Ok SAY you actually find a girl and you are ready to make the leap to marriage

[Caballero2009]

Ok so i thot about a few scenarios as I dreamed of the perfect latina wife today during lunch break.

Say you find her...lucky devil...

Any one with experience know which of these scenarios might be best and your goal is marriage and life in the states:

1) Start the NORMAL process whatever it is i havent looked at every detail and see it through.

OR

2) Does it make sense to marry her in colombia first (which isnt official in USA anyway but...it shows dedication).

OR

3) Say both are truly in love and her family is awesome! You really want her in the states with you. Would it help in any way to say have your future wife get pregnant (if you plan on kids anyway) .. would that help/add to the positive outcome of the case/persuade anyone to express your marriage/visa whatever... not sure how that works.

One would think if you are married to her in colombia AND shes carrying your child and you show (even with tests) its yours it would help express things along if you show true dedication to it.

Anyone have experience...hear of cases like this?

I guess it could go either way depending but lets here it

[utopiacowboy]

If you marry her in Colombia (as I did) it is official in the US. In fact that is one of the NORMAL ways of bringing a foreign woman to the US. The other way is the fiance visa where she comes here and you marry here.

[eddie316]

I just got married there less than 2 weeks ago and just as UC stated it is legally recognized in the USA. Not sure where you got that it isn't.

[Jeff S]

My guess is that knocking her up just complicates things for the BCIS or whatever they call themselves these days. More paper to wade through. You can bring her as a fiance (K1) or as a spouse (K3 or CR-1) I brought my wife and her daughter as a spouse - we married in her country - long before anyone ever heard of a K3 visa. I'm guessing a real marriage is inspected with a bit less of a jaundiced eye as a fiance visa, but I have no data to back up my assertion, and the processing times may be a bit more or less depending on the workload and which bureaucrat's desk your application ends up on.

If your relationship, courtship, and if applicable, your wedding is legit, you have nothing to worry about (unless if she's from China, but you said Latina.) Getting her pregnant in an attempt to get her in quicker is silly - unless of course, you're planning to make a small town full of offspring anyway. It won't help or hurt, but will complicate everything including your relationship. Ever try to work things out that are going astray with a pregnant woman?

[michaelb]

2) Does it make sense to marry her in colombia first (which isnt official in USA anyway but...it shows dedication).

As others have already pointed out, a marriage ceremony performed in Colombia is recognized in the United States. So are marriages performed in France, England, Mexico, Canada...get the idea yet? Why on earth would you think they aren't? But, more to the point, if you really thought that marriage in a foreign country it isn't legally binding but proposed that she participate in one anyway, that doesn't show 'dedication', that shows an intention to deceive either her or the immigration authorities....neither of which is particularly honorable nor smart, for whatever my opinion may be worth.

[Caballero2009]

Someone told me that it wasnt official i guess they were wrong.

The point was to find ways to make it easier to immigrate. If you were going to marry and have children anyway and that helped well why not.

If it complicates things thats silly. I have never been that far obviously...thats counter intuitive imo.

So theyd rather have a  single girl immigrating to the usa then one you marry and have a child with???

That sounds wacky to me..

Are you guys SURE thats the case?

[michaelb]

No, a single girl (or man, for that matter) won't be 'immigrating', immigrant visas are entirely different. If you find 'the one' and petition for her as your fiancée and all goes well, she will be given a non-immigrant visa good for ONE entry with a stay of NINETY days. If you don't get married within the ninety days, she has to leave. If you do marry her within the ninety days and file the appropriate follow up paperwork in a timely manner, she can 'adjust status' to be a 'conditional resident'. Then, after two years, if all is well, more paperwork and more fees, she can 'remove the conditions'....THEN she has immigrated.

Or, you can marry her in her home county, or for that matter, just about any country you can both get in to, and bring her in on another type of non-immigrant visa or on an immigrant visa, depending on which paperwork you choose to file. (By the way, even if her visa is denied, you're STILL married). 

Don't listen to 'Someone' who doesn't know what he's talking about, go over to this website and do some reading. www.uscis.gov

[Woody]

So theyd rather have a  single girl immigrating to the usa then one you marry and have a child with???

That sounds wacky to me..

Are you guys SURE thats the case?

Yeah, that would be pretty wacky. What everyone said is that having her knocked up for the interview process won't help you much in getting her a visa. In fact, it will complicate matters because she will likely have the child in Colombia(No flying in the third trimester). Then that is a whole other legal pitfall.

Besides, you shouldn't be knocking her up right away unless your goal is for her to spit out 10 kids in the next few years(I would recommend making sure that she is ok with that). You two should have some marriage time without dependents. Travel, see the sights, learn and love each other. Have fun without having a third wheel while you can. The family will come in time, no need to rush things.
 

