What Info Is Fair Game?

[Ray]

It is something that both you independently out of caring for the feelings of the other should do without it even having to be mentioned.

Asphalt,

You understand this stuff fully, BUT apparently she doesn't.

IF she truly loved you unconditionally, she WOULD NOT be doing anything that might hurt you or your feelings, period.

Now why are you still plaing her games??

Do yourself a big favor, and find a woman who LOVES and CARES about you through her ACTIONS, NOT her words!

Ray

[AsphaltVoyager]

I know, Ray. Sometimes life is messy, especially where love is concerned. If it comes easily (which is a rarity) be thankful and praise God for it. But, when it's harder, is it worth fighting for?

There was a time when tempered steel was the finest thing a man could own. It ensured that he would live. When a man's soul is so parched that he can barely summon the strength to face another day (or night) alone, knowing that he has done everything he possibly can to erase years of trash from his life for the day when The One comes along, if he finds that she is not as perfect as he would hope... does he walk away, or is the love he seeks not worth the tempering of it that could save his life?

You could say that this is a case of stubbornly willful blindness, but you'd be wrong. I see the imperfections. I simply choose to discount them. Each of us has to walk our own path. As long as the destination is the same, did the road we followed make that much difference? Should those who reached the plateau easily look down on those whose climb was a struggle, even when the easier way was plain to see?

[JayJay]

This is an interesting topic and one I could comment on profusely.  But I'll try not to.

In theory, I go along with Jeff.  I myself do not believe in backup plans.  Maybe I am old-fashioned.

Initially, it is most probable that male or female, you will make several acquaintances while looking for that someone "special".  But once you have found that special person, it is time to nicely tell your other friends that you have committed to someone.  It is rare that people can continue on in an honest, friends-only mode, but I've seen it done, and know it can be done.  But it is the exception, rather than the rule.

If for some reason you think your Significant Other has a backup plan, then they probably do.

Realistically, based upon what I have seen with my own eyes, I believe that the majority of the women here in the PH's that are using the internet to locate their husband-to-be, do indeed have a backup plan.  (And yes, I believe that most of the foreign guys also have backup plans, but that is not verified, just my thought).  Should you have any doubt, just go to any internet cafe here in the PHs and walk around for a few minutes.  If you don't see at least a few women, (all ages, very young to mid-50's for sure) video chatting with more than one foreigner simultaneously, then you are in the wrong cafe.  Text chat is not as obvious, but when you see 2 or 3 video windows open with the guys visible, it is obvious.  Don't go to cafes located right next to a school or university as they are typically full of students actually working on assignments, but go to any of the smaller local cafes.  There are many in almost every little town now.

The majority (NOT all) of these women are not going to put all their hope in one guy.  Many will be happy with the first guy that actually shows up, proposes marriage and takes them to a better opportunity.  I've seen this time and time again.  I met an educated young lady last year who was preparing to marry a guy from Texas.  I asked her why she chose him in particular and she told me quite bluntly that he was the only guy who did not ask her on-line to show him her breasts .  (what is this world coming to?)  I met the guy before they got married and he was a nice, down to earth guy.  Her statement got me wondering though, so I asked several other locals regarding their on-line experiences and they related similar experiences.  I was kind of shocked, but I guess there are a lot of guys out there just looking for a free peep-show.

These are factual statements and I don't want to upset anyone with my statements, nor do I want to debate it.  If you live here, then you already know that.  If you are visiting, just visit the cafes, walk around casually and see for yourself.

I myself have spoken to many of the girls sitting at these computers over the last several years and asked them why they are doing this at all.  We have a lot of foreigners where I live, from many different countries, and I suggested that they talk with the wives of these foreigners (don't approach the husbands as the wives will be jealous .... go through proper channels) and ask them straight out if they had any friends that they can introduce them to.

If it were my son or daughter, I would feel much better and more comfortable if they met someone via an introduction.  Unfortunately, I guess that it not a realistic option.

