Barranquilla Baloney.....

[robert angel]

Yea Alabama, sounds like there are some real red flags with this one. She sounds like a real looker--I'm glad you can detach a bit and look objectively at the situation. I have two kids also and I was--as I'm sure you are too, very concerned about what kind of impact and example this kind of situation could potentially create.

If nothing else, I'd back wayyyy off, changing level of commitment and see what happens. Sounds like some of the characteristics this babe has aren't the type that are likely to change over time--they might even get worse if anything. Good luck, man!

[Jason1]

  Alabama, what is it with these women from BQ?It seems like alot of guys have problems with these women and not just on this forum but I have known other guys who have had problems as well.Just curious if it is these women or other things.What is the age difference between you two?Do you think this is a factor?

[Ray]

From what you have told us so far, if I were you I’d give it at least another year before you think about bringing her over. If by then she still hasn’t changed, then she never will.

You don’t even have to cancel the visa yet. These things can be delayed for a year easily before you make a final decision…ask Soltero.

I wouldn’t do ANYTHING to expedite the visa at this stage. Just let things flow along slowly, don’t rush the appointment, ask for an appointment extension if necessary, and remember that the visa is still good for 6 months after it is issued. You can cancel in writing anytime if it comes to that.

As long as you keep making progress with the paperwork, the embassy will automatically extend your visa expiration date every 4(?) months.

Ray

[Alabamaboy!]

Robert, Yeah there are some red flags and I have definitely changed my approach a bit. At this point I realize that nothing can be proven one way or another until she gets here. If she gets here. I have done my part with the papers for the visa. I am treating her well. I am not going to pay for the English classes like I had planned, since she wants to do things her way and continue with the other school. She says she can and will pass the interview, and will learn English the best she can during the 2-3 months before the interview. Sounds fair to me.

I told her I will not be spending a lot of time writing romantic things, chatting for hours and hours, or sending flowers and things like that until I see some special things from her.

In the meantime I will begin talking casually to some "amigas", keep working, and prepare for 2-3 months down the road. If things work out, she will be coming here. IF they do not, I will be headed to Brazil, Dominican Republic, or maybe Colombia again.

If she comes here, then within a month or so, I think everything will be fairly obvious if things will function or not. She knows the relationship between her and my kids is as important as the relationship between the two of us. And she is confident. And I have seen her in action with taking care of 4 kids and she was amazing. So let's see if she can pull it off or not with minimal English upon arrival.

We had a nice day today, good discussion, very loving, no problems.

Let's see what happens.

[utopiacowboy]

How is her Spanish?  I think that's a good way to gauge the potential of her learning English.  Since English and Spanish have a lot of words in common, someone with good Spanish can probably pick up English pretty easily.  If she has poor Spanish, then she might not be a language person or she's just not very educated or smart to begin with.

My wife's Spanish is impeccable. Many people say she speaks the best Spanish that they've ever heard. Although she is both smart and educated, she has absolutely no aptitude for languages. After seven years in the US, her English is not good enough to pass a citizenship test. I can speak both Spanish and French in addition to English - many people just have a hard time learning a language and she is one of them.

[utopiacowboy]

Maybe when she has thoses two little faces in front of her when she gets here, it will all sink in.

Yeah, she'll be talking to those two little faces in Spanish and in a short while, they'll both understand everything she is saying. Kids learn so fast, it's unbelievable. Within a year of her arrival in the US, my wife's then nine year old spoke English like a native.

[Alabamaboy!]

Jason: Barranquilla seems to be a very strange place. The women I have met there were either very high class, "high maintenance" women or relatively lower class women who have not really learned much about the world. The upper class women I have never been attracted to, because they are like the worst of the worst girls that I have met in the States (materialistic, superficial, plastic).

The strange thing I have learned about Barranquilla is that the women do not seem to really mature that much, at least the ones I have met. Whether they are rich or poor, young or old, the seem to stay the same. And do not really change or mature much. The 35 year old high class women seem to still be materialistic and superficial. And the 35 year old relatively poorer women seem to still be a bit ignorant in the ways of the world.

