Being a Caballero - Manners and Etiquette in Colombia

[whitey]

Although most of this may have been covered off in various posts at various times, I don't recall having seen a thread specifically on this subject ... so ... I thought I'd take a crack at it.

This is my 10th trip to Colombia, but I'm still learning and it seems like every other day my wife "gently" points outs another one of my social mis-steps.  ;-)  So, I thought I'd save the new guys some embarrassment and compile a list of things you can do to be a caballero (gentleman) here in Colombia and impress your lady with your good manners.

I'm by no means an expert, so I'm hoping others will join in with what they've learned as well.

As you'll see, many of these points of etiquette are simply the good manners that we used to follow 50 years ago
before feminism and the gradual decay of formality and manners in our society.

1) Buses and taxis

Not everyone does it, but a gentleman here is expected to give up his seat on the bus to women, especially
pregnant and older women.  When exiting the bus, get off ahead of your lady and extend your hand to help her
step off. 

Similarly with taxis, open the door for her when getting in, and get out first and extend your hand to her
when exiting. 

I'm a bit of a door slammer, since my cars have always been coupes with heavy doors.  The taxi drivers HATE it
if you slam their flimsy doors, so be careful! 

2) Greetings

Most Colombian women are very gentle and feminine. If you are greeting someone, shake her hand very gently, not
the firm grip we use at home.  On the weekend I met a Colombian woman here on vacation after living in the USA
for 15 years.  She had what would be considered a normal grip for back home, but it felt really strange to me and
VERY unfeminine after having been here for a couple weeks. 

Most Colombian men will also offer you a pretty weak handshake, so turn down the grip pressure. 

If you are meeting a woman for a second time (and with friends or family) a kiss on the cheek as a greeting is
the norm.     


3) Personal Hygiene

Colombian women tend to be very fastidious about their appearance and cleanliness, and if you want to make a
good impression you'll have to do the same.  For you European guys (hahaha), you'll need to shower at least
once per day.  Smelling good is important, and it's very hot in most cities here so you'll want to make sure
your deodorant and cologne don't let you down.

Shave every day, trim the shrub growing out of your nose, and make sure your hair is cut (it's very cheap
down here).  It's pretty common for men (and not considered unmanly) to get manicures and pedicures
here - again very cheap.

Make sure your breath is good, and brush your teeth several times per day.  My wife is fanatical about brushing
after every meal, and is constantly after me to do the same.  And she especially wants me to brush my teeth
before we go to bed at night.

Ahh, and speaking of "bed time", she's always asking me to wash my hands before doing anything "intimate" -
especially if I've been handling money.  One of her favourite little gifts that I bring are the small, scented
bottles of anti-bacterial hand cleansers.  She loves carrying them around in her purse and uses them all
the time. 

Hmmm, she's either starting to sound crazy or I must be a filthy pig ... but I've noticed that other women
can be the same too.

Very few people smoke here, so I'm guessing that the smell and bad breath would be a pretty big turn-off for most colombianas.  If you're planning to date in Colombia, now is a good time to give up the habit.

4) Dress Code

Unless you are at home, at the beach, at the gym, or walking around the old town in Cartagena, DON'T WEAR SHORTS, especially on a date. You'll look like a geek and will embarrass the woman.  If her friends and family see you, believe me they will talk.

You'll see some teenagers wearing shorts and the (very) occasional guy, but you'll just look like a clueless gringo
and won't win any points with your girl.

Here on the coast, a pair of jeans and a nice polo shirt will suit most occasions.  A nice pair of pants or even
jeans with a long sleeve shirt is fine for dinner and/or dancing.  People dress up a little more to go out in
Bogota (and maybe Medellin) to the nicer places I'm told, but I haven't spent much time there.

Most people wear their clothes pretty tight here, so leave your hip hop gear at home.

5) Shopping, Restaurants, Around Town

Open doors for your woman - they still appreciate this here.  Hold the chair out for her at restaurants.  If
you are shopping, offer to carry any bags.  My wife is very calm, but one of the very few times she's ever
gotten mad at me was during a day we spent site seeing, shopping, etc. around Medellin. 

By the end of the day she was getting tired and hungry and got very quiet for a few minutes.  After asking her
what was wrong (several times), it turned out that she was cheesed off that I hadn't offered to carry her bag
(kind of a large purse) for her. My ex-wife would never have wanted or permitted that! 

6) Odds and Ends

Tipping is not very common in Colombia, but make sure to tip the baggers in supermarkets.  They don't get paid
and the ONLY money they make is from tips.  I still didn't know this after several trips, and only found out by
reading it online.  When I asked my wife if it was true and why didn't you tell me, she said she just thought I
was cheap!

Although I find Colombians in general to be very courteous, they often don't say please and thank you nearly as
much as we do in North America.  Don't be surprised for example if you don't get thanked for treating someone to
a meal, a drink, or an ice cream.

If you invite someone to lunch, dinner, drinks, etc., you will be expected to pay ... especially for women. I'm
told some of the professional women with good jobs in Bogota will sometimes offer to pay or split a cheque, but
on the coast it's more macho and traditional and the guy is expected to pay.

Clerks in stores will generally come up to you right away and ask if they can help you.  Even if you say no,
they will often follow you around the entire store, hovering about a foot away.  This can be pretty disconcerting
at first, but it's just the way things are done here ... they aren't worried that you're trying to shoplift
something, so just roll with it. 

I'm not sure if this is just one of my wife's rules or not, but wear sandals in the house, not bare feet.


I hope this helps some of you avoid my mistakes. Comments and additions welcome ...

