China vs Philippines...

[FlyingMoose]

Ok, I've done a lot of reading here and elsewhere, and there's still one thing I'm conflicted about: China vs Philippines...

The Filipina girls seem more down-to-earth and less westernized, more devoted to family, and they seem to have a culture against divorce.  They also mostly speak English.  I don't find the darker skin attractive, and I wish that they looked more asian.  I've looked at many pictures and can barely find any that I find attractive.  Most seem to describe themselves as "simple".  They like Americans though.  While looks aren't everything, I think that they're at least something.

The Chinese girls seem more sophisticated and worldly, less hung up on religion, but I've seen that they get divorced as a "business decision" and are more hung up on material wealth.  If I'm going to spend my life with someone, I'd like to be able to have intelligent conversations and I'd prefer someone with a college degree, as I have one myself.  Also, China seems to be "going places" (just surpassed Japan as the world's 2nd largest economy) while the Philippines is a very poor country and seems like it will remain so.  But I've heard that there are a lot of scammers in China.  If I were to live in one of the two countries I'd probly choose China.

I'm sure that I could find one I like in either place.  I'm just not sure which trade-offs to take.  If I could find a Chinese-looking girl in the Philippines I'd consider myself very lucky, but I haven't really seen any.

I'm not really sure where to go from here, I keep going back and forth with indecision.

[z_k_g]

Ok, I've done a lot of reading here and elsewhere, and there's still one thing I'm conflicted about: China vs Philippines...

Its difficult, they have a lot in common, and on the other had are very very different.

The Filippa girls seem more down-to-earth and less westernized, more devoted to family, and they seem to have a culture against divorce.  They also mostly speak English.  

All True

I don't find the darker skin attractive, and I wish that they looked more asian.  I've looked at many pictures and can barely find any that I find attractive.  

There are many ethnic Chinese that live in the Philippines.  They typically intermarry and keep to themselves, but of course you will find a lot who have married into the general population.

If you were to spend more time looking you will discover that the pinays (females) range from dark to very light skin, from a Caucasian to a Polynesian to an Asian (Chinese) look.

Lighter skin is considered a thing of beauty so you will find many of the lighter skinned girls married or courted heavily by the affluent pinoys (males) so their desire for a foreign man, and need to post pictures, web chat, etc is very minimal, they just won't be online!  

This may require a trip to RP, the lighter skinned Asian looking pinays are chosen to work at the malls, fast food joints, street promotions and in television and movies.  They are there, you just gotta go and get them!

Most seem to describe themselves as "simple".  They like Americans though.  While looks aren't everything, I think that they're at least something.

When a pinay says that she is "simple" she is not saying that she is uneducated, uncultured or ignorant.  That word doesn't translate well but essentially she is saying in a nutshell that she is a "good" girl and most of the time a traditional pinay.   A simple pinay is obedient, subservient, loyal and ready to make a man a good husband.  

This doesn't mean she is a "pushover" or a "house slave" either.  But a pinay will treat you as the head of the house and the leader and expects you to live up to that responsibility.

Being a simple girl, also used to mean that she was a virgin and it was understood that you would have to court her, with her parents permission, before you were married.  This absolute virgin is changing slightly because of reduced cultural pressures of city life, but its still very possible to find this type of woman in the provinces of the RP and sometimes in the southern cities like Davao or CDO.

The Chinese girls seem more sophisticated and worldly, less hung up on religion, but I've seen that they get divorced as a "business decision" and are more hung up on material wealth.  

I agree.  Chinese are focused.  You will be entering a financial deal.  Be prepared to get your credit checked.

If I'm going to spend my life with someone, I'd like to be able to have intelligent conversations and I'd prefer someone with a college degree, as I have one myself.  

Most younger pinays are educated, college degrees, some even with masters.  You will seldom find a young pinay who is not in university.  Their English may be better than yours and you will have less of a cultural shock, pinay are very adaptable to any country or lifestyle.

Also, China seems to be "going places" (just surpassed Japan as the world's 2nd largest economy) while the Philippines is a very poor country and seems like it will remain so

The RP is a poor country, no where near the economic powerhouse called China Inc.  But its economic woes are mostly due to corruption, mismanagement and being under the colonial and economic thumb of the worlds super powers.

