Haveing a hard time with a decision

[InnocentVixen]

Hook, like everyone has said it's hard to generalize... and even harder for me being a mexican to admit that by the sound of it, you are more likely to find what you are looking for faster with a filipina.

I remember I once read on this forum about how if you are on a date with a latina and sit across the table instead of next to her, you might as well be across the room, I totally agree, the downside of having a very affectionate lady is that we crave for constant contact and some women can't handle being alone for too long.

When I first started my search, I exchanged messages with a man with a similar job to yours, his ex cheated on him a few times while he was away at work, but he forgave her the first time because they had so much fun together, they were both the party type... I would say a girl like this, no matter where she is from would get bored of waiting.

My father is a sea captain and he has to be away for long periods of times sometimes, my mother has a shy personality, loves to talk but doesn't like to party and they have had a happy marriage, in fact they are planning to go on a second honeymoon on their 30th anniversary next year.

Because of my parents I know a relationship like that can work, so maybe your odds will be even better if you can manage to find a patient girl that is understanding of your job, also it's important that when you do take that step, to make sure you have enough time to spend with her and for her to get to know your family/friends so she does not feel abandoned before you leave for work for the first time.

[robert angel]

I'm not insinuating that Jm's painting any broad stereo types of Asian or Latin American nations and their women, but keep in mind there are huge variations in personality types in any given country. There are a lot of bar girls in Asia and on up the rent scale, also a lot of so called 'high class' girls who love clubbing, drinking, smoking and dancing, etc.

Don't think that they're going to come to your country and 'settle down' although if they realize that's what you want, they may play along and say they will.

For sure there are millions of good ones, however. It's just a matter of searching carefully, no matter where you look.

In recent months, I've sort of deescalated my ideas--to be honest my own 'stereo typing' of Latin American women, by seeing the kind of ladies guys like Whitey are bringing home--and he's not the only lucky gent around here. These really seem like great women--'ladies' in the truest sense--warm and generous ladies who don't need you to be a 'lion tamer' to 'house break' them and don't seem prone to being volatile personality wise--not the fire eyed, knife and plate throwing spit dragons with 'dangerous curves' I sort of had in mind--sorta like Carmen Miranda, fruit basket hat and all--but with knives and machine guns...

That said, if I had to do it all over again, I'd probably go back to Asia, but I'd like to see what's a bit off the beaten path in some smaller cities in some lesser traveled S. American countries as well. If nothing else, it'd be a great vacation and cultural experience.

One thing I've become more conscious of in recent years, is how when we meet a woman on line and things seem to 'click'--it isn't long before we start to lay out what we really want in a wife, whether it's a woman who'll stay at home, cook, make babies, wants a garden and a white picket fence and sex seven days a week, or what...

What we end up doing way too early is by explaining exactly what we're looking for, and all too often, a woman will buy right into your 'wish list' and tell you how she really wants that too.

Sometimes she may even really think that it sounds great and really mean it, but you're creating a risky early situation by laying it all out for her to 'play along' with.

It's better to ask HER, what sort of life, married or otherwise that she'd like,  what she's looking for in a mate, where she'd like to see herself in five or ten years--to ask HER these questions and in doing so, getting into her mind a bit and seeing where she's really at, before you 'show your hand' so to speak.

[Dan Las Vegas]

the only way you are going to find out is to use some vacation, get on a plane and experience it firsthand!  Good luck no matter where you end up!!

Dan LV

[robert angel]

Well Dan---I was thinking of your recent trip to Bogota posts and the things you wrote about your lady as being in the same vein as Whitey's lovely fiance when I wrote.

Yes--all the on-line 'window shopping' in the world isn't going to get it done right--ther's no substitute for going there--and hopefully knowing a fair bit before landing about not just her, but her culture as well.

[robert angel]

Seeing how I made mention of her---does anybody here remember who Carmen Miranda was? She passed away a good number of years before I was even born, but her Hollywood legend goes on forever, due to her dancing, music and acting.

I like cinema, new and old and remember watching bits and pieces of her films and TV appearances--she was quite an entertainer.

