Approval timelines

[robert angel]

AV will be all right and there's more substance to his lady than most of us know.

He's just heavily influenced by that intoxicating drug called 'LOVE' and sort of 'lost it' for a minute back there, guys.

He fell into love using good reason, he's no dummy and I think all of this will sort itself out just fine.

Maybe half of the P & J sandwich fell off the counter back there a ways, but I think it's going to land jelly side up!

"As God is my witness, tomorrow IS another day!" (And I'll NEVER go hungry again....)

[Dave H]

AV will be all right and there's more substance to his lady than most of us know.

Hey Rob,

We can only base our opinions on what we are told and with what AV told us...it doesn't look good...to put it mildly!!! If AV wants to hear more postitive responses, he might want to provide more information. Just AV's last post alone is quite alarming!  "This is not my girls' first marriage, though it will be her last." "I'd ask her folks if I could court her, but their answer wouldn't matter one damned bit." " YOUR ideas of what constitutes a "good Filipina / Pinay" doesn't have to match my idea." "without the B.S. games that most Filipinas like to play with their coy hogwash."

Intelligence and common often do not work well when one is "in LOVE!"

Some guys are quick learners and learn from others mistakes, some guys have to bash their own head in once, while others prefer to bash their heads in over and over again. I have seen so many guys come here and ask for advice over the past 10+ years, not like the answers given, get pissed and stomp off, then do it "THEIR OWN DAMN WAY", FUCH UP ROYALLY, then come back and bash all Filipinas...it makes me sick! They do NOT accept their mistakes and offer helpful advice to others...BUT rather talk crap about "ALL FILIPINAS!" I am sure that Ray feels the same way! We stick around because we like it when a few guys actually listen once in a while and succeed! I know that I am not always right...although Ray probably is!   (He has somewhere around 40 years experience with the Philippines and Filipinas)

Dave

[Dave H]

My concerns with the "last" post.


"This is not my girls' first marriage,"

OK, even if the breakup of the first marriage was due to no fault on her part...Was she married to a Filipino before? Is her first marriage annuled? Even with money, there is no guarantee that an annulment will be granted by the Philippine courts. Ask Dolphy and Zsa Zsa Padilla! (finally after many years) Are there children from the first marriage? Is she hiding from her first husband and his family, to avoid violence or even death? I personally know several Filipinas in that situation.


"though it will be her last."

Says who? God, you, her? It sound a bit threatening!


"I'd ask her folks if I could court her, but their answer wouldn't matter one damned bit."

To who, you...her? A "good" Filipina is going to respect her parents wishes! Filipinas who marry without parental consent or approval usually develop personal  guilt and shame! They often try come to the parents several years later, using an intermediary (often a sibling) and their first born child. The hope is that the parents will be so taken by their love of the grandchild that the daughter will be forgiven and the marriage accepted.

" YOUR ideas of what constitutes a "good Filipina / Pinay" doesn't have to match my idea."

You are right...it doesn't! But this isn't America..."Do what feels good!" "Me, Me, Me!" There are very standard norms in Philippine society! People are supposed to put their parents, family, and the good of society before their own wants and needs.


"without the B.S. games that most Filipinas like to play with their coy hogwash."

"Some" or "jealous" would have been a better choice of words.  Badminton is the game that "most" Filipinas like to play!  

[Ray]

Asphalt,

Yes, we do get that same reaction from lots of guys who pass through here. They hear some advice that they didn’t want to hear so they angrily lash out and accuse us of being judgmental and loudly tell us where to stick our opinions and advice.

But the advice you get here is free, so we’re sorry if we can’t refund your membership fee.

If any advice/opinions don’t apply to you, then feel free to ignore same. But please remember that this is an open public forum and any advice offered here is also meant for the benefit of all those other thousands of lurkers out there who read this stuff. We don’t go out of our way to post all of this solely for your personal benefit.

We don’t know you or your lady friend and we don’t have all the facts, so we can only go by what you tell us when assessing your situation and expressing our opinions. We are not infallible and our advice may not always be accurate for your particular case, but perhaps other readers can learn something from it.

I can assure you that it was not my intention to attack or insult you or your girl. Urging someone to take caution is not a personal attack.

I understand why you don’t want to hear our advice on this topic, but I for one am not going to waste my time here just trying to be nice and fuzzy and warm, while telling everyone just what they want to hear so everyone will be happy. There are other forums where everyone will always agree with anything you choose to do, so I hope you find one of those places where all of your plans, no matter how dangerous or ill-advised that they might sound, will always be supported and praised by the other members.

I truly wish you luck and success in your endeavor,

Ray

 

[Dave H]

But the advice you get here is free, so we’re sorry if we can’t refund your membership fee.

Ray

Hey Ray,

What do you mean "the advice you get here is free"? You mean we are not getting paid for this?

Forget it...I'm going to become a "Yes Man" and tell everyone anything that they want to hear!

Dave

[Dave H]

AV will be all right and there's more substance to his lady than most of us know.

Hey Rob,

I Agree! Having received an IM from AV with more detail, her (his) situation is definately not typical and very unusual for a Filipina!

I wish them both the best of luck!

Dave

[z_k_g]

She doesn't live near her parents and it wouldn't matter if she did. yes, I'd ask her folks if I could court her, but their answer wouldn't matter one damned bit. It's all for show.

The term myopic comes to mind reading your post.  Read my quote below!

