Need Advice on shopping

[thekfc]

I need some info/advice on shopping - I have highlighted what I want in blue below but first I just want to give a short summary of the ladies that I have been talking to.
I have been doing the filtering. I know that is still early & I could still be talking to a lot more ladies. These are the ones that interest me so far.

1. I will call this one Lady S. (26 yrs old). I have been speaking to her the longest.  She told me that she recently got fired & is looking for a new job. After a few chats I offer to help her (to see what direction she is heading), she refuse to accept any money. 
If I were to pick someone now it would be her (with Lady N a close second)

2. Lady N (25 yrs old)  both parents have passed away - she lives with her brother. She is the only one who asked me for money to buy new clothes but she also told me I can buy the clothes instead & send it to her. She gave me her size & everything. 

3. Lady L - (29 yrs old) I have chatted with both her & her sister. The most aggressive/most upfront of the bunch.
I have also spoken to both her & her sister over the phone.

4. Lady P. (32 yrs old divorce & 1 child, educated: bachelor's degree) - She is half Filipino & half Chinese - I find her the most independent of the bunch. She a charge nurse & currently in Macau waiting for her papers to move to Hong Kong to be a domestic helper. I will be going to Hong Kong in January with friends but I haven't told her that yet.

5. Lady V. I have spoken to her the most - the oldest of the bunch @40. Not what I am really looking for. She is a great conversationalist & give me good advice, the most caring of the bunch (because of the age?), She lives with her brother who is a preacher.

There are 3 other ladies who fits me - I haven't chatted to them much because they always seams to come on at the same time.  At one time 8 of them came online at the exact same time.

Now to my questions - all 3 ladies in my top 3 likes chocolate & stuff animals. And long story short - they all asked me to send them chocolate & one of them would like a stuff animal - the animal she want is a bit expensive $135US, that animal comes in a set of 2 & she already have one of them - it's a 4ft teddy bear & she said she got the first one as a birthday gift. I want to get her the teddy but I would like to know before I buy it - is it appropriate to buy her the stuff teddy?

I am looking at chocolate & candy @ wowphilippines & philregalo - but their selections are not that great.  Maybe I am spoiled because when it come to chocolate I always go for the best.
Is there any other sites beside these two when I can buy chocolate & other perishable goodies & have them delivered to the ladies in Phil.?

I haven't promise anything to them yet.
 

[Bear]

First of all, NEVER SEND MONEY! NEVER!  My wife practically wouldn't accept it after we were married.  Any excuse from someone who has the money to sit in front of a computer to chat with you is more than extremely suspicious, if not for scams, the character of that person.

Second Its pretty surprising to me that you are receiving 'requests' to send anything.  I send things because I wanted too but they were never, even once, requested, maybe hinted at but not requested.  I practically had to force my wife to allow me to purchase her a mattress, umbrella and shoes after we got married.  In order to pay for my wife's college (before we were married) and to get her out of a horrible situation I had to hire her to stitch our family crest on a tapestry (for our living room after we married).  Of course, I paid her 10x what it would normally cost there but that just made me cost foolish not a stupid and it maintained her 'honor' which is very important there.  And it got her out of a bad "scholarship" situation where she worked or went to class 16-18 hrs a day 7 days a week and had been doing so for 3 years.  She couldn't even get off to go to church.  In order to call her I had to buy ME a phone and ask her to hold on to it till I got there otherwise she would even discuss it.  Of course, I called her on "my phone".  When I got off the plane it was almost the first thing she did, after hugging and kissing me - hand me that phone.  It said tons about her character and I noticed hundreds like her.

I just posted on another thread that the day I met my wife I FedEx her a few items.  I don't think chocolate would survive.  Take it when you go to visit.  I did sent her flowers once when someone one provided me with an on line site that where I could order and purchase on line and have delivered there but that site doesn't exist anymore (I sent her a dozen red roses).  The chocolates there do not meet or quality or standards so I'd wait.

The Bear Family

[thekfc]

Thanks bear for the reply.
Two of the "request" for chocolate were actually hints - they love it but haven't eaten it in a while.
One of them was actually a request - she even told me which one she likes.  So I will wait & see what direction she is heading.

I have read that the quality of the chocolate over there is not up to par.

I see the chocolates on the philregalo sites have the "American names" - Snickers, M & M, Ferrero Rocher, Hersheys, Chips Ahoy, etc. are they the same as "our' here in the USA?
I will try calling them to see what they say - they have offices/branches in NY, California & England.