By some accounts, she was the highest earning woman in the USA in the late 1940's and early 50's--anyways--it might bore some, but there are some video links that I found entertaining:

http://www.tcmdb.com/participant.jsp?participantId=132716

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carmen_Miranda

[Ray]

My father is a sea captain and he has to be away for long periods of times sometimes, my mother has a shy personality, loves to talk but doesn't like to party and they have had a happy marriage, in fact they are planning to go on a second honeymoon on their 30th anniversary next year.

Because of my parents I know a relationship like that can work, so maybe your odds will be even better if you can manage to find a patient girl that is understanding of your job, also it's important that when you do take that step, to make sure you have enough time to spend with her and for her to get to know your family/friends so she does not feel abandoned before you leave for work for the first time.

Very good advice IV!

And when your parents’ 30th rolls around, please wish them a happy anniversary from the members of PL…


Ray

[whitey]

I remember I once read on this forum about how if you are on a date with a latina and sit across the table instead of next to her, you might as well be across the room, I totally agree, the downside of having a very affectionate lady is that we crave for constant contact and some women can't handle being alone for too long.

Wow, I missed that post IV, but what a nugget of gold that is ... very good advice for those who are new to the latin culture. 

If I had to point to one thing about the latin culture that I like the most, this would be it ... the level of closeness and affection. 

Nazly and I always sit side by side at restaurants.  If we're in the same room, it's rare that we won't be holding hands.  She loves organizing my eyebrows (not that they are crazy old man eyebrows ... for some reason I think she has an eyebrow fetish ... there's some dude on a Colombian reality tv show with a unibrow right now that she thinks is very sexy).

I know that this level of intimacy will likely not last forever, but when I see other married couples in Colombia, many are still sitting on the same side of the table and touching, even if they are not holding hands ALL the time.

Sadly, when she comes here, there will be pressure on her not to do these things.  About a year ago, I was having lunch with some friends from work, and there was a Canadian and (probably) filipina couple eating lunch together.  They were sitting side by side, very affectionate, and she was touching his face several times over the course of the lunch.  Everyone else at my table was making snide comments about it, especially the woman that was with us.

Me, I was thinking what a lucky couple they were to have such an affectionate relationship.

IV ... un abrazote amiguita ... espero que nunca cambies ... 

[utopiacowboy]

It may last quite a while, Whitey. When we go to church, my wife always snuggles right up next to me and holds my hand and this is after 7 years of marriage.

[InnocentVixen]

Thanks Ray, will do.

and thank you whitey, I feel special 

[braziliangirl]

My father is a sea captain and he has to be away for long periods of times sometimes, my mother has a shy personality, loves to talk but doesn't like to party and they have had a happy marriage, in fact they are planning to go on a second honeymoon on their 30th anniversary next year.

Because of my parents I know a relationship like that can work, so maybe your odds will be even better if you can manage to find a patient girl that is understanding of your job, also it's important that when you do take that step, to make sure you have enough time to spend with her and for her to get to know your family/friends so she does not feel abandoned before you leave for work for the first time.

I have two uncles that were in the merchant navy almost all of their married lives. One of them is now working on a petrol platform. The other still goes on 6 months trips to China. They both have the most affectionate marriages I know. They are married for 20 and 30 years respectively.

So I also believe it can work and work very well.

[piglett]

 I know that both groups are big on family it just seems to that not being home everyday would be like asking for a failer. I love how phillipinoes seem a little more reserved and that they can speak english already. Seems like they are a little more family oriented then some latina's

I can only tell you what i have learned after marrying a pinay myself.
there are many many Philippine OFW's (overseas foreign workers) i have 2 sister inlaws who don't see their husbands for months at a time. I never saw any signs while there that they had ANY interest in any other man. If you have been lurking for a long time i you probably know that the odds are not so good if you marry a hot Latin chick given the fact that you are away from home for long periods of time. I myself just don't see her sticking around in a foreign country with zero family & few friends.
However don't get me wrong i am not saying ALL latins are this way, maybe you do find 1 that is really into you.


good luck
piglett  

[piglett]

hook,

I can’t speak for Latinas, but I have known hundreds of Navy guys married to Filipinas, and deployments away from home for 9 months to a year or more were common. How did the wives handle the separation? In most all cases, they readily took charge of the family business and there were no major problems with the separation.