On the other hand you will find Manila, Cebu and Davao to be nice places to visit and in some ways, like the US and the other major cities of Asia.  Manila is huge and will remind you of the sprawl of China with many affluent citizens and lots of money flowing.

But I've heard that there are a lot of scammers in China.  If I were to live in one of the two countries I'd probly choose China.

Scammers are everywhere, watch your ass and read the posts and learn the Red Flags.

I'm sure that I could find one I like in either place.  I'm just not sure which trade-offs to take.  If I could find a Chinese-looking girl in the Philippines I'd consider myself very lucky, but I haven't really seen any.

You can, book a flight and go there.  Research on where there are a large population of ethnic Chinese and head to that region.  You can ask around from posters on here.

I'm not really sure where to go from here, I keep going back and forth with indecision.

The RP is the place to go if you:

1. Don't want to learn another language, but should to make your pinay happy!
2. Want Easy Visa Options
3. Beautiful women of many skin tones and looks, and they have some ethnic Chinese!
4. Gorgeous places to visit and retire, over 7000 islands
5. Few places left that love Americans
6. 46 pesos for $1, you can live like a king in PI

Zulu

[Ray]

May I suggest a nice communist albino lady from North Korea?

[z_k_g]

May I suggest a nice communist albino lady from North Korea?

ROTFLMAO!!!!!

Zulu

[throwawaydad]

Yo Moose!

You'll get a lot of fine advice from these folks...many have been there / done that and won't intentionally steer you wrong.

I never found Filipinas particularly attractive, I gravitated toward Japan.  As I spent more time, and drilled down the list I found a significant number of "potentials" in the Philippine community.

Then I looked in the mirror and made a careful assessment of what I wanted / needed.  And an assessment of what I had to offer.

The "work" I do is pretty solitary.  It's not a game, or a joke, or a part time endeavor.  I pay a price for what I do...I spend AT LEAST 8 hours a day, hard core, balls-to-the-wall, nose-to-the-grindstone WORK. Mind you, I'm not complaining.

But when one looks @ Japan, the culture and societal meme might not be in my best interests.  Japanese (generally) are rather "driven".  Now, that's not a bad thing, but I don't want to compete with a spouse. I want to be equal partners.  There are posters here that will give me grief for that attitude, and that’s fine.  We ALL find our own comfortable place, right?

For a while I was Japan-centric, but as I worked on my “list” I found myself more and more attracted to the P.I.  I want one more baby in my life, that’s a story that doesn’t need to be rehashed.  If we have a baby, Mom STAYS AT HOME until baby goes to school.

I’ve been fortunate…money’s really not an issue, but in actuality when one looks at child care costs vs. income, it’s often a wash.  No, you can’t shop at Nordstrom for everyday baby clothes.

However, she WILL have all money she needs without reservation.  When I leave my job, I don’t need a blowjob under the table. (And I’m as sexual as anyone).  But I want a loving relationship…there are few greater indulgences than the sweet touch of a loving partner.

Here’s what I want:

My Office
The Garage
My Hobby Room

EVERY thing else is her Domain.  I’ve hung sheetrock / tape and mud.  I can & will help wherever and however I can.  But I also NEED someone to balance me.  I don’t need (or want) someone as driven as myself.  I also don’t need or want a push-over.

The point I’m trying to get to here is that you shouldn’t dismiss your needs.  There are a few guys married to Japanese women, and I suspect they’re gonna give me sh1t.  What happened with these guys is that they made the same self-assessment, and both partners managed their expectations.

For me, all I want is a good Woman.  All I want is some night, when we look in each other’s eyes in bed, and she wraps her arms and legs around me…in the most intimate moments, and she tells me what she wants.

Last week when I took the day off, I went for a stroll through the neighborhood, and stumbled onto a house being demolished.  There were three other Men watching the process, so we stood together, and watched the house come down.

I turned to them and said “Every Guy’s dream, right?”  We all smiled.

When I started to leave, one of the Guys said:

“You know what I REALLY want?”

“I wanna be married to a nymphomaniac who owns a liquor store.”

We all laughed.

[Dave H]

May I suggest a nice communist albino lady from North Korea?

I couldn't find any, but I found a Chinese albino from Hong Kong.

