What's Mine Is Mine - What's Yours Is Mine!

[z_k_g]

When I first started my search for a foreign bride, I mean seriously looking with an intent to marry, not just looking at pictures in magazines or on websites, I started to uncover a few startling facts.  

My search was focused on Asian women because I have relatives and friends married to thai's and pinays respectfully and I've always found Asian women to be exotic and beautiful plus I've seen firsthand that if you choose wisely, you will get a great  wife to boot!

So I started my search in earnest, with that typical wide eyed optimism you get when you start a long journey that you richly anticipate will result in success.

My Thai experience didn't last very long.  I have two cousins married to Thais, both divorced.  Their advice- RUN!!  Their advice- "Thailand is a beautiful country with fabulous women, but for a frarang, it's better used as a sex vacation spot, not a place to find a wife".  This advice came from my elder ex-military cousins who now have middle aged half-thai kids, my cousins, so I reluctantly heeded their advice without even sampling Walking Street!!  Oh well...maybe before I get married...hehe

My best friends mother is Pinay and I had another cousin, much older in his 80's that was married to a filipina way before I was born.  He passed away 5 years ago, so no advice from him, but my mom tells me she was a great wife, but my cousin was a "butterfly".  

My best friends Pinay mother is a jewel.  Growing up, I never saw such a devoted wife.  She was always very quiet, her English not so good, but she raised 3 well rounded boys, one of which was my best friend.  His dad was the most honored dad I'd ever seen.  

They had one of the few households that I know where the father was held in high esteem and the mother was also "the boss" of the crib.  An interesting dichotomy....as a kid I just didn't understand the dynamic.  Now I do, she was a traditional submissive wife...to her husband, but she was not some pushover, weakling, etc.  That relationship has stuck with me.

So looking back on this I was armed to start my search for a pinay that would be my sweetie and my dream girl.  

The first fact I discovered was startling.  Let me lay this out with an example because it will make more sense to the reader.

An American woman's existence revolves around her ability to attract a "qualified" man.  She is the prize and he must "prove" his worthiness to be blessed with her slightest attention.  If "she" decides he is worthy then he has just earned the "privilege" to spend every last fu*king dime of his wealth on her to continue to prove his worthiness!!

Example:

This is a personal ad I randomly picked from my local Craigslist today!  Honestly!  This sh*t is too funny to even make up!

------------------------------------
Looking - 27 (Memphis,TN)
Date: 2010-08-14, 9:10PM CDT

Seeking a handsome man who is my soul mate who is a benefit who can help me, be there for me,and possibly start a relationship. Please respond with a picture, and if you are out of shape, playing games, or involved with someone, do not email me.
About me, I am, single, no kids, and looking for the special someone who is serious to start a relationship.
I am college educated, in graduate school working on a a MBA,and employed, not seeking a booty call, however, a person who is there to support and help me in any way.
Your picture gets mine.
Have a great day.
---------------------------

She ends with "Have a great day" ROTFLMAO    Sure, SHE will have a nice day and nice month after a few dozen suitors spend thousands on her useless ass anticipating a happy outcome!  WHAT A USER!!

Not once had this "woman" stated WHAT SHE WILL DO FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Count the number of "me" and "I" in her post.  

Now what does any of this have to do with my search for a pinay bride?

Well, this is the type of single women I had been encountering in the states, this type of mentality is normal in the states.  I honestly didn't think that things would be drastically different in the Philippines.  

Boy was I wrong!

I started my search on DIA, or dateinasia.com.  Got hundreds of replies.  After weeding out the scammers and having some meaningful discussions with some really nice pinays, I began to notice one startling thing.

All of them were treating me as the prize, as a valuable person, someone to be respected and honored!

Best of all, the serious ones, NEVER asked what "I COULD DO FOR THEM"  they were asking me "WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU! WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE YOU HAPPY AND MAKE THE RELATIONSHIP WORK!"

AWESOME!  

