Any advice on where to try next?

[Pivery]

 I'm not sure if Quixote has been reading the comments people have been posting for his benefit,
but I hope that he has since there is a wealth of information for him here. Regardless of where he
chooses to try (or retry again), he needs to take some time and write down what he brings to the
table for a prospective woman, what mistakes he felt he made (some repeatedly) and what he feels
he could sharpen up on / change completely for the next outing.

Quixote, you should make this 'list' for yourself and not so much for our benefit, but you should give us
some feedback on how you feel about the advice given up to this point. I think I speak for pretty much
everyone here in that no one wants to see your posts about how you have crashed and burned anymore.
Before heading back outside, take as much advice to heart as you feel fits your scenario and decide what
type of woman fits who you are. The 1-10 hotness myth should not be something to be considered. You
are looking for a wife who is obviously atractive to your taste, but COMPATIBLE. Everyone who has a
functioning and healthy relationship here has smartly placed compatibility ahead of 'hotness'.
Who cares how hot she looks in a pair of shorts if you end up where you are now again?

Fathertime, would you please consider changing your avatar for the benefit of the board? I'm really having a
difficult time with your pic!

Well I had to ask!
 

Pivery

[z_k_g]

I don't see the hard shells or the games.  What I see are decent, hard-working, loving young women who only want a faithful man to make a good life with and raise a family.  

I once sat across the dinner table from one of Nazly's single friends and after I had related the story of how we met and fell in love, her friend leaned over and said to me with this dreamy smile, "that's what I want ... that's all I want for my life".  She ended up catching our wedding bouquet, so maybe she's next!

Whitey, you are so deep on the inside you can't see it!!  

I never said that these young hot things were BAD people!  What I'm saying is that they have a certain mentality when it comes to men that makes them jaded and somewhat "hard" when they are dating, its more like a game and less like such a "lovey dovey" experience.  

ok, a good example- Think about New York City.  When you walk down the street in Manhattan, everyone has a certain look, persona, attitude.  Its a shell that has been developed over the years to deal with a city that's jammed packed with 10 million souls.  These aren't bad people, they just have adjusted to deal with the lack of personal space and the necessity to be somewhat distant in a crowd of people inches from you and in your face day after day!!

Thats how latinas are with relationships.  Their men treat them a certain way; their men are always looking at other women, maintaining girlfriends, mistresses, screwing around, etc and they know it!!  They develop a sense of survival and it translates into a hustler mentality!  

Maybe its lessened among the younger women, teens or so, but heck the young girls grow up watching and learning the game from their older brothers, uncles, even their fathers and grandfathers!! (Not to mention watching how the females participate!) Its just one big open secret.  When they are women they understand the reality, the do not live in the matrix and they treat men accordingly!!

I think an American who goes into this feeding frenzy, Latin America, without his eyes wide open and understanding how the Latinas think, live, love and breath, are doing themselves a disservice.

I think you got lucky, not because you met the right woman, but because your wife decided NOT to submit you to the feeding frenzy!!  She grew up seeing the harsh reality, she knows the score!

But she spared you the torture and gave you a get out of jail free card.

But, the reality is, most naive American guys don't get such an opportunity, look for the hot LATINA 10, and get the full Latina Monty!

The Latina's that want an American husband and seek to break the cycle are the real keepers!  They are exactly like your wife, they are sick of that rat race and are ready to get the hell off the track!

Quixote need to find these Latinas!!  (Easier said than done!!)

Zulu

[Dave H]

Haha ... no heat Zulu, but my experience and opinions are very different from what you describe.

I was never in the dating game in Colombia ... I lucked out, met someone wonderful through a mutual friend, and got to know her slowly as friends over many months before we met each other in person and fell in love.  So ... maybe I'm a little naive as to what's out there.

Hey whitey,

You are a very lucky man! The best method overall IMHO! I am quite experienced when it comes to Latinas, but didn't have a clue with Filipinas! It is also easy to choose the wrong lady in the Philippines since they are usually the friendliest ones (not shy), are used to speaking English with foreigners, and can act so sweet and innocent! I was also lucky to have met my Filipina wife through a mutual friend.