[FlyingMoose]

One problem right now is that I have a home business (together with my dad), and business is slow because of the economy right now.  I've taken the time to work on some new projects.  So, I'm kind of unsure of my financial future.  Worst case is that business stays very slow and my standard of living is reduced, best case is wildly I'm successful and become rich (upper-middle-class rich, not Donald Trump rich or anything).

So, even if I figure out myself completely, there is still some external uncertainty that won't be resolved for maybe 5 years (since it will take that long to know what the economy will do and know how the new products will sell).

If the lower-end scenerio happens, I want someone who won't divorce me for not keeping up with the jonses, and if I do well, I want someone who will appreciate the effort and not always be nagging me about spending too much money.

I'll have plenty of time to spend at home with the wife though, we'll probly get sick of each other.

[Dave H]

Hey FlyingMoose,

Sure it's not like China where you will see a few billion of them. But, living in the Philippines (not just checking out the "foreigner wanted" ads) I see Chinese Filipinas all day long! God knows how many Chinese Filipinas I talked with or saw yesterday....I can't count that high.   Yesterday, I also spoke with 3 Japanese Filipina friends, and several Korean Filipinas. You will see many more light skinned and mestizo ladies in Manila and other areas than where I live. Personally, the browner the better!...I see many (but not nearly enough) morena beauties every day also. If I was President of the Philippines, I would ban all of those damn skin lightening products!!!  

The Philippines is an amazing Asian country when it comes to diversity in looks. You will find it all here...although some looks more than others. I have even seen Nordic looking blonds (mestiza), although very few.

Choose a culture and country that you like and can live with! Asian cultures are very different from one another and quite interesting in their own unique way.

Dave

[Jeff S]

I'm not sure where you get the idea that an intelligent, driven woman will somehow compete with you instead of becoming an equal partner. Plenty are driven to be a great wife and mother. Others are driven to help you with your business. You have to hold up your end of the "equal partner" end, though. If you're committed to doing just enough to get by, better look for a equal partner who is committed to doing just enough to get by. Only if you're an intelligent, driven man, will an intelligent, driven woman fit into this partnership.  

You'll find just about any look you want in any country. You'll also find all kinds of driven/lazy, sincere/scammer, cooperative/competition attitudes, and any other range of attitudes and personalities. You shouldn't base your choices on country stereotypes, but rather culture. You said you'd rather live in China than the PI, but why? weather? conveniences? or is it that you feel more culturally at home there? You have to figure that our for yourself, but don't delude yourself into thinking that ALL Filipinas are simple, sweet and sincere, nor thinking ALL Chinese are driven and materialistic. Your best bet is figuring out where first, then looking for the personality traits you want after that.

Fretting about scammers is a just waste of time IMO. There have been a couple guys here who fell for it, but they managed to recover quick enough and ended up happy in the end. If you encounter one, move on and keep looking for that gem. No need to feel insulted. I'd feel more pity than anything that they'd think they have to resort to trickery to get through life - and know that karma is a tougher bitch than I'd ever be.

Also comparing a country with laws against divorce to one where the laws allow it rather liberally is means very little. How many Filipina women have to endure lives with drunken husbands out blowing their salaries on prostitutes with no recourse? Either a marriage works or it doesn't. Forcing it to stay together if not, may be nobler, but in an individual situation, how does that help out your situation. You live in a country where divorce is legal and relatively easy. Few women will marry you thinking she'll try it for a while and if she doesn't like you she'll drop you and move on to someone else. If you do end up with someone like that - shame on your powers of perception.

[thekfc]

I couldn't find any, but I found a Chinese albino from Hong Kong.

Dave H, What are you doing with pictures of my ex-girlfriend Connie Chiu. 

[Dave H]

Dave H, What are you doing with pictures of my ex-girlfriend Connie Chiu.  

Hey thekfc,

Sorry man...you did say ex...right? I must have found those pics on your facebook.   Yeah, that's it! I copied them from your facebook! 

Dave

[jm21-2]

I would take Jeff's advice and focus on the culture, not the women. But to some extent those things go hand in hand. I would say from my experience that Chinese women tend to be much more independent whereas it seems Filipinas tend to be more dependent on their husbands. Chinese girls will be very up-front with you about what they are thinking/feeling whereas Filipinas apparently prefer tampo (according to posts here). Those are cultural things but also characteristics of the women.

