you guys get weird 'vibes', etc for marrying a foriegn wife from various people?

[Ray]

Good summation Robert.

I think your wife is correct to expect more from your kids.

Ray

[robert angel]

Thanks Ray, JM,

JM--I am glad things seem to be falling in place for your trip. It has been interesting following the chain of events the last several months. I apologize if my comments, which might even easily seen as 'suggestions' seem 'me centric'. I realize you have a lot on the ball, so to speak and it's presumptuous of me to write along the lines of "If I were you--I'd just accept traffic as a given in any Asian city and look for a beach'' although I never said anything exactly that way. Sounds like you work real hard, deserve a bit of relaxation and a change of pace. I wish you all the very best.

Now, ahem--you Ray, on the other hand... ha ha--yea--she has every right to expect more from my kids and I wish they (we) could deliver, but I am not going to hold my breath. I don't think she's holding hers either. I do wish for the best (for positive change) try to act on things and am glad my older son has begrudgingly came to grips with the reality that she's not going anywhere soon.

My wife will quietly, out of earshot from the boys, make 'suggestions' on how I should handle certain situations with them and I listen to what she says. When I follow her advice, she never really says much, but I know it means a lot to her.

But the reality is that we will have to deal with fully 'Americanized' adolescent boys for probably 5 or 6 more years and I hope she can stay the course.

It's almost only fair that I have to deal with this. It is sort of a full circle, in a way. I was absolute hell as an adolescent, although I didn't have all the material spoils involved. My parents divorced and remarried and I did the same as an adult. I gave my stepfather hell and my sons do it, albeit in a different way, to their stepmom--(my wife) and me.

Payback IS hell!

Like my older son, I didn't take school seriously until I went to college, and then did great, even getting two full free rides through two graduate programs--actually getting paid to go to school. I think my sons will flourish in college--one of my sons is doing the same, in his first year at a university. He wants to one day be a lawyer and eventually Chairman of the American Bar Association, like his grandfather was. He looks up to his grandfather (my step father since I was 8 y/o)-as a man of the highest ethical standards--with great compassion for all people and still practicing in two states, doing mostly pro bono work for the poor.


 Growing up, my parents refused to drive the fancy cars the company would provide for free. Instead, Chevrolets were the choice and a Timex the watch. Like my wife's family--they are very modest about 'possessions'. From the age of 5 on, I always found a way to work and make money. Later, I bought my own cars from my earnings and crashed the first five, totalling them. Thank God, my son's not that reckless. Our only extravagance was travel. Once, impressed with some people who knew my dad, I said 'it must be nice to be important'. He didn't waste a nano second before saying 'NO--it's important to be NICE'. Every person deserving of respect was treated the same, regardless of their 'station in life'.

My sons are slowly but surely seeing the man behind that man and the role my mother plays in his life. They are also seeing that grades and accomplishments family members have made did not come easily--that there was hard work involved at all levels--that as an adult--there's 'no free lunch'.

My older son's doing pretty good in school for a change and is starting to see past power and position in life and look more at character. He still has a ways to go. he is still over attracted to people and objects of power, wealth and prestige--with celebrity, rather than substance.

I have sort of "Forest Gumped' my way through life--going from living in the projects in the Bronx to the Carribean, to Washington, DC to Michigan, back to NY, eventually settling in the South Eastern USA and traveling around the world a few times for good measure. I thought I'd move south with my broken heart and marry Scarlett O'Hara--and ended up marrying a couple of Filipinas. So much for planning..

But for a Mother with guts, I'd be a gang banger, still back in the Bronx or worse.. My older son is more likely described as "Ferris Buellering" HIS life, managing to hook up with some remarkable people, from Dave Chapelle to his favorite guitar rock heros somehow along the way. When I heard someone had crashed a White House State dinner, I immediately wondered where my son was....