This actually left me somewhat speechless! In all of my 43 years of dating I have NEVER had a woman ask me what could she do to make me happy!  This offer, when it has been presented to me, has always been conditional on ME making the HER happy and fulfilled FIRST!!!!!!!

This can get a guy HOOKED pretty quick!!  (Think Thailand! bar girls)

I was faced with this with every serious Pinay that I was chatting with and it made it very difficult to find the "one" for me.  

However, after I met my sweetie, and we chatted a few days, I knew my search had ended.  

She is not perfect and her looks are average but she is the sweetest woman and always talks of "us","we" and "ours"!

The facts I uncovered are these:

American Women- What's Mine Is Mine, What's Yours Is Mine, I am the Prize, Spend All Of Your Money, I Owe You Nothing, Prove That You Are Worthy!

Pinay Women- What Can I Do To Make This Relationship Work?

Enough said,

Zulu

[Ray]

She is not perfect and her looks are average but she is the sweetest woman and always talks of "us","we" and "ours"!

Smart choice!

And for all those guys out there who place a woman’s looks as the number one most important factor, good luck bozos! You’re gonna need it.   

Note:  Why did you change your handle Zulu?

Ray

[Henry]

Yes, relationships with AWs are all about how much you can impress them to get your foot in the door. Then once you are in, you must grovel to stay there. After that, she will get bored with you if you aren't kissing her behind enough. Then she will take your kids and have some other man raise them while you pay for the pleasure.

This society is extremely skewed the wrong way.

BTW, I think your Pinay is above average from what I could tell. I have met many Filipinas in the states. I havent seen any as pretty as the one you had in your Av.

I'm not into petite women though.

[Jeff S]

Asian women haven't gotten away from the concept that a marriage is a team, with each partner contributing what they do best and the team doing only as well as each partner contributes. Somehow that has been lost in the Western world. I tend to blame fairy tales and Disney movies - Snow White and Cinderella - hoping Prince Charming will sweep then away to live in a palace with servants attending to their every whim.  

And I agree with Henry - nothing average about your sweetie. She looks great to me.

[Jaystone]

Great post, Zulu-It should be "What can we do for each other?"  Not "what can you do for me" Although "what I can do for you" works great too!

I am signing up on DateinAsia as well-If I can find a lovely lady as half as gorgeous as yours I will be a happy man!

Jaystone

[Bob_S]

Seeking a handsome man who is my soul mate who is a benefit who can help me, be there for me,and possibly start a relationship. Please respond with a picture, and if you are out of shape, playing games, or involved with someone, do not email me.
About me, I am, single, no kids, and looking for the special someone who is serious to start a relationship.
I am college educated, in graduate school working on a a MBA,and employed, not seeking a booty call, however, a person who is there to support and help me in any way.
Your picture gets mine.
Have a great day.

You know, she says that now. But when the time comes to pick a guy, she'll end up with some physically abusive alcoholic pot-head can't-hold-a-job ne'er-do-well that she'll end up having to support and will get her pregnant but never marry her. 
If I had a nickel for every "I'm too good for you" dame I encountered who ended up with some guy who smacked her around....

[Jeff S]

Guys like us are waaaaaayyyy to boring for those kind of girls. Letup chase their bad boys.

When asked what characteristics they were looking for in a man, a large percentage of single women listed "dangerous." Dangerous? I get the fantasy, James Bond and all that, but in the real world, dangerous men means she'll be on the next episode of "Cops" hanging out of a trailer in a tube top, screaming "Take his azz to jail!"

[z_k_g]

Let me add a few thoughts to my previous rant:

1.  There are a lot of "good" American women
2.  There are a few "bad" American men
3.  Feminists are the minority of Women

So whats the problem?

Well, we all must play with the cards that we are dealt.  Our country is tainted with over zealous feminists who sell their wares to whomever listens.  

Typically the average "good" American woman could care less- until she goes to college, gets a divorce, experiences "abuse" in any shape form or fashion or has a child and the father skips out!  Now she is Fem Bait!