But all of them seem to love BAQ. And are not really interested in learning much about other things or places, except for Paris. For some reason everyone there wants to go to Paris.

There is a 20 year old age difference. 42/22. I know this is a bit of a stretch. But I am in pretty good shape and can hold my own to say the least. I don't think there are any problems at all due to age difference since we like to do the same things, the same music, I have young children and want to have at least one more. We are on the same page with all that sort of thing.

[Alabamaboy!]

UC: That is encouraging news. The three year old is the one I am worrying about the most. I want there to be a good connection between them of course. I don't really care if it is in Spanish or English. Both are kind of necessary these days.

Thanks for the input!

[Alabamaboy!]

The other thing about BAQ is it is a really lazy kind of place. The weather seems to make everyone lazy there, even me. It kind of goes against everything we are brought up with here in the States. But that thing to a certain degree is why I am attracted to the girls from there. Because they "smooth me out". And I relax with them. But that is all happening on "their turf". What will happen here in the States? Who knows!

[michaelb]

Well, yesterday, as I'm sure you noticed, I was saying things along the line of "possible misunderstandings" and "did she really 'agree' or did you overpower her into acquiescing?'.  Probably I'm a little more willing to 'give a girl the benefit of doubt' or accept 'misunderstandings' than a lot of guys, but your follow up postings cleared up some things, and with a more complete set of facts now known, I'm seeing it less and less as misunderstandings and more along the lines of incompatibility or maybe even outright not making a good faith effort on her part.

I think Ray gave the best advice and to his advice I would add "and during that time, she better walk the straight and narrow, or the deal is off."

As others mentioned, some people just aren't 'language people' and have great difficulty learning. Based on her history, and now with the knowledge that local Spanish support will be available for her, I'd venture a supposition that the odds she will ever learn very much English are now narrowed down to somewhere between slim and fat....and Slim just rode out of town (UC's wife, and ahem, hate to admit it, but my own wife, being prime examples).....as for bi-lingual children, yes, UC did indeed cite the best possible scenario, now let me present the opposite....sometimes children growing up with two languages wind up speaking a poor mixture of both and never being correct in either. Not saying that WILL happen to your children, but some times it does happen.

Take Ray's advice, slow things way down and let her know why.....don't force her to learn English.....but don't let her get away with lies and disrespect either. Still hope things work out for you.

[JR33]

   Alabamaboy I wouldn't worry too much about her learning english.As I recall you live in one of those english optional states.

   She's 22? You do like the young ones.Or is this the same one you were with from before?

[Alabamaboy!]

I have been with this girl for a year. It is strange because I do not purposefully look for the younger gals, but I seem to end up with them. I think it is because of my situation, I am looking for someone young enough who will jump on the trampoline, wrestle on the grass with me and my kids who are very young, also who wants to have a kid of their own with me. And when I am there, it seems like these are the women who have the free time available to start a relationship.

The older women are usually not up to that kind of activity level or do not want to have a child. Many of them already have their own careers there and are not so excited to leave. They tend to be more stubborn, set in their ways. They are not as available to spend time with me or travel when I go there. They tend to have more "baggage" from earlier relationships. And many of the Costenas simply do not look so great after the age of 30 for some reason. Maybe it is the horrible weather or the diet consisting of 90% fried foods.

I really do not think her age has much to do with anything. Jimmy St. Louis married a younger gal, and Fathertime also. They seem to be doing pretty well.

[lite sweet dude]

Bama, you have to remember that Spanish is more of a spoken language than written. My gf (a Peruana)  is the same way with the mis-spelling and run on sentences with no periods. I just chalk it up to being a Spanish language thing. Every latina I have ever written to, writes in that form.
And you're right about the weather. When I was in BQ with my ex, all I wanted to do was lie around with a fan blowing on me. I hated that freakin' weather there...it just zaps your energy.
And you're also right about costeños and their love of Curramba. To them, it's the greatest place on earth and rarely do they want to leave. One exception was my ex. She was dying to leave at any cost and I saw thru her shuck and jive and lies like a wet tea bag.
LSD

[soltero]

Bama, you have to remember that Spanish is more of a spoken language than written. My gf (a Peruana)  is the same way with the mis-spelling and run on sentences with no periods. I just chalk it up to being a Spanish language thing. Every latina I have ever written to, writes in that form.