[jm21-2]

If I was a jaded immigration officer, I might be worried if the child was really yours or not...if it's not but it's born on US soil then you've just created a new citizen and an anchor baby for mom and potentially a good chunk of her family.

But in any case it's just an all around bad idea. Every foreign girl out there who got knocked up on promises of marriage and then the guy disappeared leave a scar on our reputation and puts a girl in a really bad spot. I'd wait until you were at least married before putting her in a risky situation where at your fancy she could go from being a desirable young woman to a young single mom.

[bcc_1_2]

January 19, 2009

The date above is when you (Caballero) registered for this site. First, I am in no way attacking you (just encouragement). You've been posting (likely reading well before) on PL for 1 year and 3 months. You've had the opportunity to study up and ask a lot of questions. You've had over a year to make good budget decisions and save up vacation time (if you needed to).

You can google if marriages in Colombia are valid in the USA and this talk of getting a girl pregnant in Colombia is out of left field (trust me this process is complicated enough).

Time for you to go from cyberspace to reality.

[Caballero2009]

Good information and this is hypethetical question its not that im doing this.

Id love nothing more than to be on the beaches of colombia but sadly its not my choice when you work thats the way it is. I wont be able to until end of year beginning of next.

Good responses though experience shines through.

[Henry]

Also check out the website specifically made for Visa issues: visajourney.com http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index?s=b7372a54ae43397d6e81c39937dcd3c1

[Bob_S]

You two should have some marriage time without dependents. Travel, see the sights, learn and love each other. Have fun without having a third wheel while you can. The family will come in time, no need to rush things.

Amen, that.  Newlywed time has hidden stresses of learning to adjust to each other and seeing if you can really stand each other.  What if she has issues with you leaving your socks on the bedroom floor instead of putting them in the laundry hamper?  And what if you have issues with her not picking up your socks and throwing them into the wash?  A trivial issue, I'm sure, but marriages die by a thousand such trivial cuts.  And babies are just more stress in what is an already stressful time for you both.  Experience the joys of life as a couple before piling on.  Even birds with brains the size of a pea are smart enough to know to build a comfortable nest before laying eggs.

[robert angel]

Getting someone pregnant in your home country or overseas before marriage, sounds like an absolutely horrible idea. If it just 'happens', so be it--be a man and make the most of it. Unless you've lived with someone at least a year or two, I don't think having babies is a smart move either.

A woman being pregnant gives her license to become meaner than a bobcat in a burlap bag--doesn't mean its like that all the time or even at all--but don't be shocked. Their hormones, chemicals--everything --are susceptible to great changes--fluctuations--Jekyll and Hyde--Jerry and Dino, Lizzie Borden--they were homogenized warm milk compared to a woman 4 or 5 months pregnant. Your mileage may vary, and hopefully the last few months won't be in the summer, but it's no cake walk anyway you look at it.

Having kids or babies tag along on a honeymoon is another bad idea. The honeymoon is supposed to all about you and her. We were getting up 2 or 3 times in the middle of the night--but it wasn't to feed some baby....

In my experience, the real 'honey moon' in terms of the best--most wonderful times, materially, emotionally and sexually, happened in the weeks & months before marriage--during the engagement period, perhaps a bit before then in her country as well. You're trying so hard to be nice and charming. My honeymoons (two) were great, don't get me wrong--not low budget and no familial pressures--very nice--but they didn't have the magic--the mystery of discovery--of the period before marriage.

I think the first six or so months of marriage, especially if she's new to this country, are also sort of a honey moon of their own. When my wife came here, especially when she couldn't work outside the house, I couldn't lift a finger outside of hard manual labor, stuff that only I could do anyway--i.e. outside yard work. The thought of her on my John Deere tractor gives me chills and visions of severed crepe myrtle trees. BUT I couldn't bring my dish to the sink, wash a a fork, laundry, iron--nothing domestic.

To this day--she insists on ironing everything--the sheets--table clothes--all clothes--even my permanent press stuff! But--if she's working, she'll sometimes get the laundry started and if I'm home, ask me to pull it out of the dryer and lay it out so she can iron it later. Fair enough--she does work two jobs (her choice--more money to send home from the second job) and then she's taking a college class as well.


I still have it pretty damn good in the domestic regard and really all the way around, but as we close in on five years together,things definitely are different and they have been for some time. That's not in some bad, awful way, but as I've said, you take some gal from a third world country who's never driven, never really mixed with alpha American and domesticated foreign females, type A personality types and America's rampant materialism--she's gonna change. Lordy--she even wears a little bit of makeup now--but you have to look close to tell.

You just better hope she was raised with good core family values--because those will hopefully stick with her and keep her from being influenced by the domestic and imported trash women she'll inevitably encounter here.

