Question on redoing my profile

[chris010]

So I am going to change some of my profile on a site.  Would it be advisable, since I have been out of the game for so long to give alot of information about my intrests and hobbies or limit the information to just what I am looking for in a lady?

Also after reading several posts, I am gathering my status as "Divorced" should not overly kill my chances at finding a good match?  And I know this other question has been asked but honestly I just need to ask again, being 40 and having intrest from a 20 or 22 year old is very flattering, and makes me feel like a stud, but are they for real or should I look at this from a more conservative prospective of keeping the age with 10 years of my own even through I do want children?


Thanks

Chris

[z_k_g]

Welcome Chris,

So I am going to change some of my profile on a site.  Would it be advisable, since I have been out of the game for so long to give alot of information about my intrests and hobbies or limit the information to just what I am looking for in a lady?

I would include the basics and for sure include that you are divorced, you will want only interested parties, and weed out the probers.

And I know this other question has been asked but honestly I just need to ask again, being 40 and having interest from a 20 or 22 year old is very flattering, and makes me feel like a stud, but are they for real or should I look at this from a more conservative prospective of keeping the age with 10 years of my own even through I do want children?

Your age preference is of course up to you and your personal tastes.  

I love attractive women of all ages and if a woman happens to be 20 and interested in me then I don't have a problem with that; you will find a sincere interest from younger women in the Philippines.  

That young woman will be looking for a husband and not a sugar daddie, (as sadly, would more likely be the case here in the states)

Without getting on a soapbox, I would like to address your hidden point, I'm assuming this of course, but, I gather that you are rather uneasy and feel there is that there is inherently something "wrong" with you having a loving relationship with a younger woman, specifically one that's 20 years your junior.

Over the last 20 years or so our culture (USA) has developed this significant stigma associated with men and younger women.  Its at a frenzy level now in our country where men who coach or teach young women sports or dance are now subject to such high levels of scrutiny that they quit for fear of being falsely accused and labeled and scarred for life by our courts.  

Their fears are not totally unfounded because now you can be jailed for "a look" or a "feeling" of impropriety concerning a minor.

Kinda Sucks for the fathers who look at the high school cheering squad!  

That leads me to my point in your case.  You obviously (to me) want to put distance from any idea that you might be a perv, and a 20 yo is too close to "jailbait" and the accusing glances of the local PTA as you walk down the street or in the mall with your 25 yo pinay bride (who barely looks 15) OMG!

Guess what?  That 30 yo, safe pinay that you want, will still look 16 until she reaches her late 40's.  So you have another 20 years being viewed as a crib robber and stigmatized by every American woman that eyes you with your super hot pinay wife.

So my point is this:  What you gonna do?

Find you a good, sincere, and beautiful woman, no matter what (legal) AGE, that will love you, take care of you, raise your kids and stay with you for life,

OR

Take all the mental and social limitations and silliness that exists with age difference in the US and limit your opportunities in Asia?

The choice is yours.

Zulu

[Ray]

So I am going to change some of my profile on a site.  Would it be advisable, since I have been out of the game for so long to give alot of information about my intrests and hobbies or limit the information to just what I am looking for in a lady?

Also after reading several posts, I am gathering my status as "Divorced" should not overly kill my chances at finding a good match?  And I know this other question has been asked but honestly I just need to ask again, being 40 and having intrest from a 20 or 22 year old is very flattering, and makes me feel like a stud, but are they for real or should I look at this from a more conservative prospective of keeping the age with 10 years of my own even through I do want children?


Thanks

Chris

Chris,

From your original description of what kind of woman you were looking for, I would stay away from the 20-22 year-olds.

Instead of setting an age difference of 10 years, try the Half Your Age + 7 rule. For you, that would be 27 & up which is still young enough to have children but with an adult maturity.

And I really don’t think most of these ladies are going to be very interested in your interests and hobbies. Just leave out any reference to income, assets, or specifics about your career at first.

