Chinese Women

[Celtic_Jorge]

Hello.. I was wondering, I don't really know how many of you here are actually in a serious relationship with a Chinese woman, but I am slowly getting involved with one at the moment.. She is really sweet.  She seems genuinely interested in me, she'll eve put up with me talking about football, to an extent.  She's from HK. I guess this brings me to my question.  Are there any general tips you can give me as far as dating Chinese women?  Anything that most guys do with western women, that's really not acceptable with the Chinese?  What about meeting her family?  How should I handle that one?  If this burd is as good as she is coming across right now, she is a real catch....  She even has her own means to legal immigration.  Any help would be appreciated.

[Dave H]

Hey Jorge,

There should be a few guys who can help coming along shortly...
In the mean time, Good Luck with the new burd! 

Dave

[jm21-2]

Probably no going dutch.

Probably no playing hard to get.

probably less teasing/flirting.

I don't know about HK but Chinese girls from China and Taiwan seem to be pretty laid back for the most part so you don't need to put on a big show or anything.

[Celtic_Jorge]

Thanks jm.  I've kind of noticed the above "no's" just from talking to her.  Except for the no going dutch part. haha

But that's not a concern right now, especially since I'm no longer worried about supporting me, a wife, and AN ENTIRE THAI FAMILY......  

She does seem pretty laid back and simple.  I am looking for that, so that is good.  She also seems a bit westernised, but not in a bad sense.  More in the filipina-westernised sense.  I guess that comes from their years as a British colony.  Not that I support British colonialism...   They even have places in Hong Kong like Aberdeen etc...    But they don't shag sheep there, like they do in the real Aberdeen.

[Celtic_Jorge]

So... Its actually come down to this.  I have a date with my new Chinese friend next weekend.
Here's the problem.  This might seem trivial.

Anyway, when I dated my Thai girlfriend, we ate at Thai restaurants.  She says she likes all different kinds of food.  I rarely dine out.

Now I need to find out where we will dine.  Now, there are some VERY good, authentic Chinese restaurants in D.C.  When I took my Thai girlfriend out for Thai, well, she wasn't offended at all.  But then again, she wanted her status changed from me, not really me.. Ha ha.

Would it be to trite and typical of me to take her out to one of these Chinese places?  She says she doesn't care where we go as long as there's good food and we can talk.  I'm honestly out of ideas otherwise.  I guess I'll have to do some research.

[Jeff S]

Personally, I think it's a bit presumptuous to take her to a Chinese restaurant. Let her pick the Chinese places if you guys hit it off. Would you want someone overseas to take you to an "American" restaurant in their country? I'd take her to a good, but laid back seafood kinda place. DC, Maryland and Northern Virginia are peppered with them. Most east Asian women are seafood lovers.

[Celtic_Jorge]

True, but she talks about Chinese food constantly with me.  Same with my Thai ex.  That's where the idea comes into my head.  She is a cook.  Professional like.
Anyhow I am Scottish, but I eat food from everywhere....... And you won't catch me eating haggis.  Of course, Scots of Irish background are accused of being tattie munchers.. Something I don't really agree with, either.
I get my American passport from my mother.  But I'm really only an American on paper.

[Celtic_Jorge]

I think Steak will win out on this one though.  It seems to be her next favourite food, aside from the Chinese dishes she talks about nonstop.

[Dave H]

 But they don't shag sheep there, like they do in the real Aberdeen.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-nRoslQgt4

[michaelb]

Where the men are weird and the sheep are afeird.

[Ray]

CJ,

Is she here visiting from Hong Kong?

If so, I would forget about Chines food and go for something that’s more adventurous for her and isn’t easy to find in Hong Kong, like maybe authentic Mexican or Italian.

How about a nice little cozy Italian restaurant that serves outstanding pizza? A place where you can relax, share a pizza, and have some good conversation.

Ray

[Capstone]

Don't take her to a Chinese restaurant unless she suggests one because more than likely she won't like the food.

[Celtic_Jorge]

I've gone out with her twice now.  We went out to a museum and ate in the cafe.  Not the best food.  But it was her idea, not mine, so I just went along with what SHE wanted..... She is the lady, after all.

Whoever said "no dutch"... Was it jm?  Anyway, she has tried very hard on both dates to pay for her half of the bill.  I told her that I make MUCH MORE money than she does, and it does no good.  I've managed to pay for every dinner, but not every dessert.  She's too insistant.  What does this mean?  Is this her saying "this isn't a date, we are just going out as friends?"  I really can't tell.

I asked her if she still likes me after the first date, LIKES, not loves (that would be creepy ha ha), and she said that she doesn't know.  She said she'd have to see me more before she decides if she likes me or not.  We've been talking for 2 months now.. She basically said "we'll see if it works out", and she regards me as a good friend, to start with.

So after the second date, I tried to hold her hand, and she pushed me aside... I was crushed of course, but I acted like it didn't bother me at all.  I just smiled and talked about how good the dessert was we had, like nothing had happened at all.  I don't know lads.  I have nothing else to do, so if she finds time to go out with me again, I will, just to cure some boredom...  But seems to me like she's rejecting me as a potential partner.  Or maybe I just don't understand Hong Kong women yet.  Maybe they just take longer to "warm up" than just about every other kind of woman I've been in contact with.

What do you think?

Also, she's been here for 3 years now..  And I plan on all-out RETIRING to Thailand when I hit my late 30s/early 40s.. So if nothing works out between now and then, I'll go somewhere where at least I KNOW for a fact that I'll get female attention.. Maybe not the right kind, but its fecking better than nothing

[Capstone]

Whoever said "no dutch"... Was it jm?  Anyway, she has tried very hard on both dates to pay for her half of the bill.  I told her that I make MUCH MORE money than she does, and it does no good.  I've managed to pay for every dinner, but not every dessert.  She's too insistant.  What does this mean?  Is this her saying "this isn't a date, we are just going out as friends?"  I really can't tell.

