Changing Traditions and other Cultures Differences

[Bear]

I remember a lot of discussions 8-9 years ago about why so many Kanos go overseas for a wife and then immediately start trying to change everything to meet the American understanding and methods.  I think the big "joke" was to stop our future wives from ironing our underwear.  I think some of these new guys could benefit from those discusions.  I know I really had to struggle when my wife got here to "keep my mouth shut" so that I didn't change her too much from the very things I went over to the R.P. to have.  Yeah we've been married now over eight years and my wife no longer irons my underwear and a lot of other things she thought was expected of wives.  But I think she learned it on her own and I honestly just didn't notice - it wasn't important to me.  Now that I'm aware I wonder what else has changed?  Should I say something?  What would it accomplish or problems would it cause to hold them to a standard different than "the American way"?  Are there times when we should? 

How about fairness and justice on say loans and assistance provided by other family member sand associates?  Should we be obligated to fulfill promises made that might have little or nothing to do with us, totally unfair yet obligated before we even entered into the picture.  I see so many families to expect there children to support them and I hear of so many who come to America and don't.  Is that right?

When a culture develops a "procedure" to accomplish a "fairness" what right do we have to change and eliminate that procedure.  If changing and defending it as the "American" way aren't we destroying what we somehow know is missing in the USA and now we've found it there and immediately start trying to put "American" justice/judgement on it.

The Bear Family

[Cbear]

Just from my own perspective, there are no needy relatives in the pipeline for my girl, however, I know that there will come times when family members who are less well off than us will need help. When this happens, we will help. I can't say to what extent but I do know that since I value family so much that I don't want her to lose that value based on me saying no to helping relatives.

I do think that a lot of ladies change when they arrive here because they are bombarded by the liberal media, TV, movies, news, and even magazines.

They also get hit on massively by men who don't have morals and don't care who they hurt.

I think most Filipinas (other Asians included) can handle it but some of it does rub off, no matter what we do at home. The only alternative is to keep them in their home country. But for most of us that isn't feasible.

Of course if we find the right lady it won't matter, they will withstand the onslaught thrown at them.

[Ray]

Bear,

Marriage, and especially intercultural marriage, is all about compromise.

Not all aspects of her culture, or of your culture are necessarily good or right. Pick the best of both cultures and build on that foundation.

My advice to those guys just getting into this is to learn all you can about her culture and teach her about yours, including language, customs, values, foods, etc.

Not everyone is going to be able to accept her culture, including some of the things that are especially important to her.

If you don’t like sending money to help out the folks back home, then don’t marry a Filipina.

If you can’t tolerate the smell of fish or dried squid cooking in your home, then don’t marry a Filipina.

If you think it's rude of her to speak to her friends and relatives in her native language while in your presence, then either learn it yourself or don’t marry her.

If you don’t respect her religious beliefs and you don’t want her to practice her religion in your home, then don’t marry her.

If you are afraid that she may pick up some American traits along the way when she is living here, then live over there.

Don’t ever belittle her culture or make fun of her speech or what you consider her quirky behaviors.

There will be little things that annoy you and vice-versa, but don’t let small, unimportant things come between you.

Don’t try to force her to change her ways after marriage. Learn all you can about her BEFORE marriage and either accept her as she is or don’t marry her.

The same advice goes for you ladies out there considering marriage to a man from another culture.

Ray

[Ray]

They also get hit on massively by men who don't have morals and don't care who they hurt.

cbear,

From my experience, this is not going to be a big problem. I have found that there is a relatively small number of jerks who hit on married women and they aren’t that difficult to handle. In 32 years of living with Filipinas here in the States, it has never been a problem for us. If you choose the right woman with a strong character and sense of values, you won’t have anything to worry about.

You will have to teach her some new skills when she arrives, more for her own protection. She will have to relearn how to interact with strangers and how to behave in public.

If guys are “massively” hitting on her, then it will usually be because of something she does to invite it. If she has a mind to cheat on you, then it won’t take some jerk pressuring her. She will most likely initiate it herself.

Once again, I agree that you should choose wisely!

Ray

[Bear]

I was thinking more on the line of what happened at Honey's college and with her family.  Her college had her all locked in to a "scholarship" which benefited the college way more than Honey but her parents obligated her and she hated it.  Especially things like being forced to work on Sundays and being told she couldn't marry until graduating.  Also there is the "friends and family" who have "assisted" the family who now expect Honey will make them rich.  I see it happening again with her brother and sister.  Her sister just graduated and several friends and family contributed to her college (Honey refused) also her brother who is now a merchant marine, others contributed to his being able to pay the school fees and to his living in Manila until he graduated.  Now they are probably expecting payment of some kind.  Do they have the right to expect and to dictate when my sister-in-law can marry and to whom?  Can they dictate payment?  Can Honey's parents obligate her sister and brother to repay and send money home to 'them'?  These things are not uncommon.  It appears to be a big part of the culture.  But are they right?  Can I as her husband come in and say that was a fair deal and I won't let Honey repay it.

The Bear Family

[Dave H]

They say you marry the family as well as the lady. All families are different. Fortunately, I already knew several family members before I met my wife and they were fine people. Know the cultural traditions, then they won't be a surprise later on.  Also ask questions about what other things may or may not be expected after marriage. We help if, when, where, and who we want. There are no expectations. No utang na loob, monthly payments, dowries, etc.

Dave

[Ray]

Bear,

Those aren’t cultural traits, but simply greedy little people that you can find in any culture.