Ray

[chris010]

All great points, and I guess my concern over the age factor is I was a cop for 5 years and now work in the corrections field and I deal with the "pervy" types all day and just honeslty it never crossed my mind that a 20 or 22 yr old would find any intrest in a 40 year old other then money or status gain.

[Jeff S]

Well, get used to it. Welcome to Asia. We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto.

A better question might be what does a 40 year old man see in a 20 year old woman? There's nothing a 20 year old can do that a 30 year old can't do better, and if you intend to make her your life partner, you'd better pick one that can hold up her end of the partnership.

[robert angel]

Any 20 y/o is going to be a lot less mature and have a lot less 'life experiences' including in the bedroom, than most guys 30 y/o and up. For most foreign gals,  the difference there is much greater--they'll also have to adapt to the ways of your country as well. There's a lot to be said for or against any one age group.

Be careful of what you wish for. Dreams can easily become nightmares.

I just think that if you're marrying a woman in her 20's, you'd better be able to shift gears and think along the lines of what worked best when you were in your late teens--LOTS of attention, physically, verbally, gifts, (they don't have to be expensive), cards, (today text messages in the middle of the work day) and more. She needs to be reassured more often--younger types--not familiar with relationships, not established in careers, may feel insecure and need reinforcement. LOTs of it, too.

Hell-I'll fess up, there are times, especially when I'm caught up in all of life's B.S., when even my wife reminds me,

 "Honeyyyy----I'm young--I need attention (well a bit more) pampering and surprises too!"

NO--it's nothing like AW's and it's not a case of becoming 'over Americanized'--and she'd be happier if I as a surprise, I bought some Victoria's secret perfume, or a little bauble to send to her Mom or sisters more than to give her, usually---it's just a fact that the chances are mighty high that a gal in her 20's will require more attention, more maintenance, than a woman in her mid 30's or 40's. If you're up to it, they're more than willing to test your mettle and a few other things as well...

[Jedironin]

Sort of along the lines of what Robert is saying... when I was 23 I dated a 17-yr. old. Not a big "age difference", but I was too old to get into the "teen clubs" and she wasn't old enough to get into bars. Besides going to the mall or a movie, there wasn't a lot we could do together with groups of friends (in our area). I suspect you'd have some of that same issue, the larger the age difference, the more different their interests will be, imo.

Personally, I'm looking for someone in their mid-30's. I DO want to have kids, so the one's that are 40's -50's I think would be somewhat past that age, you know? Yes, there are exceptions to every rule, but generally, if I'm going to spend the time, money and effort to search overseas, I'm going to try to develop a plan and stick to it, if possible.

Guys- am I nuts? 

[z_k_g]

All great points, and I guess my concern over the age factor is I was a cop for 5 years and now work in the corrections field and I deal with the "pervy" types all day....

Most Asian women will look 10 to 20 years younger, are quite a bit shorter (except for the Japanese) and very thin how will you handle that?

(Make her dress to look older? Carry a sign that says "My wife is 30 not 16!!")

Perception is king and if and when you find a perfect match you will be faced with the perv factor from your fellow Americans (especially the older women)!  

Welcome to your new life!!  They will be looking for you on the perv registry!!  

Zulu

[z_k_g]

Well, get used to it. Welcome to Asia. We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto.

A better question might be what does a 40 year old man see in a 20 year old woman? There's nothing a 20 year old can do that a 30 year old can't do better, and if you intend to make her your life partner, you'd better pick one that can hold up her end of the partnership.

Jeff, Good points!!

The younger bride issue is also about perception and how we view age difference between men and women in relationships in this country.

Now even a 40 yo guy and 30 yo perks attention in good old USA if your 30 yo bride happens to be Asian or Latina (who looks all of 16).  We foreign "wife hunters" need to understand and accept that paradigm.  

My impression is that Chris just wants the "look", the pretty Asian babe on the outside, completely acceptable by all American standards in every other way!!  He will catch some heat and unwanted criticism, he should understand that fact.

Also, I just wanted him to keep an open mind as far as age is concerned, whatever his final choice.