I think boys in our nation today don't grow up as fast as they used to and their are plenty of guys who never really 'grow up'. I moved out of the house at age 17 and into an apartment with a foreign girl my age--a gal from Belgium who taught me how to swear in Flemish. I worked, went to school and stood and fell on my own two feet, a thousand miles away from my family.

They say "money isn't everything--but it sure keeps the kids in touch"--well, I expect that to be an issue we'll contend with for years to come, but when my younger son finishes High School, my moving overseas will temper that dynamic to an extent.

In the meantime, my wife has seen a lot in four years in the USA. She has seen my very complex family dynamics , both near and far, that are as different as different can be from what she's known. Yet she has seen my parents and hers communicate across great distances and felt my family's heartfelt concern as her parents have battled health issues, and most recently, her brother's ship was captured and released by Somali pirates. She knows my family loves her and they are actively concerned for her and her family. Yet they stay out of our daily affairs, including the struggles we have with my sons.

Piglett (you still out there in your winter wonderland?) was kind of asking what kind of struggle he might expect and I have dwelled on what's been most difficult for me. Sorting out habits we might have and what could become issues beforehand helps. My wife sincerely said she'd love and accept my sons as her own and she meant it. She just didn't realize what's involved.


I don't know if Piglett is isolated from other homes and people, but I have noticed that from Filipinas I have known in rural Texas and Vermont, that it takes adjustment. Filipinas are social animals. My wife loves--really loves to talk on the phone with the few people (Filipinas) lucky enough to be her friends. She likes to occasionally get together--girls only and eat dried fish and just fall out and get silly. She is almost a different person with them and on the phone--totally silly--laughing like crazy and ten times as loud as normal. It's like I'm hardly there when she's on the phone with her GFs, as she talks machine gun Bisayan, laughing and oblivious to whether we're at home, the mall, grocery store--whatever until I've had enough and ask her to wind it up--please. Geeze--Filipina and cell phones...

I doubt if it's just us (HOPE NOT!!) but my wife likes to watch cable TV programs like 'Snapped', where spouses kill off one another (usually the husband or BF is the killer)and inevitably get caught. That and the model and celebrity expose shows They call one another when a real juicy one is on. I don't detect a bit of conniving or angling--she just finds it interesting, as do her friends. Same thing with beauty pageants and any artist from the RP--especially if they're successful over seas.and on TV or online--espec. Youtube. Any "Filipino makes good-"-success story is a hit. Never mind she just passed her USA citizenship test and will swear her oath real soon--she's all about the RP.

One thing that has struck me lately is that I need to lighten up and make her laugh more. Back in the RP, they might not have much to eat, their clothes might be ragged and the future uncertain, but almost for sure, they'll find something to laugh about. That and music are common denominators of daily life there. With all we have in the USA--we sure don't seem as happy as them over there!

We don't have to be clowns--that'd back fire--but being silly--suprising her with little goofy gifts and just trying to crack her up, can mean more than we think. So can a ten word yahoo messenger poem you made up- and sent her-something romantic and from the heart.

Little things mean a lot and they usually don't cost a dime--we just forget to do such things as a day becomes a week, a year and a decade.

A general barometer I've noticed for marital happiness is how many times she's calling home. I don't ever forbid her from calling home, although after 25--30 minutes, I begin to tap my watch and make faces. But generally, if it's not her parent's health of her brother's ship being taken by African pirates, she might call every week or 10 days. If she's depressed for whatever reason, I notice she calls a lot more. She earns money and we decided before we wed that it was right and fair that she send a PORTION, back home and she has every right to spend some as she sees fit, while contributing to household expenses. I suggest anyone thinking of marriage discuss this, as well as a lot of other things, beforehand.

Well, Dr. Fill (of himself) here, is going to practice what he's preaching and send his asawa a little letter about now...

[fathertime]

Robert A,

I'm loving these last 3 or so posts, they are filled with useful information regarding practically any spouse.

