Author Topic: Red flags in paradise. A bit different than what you might expect. (Read 5996 times)

Cbear · « **on:** April 25, 2009, 12:56:51 PM »

Well this past week has been a roller coaster with my lady. She had a real bad personal experience that could have turned out even worse.

Of course when she started telling me what was going on the flags started flying, It just fit a scam profile way to much. So I braced for the coming asking of money. I even talked to Bear and he thought it was a well thought out scam.

The request for money never came, even though if what she was telling me was true, she was in dire straights.

She didn't hint that she wanted money either, she just presented the facts to me. She was afraid to to tell her family in the US about her problems but did so anyway after I told her she should.

A little background, her family in America did not know I even existed until this happened. Her mother and immediate family in PI did, but not those who support her studies and make the rules for her in order to be supported.

Anyway, initially, they came to her rescue and sent her a large sum of money, then one of her family members told them about me and they cut her off financially and told her they would not support her studies any further.

OK, I couldn't let this happen, so I researched who they were and I sent them emails telling them who I was and about the nature of my relationship with my girl.

I even called her main supporter on the phone and explained that I am not the bad person they thought I was based on what they had been told.

To make a long story short, they have now resumed supporting her (she has moved out of her family's house and into an apartment that is being paid for by her US family.) and she is on an allowance now.

I now have the family's permission to court her. However I must travel to California and meet with them (all of them) before I am allowed to see her again. They also said they will provide the chaperone next time. I also had to agree NOT to support her in anyway, and to NOT buy her expensive gifts. I agreed.

My girl is very happy about the outcome. I told her from the begining I didn't think we should keep it from them , but because of the no boyfriend rule in place she was scared to tell them.

One of the red flags I got (relationship red flag) was that I didn't know that her family is wealthy, not by PI standards but by American standards. I was told that before she started college they had thought about bringing her over on a student visa. Yes, she would get it.

Anyway, that bothered me, but we have talked through all the issues and all is well.

I said I would report the good and the bad and this was pretty bad while it was going on.

Bear · « **Reply #1 on:** April 25, 2009, 04:19:53 PM »

It's always best to tell the truth and be upfront because lies and deceit comeback to haunt you and cost you respect of others. Its bad enough to have to deal with language and culture differences then add to it lack of respect, lies and deceit. I think you did the right thing all the way through.

The Bear Family

Stagga · « **Reply #2 on:** April 25, 2009, 07:55:38 PM »

Speaking of "wealthy" ummm You're Girl Friend might be my neighbor lol....

i live in North Forbes Park, Makati City

Planet-Love.com · « **Reply #2 on:** April 25, 2009, 07:55:38 PM »

Cbear · « **Reply #3 on:** April 25, 2009, 08:28:48 PM »

She just moved from Paranaque to Las Pinas City. She is a third year nursing student now.

The girl in my avatar is her.

Stagga · « **Reply #4 on:** April 25, 2009, 10:21:19 PM »

Ummm sure she knows where Forbes Park

Dave H · « **Reply #5 on:** April 26, 2009, 05:39:25 AM »

Hi Lang-Lang,

Small world! We live in 'Forbes Park South'...the very south...800 kilometers to be exact.

Dave

Dave H · « **Reply #6 on:** April 26, 2009, 06:09:29 AM »

Quote from: Cbear on April 25, 2009, 12:56:51 PM

One of the red flags I got (relationship red flag) was that I didn't know that her family is wealthy, not by PI standards but by American standards.

Hey Cbear,

I agree, wealthy Filipinas often deserve a Red Flag of their own. It is often very disappointing for them to live in America without the luxurious lifestyle they are accustomed to in the Philippines...yayas, drivers, housekeepers, cooks,...

You might consider moving to the Philippines and enjoying the good life!

After you meet the family (provided it goes well), see if they will get your fiancee a visitor's visa, if she doesn't already have one. Then you can see each other more often and she can observe American culture and your lifestyle of the US.

Dave - A pawn in America...a King in the Philippines!

piglett · « **Reply #7 on:** April 26, 2009, 09:53:12 AM »

Quote from: Dave H on April 26, 2009, 06:09:29 AM

Hey Cbear,

I agree, wealthy Filipinas often deserve a Red Flag of their own. It is often very disappointing for them to live in America without the luxurious lifestyle they are accustomed to in the Philippines...yayas, drivers, housekeepers, cooks,...