But as always, your mileage may vary…  
Ray

A few years ago I was at a military base in Massachusetts, i had to pick up a large truck & deliver it to another state.
while waiting for the guys to load my trailer i started talking to a security guard who as it turned out had been in the Navy & stationed in the PI.
he told me that out of his 5 friends (3 were black guys & 2 were white)who married pinays while serving in the PI to the best of his knowledge ALL of them were still married & he had been out of the military for 12 years.Dude i would say that those are dam fine odds rite there, what do ya think??

Don't get me wrong some of those Latin babes are smoking hot & if i was still single i would just LOVE to hook up with one of them. nothing wrong with some good clean fun with a foreign chick.

piglett

 

[Jeff S]

You can't paint all Latinas nor all Pinays with the same broad brush. There are all kinds of people in any group. I know many extremely devoted Latinas, and a few really trashy Filipinas. I've posted many times before that had I married my wife's sister (who I met first,) I have no doubts that I'd either put a .45 in my mouth or been divorced within 2 or 3 years - and that's in the same family, from the same gene pool raised in the same environment and culture.

No matter where you look, you still have to either be luck or persistent enough to find someone you can work hard to make a life with, and one who is willing to work hard in return.

[z_k_g]

Jeff,

I agree that generalizations and stereotypes suck. 

But can you honesty say that a hot 25 year old latina will sit patiently at the house?  I just don't see it!

I'm a pretty fair guy, but...I would not take that chance....unless you loaned me that .45.

I'd err on the side of sanity and go with the 25  year old Pinay...better odds of success.

Just one man's opinion. 

Zulu

[Researcher]

    While some cultures may tolerate this kind of situation better it still comes down to the individual woman.The best thing you can do is be upfront and honest about the situation and use good judgement in choosing your mate.I'd say taking your time in the courting process would help just to see if they can handle a long distance relationship.


  Researcher

[william3rd]

Meanwhile- last week in the LA County Superior Court, one of those wonderful little Filipinas got tagged for a 180K judgment for stealing money for a retirement home in the PI from her American husband. She came as a fiancee, married, was cheating during the entire marriage, had her husband transfer a lot of money for the building of their dream home (which never got built), and bailed out as soon as she got her Naturalization. Her family members are on the way via the little darling's immigration petitions. Wouldnt be a bit surprised if some funky adoptions are in the works to makes sure that all the nieces and nephews can get here early!!!!!

This 25-30 ish did indeed stay at home like her husband wanted but was screwing a neighbor- or two or three. She never returned home after she got her swearing in notice.

Its the character of the woman, not the culture. It is my understanding that the woman was found through a tour service.  Since tour services only have a success rate of about 10%, this kind of result is pretty common.

[Zon]

I agree, generalizations suck - American men are all fat, terrible in bed, and can't dance.  This is what you hear "behind the scenes" often in Colombia - jejeje

And everything depends on an individual basis of evaluations.  I just want to chime in one WIII statement on agencies ....  I just spend a couple weeks in Vegas with two male friends from Russia.  They both are married to BEAUTIFUL Russian women.  I was able to see, without any self interest, or  MOB industry boostering, the perspective of agencies, or even internet dating from these people very clearly - and it was not good at all!

That does not mean foreign matches can not happen and be successful.  But, it puts into great question the motivation of people - men and women- who so ACTIVITY SEEK. 

Buyer Beware

[william3rd]

What?!?!?!?! How could those delicate, sweet, beautiful Russian women be content with those drunken, slovenly, unfaithful, unwashed Russian males?!?!?!?!?!?! OMG- dont tell the tour agencies-they might have to rethink their spiel. Naaah- they prey on the naive; no need to change.

Very relevent "chime in."

[Researcher]

Meanwhile- last week in the LA County Superior Court, one of those wonderful little Filipinas got tagged for a 180K judgment for stealing money for a retirement home in the PI from her American husband. She came as a fiancee, married, was cheating during the entire marriage, had her husband transfer a lot of money for the building of their dream home (which never got built), and bailed out as soon as she got her Naturalization. Her family members are on the way via the little darling's immigration petitions. Wouldnt be a bit surprised if some funky adoptions are in the works to makes sure that all the nieces and nephews can get here early!!!!!

This 25-30 ish did indeed stay at home like her husband wanted but was screwing a neighbor- or two or three. She never returned home after she got her swearing in notice.