Regardless of what happens in the future with your woman you can land on your feet and be a little better for it! At least that is the way I see it...

Fathertime!

[Bear]

I'm going through a situation right now where I guess I've been too lenient on the kids and Honey is spitting fire cause the oldest cub while making the best grades in the school is constantly in trouble on conduct.  My Dad used to beat me so much I grew up not hitting or spanking except as a last resort or for particularly bad conduct.  Needless to say my method isn't working.  Today we started the oldest on martial arts and they were without mercy when it came to respect and discipline.  You must follow the rules or you will be disciplined. 

Guess Dad was right and I have to learn to be tough like he was, but still hug more too.

The Bear Family

[robert angel]

Bear,

I didn't spank my first son until he was ten years old and I should have. I put him in a Montessori preschool program and believed them when they said not to push him harder on reading and writing--that he wasn't ready and 'I'd ruin him on reading and writing'. We let him 'farm' and take apart VCRs and computers for fun instead.' I regret that too. (most of that anyway)I was always there to catch him before he fell. I regret that also.

He's a smart kid and he'll be OK--as said--he's acing his classes at college this first year. His younger bro is a totally different type of person and was raised different.

I'm sure you heard this before Bear, but as well as your son does academically, maybe he could use more of a challenge. I sometimes do FUBA - BIPS --'functional behavioral analysis' and 'behavior intervention plans' on students of various ages.

Some are brilliant and for some of them, it's as simple as the teacher having a book, newspaper, project or magazine for the restless, talkative kid to get absorbed in once done with his/her work ("idle hands/minds are the devil's tools")--even computer time if that doesn't upend balance in the class can work.

Keep him so busy he doesn't have time to get into trouble, I say. Reinforce him and give him attention when he's good for increasingly long periods, instead of concentrating attention when he's bad.

I was ADD/HD although they didn't have such a diagnosis then. I was called 'ants in the pants' and I got a lot of hell, including the bejesus beaten out of me at school after school, as we moved frequently. They even turned other students against me, using the 'law of the play ground' to try and get me to conform. All the teachers knew who I was, prayed I wouldn't end up in their class and my heroes were the cafeteria and custodial workers at school. My favorite movie character was Paul Newman in the great film, "Cool Hand Luke". ("What we have here--is failure to communicate") Back then, the 'Board of Education' was made out of real wood and getting yanked by the hair not uncommon.....

My older son has attention deficit disorder big time and we eventually (after exhausting everything else) tried low dose meds--but most Filipinas are loathe to even consider that.

To an extent, things like this are grown out of and with all due respect, I bet your wife won't let up anytime soon regardless. My parents tried to micromanage my life and it just wouldn't work. At age 17, I moved out and on my own. My school granted me 'work study' status and released me by 10:20 each day gladly--without even checking to see if I had a job or not. Times are much different today, for better and worse.

I'd suggest teacher conferences and if that doesn't work, working up the chain of command, to counselors, assist. principals on up to the BOE. Martial Arts andssports in general can be helpful too. It's not as easy in small town--school systems...

Good luck!

[jm21-2]

JM--I am glad things seem to be falling in place for your trip. It has been interesting following the chain of events the last several months. I apologize if my comments, which might even easily seen as 'suggestions' seem 'me centric'. I realize you have a lot on the ball, so to speak and it's presumptuous of me to write along the lines of "If I were you--I'd just accept traffic as a given in any Asian city and look for a beach'' although I never said anything exactly that way. Sounds like you work real hard, deserve a bit of relaxation and a change of pace. I wish you all the very best.

I have been trying to read between the lines and I think I am headed towards a trip we will both enjoy. She doesn't voice her opinion directly, but voices it pretty strongly indirectly, so it has been a bit of a process.

I didn't mean to be insulting in my comments. It's just you started out talking about all Asian women and then gave some great examples of your life and talked about Filipino and Fil-Am culture. I just thought it could confuse someone into thinking all Asian women were like Filipinas. No disrespect intended.