You might consider moving to the Philippines and enjoying the good life! After you meet the family (provided it goes well), see if they will get your fiancee a visitor's visa, if she doesn't already have one. Then you can see each other more often and she can observe American culture and your lifestyle of the US.

Dave - A pawn in America...a King in the Philippines!

Wow cbear i don't know
I think i would be on a plane to California ASAP
maybe it will work out OK?
this sure does muddy the water doesn't it?
maybe your girl is more interested in a good man than a pile of money??
good luck dude, hope it all works out

piglett

Jeff S · « **Reply #8 on:** April 26, 2009, 10:40:32 AM »

I always say, it's just as easy to fall in love with a rich girl as a poor one.

Cbear · « **Reply #9 on:** April 26, 2009, 11:06:50 AM »

I think maybe you guys miss understood what I was saying LOL

She isnt rich, her family members in the United States are.

She lives a middle class filipina life style there, no maids or house boys or drivers or cooks.

But her family here is well off.

Yes her family in PI isnt poor. But they dont live lavishly. But now she is on her own in an apartment. So she will be cooking and doing everything herself now.

What bothered me was that she didnt tell me anything hardly about her family stateside. Of which the vast majority of her family lives. But in the spirit of full disclosure, I didnt ask either.

The problem I am going to have to over come is that they (US family) has already planned her life out. They have paid for her to attend private schools her entire life, and now she is in one of the most expensive nursing academes in PI.

I just hope they like me when I meet them. Cause I wasnt in the plans LOL.

Cbear · « **Reply #10 on:** April 26, 2009, 11:17:27 AM »

Dave, they have already decided not to get her a visitors visa, they were going to send her to Australia after she graduates.

So I am the wrench in the system. But I think it will all turn out OK

Stagga · « **Reply #11 on:** April 26, 2009, 10:13:33 PM »

Quote from: Dave H on April 26, 2009, 05:39:25 AM

Hi Lang-Lang,

Small world! We live in 'Forbes Park South'...the very south...800 kilometers to be exact.

Dave

Kuya Dave

Wow...why u don't tell me that u live in South forbes lol....

i know your rich but you never brag.....

that's good to know!!!

No Need!!! Lol...

Kuya why not live in the payad and eat some saging, camote with ginamos

Would be nice and Peacefully!!! lol...

Dave H · « **Reply #12 on:** April 27, 2009, 03:17:32 AM »

Hey Lang-Lang,

I just ate saging, camote with ginamos and mangos today.

Plus a whole lot of other food from our barangay fiesta this past weekend. Lots of pork!!!

Dave

Planet-Love.com · « **Reply #12 on:** April 27, 2009, 03:17:32 AM »

Stagga · « **Reply #13 on:** April 27, 2009, 06:07:44 AM »

Quote from: Dave H on April 27, 2009, 03:17:32 AM

Hey Lang-Lang,

I just ate saging, camote with ginamos and mangos today. Plus a whole lot of other food from our barangay fiesta this past weekend. Lots of pork!!!

Gezzzz Kuya Dave where are you? ummmmm so jealous.......... ginamossss yummy

Dave H · « **Reply #14 on:** April 27, 2009, 07:15:04 AM »

Hi Lang-Lang,

Mindanao Hopefully we will make 2 fiestas in Bohol (where they take it VERY seriously) next month.

Dave

Stagga · « **Reply #15 on:** April 27, 2009, 09:15:03 AM »

Quote from: Dave H on April 27, 2009, 07:15:04 AM

Hi Lang-Lang,

Mindanao Hopefully we will make 2 fiestas in Bohol (where they take it VERY seriously) next month.

Dave

Hello Kuya Dave

wow kuya can i go with you guy's in Bohol

kuya don't forget to take a picture with the Tarsier

Bob_S · « **Reply #16 on:** April 27, 2009, 01:21:37 PM »

Quote from: Cbear on April 25, 2009, 12:56:51 PM

I now have the family's permission to court her. However I must travel to California and meet with them (all of them) before I am allowed to see her again. They also said they will provide the chaperon next time.

Abouts where in California?

Cbear · « **Reply #17 on:** April 27, 2009, 05:03:36 PM »

Bob, I can either meet them in LA or Las Vegas instead. The Vegas flights cost more even though it is several hundred miles closer to me.