This in no way has any truth to it. Spanish has the same punctuation rules as English (and a few more). I used to think the same way before I started meeting women that had actually spent some time at universities that actually studied. Please believe that just because the majority of women that you are meeting can't spell "cat" nor punctuate a sentence properly doesn't mean that it is a "Spanish language thing". It is an "ignorant" thing, and there is no more delicate way to put it. I constantly hear how latinas are this way or that way, but since they come in all shapes, sizes, and levels of sense, you really have to ask yourself if you are meeting a particular type of woman because of the culture, or your own interpretation of it and what you expect or look for.

Any person who runs sentences together is grossly uneducated. This is true in any country or language that I am aware of.

[Alabamaboy!]

I agree with you Soltero. I think for the most part it is ignorance or simply lack of effort. And it seems like it is not just individuals, but whole families, streets, barrios of ignorance. Like the place my girl lives, it is probably estrato 2-3 I am guessing, and everyone seems to be the same, laying around, goofing off, blasting music, not really doing much of anything. So there is no guidance or push to do anything else than what your neighbor is doing. So it is difficult to break out of that. And the weather makes it worse. So even if you have the best intentions, you will have a hard time to be super motivated there.

But my girl certainly seems to be much different than the rest. She sticks out like a sore thumb. But still has a tough time getting it in gear.

I did finally talk to a super intelligent Barranquillera tonight who does not seem to be high maintenance. So it looks like that sort of thing does indeed exist on the coast. So if anyone out there is losing their faith, they should not give up the quest yet.

[Alabamaboy!]

LSD, was your BAQ girl a high class, high maintenance girl, or a estrato 2-3 girl? What kind of BS did she try to feed you? I am intrigued by these stories because honestly I or someone could write a book! It is that interesting and there are that many stories that I have heard. I do not know how you would market that book though. Would it be considered a romance, a comedy, a tragedy, fantasy, reference book or all of the above?

[Alabamaboy!]

LSD, did you notice a big change from the Barranquilleras and the Peruanas in general, or was it "hit and miss" with both places? Do you think there is a culture of lies with those Costenas or just a coincidence that there are so many guys talking about their troubles with them?

I really do think they lie more than average Colombians, and definitely more than gringas, but are probably less dangerous. And I think if you take your time, BAQ has some real gems. But you definitely should take your time and work through things carefully and with your eyes and ears wide open.

[Jeff S]

This in no way has any truth to it. Spanish has the same punctuation rules as English (and a few more). I used to think the same way before I started meeting women that had actually spent some time at universities that actually studied. Please believe that just because the majority of women that you are meeting can't spell "cat" nor punctuate a sentence properly doesn't mean that it is a "Spanish language thing". It is an "ignorant" thing, and there is no more delicate way to put it. I constantly hear how latinas are this way or that way, but since they come in all shapes, sizes, and levels of sense, you really have to ask yourself if you are meeting a particular type of woman because of the culture, or your own interpretation of it and what you expect or look for.

Any person who runs sentences together is grossly uneducated. This is true in any country or language that I am aware of.

AMEN! There are plenty of uneducated, ignorant Latinas in Latin America and that needs to be something you give some serious thought to when you consider bringing a foreign bride to the US - and the culture is generally that it's OK for someone, especially a woman, to not have any education at all. Is that want you want as a life partner?

[Alabamaboy!]

Jeff S, that is a good question. Because the reason I started dating Latin American women was that I was tired of the so called "educated" women blabbing endlessly about their 401K plans, their plans to climb the corporate ladder at any cost just to feel good about themselves, etc.

Many of the upper class women I have met in Colombia seem to be more materialistic and superficial than the gringas, so I definitely do not want that.