Does anyone have a nice Latina friend or family member that they can introduce Quixote to?

Dave

[braziliangirl]

Does anyone have a nice Latina friend or family member that they can introduce Quixote to?

I do. In fact many. He just has to tell me what he is looking for...

[Researcher]

 

   Hey Whitey you hit the nail on the head.I spent many years looking around in Colombia and saw many gringos bite the dust.Most of it was due to their own foolishness, even though they would rather blame it on the women.Truth is no one forced them to choose the women they did they just picked the wrong ones. When they finally do get lucky they think they found the "magic place" to find a woman.More depends on you than anything else really.

    The Asian board kind of reminds me of The Island of Misfit Toys, everybody needs someplace to go. (just kidding)hehehehehe


  Researcher

[CeeTeeEnn]

"The Latina's that want an American husband and seek to break the cycle are the real keepers!  They are exactly like your wife, they are sick of that rat race and are ready to get the hell off the track! Quixote need to find these Latinas!! (Easier said than done!!)"

I salute you Zulu; never have truer words been spoken on this forum. And it's not just Qixote who needs to find a Latina like this - it's all us singletons here.

Yes, it is easier said than done but the "keepers" are not that difficult to spot. They are the ones who will make at least some effort to learn English, appreciate Western music such as rock or classical, read up on the movie world, or maybe the political and business goings on in North America or Europe. They may join agencies but are more likely to put profiles on more reputable Websites like friendfinder and bide their time until the right gringo comes along.

Conversely, the Latinas who claim to be interested in us but who don't speak a word of English (usually blaming "lack of opportunities" and "poverty" etc.) or who insist on teaching us to dance in front of all their little friends before attempting to learn anything about our ways, or who don't answer their mobiles when you call (preferring to comunicate by SMS, and changing their numbers every month) are the "avoiders".

Never confuse the two

[z_k_g]

Conversely, the Latinas who claim to be interested in us but who don't speak a word of English (usually blaming "lack of opportunities" and "poverty" etc.) or who insist on teaching us to dance in front of all their little friends before attempting to learn anything about our ways, or who don't answer their mobiles when you call (preferring to comunicate by SMS, and changing their numbers every month) are the "avoiders".

Never confuse the two

Welcome to the Latina circus ride!

The real key is finding the Latinas that 100% understand the "game" and are refusing to play, for whatever reasons.  I think its because they are true romantics and believe in true love.  That sounds pretty sappy, but I think its true. 

Whitey found one with that heart, she took a chance and he proved to be a good bet

Yes, it is easier said than done but the "keepers" are not that difficult to spot. They are the ones who will make at least some effort to learn English, appreciate Western music such as rock or classical, read up on the movie world, or maybe the political and business goings on in North America or Europe. They may join agencies but are more likely to put profiles on more reputable Websites like friendfinder and bide their time until the right gringo comes along.

All true, but one problem....

They are very few of the keepers and the competition is keen!!

(Understanding this point, that's why I decided to pursue my luck in Asia, specifically pinays.)

Zulu

[Dave H]

I do. In fact many. He just has to tell me what he is looking for...

Hey braziliangirl,

That is a Golden Opportunity from a Great Lady! A personal introduction to meet a nice lady. Who could ask for more?

Dave

[fathertime]

   Hey Whitey you hit the nail on the head.I spent many years looking around in Colombia and saw many gringos bite the dust.Most of it was due to their own foolishness, even though they would rather blame it on the women.Truth is no one forced them to choose the women they did they just picked the wrong ones. When they finally do get lucky they think they found the "magic place" to find a woman.

    The Asian board kind of reminds me of The Island of Misfit Toys, everybody needs someplace to go. (just kidding)hehehehehe


  Researcher

Hola!
I highlighted the area where I am perhaps missing your point.  It would appear to me that you have an issue with a person that possibly made poor decisions and then found a 'keeper' by luck or a good decision.  I think that many men go through a few ladies before finding the one they want. Perhaps there is a point you are trying to make here, but I'm not seeing it.  Of course, I agree with the point about the biggest factor being the man himself, to me that is a given, although a certain % of men fail to believe this to be true.