[sbcheflino]

The most important thing is that you and your wife are happy.  Who cares what American women think...Or anyone else, for that matter. If The American women are making comments ...they are obviously jealous and feel threatened by your happiness.....

American women have no one else to blame but themselves, for the ever growing popularity of American men marrying foreign women.....

The comments from them should just reinforce your wise decision to pass on American women. Good for you making yourself happy and finding someone who loves you back....you deserve it!

 

[robert angel]

Bear--we're going off topic here, but it's par the course for me, I guess. Something I should say in regards to earlier posts on this thread is that I like how my wife's family handled 'corporal discipline'. They would occasionally spank her and siblings and afterwards in a very calm, respecting way, discuss why it was done and reassure the kids that it was done out of love, not anger.

All too often, we hit our kids in the heat of the moment and move on.  'Cause and effect' is blurred, if not obliterated and emotions and anger take the forefront. I can remember being afraid to cry, because I'd get a follow up of "Ill REALLY give you something to cry about!". Priests and Nuns were the harshest (I attended 'Our Lady of Great Agony' Catholic school for a while) They really didn't even care if they were certain if you really did something bad or not--they basically felt you had it coming for one reason or another and you were to never deny guilt.

My wife wonders if my sons would be alive if they acted like they did to parents back where she comes from.

There's a time and place and manner for almost anything and you might give what you feel 'best practice' some thought, discussing it with your wife.

I absolutely cringe when out in public and I see a parent beating,  or even berating their child in public. It's cases like that that have caused the judicial system to put out laws that can parents arrested for even lightly spanking their kids.

My own older son has told me that if I laid a hand on him, he'd call the cops to our house, have me arrested and see to it that my professional license to work was taken away.

That was about 18 months ago, the last time I really lit into him. I didn't lay a hand on him--I whacked him in his shin with his beloved Fender Stratocaster guitar. He wouldn't leave the living room while playing it--not giving us any peace after repeated requests as we tried to eat dinner as a family and was verbally nasty about it. It  hurt him in more ways than one! And he knew EXACTLY why he got it and that he deserved it...

[piglett]

ya Robert i'm still up here in snow country
Marily is from a small town & really doesn't like the city all that much.
I have a neighbor on either side of me & 1 more diagonally down the street from me,so it's not like i live 20 mile from the nearest house. The 1 big thing that i am concerned about is the cold weather.
I am not sure she will like it. Maybe it will grow on her in time?
I guess i'll find out.

piglett

[Jeff S]

A couple of blasts from the past piglett:

http://www.planet-love.com/smf/index.php/topic,3139.0.html
http://www.planet-love.com/smf/index.php/topic,1254.0.html

[robert angel]

Well Piglett,

We make our own world with a marriage to an extent--one that's apart pretty much apart of the rest of the world and it's people. If it's good at home-that's what counts. Plus, with Yahoo, computers, cell and land line phones, the magic jack, skype and more--we can still reach out w/o leaving home. I'd just 'suggest' that you be as forthcoming with Marily about the realities of a long northern winter, among other things. It's all going to come out sooner or later. The late Filipina lady who introduced my wife to me was from a small hamlet in Vermont-they made it work and had marital issues that made the weather a non issue.

You'd be amazed how many Filipinas who are happily living in places like Alaska, Canada and Chicago--places with much longer and harder winters than the N. East. I have spoken with Filipinos who swear they'd never move back to a hot, humid climate--single ladies who wanted any prospective spouse to move to where they were!

