So I met a girl.. And I am going to Thailand to meet her.

[AsphaltVoyager]

Well I just got on the cam with her mum and grand mum.... Two VERY nice people.  Seem to have limited English, though.
My heart is just really warming for this girl.  Her family wants me to come over there.  They seem to really like me a lot.
I think I am definitely going over there in September.  I might even get engaged to her.
I just think my opportunity for meeting a woman like this and making things work are just too limited to pass this opportunity up.
If I leave her without a ring and a gold necklace, by the time 12 months rolls around and I can go again, she probably won't be available anymore.
What can I really say?  She's melting my damn heart.
I know I could be setting myself up for real hellfire here on Earth if I get engaged to her that fast and marry her just like that and things go bad here in America...

But there's always a chance it could work out.      I know I have one foot in my grave.  I just really want to take a chance for her.  I think I'll decide for good when I am there in September.  I guess I'll let you all know what happens...

Hi, Jorge... dude, as I have stated before, I had a laundry list of traits I was looking for when I made up my mind I was going to find a lifetime partner. What I was seeking was very specific. When my girl came into my life and I began ticking off my checklist (mentally, of course), I knew in pretty short order that I had found the one I was looking for and did (and still am doing) everything in my power to ensure that this chance didn't pass me by. I won't let this opportunity slip by me come hell or high water.

All anyone can say is to simply be sure that she really IS the One before you decide you can't pass on her. you're the only who can decide if this is really Her, and how you go about determining this has to be suited for you, rather than someone else's way. I am hoping that she isn't giving you hints that without a ring this go-around, she'll pass on the chance to be with you and still entertain more suitors. If so, then you need to think long and hard about your decision. If you're not both willing to give the same level of commitment and stick to it, then you should pass. Making demands, even if only implied, is not a good way to start a relationship you want to have last for a lifetime.

[robert angel]

Re:

>> I am hoping that she isn't giving you hints that without a ring this go-around, she'll pass on the chance to be with you and still entertain more suitors. If so, then you need to think long and hard about your decision<<

EXCELLENT advice. If she's doing that, it's a THREAT and obviously if she's trying to run the situation like that, she's not so truly in love that as would be much more mature, expected and appropriate, she'd mourn and back off from other relationships if hurt by your not committing. Meaning that if you don't committ put a ring on her finger right away, if she really loves you she'll wait--and won't be threatening to try instead to run into the arms of the next available suitor if you don't.

It's somewhat natural for lovers to try and catch the one they love and 'set the hook' in a certain way, but if someone really loves you in a scenario like this, they won't be threatening a quick dump and finding a replacement for you, if you  don't commit real soon. To do you like that is voo doo, no matter what culture she's coming from.

[Dave H]

Yea man, good music is good music,...

...sure it is.  What else do you have "spinning round" in the Angel house? 

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i7AFZXgjrgg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zL6xgki326E&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vs1CA5hFdd4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gWOzUzJd6wM&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQmln-WNhvw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1Ar79f8aN8

[Dave H]

Here are some more great tunes for the P-L "music" library. You guys will be dancin' your azzes off all night! No need to thank me...it's my job!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BV28YP3c5Ng&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cEi2hKbgo0c

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39YUXIKrOFk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=laynXVsBulg

Caution: Explicit Lyrics!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jMCMlNyySvo&feature=related

[Dave H]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7V3b2mrcAKY

I guess you will just have to click on the following links...or take my word that they are "classics!"  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLWfSelG4J4


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CS9OO0S5w2k&feature=PlayList&p=42B42B269F691BDA&playnext_from=PL&index=0&playnext=1


I actually like this one...I would love to hear William Shatner cover this tune!  
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyl5DlrsU90


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJv5qLsLYoo&feature=related

[william3rd]

Well I just got on the cam with her mum and grand mum.... Two VERY nice people.  Seem to have limited English, though.
My heart is just really warming for this girl.  Her family wants me to come over there.  They seem to really like me a lot.
I think I am definitely going over there in September.  I might even get engaged to her.
I just think my opportunity for meeting a woman like this and making things work are just too limited to pass this opportunity up.
If I leave her without a ring and a gold necklace, by the time 12 months rolls around and I can go again, she probably won't be available anymore.
What can I really say?  She's melting my damn heart.
I know I could be setting myself up for real hellfire here on Earth if I get engaged to her that fast and marry her just like that and things go bad here in America...