Fathertime!

[utopiacowboy]

"Yes, it is easier said than done but the "keepers" are not that difficult to spot. They are the ones who will make at least some effort to learn English, appreciate Western music such as rock or classical, read up on the movie world, or maybe the political and business goings on in North America or Europe. They may join agencies but are more likely to put profiles on more reputable Websites like friendfinder and bide their time until the right gringo comes along."

I disagree completely. All the qualities you mention are the ones that I would master if I was a Colombiana eager to gull foolish gringos. Basically you want a Colombiana who isn't a Colombiana but who is a wannbe gringa. I can't imagine anything worse. I have a suggestion, how about learning the language and the culture?

[JimD]

With the above you are to be credited with at least one perspicuous post out of the 2551 recorded for you to date

[Researcher]

Hola!
I highlighted the area where I am perhaps missing your point.  It would appear to me that you have an issue with a person that possibly made poor decisions and then found a 'keeper' by luck or a good decision.  I think that many men go through a few ladies before finding the one they want. Perhaps there is a point you are trying to make here, but I'm not seeing it.  Of course, I agree with the point about the biggest factor being the man himself, to me that is a given, although a certain % of men fail to believe this to be true.

Fathertime!

     What I am referring to are the guys who get burned by some Colombiana then go find a woman in another country.After that they blame all of Colombia for them getting burned.It has to be the country's fault otherwise their mother would be wrong when she said her son was perfect.That's all I'm saying.As someone who has travelled to other countries I know that the place has little to do with it.The choices we make has the most to do with it.


  Researcher

[fathertime]

     What I am referring to are the guys who get burned by some Colombiana then go find a woman in another country.After that they blame all of Colombia for them getting burned.It has to be the country's fault otherwise their mother would be wrong when she said her son was perfect.That's all I'm saying.As someone who has travelled to other countries I know that the place has little to do with it.The choices we make has the most to do with it.


  Researcher

Gotcha that makes sense to me.  Once a person has traveled a bit he is likely a different person and if he goes to another country and then find a wife, it is not because of the new country necessarily, it is because he is a different more savy person.  Hopefully people in this situation don't trash the first countries women when it is really the 'new them' that has changed and been the important factor.

Fathertime!

[CeeTeeEnn]

UT, in reply to your quote:

"I disagree completely. All the qualities you mention are the ones that I would master if I was a Colombiana eager to gull foolish gringos."

I beg to differ. From what I have read and witnessed, the "player" Colombianas are the sexy young 9-10s with sexy clothes and even sexier dance moves, who flirt with gullible tourist gringos and lead them on in various ways already documented here. They will tell the gringo that of course they're interested in moving abroad and learning English etc. but don't seem to have made any effort to read, learn or prepare themselves for such a move. I am much more impressed by the girls who back up their expressed interest in meeting gringos for the right reasons with a track record of their actual deeds.

Furthermore, in reply to:

"Basically you want a Colombiana who isn't a Colombiana but who is a wannbe gringa. I can't imagine anything worse."

I don't want a Colombiana, UT. I am hoping to meet a latina who is 100% happy to settle into a new life with me in the UK, though I confess I am no longer restricting myself to searching for a Latina. I respect your "can't imagine anything worse" statement. However, I most certainly can. I have come across Anglo-Latina couples where the Latina has made little or no effort to integrate into British life and has effectively "colonised" the family home. Obviously their partners must be happy with such an arrangement, and if so more power to them. However, being in such a relationship would approach my own idea of hell.

As for:

"I have a suggestion, how about learning the language and the culture?"

thank you for your advice but I already speak, read and write Castillian very well if not fluenty; I started learning it some 15 years ago after first experiencing the Latin communities here in London. As for Colombian culture, I have learned enough about it to appreciate those aspects of it that appeal to me and reject those that don't. Nevertheless, I acknowledge that my own persona and interests point me more in the direction of other Latin countries where a European cultural influence is stronger, and I may be looking to explore such avenues in the near future. I have no interest whatsoever in pursuing any "gringo trail".