Someone was saying the younger the woman when she comes to the USA, the greater the speed of her changing and the risks inherent and I have to agree there.

Anyway--getting back to my 'domestic situation'  -- This morning, I had a real early meeting, which I told my wife about last night. Although she was a little awake as I got ready to go this morning (she made my lunch the night before) I had a lot on my mind and forgot to say good bye and give her a kiss before I left. She hates that..


Sooo---I'm getting ready to leave the office today, shooting the bull with my best buddy (who'll never get married and spends two months every year in Thailand) and my wife calls, and he hears her giving me an earfull for not kissing her and snuggling up in bed before leaving and making nice with her. I explained I had a lot on my mind, she knew I had a big meeting and that she was hardly awake and I was running late.

Then she starts in on how I haven't been to the gym in too long and for me to try and go today. (she just called again, three hours later--supposedly to tell me what she got as a baby shower gift for a friend but REALLY to remind me to hit the gym)  NONE of this would've happened in the first year. Maybe she would've pouted about forgetting to kiss her before leaving, but she wouldn't have called me at work.


I am far from being a pussy whipped husband, but my wife has become more assertive. I can tell her 'Enough--I heard it the first time" and quiet her, but hey, she's got good intentions-I'd rather put my foot down on more important issues, on the odd chance I need to. In life and love, you have to pick your battles carefully.

Now I know for SURE, my 43 y/o buddy Patrick will never get married--he thought the whole conversation was hilarious, but of all the Asian women he's seen--he thinks I have done pretty darn well, although he still thinks marriage is out of place and time today.

Maybe if I had an ocean front home and drove a vette like Patrick, I'd feel the same way, I dunno, but he'll tell any buddy that he never dates AW, because after his yearly jaunts to Asia--they are just the absolute pits to him--he's spoiled. Good job, tall, good looking, educated dude--sworn off AW.

Funny thing is that while he doesn't have a wife to answer to, his Mom is giving him holy hell about him heading back to Tailand --err 'Thailand', again, with all the violent political protests going on---women, I tell ya.....

Anyways, to finish this epistle about marriage, how you might want to not go about it and what you might expect down the line, yea--myy wife has changed some and she'll keep changing more as she's lived here longer. She now has 'finer tastes' than before she came here and can't help but notice things that her friends have and while she doesn't make a big deal of it, I don't think she wants to the last Filipina in the USA without an LCD television. Her friends with the huge houses and expensive new cars? She thinks that's a waste of money.

I think a marriage lasting for the rest of your life is more likely to happen if you live in her country--the USA just can ruin a lot of good things and good people.

Nothing in life's certain and I hope my marriage lasts forever--however long that may be. But if, God forbid it didn't, I'd eventually be back overseas, looking to do it right again.

[Caballero2009]

Nice robert now that was a response. Here here is all i can say good info.

[Jason1]

Someone told me that it wasnt official i guess they were wrong.

The point was to find ways to make it easier to immigrate. If you were going to marry and have children anyway and that helped well why not.

If it complicates things thats silly. I have never been that far obviously...thats counter intuitive imo.

So theyd rather have a  single girl immigrating to the usa then one you marry and have a child with???

That sounds wacky to me..

Are you guys SURE thats the case?

    There is alot of mis-information out there Caballero.Yes,this person told you wrong.If you hear this again ask the person why a K3(spousal visa) exists.If a marriage outside the US isn't recognized then why does the government issue visas for it?

[william3rd]

Some marriages are not counted; some are. Example- my wedding photos from Isaarn. That marriage didnt count because the actual marriage is performed civilly by the filing of documents. The civil marriage is the valid one. ANother example is the performance of a religious ceremony without a license. Valid? not really. Some countries look at the marriage by the church as the real one.

You can find information on most US Consular websites and many times on the consular websites for the country where you are thinking about marrying. The last place to look for infomration is on the various websites run by clown agencies and their salesmen

[robert angel]

What's the the govt's take if you get married at Chucky Cheese? A lot of guys are marrying younger women, after all...

[Jeff S]

In Japan, some people never even have the religious ceremony. LIke in Thailand, in Japan, the actual marriage consists of filing papers at the ward office - about as exciting as registering your car - and after you do, you're married whether you have a wedding ceremony or not. My wife and I had a Shinto ceremony about two weeks after our official marriage data at the Asakusa ward office. The nice thing about Shinto ceremonies is that there is no exchanging of vows, only casting out evil spirits, getting blessed, and drinking sake to seal the deal. The ward office certificate and it's official English translation is the only thing the US immigration office were interested in seeing as far as paperwork.

[Researcher]

   Caballero,
        My wife and I were married in Colombia and yes it is valid here in the US.If that is what you plan on doing then you might want to take a look at what it takes to get married there, from a credible source.


    Researcher