I think China to a large extent is a very money-centric culture. They give money instead of gifts. They save a ton. Children send money home to their parents. And of course a partner's financial situation can be a big deal to them. This is probably especially true in international relationships. She is leaving all she has to go to a foreign country, and her husband better be able to support her while she transitions. That being said, I don't think finances play any more role in divorce in China than any other country. From the posts here and elsewhere I would be much more worried about a Filipina "trading up" than a Chinese girl.

I have seen a lot of divorces involving Filipinas who were from the provinces. The vast majority do not seem to be able to function on their own. I don't know what went on during the marriage but being so lacking in independent thought would be a huge turn-off to me. My girlfriend and I are constantly debating politics, the economy, and all sorts of things, which is probably the thing I love most about her. I also have no worries that she will have difficulty learning to drive, that she will get homesick and call her friends not thinking it's a landline charging $2 per minute, and so on.

I have never heard Japanese women being accused of competing with their husband. Usually I hear the opposite. Actually, my first Chinese girlfriend told me if I wanted a submissive woman I should go to Japan, haha.

The question as a whole seems a little strange to me in any case... Chinese and Filipinos are extremely different in a lot of ways. It's actually kind of hard to imagine someone choosing between the two. The cultures are just so different.

[z_k_g]

The question as a whole seems a little strange to me in any case... Chinese and Filipinos are extremely different in a lot of ways. It's actually kind of hard to imagine someone choosing between the two. The cultures are just so different.

jm,

The way I read his post, he is looking for a certain physical look, skin tone, nose, hair, eyes thats more Chinese

Here are some quotes...

I don't find the darker skin attractive, and I wish that they looked more asian.  I've looked at many pictures and can barely find any that I find attractive.......While looks aren't everything, I think that they're at least something.

If I could find a Chinese-looking girl in the Philippines I'd consider myself very lucky, but I haven't really seen any.

I'm not really sure where to go from here, I keep going back and forth with indecision.

Chinese women and pinays are very very different and unique, the differences are good for some and bad for others.

I totally agree with Jeff and you on this one, once he picks the type of wife, culture, country, that he is most compatible with, then he can find the "Chinese" look that he finds attractive.

He also added that the couldn't find that "Chinese" look in RP and that all the women were basically unattractive (to him), unsophisticated, uneducated, and simple and the country was basically a 3rd world dump and he'd rather live in China.

I tried to clear some of those fallacies up.

Whatever the case, interesting post.

Zulu

[Bob_S]

But when one looks @ Japan, the culture and societal meme might not be in my best interests.  Japanese (generally) are rather "driven".  Now, that's not a bad thing, but I don't want to compete with a spouse. I want to be equal partners.  There are posters here that will give me grief for that attitude, and that’s fine.  We ALL find our own comfortable place, right?
...
The point I’m trying to get to here is that you shouldn’t dismiss your needs.  There are a few guys married to Japanese women, and I suspect they’re gonna give me sh1t.  What happened with these guys is that they made the same self-assessment, and both partners managed their expectations.

Not give you crap, as I think I understand where you're coming from.
It all comes back to national character.  And one aspect of Japanese character is you focus on one thing and give it 100%.  This came up just yesterday while driving by a local high school.  We saw a bunch of people up in the stadium stands watching a practice Saturday scrimmage game.  I remarked that it's football training season.  She said, there's a training season?  I said, yeah, the season is late summer to winter, so summer is for training.  She thought that every season would be training season.  I said, no, the players are probably playing other sports in other seasons.  She was surprised that they would be playing other sports, because in Japan, when you joined a school sports club, you only did that club all the time the whole school year and no other sports clubs (and maybe no other clubs at all!).  You gave your one sport 100%.

The same attitude will apply to life in general.  There is no juggling kids and career, balancing time of family and work.  You give 100% to one (usually your career), and the other suffers.  You see it with salarymen who head off to work at 6am and don't make it home till 1am, doing that 6 days a week.  The result is a nation of dissatisfied women who either have no desire to marry or, if they do marry, have no desire for many children they will have to raise alone effectively.