Once traumatized, she is primed for the terse feminist rhetoric that caters to her need for "assistance" and help.  In most cases this assistance is needed but it comes wrapped in the feminist coating.  A woman can't just get what she needs and dump the femgarbage, they have packaged it all in one fat pill, so once a woman dabbles she is "all in", she has to swallow it whole.

What does this mean?  

Well, now the feminists have a new recruit, freshly indoctrinated and ready for "battle".   A "good" woman, who had no intent or desire to join the fems, is now one of the faithful searching for new recruits and eager to educated all about the evil that men do, and where to get "help" if you need it!

The reason I make this point is to clarify my position concerning American Women.  Others my agree or disagree, but I think the un-indoctrinated American woman is just as good if not better than any foreign woman.  

My mother, grandmother, female cousins and aunts were awesome women.  My search for a wife ultimately is a search to find a woman like my mother and grandmother, they were awesome matriarchs!  But they were also submissive women and my grandfather and father stepped up to the responsibility of leadership and their wives followed suit.

Of course there was no feminist movement to convince them that their roles as submissive wives were demeaning or negative.  In today's world, the destructive feminist message is integrated so deeply in our society its hard to raise a young woman without her being tainted by the "message".  

More insidious is the total integration of the "message" in our court system and government.  

In our courts, there is no longer a presumption of innocence when a man and woman have a disagreement or confrontation, as a matter of law, the man is assumed to be guilty or wrong, no exceptions!  Those who have yet to taste this new reality of our "justice" system, be forewarned.  

Our government has instituted domestic and foreign policy that intends to push the feminist agenda worldwide.  We all agree that women should vote and have the same civil and human rights as men!  However, our government is going further, encouraging other nations and cultures to impose the American feminist agenda- Men and women are equal, a submissive woman is bad, men are inherently evil and are assumed to be rapists, molesters and abusers until proven otherwise.

Fortunately, I don't think that the latter will work.  For two reasons.  

1.  No one trusts the US anymore.  No one except our closest friends will listen to us.  Even the Philippines, our closets ally in SEA, kicked us out of Clark and Subic Bay and we will never return.
2.  The US is using the United Nations to impose the feminist agenda.  The UN is a dysfunctional organization that is meaningless on the world stage.  The UN is a waste of money, resources and time.  No third world country will respect anything the UN says or does because they know who is ultimately in control (USA).

Well, I digress.....back to my thoughts

....Our "good" American women are now part of the problem.  She is ready to stick it too the all the men out there!

Guys like us are waaaaaayyyy to boring for those kind of girls. Letup chase their bad boys.

When asked what characteristics they were looking for in a man, a large percentage of single women listed "dangerous." Dangerous? I get the fantasy, James Bond and all that, but in the real world, dangerous men means she'll be on the next episode of "Cops" hanging out of a trailer in a tube top, screaming "Take his azz to jail!"

As Jeff says, they go out and find "bad" men!  They go through the cycle and now all the fem rhetoric is proven TRUE, men are just dirt to be trampled on!  "What do we need men for? They are just losers!"   Of course this is a self fulfilling prophecy!  

When a "good" guy comes along, good luck!

The stories are spread at the beauty shops, PTA meetings and sorority houses.  Men are useless!!  Get what you can, use them up before they use you!  We don't need them, they need us! etc....etc....etc.

As I said earlier, an American woman's existence revolves around her ability to attract a "qualified" man.  

She is the prize and he must "prove" his worthiness to be blessed with her slightest attention.  If "she" decides he is worthy then he has just earned the "privilege" to spend every last fu*king dime of his wealth on her to continue to prove his worthiness!!

Now you can understand her mentality.....based on my experience!

I'm not bashing the US or our women.  We got "good" women right here at home!  I just stopped looking!

Zulu

[Henry]

My Grandmother is an awesome woman, too. Unfortunately I think her generation is the last of the non-feminists. She is 80.