This does not work either though as the young ladies have told me.  It is very hard to approach the local foreigner households as the wives are very protective of their husbands (as I know all too well).  In addition, it takes way too long.  Most likely they will be politely put off, saying something to the effect of yes, if I think of anyone I will let you know. Not likely going to happen.

Hence ..... we are back where we started.  At the internet cafes chatting up a storm.

So just because many, perhaps even the majority of men and women searching for a spouse have a backup plan, does it make it right?  I don't think so, but that is just my opinion.  And I'm sure everyone here knows what they say about people and opinions ...

The best I can suggest is to visit whatever country you are dealing with and spend as much time there with the people, the culture, etc, as well as the man or woman you believe to be the love of your life.  The time spent up front could very well make a world of difference in the decisions that you both make and in the success of your marriage.

Enuf said.

[Ray]

Hi Jay(2x), welcome aboard.

…when you see 2 or 3 video windows open with the guys visible, it is obvious.

Have you ever been tempted to quietly stand behind one of those girls and hold up a large mirror so all the guys on cam can see her screen?

It might be fun, assuming that you can run fast…

I wouldn’t be too concerned about hurting anyone’s feelings here. Go ahead and say what needs to be said. Your opinions are welcome.

Ray

[z_k_g]

Realistically, based upon what I have seen with my own eyes, I believe that the majority of the women here in the PH's that are using the internet to locate their husband-to-be, do indeed have a backup plan.  

Enuf said.

Awesome post and very sincere!  

I totally agree with this viewpoint, ALL OF THE PINAYS, have a backup plan, even if you don't.  I also think that this has always been the case even before the use of the internet, they were writing to multiple pen pals. 

Of course, I think that some will disagree and profusely defend their pinay's honor and sincerity.  They will implore that "their" woman is telling the truth and waiting for him to show up and they are "exclusive".  

I think this is noble and chivalrous, but a very naive viewpoint.  But too each his own.  If you like the taste of the blue kool-aid keep on drinking it.  Or as one wise man said "if you think she is lying or telling the truth...then you are right!"

Zulu

[Alabamaboy!]

I agree with Ray, nothing wrong with backup plans until there is a ring on the finger. Until then it is just not fair to yourself or to your girl when it is a long distance relationship to keep either of you off the market completely. I think if you do it for no reason, you are going to undermine any chances you have with your #1. But if there are any doubts or questions which can only be answered with more face to face time, why not chat with others? But it has to be equal rules. If you do not like it that way, make a committment and put a ring on her finger and go pedal to the metal.

[Alabamaboy!]

I have chatted with literally 100's of Filipinas and Colombianas, and there is so much distrust between the guys and the women because of the fact that the majority of the women are scammers or at least "interesadas" like they say in Colombia. And a good chunk of the guys just go down to have a good time and end up dumping the girl and she is left with nothing, after wasting a year or two of their life. And the women especially have a short "shelf life" they are not going to be so cute in a few years. So I think they need to have a backup plan in case the guy turns out to be one of the "bad ones". But you too, need to do the same. But for me, once the bling-bling is on the finger, the bull[snip] needs to stop. And there should be zero % tolerance for that kind of thing at that point.

[z_k_g]

But for me, once the bling-bling is on the finger, the bull[snip] needs to stop. And there should be zero % tolerance for that kind of thing at that point.

Agreed!  Once you make the trip and seal the deal you are the lucky winner!

I really started this post to explore What is Fair Game Before you make that trip!

Zulu

[Alabamaboy!]

Everything is fair game before the trip. If you think otherwise, you are taking a big unnecessary risk of getting burned. The vast majority of the girls are going to be doing the same thing. So don't be a sucker. If you are chatting with them, who cares? It is not like you are there in PI having sex with them or going out on dates. They on the other hand have unlimited opportunities to go out over there, entertain other gringos looking to travel to test the waters.