JM was actually dead on when he made the comment about going dutch would probably be out of the question because that is something which just doesn't happen in China - now the person who was invited to go out will make a token gesture to pay the bill but it is already a foregone conclusion of who will be picking up the tab. But if she has been in the US for 3 years now it wouldn't really come as a surprise that she may have adopted some of our social practices either. The whole "going dutch" concept is something that my wife found really foreign when she first arrived in the US - we would go out to dinner with friends and split the bill and she thought that was the strangest thing.

So after the second date, I tried to hold her hand, and she pushed me aside... I was
What do you think?

No big surprise there - PDAs are not common in China.

Whether or not she is actually interested in you, I can't say because I wasn't there - that is something that you will need to decide.

[Bob_S]

We've been talking for 2 months now.. She basically said "we'll see if it works out", and she regards me as a good friend, to start with.
Or maybe I just don't understand Hong Kong women yet.  Maybe they just take longer to "warm up" than just about every other kind of woman I've been in contact with.

Bingo.

She said she'd have to see you more before she decides.  That's saying, "let's go out more."  NOT a negative.

[Celtic_Jorge]

It wasn't a Personal Digital Assistant though.......

We were alone, in my car.  And no one else was around.  But i have nothing else to do after work and money to burn, so if she will go out again, I'll go.

[Jeff S]

Whatever you do, don't play the I like you, do you like me? game. Waaay to wuss. You need to show confidence and take charge. Do things to tease her. Say things like, hey I'M picking up the check, but if you want I'll let you cook me a home cooked Chinese meal sometime, and like that.

I agree - PDAs, especially early, are out. Maybe in private, but keep it light and fun - not the big awkward buildup.

[Celtic_Jorge]

Scots nail on the first date.  I thought I was trying to be as slow as possible.

I didn't think a light touch on the hand, especially in private, would illicit such a response, if she really liked me back.  But I'm not giving up yet, just taking this one with a grain of salt.

unfortunately, Jeff, that would never work.  She's trying to get a 4.0 this term, get A's on every assignment and exam, etc......  She says she's too busy except to maybe go out once a week, tops.  And trips over to my flat would take entirely too much time for her.

We'll see.  I don't know anything about women, because every woman I've ever dated was just looking to get something from me, and not really interested in me.. So they probably let a lot go with me.  But I certainly don't know anything about Chinese customs, either.

[Researcher]

Whatever you do, don't play the I like you, do you like me? game. Waaay to wuss. You need to show confidence and take charge. Do things to tease her. Say things like, hey I'M picking up the check, but if you want I'll let you cook me a home cooked Chinese meal sometime, and like that.
 

  Its good to see you Asian Board guys have learned a few things about women from the Latin Board.Now I know why so many of you guys hang out there!!...hehehehe



  Researcher

[Celtic_Jorge]

I always still have Thailand to escape to in 15 years.

Every desperate, hopeless western man's last respite, whether he is hard up for love and romance (like me), or just sex.

You just have to be ready to deal with a lot of bull[snip].   

[robert angel]

Good thing that you know early on that being raised in HK, she's probably a bit different than most mainland Chinese raised gals. Throw in three years of living in the states and you've got quite a hybrid there.

Is she finishing up school in the next year and does she have any long range plans?

Good luck, Jorge

[fathertime]

Whatever you do, don't play the I like you, do you like me? game. Waaay to wuss. You need to show confidence and take charge. Do things to tease her. Say things like, hey I'M picking up the check, but if you want I'll let you cook me a home cooked Chinese meal sometime, and like that.
 

I gotta say Jeff, you sure did nail that one!  Too bad it is usually the guys that are married and don't need the knowledge that know exactly how to handle these situations!

So after the second date, I tried to hold her hand, and she pushed me aside... I was crushed of course, but I acted like it didn't bother me at all.  I just smiled and talked about how good the dessert was we had, like nothing had happened at all.  I don't know lads.  I have nothing else to do, so if she finds time to go out with me again, I will, just to cure some boredom...  But seems to me like she's rejecting me as a potential partner.  Or maybe I just don't understand Hong Kong women yet.  Maybe they just take longer to "warm up" than just about every other kind of woman I've been in contact with.

What do you think?

I think you keep seeing the gal. 

My wife did the same thing to me for several nights.  No hand holding, no kissing etc etc.  I thought I was turning into a big joke to her, but the reality was that she wasn't going to just let me run roughshod over her the first few nights. 
Needless to say, she is my wife now and we have done a little more than hold hands, although I must say as gay as it sounds, we hold hands every night during our nightly walks and while it doesn't give me that electric charged instaboner like it did the first few times, it still does feel good.

Fathertime!

[robert angel]

If it was too easy, it wouldn't be worth it for very long.

[Celtic_Jorge]

Well after talking on the phone for 4 hours tonight I got invited on date #3.........  I really like her.. I guess she likes me too.   

To a Chinese restaurant.  

[fathertime]

Well after talking on the phone for 4 hours tonight I got invited on date #3.........  I really like her.. I guess she likes me too.   

To a Chinese restaurant.  

Good for you I guess. 

4 hours of gabbing on the phone is a lot of work though for a date, especially since you are already right there.  How is it that SHE invited you on a date?  I thought the onus was on the man to do the inviting.  Perhaps the custom is different there in China on your on their turf.

But seriously, enjoy your time and keep charging if you think she is worth it.
Fathertime!