It probably first starts at home, then the school system, then the media. I dont believe there are many non-indoctrinated American women under age 65. I have had female instructors in their 60s who are every bit as feminist as the 30 year old women.

[Jeff S]

I think there are plenty of good women in the US. What there is a sad lack of, though is good SINGLE women. By the time I was ready to settle down in my mid 30s, the good ones were all raising their kids, taking care of their husbands, and enjoying their lives. What was left were the truly scary ones and those that had been recycled a time or two already.

[Bricks]

I think there are plenty of good women in the US. What there is a sad lack of, though is good SINGLE women. By the time I was ready to settle down in my mid 30s, the good ones were all raising their kids, taking care of their husbands, and enjoying their lives. What was left were the truly scary ones and those that had been recycled a time or two already.

Jeff sums it up perfectly! I have known some really good ones who ended up divorced and by the time the lawyers and their friends get done giving them advice, LOOKOUT!

[Dave H]

BTW, I think your Pinay is above average from what I could tell. I have met many Filipinas in the states. I havent seen any as pretty as the one you had in your Av.

I'm not into petite women though.

Hey Henry,

Just because many Americans prefer petite Filipinas, it doesn't mean that they all look that way. Everyday I see Filipinas with way too much azz than I am attracted too! If you like your women VERY "thick," it is true that finding that look among  Latinas is a lot easier!

Dave

Latina


My Filipina TV Weather lady - a look that's not hard to find (without implants)

[jm21-2]

I have been constantly surprised at how many decent American women there are, and many who go very easy on their husbands during a divorce. I've also seen some incredibly vindictive Japanese and Filipina wives.

I tend to agree with Jeff though, that the girls who are more "wife material" end up getting married young. By the time you're in your late 20's there are very few decent women with no divorces or children.

The major thing I have noticed, which has been more than a bit surprising to me, is how fast people get together here in the US. I would say that most people have a new girlfriend/boyfriend/fiance before their divorce is done, even if it's only a matter of a few months. And that's only if they didn't find a new love interest in the month between when they separated and when they filed. Compare that to most Asian countries where a girl may only date 1-2 guys before getting married, and there are probably several years where she didn't have a boyfriend at all.

I don't think it's the "bad boys" who win so much as the "good dates." We have made dating into this extravagant romantic process that marriage can't compete with. Not to mention how many people lie or hide things about themselves while dating, while they come out during marriage. We're much more focused on if someone is a good date rather than is this person marriage material.

[fathertime]

You know, she says that now. But when the time comes to pick a guy, she'll end up with some physically abusive alcoholic pot-head can't-hold-a-job ne'er-do-well that she'll end up having to support and will get her pregnant but never marry her. 
If I had a nickel for every "I'm too good for you" dame I encountered who ended up with some guy who smacked her around....

The post that resonates most with me is Bob's….a woman can post what they think are their dreams on craigslist but the fact is that most are just fragile little girls that will take whatever hulk gets them hot and bothered.  It is easy to post that type of bossy ad, but the reality is women won’t usually respect a pushover or a brownose. Ladies that marry men they don’t respect usually have unhappy marriages, which serves them right.   She probably just wants some free suppers, in between dates with the local bad boys. 

For your average young man in the USA, it doesn't pay to be overly accommodating to women while you are first meeting and thinking about asking her out.  After a relationship is established and precedents are set, is a better time to start pampering your woman now and then. At first a serious, somewhat mysterious, demeanor will get a man in the door more often then a grinning accommodating jackass. 

Fathertime!

[thekfc]

My Filipina TV Weather lady - a look that's not hard to find (without implants)

Nice pic of Elita.

Here are 2 more for you. 

[Henry]

Hey Henry,

Just because many Americans prefer petite Filipinas, it doesn't mean that they all look that way. Everyday I see Filipinas with way too much azz than I am attracted too! If you like your women VERY "thick," it is true that finding that look among  Latinas is a lot easier!