[bcc_1_2]

I would suspect those traveling to asia are less likely to have a backup plan than latin america. Mexico, Honduras, Costa, Rica, and Colombia I must advise a backup plan. Many times my plan a,b, and c was just to be educated about where to meet chicas (cafes, colleges, night venues, malls, etc). But if you are a shy dude having email contact with multiple agencies and multiple online ladies just makes sense. Just be honest and open... Hey I'm traveling down to Mexico (or whatever country) and I thought your profile was interesting and enjoyed talking to you over skype a few times. I'll be in Mexico City from the 12th to 23rd... would you like to meet up sometime?

It's that simple. There is no reason to spend hours online... just use personals and social networking to gather up some potientals. If you cancel... just make sure you give her notice well in advance. But really you shouldn't cancel if you get say 3 or 4 girls all scheduled the first couple days... then go from there.

If you've only exchanged a few emails and talked 2 or 3 times over skype then setting up a coffee type date is fine. IMO there is never any reason to do more than that over the internet. Certainly at least not for latin america.

[robert angel]

I think we need to clarify what a 'back up plan' actually is.

In a way, every Yahoo Messenger ID I gathered over the years for the area I was traveling to, every Yahoo 'smiley face' that I could call up on any computer almost anywhere, constituted a contact, or a 'back up plan', if you will. If things didn't 'work out', I could have left off line messages with other women and activated a 'back up plan' in fairly short order. I wasn't romantically involved with the other women and they knew I was focusing elsewhere on a single woman.

But we remained on good terms, parting as friends and I know they would've met me and toured me around, time allowing.

I bet most guys here, including those who feel they don't or didn't have a 'back up plan' can say the same. Whether things worked out as they expected beforehand, or if they put into action some back up plan, only they know.

Fortunately, I had a pretty well established situation waiting for me before I left and didn't need to alter things very much from what I intended or expected when I got on the jet for that long series of flights.Things pretty much worked out as I expected.

So in a way, I guess you could say I had a back up plan/s that was optional and I didn't have to exercise those options.

[Dave H]

I bet most guys here, including those who feel they don't or didn't have a 'back up plan' can say the same. Whether things worked out as they expected beforehand, or if they put into action some back up plan, only they know.

Hey Rob,

Not me...no "back up plan" at all! I didn't know any other single ladies in the Philippines or Asia. I only went to meet one lady and if it didn't work out...it was going to be a lonely vacation, since I knew no one else and am not into hos.

Dave

[Capstone]

Not me...no "back up plan" at all! I didn't know any other single ladies in the Philippines or Asia. I only went to meet one lady and if it didn't work out...it was going to be a lonely vacation, since I knew no one else and am not into hos.

Dave, the same thing was true for me as well - my only backup plan was to have a great vacation in Hong Kong. In my case I was never in any communication with any other women besides my wife. We did not meet on any type of Dating site, so I never had a profile posted anywhere to meet women. I didn't know anyone else in Hong Kong - I just figured if things didn't work out between us then at least I would enjoy a nice vacation in an exotic place with a new friend.

[Dave H]

These are factual statements and I don't want to upset anyone with my statements, nor do I want to debate it.  If you live here, then you already know that.  If you are visiting, just visit the cafes, walk around casually and see for yourself.

Hey JayJay,

Welcome to P-L! That sounds like an accurate description of Internet cafes in the Philippines to me! Don't forget to mention to try the food in the carinderia outside!  

Dave

[Jeff S]

No backup plan for me either. I did have some (male) friends in Japan I'd have visited if we didn't hit it off at first, but no other prospects or even names and numbers of single women - though I've never had trouble meeting single women anywhere in the world. It would have become just a sightseeing vacation.

[Dave H]

Dave, the same thing was true for me as well - my only backup plan was to have a great vacation in Hong Kong.

