We steer clear of almost all Fil Am get togethers. We have a pretty large group in our area and there's an equally large group not far away in the next state.
We were very involved in helping almost 50 Teachers hired here from the Philippines get acclimated, but soon saw them acting just like the Filipinos that had been here for years already--'crab mentalities' and once we had gotten their bank accounts, phone service, utilities established and help furnish their homes, we severed ties, except for a few of them.
Most of them were from Manila--from fairly wealthy families --I guess the 'upper class elite' back there, and they probably didn't really need all that help, but we did it anyway. Not that they were all that appreciative, but my wife isn't one who does charitable things expecting gratitude. She does it because she feels it's honorable and mistakenly thought her country's people needed help in this case. After we basically got them free everything, most of them went out and bought brand new cars as soon as they were legally able to do so
My wife went to a few of the holiday get togethers and 'prayer' meetings/pot luck dinners when she first came here, and quickly saw how no sooner than they were done praying, they got right down to malicious gossiping and bragging about all the things they had, about supposedly glorious vacations, their children's amazing accomplishments, ad nauseum. No modesty and an abundance of pettiness and nastiness. Even to each others faces, but especially directed to anyone absent.
We live in an area with a lot of military and most of those guys, especially the younger ones, have issues of their own and if I thought my manners are bad, they make me look like a Swiss diplomat.
So, we basically socialize--cook outs, dinners out, out of town trips, occasionally out dancing, with two, perhaps three other Fil Am couples.
My wife just doesn't want to risk those others trying to create 'stories' about her and us, or grossly exaggerating anything she might say.
Sadly, even among the few friends we socialize with, she won't tell them about any problem she and I might have and she won't complain to her parents/family either. She says she respects me too much and even though those few local Filipinas she does count as friends are people she talks to regularly, she's afraid they may develop 'loose lips'. They tell her everything bad about their marriages and problems and it's sort of sad.
More and more, we enjoy staying home, watching movies, going out just her and I and socializing with a few select people --just enough to be not left entirely out of that loop.
Too many friends, especially among large groups of Filipinas in the USA, only leads to gossip, conspiracies and bad blood all around. My wife is civil to all, but very, very few of those people to whom she's nice to, come into our home, nor do we go to there homes, when invited.
Again, she's very, very nice to all, but chooses her friends very carefully and even then, watches her tongue...
>>Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer. Sun-tzu. Chinese general & military strategist (~400 BC).<<