But theres always a chance it could work out.      I know I have one foot in my grave.  I just really want to take a chance for her.  I think I'll decide for good when I am there in September.  I guess I'll let you all know what happens...

If you are going to go one time and then expect her to wait a year for you to come back, your chances of success are pretty low.

You are right about gm & mom. Low to no English.

What city is she in?

These girls are on the site to meet and marry. My wife was only on TLL for about a month. She had ten other serious suitors and me. She got off TLL ASAP when I was communicating with her daily. Once I set my date to arrive, she cut off the other guys completely. I was the only one who set a trip and I didit right away.When I left her I had my next trip for 2 months later already set.

They keep backups just like you guys do, BTW until they are sure you arent  BSing them.

[Celtic_Jorge]

I am hoping that she isn't giving you hints that without a ring this go-around, she'll pass on the chance to be with you and still entertain more suitors.

No, she's not.  But she comes from a poor family.  Poorer Thais tend to get engaged to the first decent man who makes the offer.  A LOT can happen in a year man.

[Celtic_Jorge]

I guess its worth noting that we actually talked about TLL, and whether we were still using it..

I told her that I have stopped using it completely, since my 1 month has expired, and I have now found a really really great, beautiful girl.  I asked her if she still was and she said that she just gets on every other day or so just to see if I AM ON THERE.  Just like I thought.  She said she was very worried that I was getting on there and talking to other Thais.  She said she didn't want her heart broken and have me go to Thailand and go off with another girl.

It's believable.  We talk every day now on the cam and send each other SMS connnnnstantly.  We're always connected.   It's going to be rough leaving her in Thailand.  ;(

Also it's very very very strange what this thread evolved into above... I have to say.   

[jm21-2]

EXCELLENT advice. If she's doing that, it's a THREAT and obviously if she's trying to run the situation like that, she's not so truly in love that as would be much more mature, expected and appropriate, she'd mourn and back off from other relationships if hurt by your not committing. Meaning that if you don't committ put a ring on her finger right away, if she really loves you she'll wait--and won't be threatening to try instead to run into the arms of the next available suitor if you don't.

It's somewhat natural for lovers to try and catch the one they love and 'set the hook' in a certain way, but if someone really loves you in a scenario like this, they won't be threatening a quick dump and finding a replacement for you, if you  don't commit real soon. To do you like that is voo doo, no matter what culture she's coming from.

Given Jorge's situation, if she knows he won't be visiting for at least another year then I really don't think it's inappropriate to put some pressure on him about getting engaged. She's got a window where she's at her most desirable and if they don't get engaged fairly soon that's asking her to sacrifice a good portion of that window for a guy who may or may not come back in a year and at that time may or may not commit. From her side of things the chances of anything coming of the relationship if he didn't commit this trip (or shortly thereafter) are not worth gambling on and she's well within her rights to blow him off. It's just being practical. They haven't known each other long enough to have developed an undying love.

I'm dealing with the opposite situation right now and it's very frustrating, so maybe I can understand her side a bit better. My GF wants to wait a long time before getting engaged, but I'd like to just do it so we can get the immigration paperwork started. I figure by the time she gets her visa and the 90 days elapsed we would probably have been dating for over a year (with about 4-5 months in person) and have known each other for about 8 years. But unfortunately she's not buying it. Giving me the same if you really loved me it would be no problem waiting, but really, a long distance relationship is not only unsatisfying but a little depressing for me. I know love conquers all, but I think in this type of extremely long distance relationship you really need to set some deadlines and work towards them so there's that horizon in the future when you'll be together.

[robert angel]

There are no easy, clear cut answers here and suggestions are easy to make and harder to follow of course, especially when you're talking with a beautiful young lady who captivates your heart and mind. Add limitations of time, resources, distance between you and the lady, and it's very hard.

