Where to Begin?

[reveis]

Lets's say I join filipina heart or cherry blossoms and start writing to someone from Phillipines.  And after awhile we like each other enough to meet.  Considering the cost and time of a trip from USA, what are the pros and cons of writing to 2 or 3 women so there are addtional options if things don't click with my first choice?

[Ray]

The pro’s:  You may save some money by meeting multiple ladies in one trip.

The con’s: Too many to list them all.

1. You can’t spend very much time with one lady

2. You may scare all of them off when they find out what you are doing. Don’t ever try to hide the fact that you are visiting other women during your trip! Be honest about it.

3. When you meet their family and friends, everyone is going to automatically assume that it is a serious relationship likely leading to marriage. When you “dump” her for another of your interests, she’ll be subject to shame…not good!

My advice would be to take them one at a time (one per trip) until you find the right one.

If you’re not real sure about her yet, I would be vague about how long you will be there and don’t make any long-term commitments that will tie you up for the entire trip, just in case you need to bail out. Don’t promise to stay at her home, but get a room nearby instead. Then later if it is working out, you can always accept an invitation to stay at her home for a few days and get to know the family.

For a backup plan, you can have several names and phone numbers of girls who don’t know you’re coming over, so you could call one up and surprise her. May be a better option than wasting the rest of your trip in Angeles City…   

Ray

[ignorante]

Wow, very different advice from the latin board.

[Woody]

Wow, very different advice from the latin board.

Different culture. If it was Colombia, most would say have at least two women to visit, probably three. Telling them about each other would be generally unadvised too.

Like I said, different culture.

[whitey]

Wow, very different advice from the latin board.

That's because the cultures are different, and also because in Latin America they are accustomed to men coming down and meeting women through marriage agencies (where the man will be meeting and dating potentially many women before making a choice).

No matter where you go in the world, a woman will not be thrilled to learn that you are planning to meet and date more than one person ... but it's more accepted in LA.

[piglett]

i was at one point chatting with just 2 ladies at once.
i just couldn't keep my facts straight on both of them so i had to make a choice.
at one point i asked lady #2 if i was hot in Manila that day
she responded " i don't really know because i live out in the province" WHOOPS!!!
a couple of weeks later i decided to focus on just 1 (the better looking of the two)
as it turned out i ended up marrying her a little more than a year later


piglett

[robert angel]

Gotta say that from what I know about the Philippines, Ray nailed it. For sure it is one hell of an expensive 'blind date' to spend all that money and time, intent on finding her--THE right one on the first try, but hopefully you've taken the time and done your homework, so you'll at least have someone nice who'll 'tour' you around parts of the Philippines --if nothing else--a great vacation and a learning experience about their culture, etc.

As per Ray:-->>>For a backup plan, you can have several names and phone numbers of girls who don’t know you’re coming over, so you could call one up and surprise her. May be a better option than wasting the rest of your trip in Angeles City<<<

Yup--chances are, if you've put in the time meeting and chatting a bunch of girls who you 'met' on Fil Heart and or Cherry Blossoms, you've got a fair amount of Yahoo smiley faces lit up at any given time, ladies that you could call on in a worse case scenario....

My first trip, things fell apart with the girl I was sweet on a while before I was supposed to go.
 
My RT tickets were non refundable, and I had just enough time to be able to put together a 'Plan B' which got me out of Manila and off to Cebu, which at that time, was much nicer than Manila, (that's not saying much) with a lovely, moral lady I had chatted casually for a while with, then more intensely once I suddenly became 'available' again. She and I had a great time and we seriously considered marriage, but it just didn't 'feel right'. I am distant friends to this day with both 'lady A' and 'lady B' from those days, basically sending 'Merry X mas and Happy New Years each year.

Stupid thing was that when things with girl number one fell apart, I was sad and annoyed and not using my right mind and I announced in the chat room on Cherry Blossoms what hotel I'd be staying at while in Manila and when I was flying in. I was in Manila for a few days before and after our Cebu adventures, and I swear, there were girls there every day, showing up and waiting in the lobby to meet me and that did NOT make my new GF happy.

Some girls even brought their Mothers--expecting that some magic would happen. Coming into or leaving the hotel, I would pull my hat down over my face when entering the hotel lobby, trying to avoid any glances and the guy working behind the hotel desk, who every day, had more 'messages' that were left for me.

I felt like Mick Jagger, John Mayer or some such, and the timing of glare of the adulation wasn't as great as it could've been, believe me!

Regarding Angeles City--yea, you'll get laid all right--but your chances of finding good wife material there are remote. Plus, you won't get anything near a 'real' taste of the Philippines. I've never set foot in a bar over there, although one of these days, I might check out some of the Makati (Manila) 'gentlemen's clubs', just for the spectacle---I've heard they're interesting, and I must admit I've been tempted to have a 'look see'.....

[Jeff S]

You may have stumbled on quite a technique there Rob. Put an announcement on the dating sites that you'll be at a this hotel in Manila this week and that hotel in Cebu the next, and just see who shows up.