Zulu

[chris010]

Aye true, I just have to adjust to the fact that my "Americanized" outlook of relationships and age difference will be going out the window and pretty much I am fine with that.  I am sure I will find the right one, it is just the adjustment phase between the differnet outlooks and values on age that I will need to work out within myself.  Once again thank you all for your insight, these are just concerns I had especially with the background I come from.  Either way I am differently looking forward to opening up a new chapter in my life.


Chris

[z_k_g]

Either way I am differently looking forward to opening up a new chapter in my life.

Your big paradigm shift will occur when you find your choice and have to learn her culture.  The most significant chapter will be embracing her and where she comes from and not trying to change her to fit your "mold" or what you think she should be as a wife.

On the flip side, make sure that she can accept you and your culture, what it means to be an American, that's also important.  Find a woman with an open mind.  Engage her in serious conversations once, you weed out the probers, and find that "one woman" and you get to know her for a few months.

Read the P-L Archives so you can understand the issues and concerns and really go inside of yourself to see if you can accept the potential issues and concerns that accompany this significant life choice. 

Study her culture, do internet searches on her city, read her city newspaper online, ask to chat with her sisters and brothers and parents and friends.

Have fun!! 

Zulu

[Dave H]

Well, get used to it. Welcome to Asia. We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto.

There's nothing a 20 year old can do that a 30 year old can't do better...

Hey Jeff,

...and a 35 year old even better! Yes, Asians do seem to get better with age! Maybe we should keep that our little secret. 

Dave

[Jeff S]

... and a 45 even better, and a 55 - WOW.

[Dave H]

... and a 45 even better, and a 55 - WOW.

Hey Jeff,

I don't think that I can handle a 45 or 44 y/o right now.  3 years and my wife turns 40...she still looks like a little school girl!  No wonder AW's are trying to make this illegal and put an end it! 

Dave

[chris010]

Thanks guys for your informative insight into the age factor, I do appericate it.

Chris

[Bob_S]

years and my wife turns 40...she still looks like a little school girl! 

Yeah, but do you dress up in sailor school girl costumes with her? (Horrific flashbacks of my last Anime-Expo.)

[jm21-2]

I'm 27 and would feel uncomfortable about marrying a 20yo girl. They are not self-aware enough to be ready for marriage, imho. Fine to date and see how things work out but when you're talking about a girl from Asia you are probably talking about marriage due to the distance.

A lot of guys here say each girl is different and my 18yo fiance is so mature, but I don't really buy it. Too many guys that "just happen" to get with the youngest girl they were dating. Hey, I'm a guy, I understand youth is attractive to guys, but I think some of the guys here with the big age gaps are unwilling to admit that and that stalls them from really thinking about the problems associated with marrying a very young girl.

In any case this topic has been discussed ad nauseum many times. I stick with my nothing under 25 rule. I don't see the need to risk it to have a girl a couple years younger but with a much higher chance of divorce. My fiance is a year older than me, looks younger than me, is very mature, and has only had one boyfriend besides me. I can live with that rather than having to put up with an 18yo kid.

[chris010]

Yeah, Well with all the possibilities out there I believe starting my lower range from 25 or 27 on up is a good thing, and honestly will still give me plenty of options to look at.

[z_k_g]

Yeah, Well with all the possibilities out there I believe starting my lower range from 25 or 27 on up is a good thing, and honestly will still give me plenty of options to look at.

Good to see you are listening to our advice.  That range will open up your chances of getting a great pinay!!

That very option 25-27 would NOT be a close or viable consideration in the USA!  In fact an American babe that young wouldn't be giving you the time of day unless you were paying her bills or she was working as your "secretary", hehe!  And she would still have a "real" boyfriend!

But....Asia is a wonderful place....you are not in Kansas anymore!!

Can I get an Amen? 

Zulu 

[chris010]

I was shocked honestly when 20-22 yrs old replied to my first profile, but after reading all the advice and keeping with my own thoughts and feelings the 25-27 yr old starting point will be the best, although it was nice to see intrest from a 20 yr old . ( even if it was just for ego's sake)


Thanks again all

Chris