[piglett]

A couple of blasts from the past piglett:

http://www.planet-love.com/smf/index.php/topic,3139.0.html
http://www.planet-love.com/smf/index.php/topic,1254.0.html

WOW the one guy didn't have indoor plumming....... WHAT
& i thought i was cheep  That guy has me beat
 

[piglett]

Well Piglett,

We make our own world with a marriage to an extent--one that's apart pretty much apart of the rest of the world and it's people. If it's good at home-that's what counts. Plus, with Yahoo, computers, cell and land line phones, the magic jack, skype and more--we can still reach out w/o leaving home. I'd just 'suggest' that you be as forthcoming with Marily about the realities of a long northern winter, among other things. It's all going to come out sooner or later. The late Filipina lady who introduced my wife to me was from a small hamlet in Vermont-they made it work and had marital issues that made the weather a non issue.

You'd be amazed how many Filipinas who are happily living in places like Alaska, Canada and Chicago--places with much longer and harder winters than the N. East. I have spoken with Filipinos who swear they'd never move back to a hot, humid climate--single ladies who wanted any prospective spouse to move to where they were!

Oh she knows it's cold here in the winter. I don't want to scare her though so i haven't told her exactly how cold it gets. I don't like buying propane so i keep the woodstove full & it's normally around 80f in my kitchen which feels really good after being outside for a couple of hours. Marily is not really into material things. She is also very tight with her money so i think her & i will be a good match......but i guess time will tell


piglett

[Ray]

Good discussion Robert!

But I guess our styles are somewhat different...

I absolutely cringe when out in public and I see a parent beating, or even berating their child in public. It's cases like that that have caused the judicial system to put out laws that can parents arrested for even lightly spanking their kids.

And I absolutely cringe when some little spoiled brat is going bonkers in public because he can’t have his way, and the spineless parents won’t dare say anything or at least give the little booger a good smack on his ass.

I’ve told a few little screaming brats to SHUT UP while their spineless parents just stood there in disbelief that some stranger would dare to speak to their little brat that way. And every time the little shyt did shut up. Once I did that in a store checkout line and I got a resounding ovation from quite a few other frustrated shoppers.

My own older son has told me that if I laid a hand on him, he'd call the cops to our house, have me arrested and see to it that my professional license to work was taken away.

And then who does he expect to feed him?

Some times we parents just have to remind our kids whom the house belongs to and who pays the bills. No, you don’t have to smack the crap out of them to get their attention, but letting a threat like that go by unanswered would not happen in my home. And that guitar would have ended up in a pawnshop by the next day at the latest.

Ray

[stevjulietb]

You are right Ray.....its a matter of getting their attention....I don't know Robert..but it sounds like he works in special ed office for a puplic school?  My four year old son is testing us.....I spank his bottom now so I will have fewer problems later.  I met with a father and son yesterday at school...I wanted to talk about the son's behavior...the father wanted to talk about the ex beating the kid last year...the beat goes on....should the kid have been beat....no...but the Dads job is to help the kid rise above ...not use it for an excuse....I basically believe american men have been trained to sidestep...we need to step-up and be the man....

Steveb

[Ray]

Steve,

I don’t envy your job in dealing with parents.

As for getting the little kiddies’ attention:

When my oldest girl was going through the teenage rebellion stage, she once told me “Stay out of MY Room”!

I explained calmly to her that it was not HER room, but I was only allowing her to use it for free.

But of course that didn’t mean anything to her, so I removed my door from “her” room while she was at school the next day and put it up in the garage. Now THAT got her attention… LOL!

Ray

[robert angel]

Yea Ray, Steve, Bear,

My sons know I will take the door of their room off the hinges and walk in anytime I feel I need to. I like what Bill Cosby basically said: "I brought you into this world--and I can take you out!" I can't say I'd take it THAT far, but the sentiment is definitely there.

My father in law has a twist on the 'Nip it in the bud', 'A stitch in time will save you nine' mindset.

He basically says that when it comes to raising kids right and eliminating problem behaviors:

'It's a lot easier to trim a tree when it's a young one, than it is to cut it back when it's big and grown'.

How to do it right, in rearing kids as in life in general, is so clear when you're looking back --you can see just how you did it wrong.