[piglett]

I would drop any that come rite out & ask for things ( either gifts or $$$) rite now.
these are probably either bar girls or former bar girls.
how many if these ladies have never had a boyfriend??
If she says that she has never had a boy friend them you can be fairly sure that she in not a bar girl.
Also try to never speak of money. If one of these ladies says something about it it may be a red flag.
also are you trying to chat with the hotest ladies you can find??
If so that is a very good way to find a lot of scammers.
many of the super hot ladies are actually men who will ask for money.
i think i would weed out all but 1 or 2 of these ladies & if it doesn't work out you can always find a couple more ladies in a matter of days.

Bears advice is very good NEVER EVER send money!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had good results with filipinaheart. I would search for the newest members who had not yet posted pictures.
this how i found my girl Marily. A scammer will always have a picture.


good luck on your search
piglett

 

[Ray]

Whoa! Hold the horses there kfc!

I think you are looking at this thing all wrong. This isn’t about chocolates, teddy bears, and other “gifts”, or helping out financially.

I would put your wallet away, don’t even mention money or gifts, and dump anyone who brings up the subject.

A $135 teddy bear?? Tell her to ask her other foreign (boy)friend, the one who sent her the other half. And dump her!

Divorced Filipina? VERY unlikely! There is no divorce in the Philippines, and some of these ladies will use the terms “divorced” and “separated” interchangeably, but they are still legally married…HUGE problem! Scratch lady P, unless she can show you proof of a legal annulment or a divorce in a foreign country.

Asked for new clothes? Scratch lady N.

I’m not real sure what you mean by “aggressive” and “up-front”, but those aren’t typical Filipina traits so I would also scratch lady L.

What sort of “preacher” is the brother? Which church, or does he have his own church? What exactly is lady V’s religion, if any? Need more info.

AFTER you think you have found a real keeper, and have eliminated all the others, then I’ll give you some ideas for small, romantic gifts that you can order/send, but it sounds like you are no where near that far down the road at this time.

Ray

[thekfc]

Hi Ray.
Thanks for the advice.....a red flag was going up in the back of my head.

As for the divorce I was thinking about the same thing to. But I wasn't sure.

As for the one asking for the teddy/chocolate - I got a text message afterwords apologizing, she said that it was her friend that was asking for that. I also go an email from a younger brother (I chatted with him before about music), apparently he was in the room when the "conversation" went on. He told me what time to chat with her & what time to avoid chatting with her as certain times she is at home with "friends". All the time we chatted( 2 months +) that is the first time she asked for anything.

As for lady N, I was having my doubts about her.

As for the aggressiveness of lady L - she kept on asking when am I coming to the Philippines, and can I come before this & that date.

Lady V religion is Christian (Protestants).

I am still in the "elimination" process, There are 2 that I would definitely keep chatting with - Lady S.  & another one I didn't talk about I call her Lady A (31 yrs) - the 9th of 12 children. I posted about her in another post, here mom is very sick - liver condition, they waited too long before getting "proper" medical treatment.  Have been chatting with her for over 2 months & she never asked or hinted for anything.

I would also like to say thanks to all. I really appreciate the advice & guidance. I would be lost.
And I will keep asking for advice when needed.

[Cbear]

I wish I was scammer cause I would get rich off KFC,

No offence intended, but a good girl will not only not ask for money she will refuse it and be very upset that you offered it because she will think you think she is a bad girl.


Hinting at chocolates I don't think is a big deal, but it does raise a red flag because I can't imagine any good Filipina lady even hinting at it. I guess it depends on how it was brought up in the conversation.

I have chatted with a few ladies who had children, by definition in the Philippines these are not good girls. BUT, that doesn't mean they won't make a great wife for an American. These ladies were a little more open and although they never asked for money, they were very concerned about how much money I made. I think they needed to gauge if I could take care of them and their child. So don't be alarmed if a lady with a child asks more financial questions up front. For me personally I don't want a lady with children. Been there, done that, never again.

I am not one of the guys that says never ever send money, but you need to make sure you have a verified relationship with the girl, usually this means meeting her in person, but there are other ways to verify she is who she says she is and what she is. Just be aware that if you send money and gifts, you may be sending to a girl who will never marry you, same as spending money on a woman here, no guarantees.