Whitey

[thekfc]

Great advice whitey.

Hopefully some of the other guys will come & add more to it.

[ignorante]

No way I am carrying a purse around.  Nope. 

[ignorante]

Shower, shave, brush my teeth, and wear pants?  This is starting to sound like more trouble than it is worth, Whitey.

[Researcher]

  Whitey, you are absolutely correct about the taxi drivers.They HATE it when you slam the door to their cabs.These are small cars and it doesn't take much to slam the door.I finally learned to just push it closed.

  You run into all kinds in Bogota.So, when it came to going out I always took a sport jacket with me.I never wore a tie but a nice pair of casual slacks always came in handy as well.


    Researcher

[Dave H]

Shower, shave, brush my teeth, and wear pants?  This is starting to sound like more trouble than it is worth, Whitey.

Hey ignorante,

I hear you!

I still have to shower, shave, and brush my teeth...but in the Philippines I can wear shorts and flip flops everywhere. I don't have to carry purses either...or anything that resembles one, like a camera case. 

Dave

[thekfc]

Hey ignorante,

I hear you!

I still have to shower, shave, and brush my teeth...but in the Philippines I can wear shorts and flip flops everywhere. I don't have to carry purses either...or anything that resembles one, like a camera case. 

Dave

At least you stop wearing your purple thong in public 

[Researcher]

   Hey, the times I feel like a "married man" is when my wife is in some store in the mall and I'm waiting outside holding her purse, with the other married guys.


   Researcher

[JimD]

Here´s one for you Whitey. never refer to someone´s height, child or adult by holding out your hand parallel to the ground to indicate that so and so is "this high". Very rude. Only used for animals. A person´s height is always indicated with the hand held out perpendicular to the ground.

[Researcher]

  It's the same when using a finger to motion for someone to come near.It's considered an insult because that is how you call a dog in many cultures.


   Researcher

[fathertime]

Entertaining post Whitey!

I broke most of the rules regarding the dress code and I often wasn't freshly shaven.  I didn't feel like misrepresenting myself.

I've carried my woman's purse without her having to ask, so I guess that is where I score the good points. 

Fathertime!

[z_k_g]

Although most of this may have been covered off in various posts at various times, I don't recall having seen a thread specifically on this subject ... so ... I thought I'd take a crack at it.
Whitey

Very Nice!

Pig, Kfc, Ray, can something similar be put together for the Philippines?

Zulu

[avatar]

Thank you Whitey!

[whitey]

Yeah, carrying the purse around is never fun.

In my defense, it looked more like some kind of carry-all or satchel than a purse.

Here's another one that I almost forgot:

Don't cross your legs ... apparently on the coast this looks really gay and only women do this ... according to my wife anyway.  I've made a point of watching out for this and it's not exactly true ... I've seen some men here in Barranquilla with their legs crossed.

I'm not sure if this applies in cachacolandia (Bogota).

[Researcher]

   I don't mind holding my wife's purse.I have been married before and it seems a little awkward at first but after a couple of years purse holding and buying feminine products is a breeze.

   Most Colombians are very open and friendly people.I've always given the advice to be open and friendly also but don't take anyone at face value.I think alot of gringos get in trouble by letting their guard down.Not to say that there aren't sincere folks in Colombia the trouble is knowing who is and who isn't.Being friendly is a cultural thing kind of like "southern hospitality" here in the US.

  Researcher

[z_k_g]

  I don't mind holding my wife's purse.I have been married before and it seems a little awkward at first but after a couple of years purse holding and buying feminine products is a breeze.
  Researcher

This made me almost pee my pants laughing!  Lordy!!   ;  ROTFLMAO!!

My day will go well!!

Love ya Researcher!!

Zulu

[euforia51]

Well, I asked my girl, in Medellin, last night if I needed to carry or hold her purse and she said it was not necessary. Other items, sure ... but not her purse. Gracias a dios!

[utopiacowboy]

Very good advice, Whitey.

[JimD]

euforia51 ask your girl if it´s all right if you carry her money (assuming she has any).

[Alabamaboy!]

I get around the purse thing by putting her stuff in my mochila there. Very acceptable. I just cannot bring myself to carry the purse.

On a side note, I did see lots of guys carrying around those European "man purses" at the airport. A lot of them seemed to be Colombian guys traveling to New York.

[Bob_S]

I get around the purse thing by putting her stuff in my mochila there. Very acceptable. I just cannot bring myself to carry the purse.

Makes sense.  My wife has a mini purse that I can usually drop in a shopping bag while waiting for her.

[whitey]

I get around the purse thing by putting her stuff in my mochila there. Very acceptable. I just cannot bring myself to carry the purse.

On a side note, I did see lots of guys carrying around those European "man purses" at the airport. A lot of them seemed to be Colombian guys traveling to New York.

My wife bought me a very nice mochila that I'm carrying around here (a mochila is a traditional Colombian tote bag carried by both men and women), but the other day my wife said I look "more gringo" carrying it around.

I thought I was fitting in pretty good, but after she said that I noticed that 9 out of 10 guys are carrying around the man purses, satchels, backpacks, or computer bags.  I just can't win ... always the gringo ... 

[JimD]

I have never seen women carrying those mochilas (which I too carry), only men.

[Bob_S]

I dunno.  They look too pretty to be a guy thing.



C/o:
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/07/01/fashion/01NOTICED.html

[whitey]

The more traditional mochilas look more like this.  The women tend to carry the brighter ones or ones that say something like TE AMO COLOMBIA on them ...