NO pinay will feel comfortable marrying without the parents approval except those in the city who have adopted the western "me" culture or a bargirl who has her own hidden agenda.

As others have said, there may be some other mitigating facts that you have not shared that would influence her to not seek the involvement of her family.  In that case, this advice may not apply to you.

But pinays are very very conservative and the family comes first in everything.

I regret that you have taken my advice as an attack, it was not meant to be in any way.

I wish you luck and hope that we are completely wrong about your sweetie!

Zulu

[robert angel]

I think everybody that's chimed in here has good intentions, but once a guy really falls in love, it's really hard to sway him in any which way. Seemed like Celtic Jorge was a bit in the same situation, one where he was very sweet on a girl and was pretty head strong against advice given here also, allthough he ended up making a decision that kind of surprised me--again on his own terms.

[z_k_g]

Seemed like Celtic Jorge was a bit in the same situation, one where he was very sweet on a girl and was pretty head strong against advice given here also, allthough he ended up making a decision that kind of surprised me--again on his own terms.

It was a logical decision.

Jorge stepped back and used a clear head (the large one) to look at his situation objectively and also listened to all of the input on P-L.  He did some more research, read the archives and made an informed, yet very unexpected decision!   I think his budget analysis was spot on!  He realized that this particular woman was not for him!

He was pretty pissed at everyone initially also, but he gave it some deep thought and cooled off when he realized P-L was there to help him.

Ultimately he was the one who was making the FINAL decision!

Zulu

[Ray]

I think everybody that's chimed in here has good intentions, but once a guy really falls in love, it's really hard to sway him in any which way. Seemed like Celtic Jorge was a bit in the same situation, one where he was very sweet on a girl and was pretty head strong against advice given here also, allthough he ended up making a decision that kind of surprised me--again on his own terms.

Robert,

This isn’t (or shouldn’t be) about swaying anyone to follow our advice. It’s about expressing our opinions and using our own personal experiences to try to help each other.

You are correct that most guys (or girls) who think they are in love will usually disregard any advice that doesn’t conform to their already conceived plans or beliefs. And I have also seen some members get all upset and pissy when someone chooses not to follow their advice, so this can work both ways.

But as I previously stated, the advice that you give here, whether rejected or not by the recipient, may just help another member or lurker out there who is in a similar situation, so you should go ahead and express your opinions anyway, whether he likes it or not.

I really don’t care if my advice or opinions are ignored or not. But I sometimes have to chuckle when some guy gets all in a huff because he didn’t hear exactly what he wanted to hear. We don’t get paid for this and I often have to remind those disgruntled members of that fact.

If they don’t want to hear my opinions and advice, then they can put me on “ignore” like a few other whiny juveniles who used to post and flame here, or run away to some place where everyone will hold their hand and agree with all of their ideas and plans. Either way, I’ll still be here giving my opinions…       

Ray

[z_k_g]

If they don’t want to hear my opinions and advice, then they can put me on “ignore” like a few other whiny juveniles who used to post and flame here, or run away to some place where everyone will hold their hand and agree with all of their ideas and plans. Either way, I’ll still be here giving my opinions…       

So subtle can you be a little bit clearer Ray!! 

Zulu

[Ray]

So subtle can you be a little bit clearer Ray!! 

Zulu

I'll try. How about a picture?


         

[robert angel]

Re:

>>So subtle can you be a little bit clearer Ray!!<<

Like him or not (your mileage may vary) You gotta admit that Ray's epitaph might well be:

'Never was ac used of trying to be 'politically correct'--instead he called them as he saw them'.

Ray--is your middle name 'Ajax' by chance?

[Bob_S]

NO pinay will feel comfortable marrying without the parents approval except those in the city who have adopted the western "me" culture or a bargirl who has her own hidden agenda.

As others have said, there may be some other mitigating facts that you have not shared that would influence her to not seek the involvement of her family.  In that case, this advice may not apply to you.

The mitigating facts might be the nature of her parents' disapproval.  It would be nice to get their approval, but if you don't, you'd hope that your beloved can look at the reason for their rejection, and if she finds it to be irrational, then she'd act of her own accord.  If she cannot make her own decisions and act independently even when her parents are acting irrationally, then you don't want her anyway.  You'd be adopting a child, not marrying a grown woman.  That's just a rule of thumb no matter where the woman is coming from.

BTDTAGTTS

[z_k_g]

The mitigating facts might be the nature of her parents' disapproval.  It would be nice to get their approval, but if you don't, you'd hope that your beloved can look at the reason for their rejection, and if she finds it to be irrational, then she'd act of her own accord.  If she cannot make her own decisions and act independently even when her parents are acting irrationally, then you don't want her anyway.  You'd be adopting a child, not marrying a grown woman.  That's just a rule of thumb no matter where the woman is coming from.

BTDTAGTTS

Bob,

I would probably walk away if the parents did not approve.  Asians in general, and I know a lot of Asian American families, are so family oriented it would be difficult for me to live with my wife not sharing her life with her family even though we are making a new family that requires her equal if not majority attention.

I just feel that family is so important such disapproval would undo our love.  It just wouldn't sit well with me and I would not feel good about the relationship.

I feel it would be selfish to move forward.  At the least I would try to resolve whatever the issue was that the family had with me or the union.   If that didn't work I would move on!

There are too many women in the world to force the issue with one, even though you love her!

Just my opinion.

Zulu