Trying to take the advice and go with it....

[Veracity]

Guys,

There are a few things I'd like to run past you. I've been trying to take the advice here to heart...and I've also been trying to read between the lines and figure out some of the hings that are implied and not directly stated. The problem is, I am a very literal person...and I find that I prefer guidelines in the things I do.

Some of you guys have written about looking for "diamonds in the rough" and things like that. I interpret that to mean that I should not be looking at the Uber hot ladies...that they are somehow not as good as the "diamond" ones. I can sort of understand this....but do you guys use this as a rule of sorts? No hotties?

Forgive my shallowness, but I'd like to find a woman who scores as high as possible on both scales....inner and outer beauty. Is this wrong?

It seems that because there are so many Asian women who are interested in Western men, it shouldn't be an issue having high standards. Thoughts?

My "problem" with the process so far (only my tenth day, I think) is that the ones I like are so popular, they are next to impossible to get a hold of.

[jm21-2]

I met both my girlfriends fairly randomly and didn't see their pictures for quite some time.

I tried the online dating sites domestically and found that the best way to get a date was to check in every couple days and message the girls with new profiles. I found that if you messaged them within 1-2 days of them creating a profile your chances of a response and date were maybe as much as 10 times more. Compared to anything else that was probably the biggest factor in getting responses.

[Jeff S]

No one is suggesting you only look for butt ugly dogs. Many of the women that turn heads on the sites are average looking women who are dressed seductively and have learned how to make themselves up nearly professionally. The next photo might be of a much more beautiful woman dressed in conservative clothes without makeup, who gets little attention from men, and would more likely make a much better wife - not so vain and focused on what other's think. She can always learn about makeup and fashion. That's the point these guys are trying to make.

As Bob S likes to point out, a 6 in a photo might turn into a 9 when you meet her and get to know her, and a 9 in a photo might be revolting to look at after you get to know her a bit.

If you're sniffing around women who are so busy from the attention they get from other men, yes, you are probably thinking far too much with the little head. You're attracted to them because they've learned how to push men's buttons, not necessarily because they're that attractive. If that's what you're looking for in a wife, fine, keep sniffing.

[Ray]

Guys,

There are a few things I'd like to run past you. I've been trying to take the advice here to heart...and I've also been trying to read between the lines and figure out some of the hings that are implied and not directly stated. The problem is, I am a very literal person...and I find that I prefer guidelines in the things I do.

Some of you guys have written about looking for "diamonds in the rough" and things like that. I interpret that to mean that I should not be looking at the Uber hot ladies...that they are somehow not as good as the "diamond" ones. I can sort of understand this....but do you guys use this as a rule of sorts? No hotties?

Forgive my shallowness, but I'd like to find a woman who scores as high as possible on both scales....inner and outer beauty. Is this wrong?

It seems that because there are so many Asian women who are interested in Western men, it shouldn't be an issue having high standards. Thoughts?

My "problem" with the process so far (only my tenth day, I think) is that the ones I like are so popular, they are next to impossible to get a hold of.

It looks like you already have the answer.

I have absolutely nothing against guys chasing hotties.

If you don’t mind competing on line with a couple hundred other guys for the attention of some hottie, then go for it.

Keep in mind that if you were married to one of those super-hot chicks, it’s not unlikely that you will still be competing with a bunch of other guys for her attention. 

Ray

[crashfirepm53]

I think my girl is very pretty. I've seen photos of her that I drool at and others that are attractive but not a knockout. The majority of the pics tells me that she is very pretty and sexy..........to my standard. As far as inner beauty, I've been nothing but impressed and next month when I go there she is everything that I feel she is, it's a done deal for me.
To answer your question. Yes they can be stellar inside and out but looking at the really hot, most popular ones, I didn't get the warm and funny feel. I was on guard more and thats not the way to go into it.
My intuition is damn good. If it don't seem right well then it probally isn't. It all depends on the time and money you have to waste.

[mattman]

Trying to judge by online photos is next to impossible as the other posters have pointed out. Without a face to face meeting, it's really hard to form a complete mental picture. Having lived in Asia for a nearly a year now, I could not even imagine using a dating website. I have met all types here and can honestly say that the standard rules apply. The more attractive they are, the higher the maintenance costs are both financially and emotionally. That may be a bit of a generalization that may not apply completely with the "slice" that use the online dating services, but is certainly the case with the general populous. People are still people worldwide, and some things just don't change much. With that being said, I have met some really nice "average" looking farm girls who were some of the kindest and big hearted ladies I have ever met and had the privilege to call my friends. I wasn't chasing them, and they weren't chasing me. Diamonds, yes, but definitely not in the rough.

I have met a few ladies here that were absolutely stunning, had wonderful personalities, and good family values. While they were very nice to me, it was quickly evident that they were way "out of my league".  Looks and personality are both important, but I have found that I have to be honest with myself in regards to my own attributes. Would I date me? Probably not! Sure, every dog has his day, but believe me it's not every day. I'll give you two examples of outings that I have had in recent months.

Lady #1: Very attractive business woman from Bangkok. Travels extensively. Always pays when we go out. Outings have included fancy restaurants, night clubs, and parties. She is clearly in charge when we have gone out, and I feel more like arm candy than anything else. I dress up nice, enjoy the free food, and tend to her whims. Sounds good in theory, but gets old really fast.

Lady #2: Average looking farm girl from a village on the Mekong river. Lets me pay the relatively small bill at the local style restaurants, and repays me by helping me with my shopping and laundry. A chance meetup in the afternoon might mean a shared coke and discussion about our jobs. I can dress comfortably, enjoy the local food, and some nice company. Far from glamorous, but definitely a nice time.