Hey Capstone,

I don't have anything against backup plans, it is a matter of individual choice.  Like you, I was only communicating with my wife, as was she with me. We met through a personal introduction. If my wife hadn't liked me, she is a nice enough person to have stuck around and been my tour guide. I would have been sad, but enjoyed her companionship and the Philippines just the same! Fortunately...the rest is history!

If anyone wonders how I was certain that she wasn't "chatting" with others...we didn't chat back then (it wasn't easy) and she was busy taking care of her critically ill parent 24/7, alone.

Dave

[Dave H]

Have you ever been tempted to quietly stand behind one of those girls and hold up a large mirror so all the guys on cam can see her screen?

Ray

Hey Ray,

I've been tempted to pull up one of those bakla's skirts while she chats with "her Kano!"   I don't want to frighten anyone...so I will only post the obvious ones. 

Dave



Do any of these "ladies" look familiar?

[Ray]

Dave,

Are you sure that your stroke didn't affect the sexual orientation part of your brain?

Just kiding man!

You crack me up!

Ray

[robert angel]

Perhaps Dave's actually from Planet Claire:

Ahhhahhahhahh

She came from Planet Claire
I knew she came from there
She drove a Plymouth Satellite
Faster than the speed of light

Planet Claire has pink air
All the trees are red
No one ever dies there
No one has a head

Ahhhahhhahhahh

Some say she's from Mars
Or one of the seven stars
That shine after 3:30 in the morning
WELL SHE ISN'T

Writer(s) Fred Schneider, Keith Strickland
Producer Chris Blackwell

[Dave H]

Dave,

Are you sure that your stroke didn't affect the sexual orientation part of your brain?

Just kiding man!

You crack me up!

Ray

Hey Ray,

Could be!   I will tell you what...sometimes I have to ask my wife "Is it a she or a he?" It is usually the very tall ladies. There is one about 6'1" that often struts the mall in a miniskirt. Quite attractive, but big for a Filipina and not conservative at all! Some are over dramatic and swish, other bayuts or baklas stand out because they are not conservative, looking like they belong somewhere in Latin America, not the Philippines. I am usually very observant, but I'll bet many conservative baklas slip past me "innocently" every day.  

Dave

Walking around dressed like that, the Thai Katoey on the left would be obvious in the Philippines. Looks like the first runner-up in our "Miss Gay Philippines" beauty pageant. On the right, less obvious, tall, perhaps a bit swishy.


This Thai ladyboy would fool me...too cute! What can I say...big hands perhaps? I sure am glad that I am married!

[Dave H]

Perhaps Dave's actually from Planet Claire:

Hey Rob,

Actually, I am from my own Private Idaho!

"Private Idaho"

Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo
You're living in your own Private Idaho
Living in your own Private Idaho
Underground like a wild potato.
Don't go on the patio.
Beware of the pool,
blue bottomless pool.
It leads you straight
right throught the gate
that opens on the pool.

You're living in your own Private Idaho.
You're living in your own Private Idaho.

Keep off the path, beware the gate,
watch out for signs that say "hidden driveways".
Don't let the chlorine in your eyes
blind you to the awful surprise
that's waitin' for you at
the bottom of the bottomless blue blue blue pool.

You're livin in your own Private Idaho. Idaho.
You're out of control, the rivers that roll,
you fell into the water and down to Idaho.
Get out of that state,
get out of that state you're in.
You better beware.

You're living in your own Private Idaho.
You're living in your own Private Idaho.

Keep off the patio,
keep off the path.
The lawn may be green
but you better not be seen
walkin' through the gate that leads you down,
down to a pool fraught with danger
is a pool full of strangers.

You're living in your own Private Idaho,
where do I go from here to a better state than this.
Well, don't be blind to the big surprise
swimming round and round like the deadly hand
of a radium clock, at the bottom, of the pool.

I-I-I-daho
I-I-I-daho
Woah oh oh woah oh oh woah oh oh
Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
Get out of that state
Get out of that state
You're living in your own Private Idaho,
livin in your own Private.... Idaho

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7t7cGwN7_0&feature=related