Dave

Latina


My Filipina TV Weather lady - a look that's not hard to find (without implants)

LOL. Well I was thinking somewhere in between. She doesnt have to be THAT curvy.

[Dave H]

Hey the kfc,

Hurricane...what hurricane? I always found it hard to focus on the weather!   One of my best friends (African-American) was a huge fan who introduced me to her weather program. He had a Filipina girlfriend in high school. Then started dating Latinas and took many trips to Colombia to visit girlfriends. After Elita came along, he switched back to Filipinas (married now). He said that he was done with the drama and liked the excitement and action reserved for the bedroom

Dave

[Jeff S]

Careful Dave, you might get across to the hardcore Latina hunters that Asian women aren't all flat chested and buttless. We sure don't want them running all around east Asia.

[Dave H]

Hey Jeff,

You are right! Then you would probably have to enlarge the Asian Board Flame Room!   I have seen a number of Filipinas  that could easily give Latinas a "run" for their money. If someone told them to "haul azz"...they would have to take 2 or 3 trips!  

Dave

[Lyanna]

There is no word for "submissive" in Tagalog/Fiipino. That's because Fiipinas do not think of themselves as submissive at all.

Related words like "masunurin" means obedient and it is never used for wives, only for children.

Men and women in the Philippines simply have distinct gender roles laid out for them by Philippine society but the woman is treated as the equal of the man and in her sphere of influence she is the one who makes the decisions. To OP: is that what you means when you mentioned an interesting dichotomy?

Traditionally, the home, child-rearing and education are the women's responsibilities. Since she has to take care of food, education, clothing, shelter, etc., women in the Philippines are in charge of the family's finances. Yes, women in the Philippines control the family's money. In addition, they own exactly half of everything (land, money, business, all assets) that their spouse owns.

Does that sound to you like a society where women are submissive?

There is a reason why Filipino men call their wives "Kumander" or commander! Lol... because she controls so many decisions

Maybe the word submissive is being used for a range of behaviors such as being kind ("mabait," always the best quality for both male and female Filipinos), putting the family first, politeness, ladylike manners, modesty, humility, etc.

Maybe you mean "supportive?"


Gender roles in the Philippines:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women_in_the_Philippines

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Men_in_the_Philippines

A Filipino man is expected to be the father figure and the personification of emotional and physical strength because he is considered as the haligi ng tahanan  or the "post of the house" or "pillar of the dwelling", figuratively meaning "father of the home", the partner of the Filipino woman who takes the role of being the mother of his children and the ilaw ng tahanan or the "light of the home".

As a husband, the Filipino man generally respects that the household belongs to his wife and thus typically provides opinions regarding household issues only if consulted by his spouse.

[z_k_g]

There is no word for "submissive" in Tagalog/Fiipino. That's because Fiipinas do not think of themselves as submissive at all.

Submissive definition is "submit to the authority of the leader of the family"

This is the core definition of "submissive" in terms of the family unit.  The specific gender roles that you define are the manifestation of this definition.  These roles are historical and purposeful.  The man provides, lead and protects the family and the wife is control of the home unit.

The idea that submissive means passive, weak, enslaved or otherwise is false.

The word submit, defines the leader and the lead and is a positive word to be embraced by the female, as it is embraced and practiced by every military on the planet.

In fact we all submit to the will of God, to the leadership of our government, etc.

The bastardization of the word is the result of an American feminists agenda, who consider traditional gender roles subversive and unnecessary for a "perfect" society where men and women are "equal" in all respects and gender roles are unnecessary and in fact create slavery "conditions" for women.

Zulu

[michaelb]

The bastardization of the word is the result of an American feminists agenda, who consider traditional gender roles subversive and unnecessary for a "perfect" society where men and women are "equal" in all respects and gender roles are unnecessary and in fact create slavery "conditions" for women.

Zulu

Msssssssss Woman Libber, Mama don't want you messing with the deal she's got.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IR63U7_Y7Ik

[Lyanna]

Oh? In  your opinion who should be in charge of the money? Would a man looking for a submissive Filipina give half of all his assets to her when they marry?