They are going to fly in from all over, I will be the goldfish in the bowl. LOL

Dave H · « **Reply #18 on:** April 28, 2009, 01:06:21 AM »

Quote from: Lang-Lang on April 27, 2009, 09:15:03 AM

Hello Kuya Dave

wow kuya can i go with you guy's in Bohol

kuya don't forget to take a picture with the Tarsier

Hi Lang-Lang,

If you can find a place to hold on to the pickup.

I will get my picture with Bohol's Marimar as well.

Dave

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4Kp1APueS0

Ray · « **Reply #19 on:** April 28, 2009, 04:17:31 PM »

Quote from: Cbear on April 27, 2009, 05:03:36 PM

Bob, I can either meet them in LA or Las Vegas instead. The Vegas flights cost more even though it is several hundred miles closer to me.

They are going to fly in from all over, I will be the goldfish in the bowl. LOL

That sounds a lot like a traditional courtship practice in the Philippines where the boy pays an official call on the girl's parents (or guardians) at their home. I guess this plan is a practical alternative under the given circumstances.

If I were you, I would not show up alone. Traditionally, you would be expected to bring your parents or older brother along.

In this case, you may want to consider bringing a close friend with you who can vouch for your character. I think an excellent choice, if possible, would be a Filipino male friend who is intimately aware of the cultural practices and can also vouch for you. If he happens to be a professional person, like an engineer perhaps, that will give you a little more credibility. Buy him a trip to Vegas and no Filipino could refuse. Include tickets to a Pacquiao fight and he wouldn't dare refuse!

Your companion would do most of the talking on your behalf and you would mostly sit silently and answer questions when appropriate. I wouldn't talk too much and speak softly and respectfully. And don't forget the 'mano po' with any obviously elder folks who may show up.

Just in case any discussion of wedding plans or finances should come up, keep in mind that the man pays in the Philippines.

Here's your chance to beat them at their own game and make a great impression, and they will be less likely to gang up on you...

Just some ideas to consider...

Ray

Bob_S · « **Reply #20 on:** April 28, 2009, 05:12:01 PM »

Quote from: Cbear on April 27, 2009, 05:03:36 PM

Bob, I can either meet them in LA or Las Vegas instead. The Vegas flights cost more even though it is several hundred miles closer to me.

They are going to fly in from all over, I will be the goldfish in the bowl. LOL

Like Ray says, it sounds like you are being put through the rituals for formalizing your courtship. It's a very traditional thing which is good if you are looking for a traditional girl. You're not just going into a fish bowl, you are going into a lion's den. Trying to glad-hand them American style won't work. Don't crack jokes. Don't drink too much, but don't rudely refuse offered drinks either. It's a balancing act. Be the kind of respectful guy you'd want to see come meet you when he wants to court your daughter someday. It's the same across all Asian cultures in that manner.

If you make it to LA, give us a heads up. Some of us might be able to meet you to buck up your courage before going to meet her family.

Bear · « **Reply #21 on:** April 28, 2009, 06:13:54 PM »

With all the P-L guys in LA, meet them there and take one of the P-L members.

The Bear Family

Cbear · « **Reply #22 on:** April 28, 2009, 07:21:02 PM »

STOP SCARING ME !!!

LOL who is from LA or close to it. I will need the moral support. I have only one Filipino male friend and I haven't seen him in 20 years. My brother is younger than me and is in South Africa right now. My parents will definitely not be able to go.

I have to do it on a weekend because of work. I live in south Florida. LA is a long flight for just 1 day.

Planet-Love.com · « **Reply #22 on:** April 28, 2009, 07:21:02 PM »

Jeff S · « **Reply #23 on:** April 28, 2009, 07:35:49 PM »

Bob S, WilliamIII, Stephen, and I but I don't think you'd want any of us there. We're a pretty irreverent bunch.

michaelb · « **Reply #24 on:** April 28, 2009, 11:28:00 PM »

Quote from: Ray on April 28, 2009, 04:17:31 PM

That sounds a lot like a traditional courtship practice....snip

In this case, you may want to consider bringing a close friend with you who can vouch for your character. I think an excellent choice, if possible, would be a Filipino male friend who is intimately aware of the cultural practices and can also vouch for you. If he happens to be a professional person, like an engineer perhaps, that will give you a little more credibility....snip

Your companion would do most of the talking on your behalf and you would mostly sit silently and answer questions when appropriate. I wouldn't talk too much and speak softly and respectfully.....snip

Sounds like a remake of The Quiet Man, hope you don't have to fight Victor McLaglen for her fortune.

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Author Topic: Red flags in paradise. A bit different than what you might expect. (Read 5996 times)

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