[Dave H]

3. When you meet their family and friends, everyone is going to automatically assume that it is a serious relationship likely leading to marriage. When you “dump” her for another of your interests, she’ll be subject to shame…not good!

Ray

..and for God's avoid getting her pregnant!

[z_k_g]

I am somewhat of a newbie and have had to consider this question also.

When you first start your search you will have 3 or 4 good prospects, all very high potentials.

I would choose 1 and just let the others go.  Why?  Because pinays really believe in love.  If you are talking to 2 pinays over an extended period, both will be making that assumptions, no matter what you tell them!!  That is not a situation I would want to find myself entwined, yuck!!

So....Keep it simple.  If you have average judgment skills and read the archives here you will meet a fantastic pinay!!

Zulu

[robert angel]

Jeff,

Re:

>>You may have stumbled on quite a technique there Rob. Put an announcement on the dating sites that you'll be at a this hotel in Manila this week and that hotel in Cebu the next, and just see who shows up.<<

Yikes---I think it would work well for a guy who didn't have a clear, girl # 1, 2, 3 etc plan. I still feel you should go to see one girl at a time, a girl you've gotten to know well enough that you'll be able to travel and enjoy various 'things' with, but if I wasn't hooked up at that time, I could've easily had three dates a day.

But yea guys--if you want to live a mile (or KM)  a minute in Manila or Cebu, just hang out in Blossoms or Filipinacupid (was Filipinaheart) chatrooms until the lot of them know you're a good guy, have seen your pictures etc.,  and then tell them when and where you'll be in Manila and they will 'drop by' and even wait for you come through the lobby to meet you. It's a very heady feeling.

Part of it was because for over two years, I was on Cherry Blossoms a lot and I had a pretty wide 'network' of casual female friends and you know first it's five, soon it's 25, then 125 , then 625 girls and so on, as the people in various cliques discuss your merits or lack thereof. I knew Mike and the CB staff back then and a couple monitors have told me I can come back and visit for free--'hang out' so to speak, but I don't think the Missus wants me hanging out there--it's bad enough that on a couple occasions, she's gotten sore with me that I didn't wrap up one of my always short--ha ha posts here on P-L, so we could get out of the house, jump in bed--whatever.

I don't need to get mixed up--messed up in a Chatroom with a bunch of hungry Pinays at this point!

[Dave H]

You may have stumbled on quite a technique there Rob. Put an announcement on the dating sites that you'll be at a this hotel in Manila this week and that hotel in Cebu the next, and just see who shows up.

Hey Jeff,

I would say that most of these ladies wouldn't be good wife material! Some would be "professionals" and other ladies looking for a cash cow. Any descent Filipina wouldn't be showing up at your hotel doorstep based on an announcement placed on a dating site...unless she was desperate for a foreigner (read financial hardships). A personal invitation would be a different matter. She may come...with half of her family. I know a number of Filipinas who met their husbands at hotel "meet and greets." All are now divorced (on their 2nd or 3rd husbands) and one widowed, remarried, and pregnant before the 1 year death anniversary of her late husband.

Another problem with meeting Filipinas this way is that they are very romantic and become attached quickly. You might have World War 3 on your hands! Even bargirls don't want their boyfriends seeing other ladies.

Dave

[robert angel]

Most of the girls I met because they knew what hotel I was staying at and showed up, did have, to differing degrees, a certain 'hard luck' look to them. One was a Dentist though, very attractive, and offered to do any dental work I might need for free. I had chatted her at length several times previously. I'd dread to imagine if she had me in her dental chair, with sharp pointy objects in my mouth and had found out I was carousing a few other Pinays 'on the side'...A few 'ladies' brought their Moms, which was weird, and a few brought a couple friends, probably figuring I'd take them out to lunch, maybe shopping--who knows....

But as Dave indicates, it's far from the optimum way to meet a prospective wife--it's a very long shot at best and maybe a good way to get a scorching case of the clap while you're at it--if you pursue any number of those girls.

And as Dave says:

>>Another problem with meeting Filipinas this way is that they are very romantic and become attached quickly. You might have World War 3 on your hands! Even bargirls don't want their boyfriends seeing other ladies.<<

Yea---the girl who was staying with me was NOT happy with the situation and did not like me leaving the room to head down to or past the lobby area get the newspaper or on any similar 'errrands' alone. I very, very quickly saw how jealous and angry a filipina can get. This gal didn't really do the 'tampo' thing--if she was mad, she let you know clearly.

She had every right to be mad and jealous in this particular situation, but ultimately, it was her temper--which at other times, was unnecessarily set forth in an 'over the top' way, that was the reason we didn't take it a step further towards the wedding isle.

It was probably also the sad reason why the British millionaire who married her (in the Philippines) after I was out of the picture, then one day totally disappeared. She later found out he was alive and well back in Britain, but he refused all further contact with her---a real ass w/o class. Money sure doesn't buy 'class' or manners.....He basically had to take out an advertisement in a British newspaper, saying they had been apart a long while and were as such, technically divorced and the English court deemed him legally free to do it all over again.