By far, the wildest and craziest kids I hung out with growing up--maybe the only ones more so than myself, were the sons of preachers, psychiatrists and psychologists. They were my favorite 'partners in crime' so to speak and their families were often studies in dysfunction.

My younger son is showing some of the same apathy his older brother displayed at his age--Me:--'Son--how was school?'--Nicholas: 'Fine'--- Me--What's going on in school lately?'--Nicholas: 'Nothing'

I was SO sure that my younger son--he's six years younger--wouldn't be remotely similar to his older brother--after all, I have raised them differently--well--I am seeing some scary similarities....

Kids from ages 12 to 13 on up often speak to adults in 1 to 3 word sentences, unless the subject's VERY interesting to them.

I remember when my older son was 12 y/o and I told him:

 'Son--you are SO apathetic!'. He replied:

 'Dad--I don't know WHAT that means--and I don't care'.

An odd thing I should have picked up on earlier and something we might have a denial thing going on about as parents is how our kids feel about being Asian or half Asian in the USA--especially around other kids.

I should have known about 'feeling different' because we have a very distinctive Italian sounding last name and I was teased a lot as a kid. My sons have that, and they don't like playing up their Asian back ground, to put it mildly. It's sad, because they have been over there, been the lead flag bearer in the Asian Festival in our city--sort of a big deal. We've never forced that kind of thing on them--they can't even speak any languages besides English, French and Spanish. They don't look clearly Asian, having very fair skin with jet black hair and brown eyes.

My older son told people in High School that he was Portuguese! He didn't want to go to the Philippines, and he told some people he was going to Japan instead. Now he wants to go back when my wife and I go back, but mainly because the shopping is so interesting.

My son's don't have any apparent self esteem or social issues--in fact, they probably have too many friends, I think. They're into sports and other social activities on their own initiative. But last month, I was taken aback when  we were at this real deluxe shopping mall up in Michigan and it was FULL of Asian people. My youngest son said "I've never felt like I fit in so much---I wasn't the odd one out'.

live and learn...

[Bob_S]

I remember when my older son was 12 y/o and I told him:

 'Son--you are SO apathetic!'. He replied:

 'Dad--I don't know WHAT that means--and I don't care'.

Side-splitting irony!

[stevjulietb]

Ray...the other day 4 of my former students came to my classroom....what a joy to see them at age 18....I taught them science when they were 14....what a difference...next year three are starting nursing school and one to pre-med...all of us middle school teachers need to remember.......this too will pass.....lol...

Steveb

[Jeff S]

Yea Ray, Steve, Bear,

My sons know I will take the door of their room off the hinges and walk in anytime I feel I need to. I like what Bill Cosby basically said: "I brought you into this world--and I can take you out!"

The best part of that quote is the next sentence: "Not only that, but I can make another one that looks just like you..."

[robert angel]

>>The best part of that quote is the next sentence: "Not only that, but I can make another one that looks just like you..."<<

Ha ha--I love it.

I have to give 'The Cos' a lot of credit for not taking the 'politically correct' route and instead, calling things as he sees them, regardless of race or socio economic status....

[fathertime]

 

 Some times we parents just have to remind our kids whom the house belongs to and who pays the bills. No, you don’t have to smack the crap out of them to get their attention, but letting a threat like that go by unanswered would not happen in my home. And that guitar would have ended up in a pawnshop by the next day at the latest.
 Ray

When I first saw the story posted, I was thinking to myself the guitar would be in the fireplace that evening.  Not a wooden guitar, no problem I have lighter fluid.

Obviously normally the asinine behavior ends with time, but sometimes it is fun to give the kids a story they can complain about to their friends.

I have a very difficult time with hitting children not because I think it is necessarily wrong, but have found an occasional verbal browbeating serves the same purpose(for me), and there is usually less blood.
   

Fathertime!
 

[thekfc]

The 1 big thing that i am concerned about is the cold weather.
I am not sure she will like it. Maybe it will grow on her in time?
I guess i'll find out.

