I rescued this piece from the earlier Hijacked horror story thread.
OK- guys- here is the first story from the early days of catalogues and before the internet. From my book "From Russia and Elsewhere-Seldom With Love"
This is the adventure of "Thai Steve." He is a real person who I have known for 20 years. We used to all hang around the same Thai restaurant swapping game plans-
Steve borrowed my "Thai Ladies" catalogue and tried to do some fishing. He sent out six reply letters, and after four letter exchanges with three of the selections, went to Thailand for a month to meet them all. He had received a better response rate than I had as he had never been married before and had no children of his own. He was writing only to single women without children.
He returned home empty-handed with the opinion that most of these women were liars.
Upon his return to the United States, he explained to me how the much-planned and awaited meetings turned into a series of nightmares as soon as he had arrived and that he had spent the last three of the weeks of his trip with ladies of ill-repute just so that his month of vacation in Thailand was not a total waste of time.
Upon his arrival, he was supposed to be met by his number one choice at Don Muang Airport- an ample bosomed nymphet with a slim waist sparkling eyes.
As he was walking out of the arrival hall, he was looking for his lady friend based on the pictures that he had received. As his eyes glanced expectantly back and forth across the crowded arrival hall, he kept seeing this one moon-shaped (and sized) face looking right at him as if the person knew him. The woman owning the rather overly large face and triple chins was smiling at him almost expectantly as he continued to look for the woman who was supposed to meet him. As he walked past the woman, she called out his name. He looked, started, looked again and was stunned at what he was seeing.
Looking more closely at the gigantic creature before him he noticed that beneath the chin rolls and puffy cheeks, the woman bore a slight resemblance to the slim young woman who he was supposed to meet. Perhaps her mother or older sister had come to meet him instead?
Ironically, the woman’s name was “Noi†which means “small†or “little†in the Thai language. The woman before him was anything but small. As he apologized to her for not recognizing her, she allowed as how the pictures were “a couple of years old†and she had “gained a little weight†since they had been taken. He felt that the statements were definitely “understatements†of “mammoth†proportions.
His “mail-order†girlfriend had made hotel arrangements for him and helped him get situated in his room and let him know that since the formalities were already previously discussed in their letters, that she was prepared to spend the night with him as soon as he was ready-like right then. Concealing his disgust and dismay, he told her of the long arduous plane flight from the United States and wanted the evening off to sleep. She agreed that an evening of rest might make him feel better and promised to pick him up in the morning at 9AM to take a tour of the Bangkok Metropolis.
Hoping that a night of sleep may somehow make his tour guide deflate in size or that he would wake up from the nightmare, he slept the night away. Arising fairly early, he breakfasted on the veranda of the hotel. As he finished his breakfast, he saw the portly shape of his tour guide and bride to be a long way down the street approaching majestically as the crowded sidewalk parted around her like the bow wave of a steam ship. At the time, immensely overweight Thai women were unusual to see and he could see by the passers by’s head-turning and laughter that he was in a highly unusual situation.
Touring the temples with his guide, he was reminded of a picture that he had seen of an elephant with its mahout in part due to the Thai words he was hearing from other tourists as they progressed such as “chahn†which means “elephant.â€
Since tour guiding is hungry work, his companion shortly suggested lunch. Thai Steve agreed as this was as good a time as any to discuss the disparity in the pictures. While wolfing down a meal fit for a stevedore or two, Noi allowed as how the pictures were more than a couple of years out of date-just a few years out of date and that she could lose the weight easily AFTER they were married. And that they may as well get the sexual issues out of the way as quickly as possible-like as soon as they returned to Steve’s hotel room. Steve did not really need to feign illness at this point and he claimed fatigue and fever. Noi offered to stay to care for him and Steve declined but agreed that she could return in a few hours to check up on him. Noi agreed to do so and hoped that they could begin their nuptials when she returned with her things to stay in his room with him for the rest of his stay. And maybe he would like to move into her place in a couple of days since he would not have to pay for the hotel room?
As soon as Noi had left the hotel, Steve immediately packed his belongings, called another hotel several miles away, paid for his room and left via taxi praying fervently that Noi would not return before he left. At one point in his preparation for flight, he even considered climbing down to the street via the fire escape outside his window in case Noi appeared in the lobby. He never saw or heard from her again.
Steve’s journey now took him to the north of Thailand to the picturesque city of Chiang Mai where his second choice awaited him. Chiang Mai airport was not a crowded airport and the Thai Airways domestic flight was not a full flight. By the time that he had claimed his luggage, there was only one person left waiting for passengers. This was an older woman who looked somewhat like the pictures that he had received from Miss Number Two. He had received college graduation pictures but this woman was several years out of college. He stayed long enough to have lunch and dinner with her and then told her straight out that he had come seeking the woman in the pictures and that she had understated her age, thus misrepresenting herself. The woman agreed that she had done so but while he was there, maybe he would like to give a relationship a try anyway since he had traveled so far and they had seemed to like each other via letters and telephone contacts. Steve declined and had an evening exploring the town by himself before returning to Bangkok in the morning to meet his last choice.
Upon his arrival, Steve checked into his hotel located on Sukhumvit Road and called the last of his three choices. The call was answered by a very young woman who spoke perfect English and who informed Thai Steve that HER MOTHER was working at that moment. She also told Thai Steve that her mother was expecting his call and that he could call back in a few hours to arrange their meeting. Keep in mind that Steve had only been writing to single young women without children. Now Steve was confronted by a situation where the woman might be single and might still be fairly young but definitely had a child and not a young child, either. There is no error in translation when states that they have NO children. Rather than call back to arrange a meeting with Miss/Ms./Mrs. Number Three, Steve spent the remainder of his trip seeing the country and seeing other Thai women with lower goals, who had no interest in marriage or a longer term relationship than the evening at hand.
By the time I had heard of the odyssey of Thai Steve, I was preparing to go over to meet just one Thai woman. This was my Number Five choice. Needless to say, for reasons remarkably similar to Thai Steve’s adventures, things did not work out with Miss Number Five when we met in person and I terminated a planned vacation trip with her to southern Thailand.