She had left a good job in Pasig to marry the guy--lived a life of wealth with him, only to be abandoned and left so poor that even after hocking her gold and diamonds, she couldn't put enough away for the far away day when she could pay for an annulment or even to fly to Dubai for the promise of a better job. She's back in Cebu, trying to raise the son she bore before she met me or the Brit, going it alone. Her son hates the public schools he's forced to attend now--he was used to making straight A's in the most exclusive private school.

I think that if a Filipina likes--loves you--she and her family probably aren't going to want to let you out of their sight or for very long, if at all. I think the day my wife stops being jealous or curious as to what I'm doing or where I'm going, it'll be  a bad sign. There are differences in every man and woman out there, but I think that in general, Filipinas are more possessive, jealous and curious as to what you've done and what you might be doing.

They are also very romantic, usually more easy to fall in love and more into things like birthdays, Valentines day and other holidays.

A mushy, sentimental bunch.

Speaking of holidays--we spoke with my wife's family last week (and a few times since then, as usual) and my wife explained afterwards that as the "Bers" had started, so had the Christmas music on the radio and the season in general. I thought she meant the "Brrrs--as in in 'Brrrr' --I'm cold". She explained--"No Honey---in the Philippines--the "bers" are the Christmas season--"SeptemBER, OctoBER, NovemBER and DecemBER.

There's a lot to learn, guys...

[piglett]

Another problem with meeting Filipinas this way is that they are very romantic and become attached quickly. You might have World War 3 on your hands! Even bargirls don't want their boyfriends seeing other ladies.

Dave

But hey U might get to see a good cat fight

piglett

[thekfc]

Speaking of holidays--we spoke with my wife's family last week (and a few times since then, as usual) and my wife explained afterwards that as the "Bers" had started, so had the Christmas music on the radio and the season in general. I thought she meant the "Brrrs--as in in 'Brrrr' --I'm cold". She explained--"No Honey---in the Philippines--the "bers" are the Christmas season--"SeptemBER, NovemBER and DecemBER.

There's a lot to learn, guys...

I just ask Ahya (we just finish chatting a few seconds ago) if she knew what the "bers" was & she gave me the same answer - Sept, Oct, Nov, Dec. She haven't heard any x-mas music yet but she seldom listen to the radio.

[throwawaydad]

Hey Gentlemen:

There is a FM radio station that plays 24/7 Christmas music starting November 1.  Nice way to cut back on personnel burden, as well.

[Heruamen]

    Ray's advice is good, maybe have some backup numbers cause when you meet in person she may not feel right like the other poster said.  I have experienced this personally and ended up wishing that i had not left every phone number and ym address i had back home in the state.  While chatting with this particular woman who was my one and only i let go of all the other women i was chatting with cold turkey cause i was so sure she was the one.  In person though it was not a good match.  I would avoid making too many permanent promises until you meet in person that way you could possibly avoid hurting her.  Pinays do fall in love and get attached quickly so a lot of times i try to tell them to just slow down and take the time so we can know each other.  The only bad thing about having several women as options is the terrible feeling you get when you have to let some one go and you know you hurt them.  If I was doing it all over again though I would have some kind of back up, but I would do it like Ray said and not let the others know i was coming.  And Dave got it right FOR GOD SAKE DON'T GET THEM PREGNANT!!

[Dave H]

Hey Heruamen,

I couldn't get off the plane and go to my wedding. But some guys have practically done that and for some it seems to have worked out. The purpose of my first visit was to meet in person and see if we still had the chemistry in person that we had in letters and phone calls. If not, a nice vacation and back to the drawing board. Backup numbers would not be a bad idea. But as Ray mentioned, I would keep your visit a secret, unless it didn't work out with your number 1.

     And Dave got it right FOR GOD SAKE DON'T GET THEM PREGNANT!!

Sorry that you are caught between a rock and a hard place! You are not alone...I know quite a few guys in the same boat. One guy's (living in the PI) wife took off with his former "best friend" and left him with a one year old. In my book, he got damn lucky! He got custody and she is a dual citizen. Hopefully, others will learn from your experience. How is it going?

Dave

[Heruamen]

    Its okay Dave its all going to work out. I have a beautiful daughter. But I really want the the poster to understand that you can't be sure of anything 100% till you meet in person.  Like you said Dave the chemistry that you enjoyed in cam or on the phone may not be there in person face to face, or even in the bedroom. So dude just keep your mind open. Maybe keep the other girls as friends just don't promise them the moon or sky cause they get hurt really easily.  If you do decide to have backup girls Don't tell them that you know for sure you want them to be your wife just let them know you are interested but want to take you time getting to know them before you are sure.  The mature ones will understand.  That will minimize you hurting their feelings if you don't end up being with them.  Any way getting to know and talking with filipina women will be a wonderful experience for you cause in general they are just great women and great human beings.

[z_k_g]

Its okay Dave its all going to work out. I have a beautiful daughter.

Congrats!

Zulu