That I was also concern about too. We usually do not get that cold here in NYC but today was one of those very cold day for us - we were in the mid 20s last night.
Today I told my girl about today's weather & we also chatted about the snow. I told her that we seldom get blizzard here in NYC & the last one was in February 2006. 

I told her that NYC do not stay covered in snow for long - the streets are immediately cleared. And that my neighborhood streets are one of the streets that get cleared first/early because I live across the street from a hospital and there are also an EMS substation & 2 Fire houses in my neighborhood  - so the Sanitation Dept always clear the streets following a heavy snow fall to make way for the emergency vehicles. But the back streets...forget about it.   

As for heat - that haven't been a problem for me in the past - one of the things that I like about the apartment building that I am living in now is that for the past 2 winters we had heat almost every single day. 

I feel the best way for her to know how she would like/take NYC weather is for her to experience it.

[robert angel]

Kfc, Piglett,

As you've told her that it's cold, it won't be unexpected, although nobody really realizes what winter or just what like living in the USA is really like overall--until they actually live here. But Filipinos are very, very adaptive people and I'm sure you guys will keep her warm!

There's nothing quite like cuddling in bed when it's a bit chilly in the house, warming each other with our bodies, not wanting to get out of bed. It doesn't get much better than that, in my opinion--at least in a 'G' rated sense. Filipinas must have the softest, sweetest caramel colored skin and you'll keep each other real warm.

As said, Filipinos are just about everywhere on earth--- Canada, Alaska, etc. There's strength knowing there's a lot of various people living everyday among you in the weather--life goes on and we get used to anything.

Why do you think guys keep going back to prison? Ha ha.....

It doesn't get as cold for as long where we live, but it gets into the 20's and 30's with wind and rain occasionaly--which to me is worse than dry cold and snow I knew for many years---down to 30 below at times.

My wife--like just about everyone who hasn't I think--would absolutely LOVE to see snow. It's right up there with Disney World on experiences to  be had. It's never snowed where we live since she came and four November trips to Michigan have all been busts.

One of my wife's best friends, a Filipina, got lucky when they drove to Michigan when it snowed big time. She loved it, especially at first, but the next day it turned into that nasty, wet gray slush every where.

She asked her husband "What IS that stuff??"  as they drove along. He replied "It's called slush, honey". She replied "Whateve it is, DON'T let any of it get on the car!" Not likely, as we know and after a short while, Therese felt that she'd had enough of the slush and snow, but we all have friends north who live and tolerate it well.

Everyone is different and it might be different for you guys--your mileage may vary, but I went out before my sweetie got here and completely OVER did  the winter clothes thing. It as if I thought she was made out of blown glass and would freeze and break or something. I got her gloves, scarfs, hats, flannel PJs, warm slippers, on and on. Maybe I was a drag queen in aprevious life or something, but I got her bright colored, fuzzy warm things. She didn't wear three fourths of the stuff. She doesn't like slippers or gloves and prefers a jacket with a sweater and occasionally a scarf--no hat. Everyone is different though.

So hey--stranger things have happened--if you're babe ends up favoring snow mobile suits and full face helmets for 4 or 5 months of the year, please dont hate me--these are just OUR experiences!

Anyway, I ended up returning or exchanging a whole lot of stuff.

It's about impossible to buy before hand because most US clothes are cut way too long and wide, but a black leather jacket (there's nothing sexier than a filipina in a styling, black  leather jacket) works good with a nice soft sweater with a not too tight turtle neck sweater.  It's hard to find the right size shoes and boots sometimes, as well as pants that don't need hemming. You guys know the cold weather deal--layer the clothes. Most Filipinas aren't used to having anything tight around their necks and loose is best, we've found.

Keep receipts for stuff you buy, because it's easy to get sizes wrong.