 

[Cbear]

I missed the bit about the aggressive girls. That is a tough one, I think some of these girls gauge your commitment level on whether you will get on a plane and come visit them, the vast majority of men who use the dating sites will never go visit, and these girls know that. It is just a way to weed out the players.

I had one girl who I know was a good and decent girl, was always bugging me to come bisit her. It was really the only tool she had to determine if a guy was really sincere. I wasn't. I didn't visit her. This helped us both out because it made me take a very hard look at her to determine if she was someone I could spend the rest of my life with. She wasnt. She is a good girl so if you want her info let me know and I'll give it to you.

[thekfc]

Thanks Cbear.
I am learning  something new with every post I read.

As for the "aggressive"  one, she told me she was chatting with someone for about a year & that person made all kind of "promises" to come visit her but he wasn't really interested in being with her.

I have also chatted with a few ladies that have children,  some were great & would make a good wife but that that is not the route I want to go.  I just help raised my best friend's daughter (her mom passed away) & I am not quite ready for that again - unless it's my own.

Most of the ladies I chatted with ask me about my job & if I have one - none asked me how much I made.

The chocolate thing  - I brought it up with two of the ladies trying to find out what they likes & dislikes. It's just  that at certain time of the year I have a discount to chocolate (Godiva, Ghirardelli)  thru co-workers.

If I wasn't going to Hong Kong in January with friends - I would take a trip to the Philippines during X-Mas time (I hate spending X-Mas in NYC).

Yes Cbear you can pass that lady info to me.

[Dave H]

Hey thekfc,

I agree with most of what the others have said: Avoid those who ask for money and gifts, "divorced" ladies and probably those with children. Also, I wouldn't consider an aggressive, outspoken, or argumentative lady. IMHO, some "protestant" religions here seem to border on or cross into the lunatic fringe! I would check into it thouroughly if I was interested in a lady. I would be concerned with someone asking how soon I could come. It sounds like she may be desperate to marry a foreigner ASAP! Sometimes the lady is great, but the family is the problem. I would avoid someone with a very large, poor family to support! Since she will be "rich," she will be morally obligated to support even adult brothers and sisters and their children forever. If she doesn't, her life could become a living hell (from within and without) and thus you will suffer as well. Even if she sends money, they will probably give her a hard time anyway, since it will never be enough! You can forget about teaching most of these people "how to fish"...since many would much rather let you fish for them, while they eat and drink. There are exceptions, but I have found that to be the norm. I wouldn't have a problem with a wife sending money for school for a younger sibling who is studious and really interested in succeeding. But, sometimes that money is wasted when the kid doesn't take school seriously, or by choosing a  field where there is little pay and/or few job opportunities.

There are plenty of great ladies out there to choose from! Although it may take some time to find "The One," there is no point in hurrying and settling for less than what you really want!

Dave

[Ray]

kfc,

If she did apologize for asking for stuff, then sure, give her another chance if you want.

On the divorce thing, you really have to be careful here. A lot of guys take the lady’s word that she is divorced or never married but with children, and then fall in love, only to find out later that she is legally married. The US embassy denies a good number of visas because of existing legal marriages. An annulment is a long and very expensive legal process that is out of reach for most all Filipinas. Except for a few Muslims, about the only legal way for a Filipino citizen to divorce is for a foreign spouse to file for divorce in a foreign country.

My advice:  If a Filipina lady says she has an annulment or divorce, ask to see a certified copy of the legal documents before starting a serious relationship leading to marriage. If she has a child/children but says she has never been married, get a copy of a CENOMAR (certificate of singleness) from the NSO to confirm that. The embassy will almost always require one anyway before approving a visa in those cases. I would also get a recent copy of her baptism certificate and NSO birth certificate before petitioning her for a visa.

If V belongs to a traditional Protestant religion then I see no problem with that. But like Dave mentioned, there are some weird fringe religions over there that you need to be very cautious of. There are several modern-day spin-offs from the Catholic Church and a few are really far out.

Yes, lady A sounds interesting and worth consideration.

Once again, my advice is to forget about the gifts until you either visit a lady or enter into an exclusive relationship. Even then, keep it low-keyed and inexpensive. It should always be the thought that counts, not the monetary value of the gift, and there should be no strings attached.

Ray

[Dave H]

I currently know of 5 married ladies with children who are waiting for annulments, so they can marry foreign fiancés.  I know many better quality single women than 3 of them! I don't know as much about the other two. The city I live in has a population of 300,000. A friend of mine is a clerk for a family court judge. He told me that they average 5-6 annulment cases per week for Filipinas wanting to marry their foreign boyfriends. Expect an annulment to cost a minimum of $2000-$3000 (regardless of lawyer estimates)...if you can get one. Depending on the circumstances and the judge, it may not be granted at any cost!