Not flaming here just trying to understand what this submissive thing is all about. Filipinos definitely have gender roles but do not consider themselves either submissive or dominant. It must be a Western sort of thing.

BTW what I described was a traditional family setup. These days many women have to work and it is very hard on them because now they have the double burden of work and family.

Submissive definition is "submit to the authority of the leader of the family"

This is the core definition of "submissive" in terms of the family unit.  The specific gender roles that you define are the manifestation of this definition.  These roles are historical and purposeful.  The man provides, lead and protects the family and the wife is control of the home unit.

They had one of the few households that I know where the father was held in high esteem and the mother was also "the boss" of the crib.  An interesting dichotomy....as a kid I just didn't understand the dynamic.  Now I do, she was a traditional submissive wife...to her husband, but she was not some pushover, weakling, etc.  That relationship has stuck with me.

[Jeff S]

Oh? In  your opinion who should be in charge of the money?

Whoever handles it better. In my family my wife handles most of the saving and spending, I handle most of the earning and investing.

Would a man looking for a submissive Filipina give half of all his assets to her when they marry?

Not necessarily pre-marital assets, but any assets earned or created while they are married are pretty much both of the two people in the partnership,  by definition. If the two of you are really a team, then both of you co-own everything. I guess I never looked at it as 50/50, more like both of us own everything.

Anyway, my wife is not a Filipina, but old fashioned Japanese have very specific gender roles as well, and I agree, it's not about submissive or dominant, it's about working out which team member can do which parts of the job better than the other. I'm dominant and she submissive when it comes to home repair. She's domnant and me submissive when it comes to clothes repair. She's dominant and I'm submissive when it comes to making Beef Borgonionne (which we had last night - Outstanding!) I'm dominant and she submissive when it comes to smoking salmon. I'm dominant when it comes to selecting wines, she's dominant when it comes to selecting fish. You just gotta work these details out.

Getting all out of joint about a word (either way) is interesting party banter, but has nothing to do with real life. Part of dating before you get married is figuring out if you're each compatible with the other, and that's pretty much about divvying up who gets to take the lead in which situation. Trust me there are enough things that neither will want, but someone has to pick up the slack. The problem arises when it turns into a power struggle - so it's wise to spend some time before you get married, figuring out these details.

[z_k_g]

Oh? In  your opinion who should be in charge of the money? Would a man looking for a submissive Filipina give half of all his assets to her when they marry?

Not flaming here just trying to understand what this submissive thing is all about. Filipinos definitely have gender roles but do not consider themselves either submissive or dominant. It must be a Western sort of thing.

Submit means to allow a person to lead you and your agenda in life.  In the context, a woman marries a man. She is by definition submitting to his authority.

The marriage ceremony itself is a pledge by a woman to submit herself to a man's authority, its voluntary and a union blessed by God.

A husband and wife should decide who will manage their funds, this responsibility is different for each family unit.

Once a woman marries she is, by definition, submitting to her husband.  The word submissive is an adjective to describe the circumstance of the woman in the marriage.

A solider submits to the authority of the military.  Once he joins the service it is understood who will lead and the chain of command and his role.  He has submitted to the authority of the military.  He is submissive, an adjective, describing his circumstance.  A private does not give his money to the generals simply because he is a submissive soldier.

You are confusing to submit with servitude.  The idea that submissive means passive, weak, enslaved or otherwise is false!

By definition, a married woman is submissive.

Marriage:  a woman who has submitted to the authority of her husband, adopted the man as the leader of the family and has assumed her role as the wife.

Whatever functional gender roles they have decided as a couple, relative to the family unit, will be determined by their culture, their shared family goals and many other factors unique to that couple.

So, by definition, a married woman, Filipina, American, German or Martian is submissive.

Married Woman= Submissive Woman (A woman that has married/submitted to man's authority before God)

Zulu