It was fun shopping for her before hand--I really enjoyed it--but as said I didn't 'get it right' much. I'd advise get the essentials and then go out when she gets here. Again, you're probably going to end up returning or not using stuff you pick up.

I thought my wife would for sure want a rice steamer, but she didn't--never has. But for SURE, have some Thai jasmine rice--at least a few pounds, before she lands. Most big chains sell it now. Don't just buy any rice, guys. It sounds kind of weird, but it wouldn't hurt to get the biggest bag you can find. Rice 'keeps' real well and back home, there's a certain comfort, knowing you're 'sitting' on five or ten kilos of good rice. Some people get a big sack as part of their salary from work--it's a good sign of prosparity.

You might see if she drinks "Milo" and if so--get some--or at least another brand of hot chocolate. My wife likes oatmeal on cold days--you might ask. When you're over there, take note of what her 'comfort foods' are. For my wife, a big deal back home--a treat, was a greasy hamburger at a joint called 'The Burger Machine'. That was the unsual--'exotic' for her! She never had a real grilled pork chop--nothing that fancy. Today, she isn't a big burger fan, but eats them occasionally. Most filipinas aren't into salads over there, but here, my wife love a good healthy salad and me grilling up a nice chop with olive oil, sprnkled with dried italian herbs  out of the shake container--it brings us back to that 'special dinner' when she first tried that dish.

It'll all work out guys! The weather's probably one of the lesser adjustments you'll be dealing with!

[thekfc]

Kfc, Piglett,

As you've told her that it's cold, it won't be unexpected, although nobody really realizes what winter or just what like living in the USA is really like overall--until they actually live here. But Filipinos are very, very adaptive people and I'm sure you guys will keep her warm!

yep.
 

Everyone is different and it might be different for you guys--your mileage may vary, but I went out before my sweetie got here and completely OVER did  the winter clothes thing. It as if I thought she was made out of blown glass and would freeze and break or something. I got her gloves, scarfs, hats, flannel PJs, warm slippers, on and on. Maybe I was a drag queen in aprevious life or something, but I got her bright colored, fuzzy warm things. She didn't wear three fourths of the stuff. She doesn't like slippers or gloves and prefers a jacket with a sweater and occasionally a scarf--no hat. Everyone is different though.

I intend to let her do her own cloth shopping/choosing.  But if I see a slickdeal on something her size/she may like - I will get it.
I am taking VS & Old Navy t-shirts for her (x-small & small) to see how they fit on her - giving me a better & closer look on her fit/size. They will not go to waste as she have nieces & sisters that are smaller & bigger than her.

I thought my wife would for sure want a rice steamer, but she didn't--never has. But for SURE, have some Thai jasmine rice--at least a few pounds, before she lands. Most big chains sell it now. Don't just buy any rice, guys. It sounds kind of weird, but it wouldn't hurt to get the biggest bag you can find. Rice 'keeps' real well and back home, there's a certain comfort, knowing you're 'sitting' on five or ten kilos of good rice. Some people get a big sack as part of their salary from work--it's a good sign of prosparity.

Rice is one thing I do keep on hand (5-20 lbs) - jasmine, basmati, brown & long grain rice. 

You might see if she drinks "Milo" and if so--get some--or at least another brand of hot chocolate.

Milo she drinks - one day she drinking one & I went to my fridge & pull one out & started drinking too, she was surprise that we have it here.
One of the good things about living in NYC is the wide variety of food - you can get just about ANY ethnic food.
Last week by chance I walked by a Filipino Deli/store - I went in to browse & I bought some some halo-halo. That will bring to 5 the # of Filipino Restaurant/Deli/supermarket that I have visited in the 2 boroughs that I frequent. There are more but I haven't ventured out into the outer boroughs to browse.

Most filipinas aren't into salads over there

My girl loves salad & veggies - she also eat jute often.

It'll all work out guys! The weather's probably one of the lesser adjustments you'll be dealing with!

I think so too.