On the one hand, we say:

>>If you are going to go one time and then expect her to wait a year for you to come back, your chances of success are pretty low<<

On the other:

>>If I leave her without a ring and a gold necklace, by the time 12 months rolls around and I can go again, she probably won't be available anymore.<<

The reality of the situation is that these ladies, rich and poor alike, have probably dealt with dozens of guys who promised to visit them, may have even sent them gifts, talked with their families, and NOTHING ended up coming from it.

The ladies feel like their hearts have been torn and precious time wasted, in a country where the older you are and still single, the less appeal you have as a prospective bride in your homeland. They see their chances slipping away everyday.

Or worse, they did the above, the guy actually came to visit, probably screwed her, and then left, never to see or talk to her again, leaving her in a sense of worthlessness, shamed to herself, family and friends. She 'gave it away' for NOTHING but a stay at a resort, cheap gift or two and promises.

In a lot of places over there, being seen with an American or European guy in public gives people there the perception that she's a prostitute. No matter how far from the truth that may be, people talk and whisper. If she's been seen with different guys a number of times, her reputation is even worse.

Hard to put ourselves in these woman's shoes, but if I was poor, anxious to get married and I got played by a number of seemingly sincere guys and saw it happening to my friends as well, I'd 'branch out' and expand my chance that ONE good guy would 'come through', by going with the next best thing to come along--'seizing the opportunity'. I'd look around and hedge my bets. I'd diversify my 'portfolio'.

It would be even more vital for me to 'seize the opportunity', if I was poor, without a good Job or a promising future and I wanted a better future and to help my family in the process.

I hate to say it, but a lot of these women are, despite being quite pretty, 'desperate' and yet their hopes get dashed, they get used and this is in no small way, why some of them return the 'karma' by scamming and otherwise using guys. To them, it probably just seems like how the game is played, sadly enough. And all too often, they're right.

If you've got to wait a year between visits, you had better find the time to at least chat on cam everyday and/or hopefully on the phone. Write letters, send cards--keep records of everything. If this lady feels that the ties are loosening and even if the ties aren't loosening and she just feels like it, she will try and find someone who seems like more of a 'sure thing', someone who WILL come and take her away.

As I sit here and preach, I'll admit, perhaps hypocritically, that I dragged my feet for years with my now wife and she finally gave me a date, and an ultimatum, telling me that if I didn't have the paperwork DONE, that was IT. I was basically afraid of remarrying again, especially with my children involved.  I had visited her twice and met all her family and friends. We'd been in touch everyday on phone and cam but I was just not getting the USCIS paperwork in, and it was only fair on her part to finally tell me tell me basically, 'Do it by December, OR ELSE'. And it wasn't easy for her to be assertive enough to say that. Almost any other woman would have quietly 'explored' other options meanwhile, chatting other guys for ‘potential‘ while waiting for you, BUT keeping all options open. There's a lot of sites online and many Yahoo names to use, if they decide 'time to shop around--just in case'. If that happens to you, I hope you ‘pick up on the vibe‘ from half way around the world...

So, in case where she’s waited interminably, 99.9% of women will have already started chatting up other guys long before then and maybe the girl in the .001% category is being foolish. In my case, she was waiting forever for me, as she saw her friends back home and college class mates all marrying off, one by one. She'd left a very good job to be with me, and while I supported her, as my fiancée financially, I made her wait far too long.  There’s no good enough, excuse, I was wrong. I can't imagine ANY woman giving me, or anyone else, that kind of lee way again. Lesson learned--I just realize that we can't string people along indefinitely. If you make her wait too long, eventually something's going to give, for better or worse and more likely, for the worse...

[AsphaltVoyager]

But unfortunately she's not buying it. Giving me the same if you really loved me it would be no problem waiting, but really, a long distance relationship is not only unsatisfying but a little depressing for me. I know love conquers all, but I think in this type of extremely long distance relationship you really need to set some deadlines and work towards them so there's that horizon in the future when you'll be together.

I empathize with your situation. Has she given you any reason(s) for her desire to wait, even if they're somewhat fuzzy logic?

[Ray]

OK Jorge,

You seem like a nice guy and I really want to see you succeed in your endeavor to make a connection with this young lady.

Frankly, I was a little surprised at your statement where you said that you wish you knew how to MAKE her more devoted to you.