So if you court a J-girl who is an ambitious career gal, you will find she has precious little time for you as she will be heavily focused on her career.  You won't be competing so much with her as with her job, but you will lose.  The trick is to find a woman who still wants to someday be a wife and mother, because you can be sure she will dedicate 100% of her effort to being a wife and mother.  Yes, they are still there, dreaming to meet a man who will not be a typical Japanese style salaryman / negligent husband.  Your pull will not be the offer of a better life.  She already has a better life (heck, she probably has a better quality of life than you!).  Your pull will be the offer of a better husband.

[z_k_g]

Your pull will not be the offer of a better life.  She already has a better life (heck, she probably has a better quality of life than you!).  Your pull will be the offer of a better husband.

Well said and very poignant.

Zulu

[FlyingMoose]

So Filipinas have trouble learning to drive?

Due to eye problems, I don't drive, so it's important that whoever I find be able to.  I'll probly get bashed for this, but I want to be honest (and I put this in my profile right up front, so I'm being honest with the girls too).  That's part of the reason I can't get an American girl.

I've been on blossoms.com for about 3 days, and have already had around 200 girls express interest.  There are very few Chinese girls on the site, and I'm not really sure why, they're not philippines-only or anything.

[michaelb]

Why would we bash you for being honest? OTOH, since you can't drive, you'll miss all the fun of teaching her yourself

Do you have a car? Probably not, so you'll have to get one for her to learn in. OK, you can send her to a commercial school, for a fee, but once she learns you'll have to get one. Now comes the question.....beater or new? Used to be a guy here (he hasn't been around for a long time) who bought his new wife a brand new car.....didn't take her very long to wreck it, but at least she wasn't hurt. Good luck to you.

[z_k_g]

So Filipinas have trouble learning to drive?

Pinays are pretty short, average 5'-0", other than that they drive like wild Asians, if you know what I mean!  Motorbike, Bus and Car accidents are like the major cause of death an injury in RP.  You will meet a lot of pinays with leg scuffs from falling off motorcycles or trikes.

If she is moving here to live, then get her a used car first, no sports cars, Camry or Honda.

Oh yeah, don't send her to a driving academy with a bunch of young guys "teaching" driving lessons, for obvious reasons!!

Zulu

[thekfc]

So Filipinas have trouble learning to drive?

I do not think that is the case. I have encountered plenty of better drivers (and crazier) there than here in NYC. One day my wife (then my fiancee) was going to the market with her niece, and I told her niece to drive carefully, She replied "No comment" to me, then my wife took the drivers seat and drove the motorbike. I never knew that she knew how to drive & previously did asked her.

I've been on blossoms.com for about 3 days, and have already had around 200 girls express interest.  There are very few Chinese girls on the site, and I'm not really sure why, they're not philippines-only or anything.

Did you read what it said on the Blossoms.com home page? I will quote for you.
Are you ready to meet someone special? Our international dating and bride website is just the place for you! Come and see the Filipina photos and profiles at CherryBlossoms.com.

I think that Blossoms.com is primarily a Filipina site.

[FlyingMoose]

For the car, I guess I'll just make sure it has collision insurance in case it gets wrecked.  If she's a crazy driver, maybe a volvo.    As to new or used, I guess it depends on how business goes.

One of the girls that contacted me on blossoms is Polish.

If you think Filipinos drive crazy, you've never been to the Dominican Republic.  Positively suicidal.

I've never been to China, but I should probly go next summer when I have some time off.

Any suggestions on what part to visit, if I'm there for a week?

[Jeff S]

Where to go in China? That's a lot like saying where should you go in the US if you have a week. Some guys will say New York City, some Hawaii, some Texas and some Alaska, some Coloradu. What are you looking for? Tourist places? culture? resorts? history? remote exotic ancient places? mountains? beaches? Don't say women because 1/4th of all the women living on the planet live there and everywhere you go is packed with them. Where do you most like going in the US?

[FlyingMoose]

Well, I'm from the northeast, with small mountains and lots of trees, I like places with lots of green.  I think I like the look of the northern girls better, but that's getting awfully picky. xD  Near a major airport would probably be good, so I don't have to travel over land for many hours.  It's awfully hard to narrow it down to one country, let alone a given part of the country.