Dave

[Quixote9]

You haven't met any of these girls in person yet right?

At this point (getting ready for your trip) I would be focusing on making contact with MORE girls you would like to meet there, not narrowing it down to just ONE girl and being stuck there without any plan B if you meet her and she is nothing like you imagined she would be or the chemistry/vibe is all wrong.

Sounds like first girl (lady S) seems like someone you should keep writing too (as one option of many) but just from the tone of your writing or things you mention about all the other girls I think maybe you would be best served exploring other options if you can.  Why waste your time on girls you haven't met and already giving you reasons to bail?  Smart play would probably cut all but lady S loose and keep fishing, it is a big ocean. I know it takes some bravery on your part to cut these girls loose who have already expressed some interest in you, but you still have time to meet other girls before you visist PH right?

As far as sending anything to these women, I would hold off until you meet them, and even then limit yourself to gifts that women would value emotionally rather than financially.  Had an ex-novia en Colombia (some one I had spent lots of time with in person) who would ask me for money every month and never even say please or thank you and seemed to value and respect me less for giving in to her childish demands, I felt every time I sent money poisoned our whole relationship.  Same girl would melt completely and shower me with affection over a spontanious gift of some flowers or a small stuffed animal (My point being, you will get much more mileage from smaller gifts aimed only at touching her heart than by trying to play the white knight saving her from her impovrished life. Just  my 2 cents

[thekfc]

Thanks Quixote9, Dave, Ray & everyone else.

I am no where near meeting any ladies yet.
Lady S & Lady A are my two options right now.
I have cut off most of them. The best ones I had to cut as an option were very young 18 & 21. Though I still chat with them & exchange emails (music, movies, entertainment news, etc).
There are a lot more ladies that I have to talk to - I did join Filipinaheart & I have a bunch of ladies who sent me message that I am just starting to reply to. I am chatting with a new one right now - 27yrs old & an English teacher.

I am cutting off sending anything.

There is one mistake I did (maybe or maybe not) was after telling them where I work,  a few of them were like "really" as if they are getting excited & I was wondering why. It turns out one of the perfume my company sells is HUGE over there.

I had a vacation trip plan for Phil., but I will hold off on it & save up for later - when I really have a reason to go there.  I will be going to Hong Kong in January with friends.

As always, thanks for the advice - I am learning with every post.

John

[piglett]

Hey KFC why don't you head on down the the philippines once your finished taking care of things in Hong Kong?
After all your so close & all. It mite be a good chance for you to get the lay of the land in Manila.


piglett

[Dave H]

Hey KFC why don't you head on down the the philippines once your finished taking care of things in Hong Kong?
After all your so close & all. It mite be a good chance for you to get the lay of the land in Manila.

piglett

Hey piglett,

Nothing personal, but I avoid Manila whenever possible!  I have to use the International airport there, but that is as close as I like to get. There is much better scenery in the provinces!

Dave

Manila

Provinces

[Quixote9]

Hey Dave H,

Where are the first 2 pics under "provinces" taken?  They look so awesome I feel like I am looking at something from a sci-fi movie or photoshop!  Never been to the PH, but if they have places that gorgeous then I need to visist at least once!

[Ray]

Quix,

The first is the famous 2000-year-old Banaue Rice Terraces in the northern Philippines, near Baguio.

The second one is the Chocolate Hills down south in Bohol.

[piglett]

Hey piglett,

Nothing personal, but I avoid Manila whenever possible!  I have to use the International airport there, but that is as close as I like to get. There is much better scenery in the provinces!

Dave

Manila

Dave have you just finished wowing the people of Manila with your unique wiring skills???

[Dave H]

Never been to the PH, but if they have places that gorgeous then I need to visist at least once!

Hey Quixote,

My wife's family is from Bohol. They have land fairly close to the chocolate hills. We are thinking about moving near there. Let me know if you ever come over. 

Dave

[thekfc]

Hey Quixote,

My wife's family is from Bohol. They have land fairly close to the chocolate hills. We are thinking about moving near there. Let me know if you ever come over. 

Dave

I love these 2 pics, hopefully I may get a chance to visit them.

[piglett]

Any idea how much land costs in the province??