It's pretty easy for me to decide who I'd rather spend some time with. Just for reference, #1 moved to Tokyo for work and #2 moved back to the village to help out on her family's farm.  Both had their priorities, and neither one included me.  At least #2 still wants me to visit sometime as soon as I can get the time off to catch a 12 hour bus ride to the middle of the jungle.

I'm not against going after the 10's, but be prepared for a long hard road. One of the coolest ladies I have ever met here was a waitress in a food joint near my work. She was in her mid 30's, divorced, and had a couple of kids. She was a little overweight, had a chipped front tooth, and never would have gotten a second look if she hadn't made the effort to start a conversation on a slow day. After talking to her a few times, I realized that she was very smart, funny, and had a great personality. She changed jobs before I had the chance get to know her better, but had my attention over all the other ladies working there.

As Forrest Gump's momma said "Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." 

Sorry for the long post, I'm a little bored this afternoon and felt like writing.

[Ray]

Good post matt!

[whitey]

Sorry for the long post, I'm a little bored this afternoon and felt like writing.

Never any need to apologize for a great post!  An enjoyable and interesting read for me Matt, even though my focus is on Colombia.

[bcc_1_2]

Maybe more of an issue in Latin America than Asia... but I NEXTED any girl with crazy expectations. For example... if she wants to go to America and be a model. NEXT.

In LA there are beautiful women everywhere if you open your eyes and from a little experience in Asia I'd say the same is true.

When you are on the ground in Manila, Bangkok, etc beautiful women are all over and you don't have to compete through a computer screen.

[Heruamen]

   While it is true there is no way you can tell everything about a person in a photo, sometimes you can get a general sense. From their eyes and body language what that person is like.  Many times I looked at a womans photo on Cherry and I got the sense that this person carried themselves silly and immature, and then when I talked to them for awhile their personalities verified my intuition.  To me there are a lot of beautiful women on the site who are not the super hot ones but they are still very beautiful.
   Usually the one's I chose who had good outer beauty and there seemed to be a certain air about them in their photo, I had no trouble contacting them and they were good women. I had such a hard time making a choice because they were all really cool.
With that being said though my  best advice to you is don't make any important decisions with any woman you meet till you see her in person  and spend some time with her.  I know from personal experience  that when you meet someone in person they may not turn out to be right for you even if they turn out to be a  nice woman. That certain chemistry and compatibility may not be there for you and her. 

[Bob_S]

Maybe more of an issue in Latin America than Asia... but I NEXTED any girl with crazy expectations. For example... if she wants to go to America and be a model. NEXT.

That's sound thinkin' and should go in the rules list for international courtship, somewhere after "don't send money to anyone you haven't met in person" and "don't fall in love with a photo."  Beware of overly ambitious women.  Even if it is a realistic and achievable dream that she feels she can accomplish in America (or Canada or UK or...) and not in her home country, how long do you think she will stay with you once she achieves her goal?  Her number one goal should first and foremost be to find a husband with your qualities.  Otherwise you just become a stepping stone.

[z_k_g]

Hey, I have read all of Heruamens posts and I must say he seems to have found the right one!  I am 42 years old, African American male, single, no children, I'm from Memphis TN.  

Heruamen, similar to you, I chatted and cam with many filipina women on yahoo and finally met 2 very nice women!   One lives near Tagbilaran City on Bohol island the other actually lives in a small village near Cagayan De Oro where you visited!

I am planning to visit the Phil later this year or early next year.  I am curious about many things that are specific to a black guy finding a bride in the Phil.  And also the costs associated with your trip, etc.

We are both the same age, race and you seem to be pretty well rounded.  Your posts are very inspiring to me because I was in a 10 year relationship with a conscious black woman, ausar auset society member (from Atl), natural hair and kids (hers from a previous relationship) raised vegetarians and pro black, but in the end she treated me like any other black woman, it was a nightmare.  

After that horrible life experience, I want a real wife for a mutual loving relationship that respects her man!  

You have seemed to found that with your woman, I am looking for the same.  

You are the only black guy I have come across in many many forums about phil brides!  I'm glad I found this website and got to read your posts!!

[Jeff S]

The only one really? Interesting. We've had a number here - also over on the Latin board. Anyway do a search on Romello: http://www.planet-love.com/forum/index.php?topic=4011.0

[piglett]

ya as far as i know there is another man of color that post here often.
you out there "K" ??
I don't think he had any problems when he visited the the PI on a resent trip .



piglett

[thekfc]

ya as far as i know there is another man of color that post here often.
you out there "K" ??
I don't think he had any problems when he visited the the PI on a resent trip .



piglett

I am right here "P".
My only problem was that my trip was too short. 

[Ray]

Not to worry kong.

I’ve known dozens of black Americans married to Filipinas.

Like anywhere else, individual Filipina women have their own preferences in men. Some prefer black men, some white men, some Asian, some Hispanic, some tall, some young, some elderly, etc.

Overall, probably most are open to a relationship with any man who is respectful and faithful, regardless of color.

Jeff mentioned one guy but he forgot probably the best catch ever on this forum, our good friend May10, who married a nice black gentleman…

Ray

[piglett]

I am right here "P".
My only problem was that my trip was too short. 

he he he , yes i am sure that i will not want to leave Marilys side & come back here either.

[Jeff S]

Oh yeah - May 10 and Barry. I forgot about you too K. Unless there's a photo to remind me I forget. I even think of jm as a short haired Asian guy even though I know he's tall, blonde and has long hair.

[robert angel]

Ha ha--at first I figured that the avatar that Jm21 was using was actually his own photo. Then I thought maybe it was Tommy Lee Jones' Amerasian son! Who knows?