One comment that stood out is that Chinese girls are less likely to go tampo.  I find it extremely distressing when someone does that, so that alone might be a reason for me to choose a Chinese girl.

[Jeff S]

Well, I'm mostly a city kinda guy so like Shanghai. It's kinda the Los Angeles of China - young and more laid back, while Beijing is kind of the New York - more formal and harried. The southern coast (Shanghai to Vietnam) is green, mountainous, less polluted and more resort-ish than the inland industrial and farming areas. Lots of cool places to visit along there:





Some of the others here can probably give you more idea about transportation and touristy things - all of my experiences have been on business trips so places to eat, to stay, drivers, translators and such are all pre-arranged by the locals.

If you were going to Japan, I'd recommend a JR pass - a fantastic way to see the country, but in China it's more like the US - local flights and buses.

[Dave H]

I have seen a lot of divorces involving Filipinas who were from the provinces. The vast majority do not seem to be able to function on their own. I don't know what went on during the marriage but being so lacking in independent thought would be a huge turn-off to me. My girlfriend and I are constantly debating politics, the economy, and all sorts of things, which is probably the thing I love most about her.

I have not seen that! Many of the Filipinas from the provinces that I know have at least a bachelor's degree...often more. I think that by "province" you are actually referring to the mountains or bundok, where there are often only primary schools...if they are lucky. Many of these students have a difficult journey over rugged terrain, often covering many kilometers to reach their primary school. No wonder they often drop out of school within a few years. Many Kanos who have been burned by AW's seem to seek poor, simple, innocent, naive, uneducated, unsophisticated, unworldly, ladies for a wife! Like the dumbazz with a PhD who wrote this book! I can't remember if his Filipina wife even made it beyond the second or third grade. They eventually divorced. Then he finally got some common sense (thinking beyond his Little Henry) and married a lady (Mexican) with similar interests and educational background!

 

I also have no worries that she will have difficulty learning to drive,

You just have to teach them (yourself or preferably a professional driving instructor) since most people in the Philippines (like New York City) don't own cars. My Filipina wife had no problems learning to drive properly, by US standards. I taught her myself...which looking back is probably not a good idea for most people (you have to be very polite, calm, and speak softly!).   But what was I going to do...all we have in South Florida are totally IDIOTIC  Latino and Haitian driving schools!!! One Colombian instructor used to crash into parked cars in the front and rear whenever he "parallel parked" to pick up my Colombian neighbors who were "learning to drive."   I haven't met many Latins or Filipinos who could park well or back up! (my wife is an exception) Believe me, you probably WON'T want her driving using the same road rules and techniques that they use in her own country!!! You may have to add "Traffic Ticket Legal Defense" to your practice!   IMHO, it is better that they learn to drive the right way from the start, instead of trying to correct dangerous, bad, and/or rude driving practices. I can't tell you the number of times Latins in South Florida drove up onto the sidewalk and honked at me because I was in their way!

that she will get homesick and call her friends not thinking it's a landline charging $2 per minute, and so on.

I have no idea why anyone would be paying $2 a minute for a phone call to the Philippines these days! Believe me, almost ALL Filipinas (even from the bundok) know more about cellphones and telephones than most of us on this board combined (excluding thekfc)!   My wife didn't like paying 14 cents a minute, so she would only use Skype for free on the computer if she wanted to speak with someone in the Philippines. It sounds like those Filipinas just didn't give a damn, since the soon to be ex hubby was paying the cell phone bill!

Dave

[Dave H]

So Filipinas have trouble learning to drive?

Hey FlyingMoose,

NO...not anymore than anyone else. If the lady is very small (many are not), adjustable seats that raise are nice, but a cushion will do. I would much rather ride with my Filipina wife than my ex Latina wife or girlfriends who were Damn maniacs!   My Filipina wife "drives the car" when she is driving, follows the laws, and is cautious, not wanting to damage the car or hurt anyone. The Latinas always seemed to do at least 6 other things when they drove! Cellphone talking or texting, putting on makeup, fixing hair, changing clothes (OK that was fine with me),   finding the right music on the radio or CD player, dancing, singing. reading a magazine or book, eating, drinking, talking using their hands...sometimes with people in other cars....very scary stuff!

Dave