I acknowledge that many P-L members are keen to avoid many aspects of modern Western culture or feminist mentality when seeking their partner. Some even move to live in their wife's country. However, I am no such guy. I am looking to meet someone who is happy to start a new life here with me, who is enthusiastic to embrace the best of what my country can offer, and who is keen to build up her career and interests once here. I am writing from my own personal perspective.

[utopiacowboy]

UT, in reply to your quote:

"I disagree completely. All the qualities you mention are the ones that I would master if I was a Colombiana eager to gull foolish gringos."

I beg to differ. From what I have read and witnessed, the "player" Colombianas are the sexy young 9-10s with sexy clothes and even sexier dance moves, who flirt with gullible tourist gringos and lead them on in various ways already documented here. They will tell the gringo that of course they're interested in moving abroad and learning English etc. but don't seem to have made any effort to read, learn or prepare themselves for such a move. I am much more impressed by the girls who back up their expressed interest in meeting gringos for the right reasons with a track record of their actual deeds.

Furthermore, in reply to:

"Basically you want a Colombiana who isn't a Colombiana but who is a wannbe gringa. I can't imagine anything worse."

I don't want a Colombiana, UT. I am hoping to meet a latina who is 100% happy to settle into a new life with me in the UK, though I confess I am no longer restricting myself to searching for a Latina. I respect your "can't imagine anything worse" statement. However, I most certainly can. I have come across Anglo-Latina couples where the Latina has made little or no effort to integrate into British life and has effectively "colonised" the family home. Obviously their partners must be happy with such an arrangement, and if so more power to them. However, being in such a relationship would approach my own idea of hell.

As for:

"I have a suggestion, how about learning the language and the culture?"

thank you for your advice but I already speak, read and write Castillian very well if not fluenty; I started learning it some 15 years ago after first experiencing the Latin communities here in London. As for Colombian culture, I have learned enough about it to appreciate those aspects of it that appeal to me and reject those that don't. Nevertheless, I acknowledge that my own persona and interests point me more in the direction of other Latin countries where a European cultural influence is stronger, and I may be looking to explore such avenues in the near future. I have no interest whatsoever in pursuing any "gringo trail".

I acknowledge that many P-L members are keen to avoid many aspects of modern Western culture or feminist mentality when seeking their partner. Some even move to live in their wife's country. However, I am no such guy. I am looking to meet someone who is happy to start a new life here with me, who is enthusiastic to embrace the best of what my country can offer, and who is keen to build up her career and interests once here. I am writing from my own personal perspective.

Each to his own. It sounds to me like you want a visa hunter who would be content to stay with you.

[InnocentVixen]

"Yes, it is easier said than done but the "keepers" are not that difficult to spot. They are the ones who will make at least some effort to learn English, appreciate Western music such as rock or classical, read up on the movie world, or maybe the political and business goings on in North America or Europe. They may join agencies but are more likely to put profiles on more reputable Websites like friendfinder and bide their time until the right gringo comes along."

I disagree completely. All the qualities you mention are the ones that I would master if I was a Colombiana eager to gull foolish gringos. Basically you want a Colombiana who isn't a Colombiana but who is a wannbe gringa. I can't imagine anything worse. I have a suggestion, how about learning the language and the culture?

Can we agree to disagree? 

I believe balance is the key for most people out there, but above all, compatibility does the trick, so it doesn't matter if you want her to adopt your culture, you want to adopt hers or want to meet in the middle, there is no formula that works for everybody.

[ddw1263]

Brazilgirl what part of Brazil are you from? I have been to Brazil once and looking forward to coming back. 

[ddw1263]

Oi, Brazilgirl I don't have enough post to send you a message. I have been to Limeria which is about and hour from Sau Paulo, Rio and the falls. I have a cousin who is married to a Brazilian and lives in Limeria.