Its the character of the woman, not the culture. It is my understanding that the woman was found through a tour service.  Since tour services only have a success rate of about 10%, this kind of result is pretty common.

   Reminds me of the story I heard before I went to the Philippines.This guy marries a filipina and brings her to the US.One day he decides to do a load of laundry himself and finds a wad of cash in the washing powders.Turns out his wife had been turning tricks out of their house while he was at work! There is no magic country of completely honest  and faithful women.You just have to go and find one on your own.


  Researcher

[piglett]

   Reminds me of the story I heard before I went to the Philippines.This guy marries a filipina and brings her to the US.One day he decides to do a load of laundry himself and finds a wad of cash in the washing powders.Turns out his wife had been turning tricks out of their house while he was at work! There is no magic country of completely honest  and faithful women.You just have to go and find one on your own.
  Researcher

i guess he married a bar girl without knowing it

pig

[fathertime]

I agree, generalizations suck - American men are all fat, terrible in bed, and can't dance.  This is what you hear "behind the scenes" often in Colombia - jejeje

And everything depends on an individual basis of evaluations.  I just want to chime in one WIII statement on agencies ....  I just spend a couple weeks in Vegas with two male friends from Russia.  They both are married to BEAUTIFUL Russian women.  I was able to see, without any self interest, or  MOB industry boostering, the perspective of agencies, or even internet dating from these people very clearly - and it was not good at all!

That does not mean foreign matches can not happen and be successful.  But, it puts into great question the motivation of people - men and women- who so ACTIVITY SEEK. 

Buyer Beware

Well Zon, My current position on agencies is that they are excellent for the right man. If you are the wrong type of man, they may increase your odds of getting burned.  Of course the agency you and William are referring to (AFA) is clearly doing some highly questionable stuff and that may well be typical of Russian agencies.

 My experience in Ukraine was a little different in a good way, but I think I was a little more armed with knowledge then your typical traveler, thanks to this forum.  If I were to travel to Russia/Ukraine again I would probably use an agency, maybe not in Colombia, only because my language skills are such that I can get around now.  Even still, it sure was nice to have the knockouts lined up and ready to go, leaving me with the sordid duty of sorting out who's who and what is real and phony.
Fathertime!

[mudd]

i have a few friends who are married to Philippians, all are still married, yes, generalization does suck, but i have only have met  very few girls from Colombia ( like 2 or 3) who would stick around if their husband was away at work for an extended period of time. its just their culture to party, be around family, go dancing and be outgoing. they get bored easily

 lets face it, Colombians are not  the " stay at home "  type, maybe  a Mexican or girl from Honduras would be a better choice, but in general, a Colombian, no way.

[Researcher]

You can't paint all Latinas nor all Pinays with the same broad brush.

     You can't paint all broads with a broad brush!!!!(just to re-phrase)


    Researcher

[hennatoes]

Well Zon, My current position on agencies is that they are excellent for the right man. If you are the wrong type of man, they may increase your odds of getting burned.

I think I'm the wrong type of man, because when I look at the women's profiles, I have no clue who might be a good match. I think my better strategy would be to go to the country and let someone know what I'm looking for in a wife.

i have a few friends who are married to Philippians

Do you know anyone married to Ephesians?

[fathertime]

i have a few friends who are married to Philippians, all are still married, yes, generalization does suck, but i have only have met  very few girls from Colombia ( like 2 or 3) who would stick around if their husband was away at work for an extended period of time. its just their culture to party, be around family, go dancing and be outgoing. they get bored easily

 lets face it, Colombians are not  the " stay at home "  type, maybe  a Mexican or girl from Honduras would be a better choice, but in general, a Colombian, no way.

Lets face facts here muddd, there are some ladies from Colombia that are 'stay at homers', you may not run across to many of them because you are probably out whooping it up (and I don't blame you), and the 'stay at homers' are doing what they do, which is stay at home!
My woman is a, stay at homer,  I think Alabamaboy's woman was also a stay at homer, and unless I'm mistaken so is Pivery's, maybe even Whitey's.  

Having a lifestyle where a brand new international wife is going to be home alone for months at a time is just not a great formula for success.  Maybe after the marriage is established, it would be a little more realistic.  If the lady is going to be home alone for months it might just be better to let her live in her home country where she can be near friends and family.  

Fathertime!