You don’t MAKE these ladies do anything!

But you can certainly do a lot of things to convince them that you are serious about them, and hopefully a good woman will recognize your sincere efforts and respond positively.

Here is my advice to convince this young lady that you are serious, even though you can’t visit real soon.

I am assuming that you have her mailing address. If you don’t, get it ASAP!

Now I don’t know or really care if you are into snail-mail communications, but I’ll give you my solution to your problem regardless.

Sit your young arse down and write her a nice handwritten letter and mail it to her via the post office, NOT by e-mail!!

And then, write a nice, heartfelt letter EVERY DAY FOR ONE MONTH! Don’t miss a day, and DO NOT say anything to her about the letters, just write them, mail them every day for one month, and see what happens.

If this doesn’t convince her that you are serious about her, then nothing will.

OK, there you go Jorge. Are you up to the challenge?

If this don’t work Jorge, then I’ll eat my hat, and Dave H will back me up on that!   

Good luck,

Ray

[Dave H]

If this don’t work Jorge, then I’ll eat my hat, and Dave H will back me up on that!   

Good luck,

Ray

Hey Ray,

You can eat your hat...but I am not about to eat my purple G-string! 

It worked for me...I think my wife and I only exchanged one email. She loved my letters on the cute cartoon or romantic stationary...and I treasured hers...still do!

Dave

[AsphaltVoyager]

I am not a handwritten letter kind of guy, but I can say that my girl has told me on many occasions how much my emails mean to her. And I do keep them stashed in a separate folder for future re-reading. Not only does it let me track our courting for nostalgic purposes, it also reminds me of any promises I may have made and not yet kept -- a definite no-no if you're trying to establish trust and credibility.

[z_k_g]

Sit your young arse down and write her a nice handwritten letter and mail it to her via the post office, NOT by e-mail!!

And then, write a nice, heartfelt letter EVERY DAY FOR ONE MONTH! Don’t miss a day, and DO NOT say anything to her about the letters, just write them, mail them every day for one month, and see what happens.

If this doesn’t convince her that you are serious about her, then nothing will.

OK, there you go Jorge. Are you up to the challenge?

This advice is very very interesting.

I

I am not a handwritten letter kind of guy,

I don't think that Ray is suggesting that handwriting is a better option than email!  

What I do think that he is suggesting, and its a novel/old new idea, give her something in writing!  Interesting dating gift option!!  Look at it like flowers or candy or Victoria Secret Stuff- A solid 30 days of Hand written letters!  Nice!

I like it, I think I might use this one!!

When your wife has that "talk" with your daughter one day 18 years from now, she can show her "the letters" that won her over!!

Very cool!

Thanks Ray!

Zulu

[robert angel]

There IS nothing like something actually in your hands and that MOST certainly includes mail over e-mail. Send her letters and or cards or hopefully both, soaked in your favorite cologne. It works, handkerchiefs too. I don't think my now wife ever washed those hankerchiefs.

Believe me, it works.


After committing, it's nice to send a romantic, not necessarily extravagant 'care package/s'.

E mail's just are cool and remote in comparison to something to have and hold--and a phone call, while a bit nicer, soon fades away....

[Bob_S]

And then, write a nice, heartfelt letter EVERY DAY FOR ONE MONTH! Don’t miss a day, and DO NOT say anything to her about the letters, just write them, mail them every day for one month, and see what happens.

I love this idea, though I would tempter it by saying it depends on your handwriting.  My penmanship is so horrible, if I wrote a letter every day, it would be illegible.  Take the time to slow down and use your best handwriting skills.  If that means a long letter every two or three days instead, so be it.  You can fill in the gaps with simple postcards featuring the scenery and landmarks of your area (city, state, places of note you've visited).  But the idea is that you're giving her something to look forward to on a frequent basis.

I don't think that Ray is suggesting that handwriting is a better option than email!

I think he is saying that, and I agree.  Something handwritten shows serious effort and is deeply more personal than a typed message.

Besides, if you break up, it gives her something to burn for her catharsis. 