I think more than anything it is the culture. That when you see the telenovelas, hear the music, and see what is going on there, you begin to understand that Colombia may not be the best place in the world to find a woman. And the fact that the whole area is basically segregated by estrata means that most of the girls living in estrato 2 ae going to have estrato 2 family, friends, schools, stores, taxis, restaurants, music, careers, ideas, everything. I don't see a lot of people breaking out of that trend. Except for the prepagos. I think the reason most people never break out is because they are basically happy there with their family and friends, just hanging out, listening to music, laying around in a hammock, gossiping on the front porch.

But getting back to what JeffS said, for myself, I don't really care if my girl is super educated. Just need her to be nice, pleasant to be around,  wonderful with children, patient, have manners, have morals. Things like that. The trigonometry and ability to discuss politics is not on my list of important things I am looking for in a woman. I don't want one who is tied to the computer all day either. I want a descomplicada woman.

[Ray]

But getting back to what JeffS said, for myself, I don't really care if my girl is super educated. Just need her to be nice, pleasant to be around,  wonderful with children, patient, have manners, have morals. Things like that. The trigonometry and ability to discuss politics is not on my list of important things I am looking for in a woman. I don't want one who is tied to the computer all day either. I want a descomplicada woman.

Good answer Alabama!

At least you know exactly what kind of woman you are looking for, which is one of the most important first steps in this game.

Good luck with your fiancee, however it turns out.

ray

[Ray]

Please believe that just because the majority of women that you are meeting can't spell "cat" nor punctuate a sentence properly doesn't mean that it is a "Spanish language thing". It is an "ignorant" thing, and there is no more delicate way to put it.

Soltero, I couldn't have said it better myself!

Yes, there are languages that are primarily spoken languages, but Spanish isn't one of them.

For example, my wife's native language (Surigaonon) is what you could call a "spoken" language that doesn't have a printed dictionary.

Ignorance is ignorance, no matter where you are in the world...

Ray

[Alabamaboy!]

Thanks Ray, that is one thing I do have going for me. I am sure of exactly what I need and want in my life at this stage. I have done just about everything, dated all kinds of women from around the world. So I have it narrowed down to exactly what I am looking for.

[Jeff S]

Sounds like you have your head screwed on right. I married an educated, high class lady but she is not particularly materialistic. She (me too) like the finer things in life, but aren't obsessive about it. Her education isn't in finances or trigonometry, it's in the arts. She has a strong interest in history, literature, and nutrition as well. I'm the engineer/ businessman in the family so we have very different strengths that compliment each other in our marriage team. Something to consider when looking for a mate, IMO.

Best of luck with your situation

[lite sweet dude]

Bama,
My ex from Barranquilla lived in an estrato 5 barrio en del norte and college educated in Bogota. She had a good job in Bogota working behind the scenes with actors on the set of various telenovelas but homesickness for Curramba took care of that.  She could never find a decent paying job in BQ hence her urgency to leave the country.
I caught her in lies all the time the last being some tall tale about going to work for her dad in Santa Marta. Weelll, the truth was she had met some gringo in 7 and wound up running off with him to St. Kitts and Nevis (I think Colombians can go and live there with a visa). Never bothered to tell me anything just upped and disappeared without a trace. Hell, I was intially worried and thought something bad had happened to her being it's Colombia and have been known to meet and untimely fate not of their choosing. But through some investigative work (ie going through friends and family), I found out the truth.
I wouldn't have had a problem with any of it if she had just told me the truth instead of stringing me along. Actually, I was pretty tired of the whole affair and ready to move on.
LSD
 
  

[lite sweet dude]

Bama,
To answer your question about my Peruana, I wouldn't trade her for a sack of gold. She has all the qualities I am looking for in a wife and mate. Sure, nothing's perfect and we have our ups and downs, but I'm happy and she makes me happy. And vice versa. Great family, too. I feel like I'm one of them. They've accepted me totally.
I can even overlook her lack of punctuation in emails! 
LSD