestly say I got caught off guard a time or two when she pulled the QB hand-off to running back with her purse. Only held it for a minute or so and never once had to carry it for her. Kinda sounds like the story about not inhaling when you were in college.

[JimD]

Whitey centavos are not used in Colombia, you meant pesos and yes nobody leaves more than un mil pesos, mostly people just leave their moneda change. No one calculates a percentage to leave like you were in a US restaurant they just leave the change in coins they get back from the register.

[whitey]

Whitey centavos are not used in Colombia, you meant pesos and yes nobody leaves more than un mil pesos, mostly people just leave their moneda change. No one calculates a percentage to leave like you were in a US restaurant they just leave the change in coins they get back from the register.

Oops ... pesos ... right ... been reading too many Asian board posts lately.   

Seems like if you ask 10 people, you'll get 10 different opinions, and a lot may depend on how much money they have.  Everyone I asked is Colombian, living in Barranquilla.  One did say she never leaves more than 1 mil peso; another guy said 1% on $150.000, even if that meant $1.500 (he's got a good job and is doing well). 

Personally, I like the idea of how much effort was required (i.e. how many bags were packed), and did they help you bring your stuff out to the car or pack your cart.  Placing the expensive bottle of Old Parr in a bag isn't worth much of a tip to me.

[Bill_McC]

Don't go blaming it on the Asian guys, Philippines use Pesos too.

Bill

[z_k_g]

Only held it for a minute or so and never once had to carry it for her.

Surrrrrre!  

Zulu