There IS nothing like something actually in your hands and that MOST certainly includes mail over e-mail. Send her letters and or cards or hopefully both, soaked in your favorite cologne. It works, handkerchiefs too. I don't think my now wife ever washed those hankerchiefs.

Yep.  When my wife and I were still just pen-pals, there were some flowers growing on a tree outside my apartment (I think they were dogwood, but I'm not sure).  I plucked some and taped them to an envelope of a letter I sent her.  It got held up in Japanese customs control for importation of agricultural goods.  Took a few weeks to clear.  Doh! 

[AsphaltVoyager]

Send her letters and or cards or hopefully both, soaked in your favorite cologne.

How funny... my girl asked me to send her a shirt of mine with my fave cologne on it in that care package I sent. She'll sleep in the shirt that night after it arrives.... evidently not for another 3 weeks down the road.

Speaking of sleeping... I talk to her each night (her time) as she lays down to sleep, watching her on Skype webcam. She's sleeping right now as I watch over her. Yeah, I know it's kinda corny, but I can't help it. The last thing she hears each night is my voice and the first thing each day, too.

[z_k_g]

The last thing she hears each night is my voice and the first thing each day, too.

OUTSTANDING!!!

[robert angel]

Re:

>>And then, write a nice, heartfelt letter EVERY DAY FOR ONE MONTH! Don’t miss a day, and DO NOT say anything to her about the letters, just write them, mail them every day for one month, and see what happens<<

Ray, I don't doubt that good things would come of this approach, but unfortunately for a lot of us guys, the last letter we wrote by hand was to Santa Claus....

[Ray]

... I talk to her each night (her time) as she lays down to sleep, watching her on Skype webcam. She's sleeping right now as I watch over her.

Sorry, but I just have to ask...

Does she fart in her sleep?

These are nice things to know in advance.

 

[Dave H]

I think many guys are into "quantity" when searching for a foreign bride...chatting with many and pumping out multiple generic emails, then changing the name at the top to that of one of their many potentials. It shouldn't come as any big surprise when one of these ladies calls you "George," when your name is "Bill." They are doing the same thing and know you are too! I have sat in Philippine Internet cafe and watched ladies work several guys at once. Ever wonder why you sometimes see an inappropriate laugh, a vacant stare and get no response...or are sometimes told the camera or mic doesn't work?   Most of these girls will go for the first guy that shows up at their doorstep. I could easily marry 5 Filipinas per day...if the law and my wife would allow it! But they are not ladies that I would consider good marriage material.

A handwritten letter on nice stationary shows that you are sincere and took took the time to personally respond to her. She will treasure a box full of letters much more than emails and e-cards. It was made by your own hand and sent all the way from America. The words were written by your hands not pecked out on some impersonal generic keyboard. If not, cheap lesson...run away fast!

I say try it for a month and see what happens. It will show that you are different from every other guy on the block! You will stand out from all of the other faces on the monitor, when you chat with her. What do you have to lose but a little time and a few bucks in postage.

Dave

[z_k_g]

Sorry, but I just have to ask...

Does she fart in her sleep?

These are nice things to know in advance.

 

Ray,

.......I forgot what I was going to say.......Hehe

Zulu

[z_k_g]

A handwritten letter on nice stationary shows that you are sincere and took took the time to personally respond to her. She will treasure a box full of letters much more than emails and e-cards. It was made by your own hand and sent all the way from America. The words were written by your hands not pecked out on some impersonal generic keyboard. If not, cheap lesson...run away fast!

Oldtimers always have a few tricks up their sleeves! 

This is the proverbial 1848 "six shooter" being pulled out that still works in a gun fight, punches a nice neat hole in the target!!  (no pun intended)

Zulu

[robert angel]

Re:

A handwritten letter on nice stationary shows that you are sincere and took took the time to personally respond to her. She will treasure a box full of letters much more than emails and e-cards. It was made by your own hand and sent all the way from America. The words were written by your hands not pecked out on some impersonal generic keyboard. If not, cheap lesson...run away fast!


So true and vice versa. I remember a couple ladies, who at an expense proportionately much greater to their finances than to mine, sent me cards and letters from overseas. It really meant a lot. So you can imagine what yours might mean in the hot and cold internet age.