There is a deep sense of indebtedness that Filipinos feel toward those that have done things for them in the past, especially so between children and their parents. That doesn’t mean that the person you are indebted to can control your life. Parents may expect some help from their children in their later years, but it would be considered rude to demand payment from them. It’s more of an understanding that doesn’t need prompting or demands.

The parents may feel some disappointment if their children don’t volunteer help where it is needed, but I don’t find it common at all for parents to make unreasonable demands on their children.

Parents can certainly voice their concerns and offer their advice on your choice of marriage partners, but the decision is still up to the adult child. It’s more a matter of respect to ask advice and permission to marry from one’s parents or guardians. Philippine law even requires the permission of parents or guardians before a child under 21 can marry. Between 21-25 years, the child still needs written parental advice before a marriage license is issued. Without favorable advice, the child may be required to wait several more months for the marriage license.

Like Dave says, you marry her family also. I will use Dave’s wise comments to add to my list above:

If you don’t like her family, then don’t marry her.

Bear, I get the impression sometimes that you are using your limited exposure to Filipino culture to project your  personal experiences onto the population as a whole. Like Dave said, there are good families, and not so good families. What you see is what you get, but that doesn’t mean that all families are the same. In my experience it is certainly uncommon for parents or other relatives to demand payment for past debts or to presume that they will get rich off of the backs of others.

Ray

[Romello]

HHMM
Francy and I have ha this discussion as well.  She has tole me her "obligation" as a wife is to take care of the home while the Husband worked.  I said in reply, "Cool".  I've planned on Francy helpping with the bills anyway.  Made that mistake in the first marriage.

However, I have told her that helpping the family back home will fall on her, since I am taking care of the family here.  She agreed, has always wanted to get a job.  Her sisters are already married and living in other countries.  It's just her brother and father at home.  Her mother passed away some years ago.

She only asked if she could bring her brother and father over to the US.  My response was that I didn't not care as long as they did not have to live with us.  Instead we've discussed purchasing rental property.  We have talked about starting several businesses in order to achieve our goals.  Hey, US or Filipino cultures....money is still money.

[Ray]

She only asked if she could bring her brother and father over to the US.  My response was that I didn't not care as long as they did not have to live with us.

Yes, she could petition her father and brother if she becomes a US citizen.

Figure about 5 years minimum after she arrives here before dad could come over, and probably close to 30 years for her brother.

Before they could get a visa, they need a sponsor to obligate to support them while they are here. Just the cost of an elderly man's medical care alone can be quite expensive and they likely will not be eligible for coverage under your medical insurance or Medicare. If her income on it's own doesn't meet the standard, then you will also have to sign the Affidavit of Support.

The only practical way to look at bringing her family over is to accept the fact that they will probably be living under your roof unless you have money to house them on their own. Practically speaking, you should consider this a joint obligation between you and your wife, not something that she will be able to do on her own.

Ray

[Bear]

Bear, I get the impression sometimes that you are using your limited exposure to Filipino culture to project your personal experiences onto the population as a whole. Like Dave said, there are good families, and not so good families. What you see is what you get, but that doesn't mean that all families are the same. In my experience it is certainly uncommon for parents or other relatives to demand payment for past debts or to presume that they will get rich off of the backs of others.

Well Ray I guess that would make you wrong.  I made this post as an aide to a lurker who is having a situation and after several PMs to other members who are dealing with questions along this line.  Too many posters would rather PM me or email me than ask a question and get ridiculed by you/others because they ask a question.

As for my situations I dealt with them in the manner my wife suggested.  I see anyone who'd obligate or expect with out agreement as slavery and is unjust and unfair.  But I do think that anyone who assists you "like giving you money to increase you future earnings" (college or a trade school, etc) should have the right to have some say in how that event is played out.   I know when I was paying for my wife's siblings college we pretty much said you had to do "x,y,z" and when they didn't the money stopped immediately. 

I do not see these situations as positive or negative but rather experiences that I just happened to have dealt with in life and I post on them so others don't get blindsided like I did.  I do not see the Filipino culture as negative like you seem to speculate I do.  Its better to learn about a situation before so it can be avoided and I did the same by reading what others had to deal with when I was first starting out.  I thought that was the purpose of this board?  Sorry if you don't agree Ray.  You don't have to comment on my posts but I'm sure everyone wants to see your "I know all and everyone else is wrong" responses.

The Bear Family

[william3rd]

How about fairness and justice on say loans and assistance provided by other family member sand associates?  Should we be obligated to fulfill promises made that might have little or nothing to do with us, totally unfair yet obligated before we even entered into the picture.  I see so many families to expect there children to support them and I hear of so many who come to America and don't.  Is that right?

When a culture develops a "procedure" to accomplish a "fairness" what right do we have to change and eliminate that procedure.  If changing and defending it as the "American" way aren't we destroying what we somehow know is missing in the USA and now we've found it there and immediately start trying to put "American" justice/judgement on it.

The Bear Family

My opinion is this- you have to adapt your thinking to that of the country that you are joining. The American "way" doesnt mean squat in foreign lands. We do not have the right to renege on the agreements that she made. She has obligations and she received the cultural obligations. Of, course, if you are planning to stay here and never returnto her country, then you would not care so much if she were branded with the mark of one who didnt take care of her family. "Skipping town" is one way to avoid your obligations.

It is bad enough in thailand when the neighbors are getting out the "whore" brush as soon as they see your white face around. Add to that the fact that she didnt take care of the family obligations and she isnt much of a person in her culture.  Even the prostitutes take care of their families; girls who marry Americans dont?!?!?!?!?!The cultural requirements come with the territory; if you dont want to follow them, then go look around locally in America where the American way means something to you.

[Bear]

I agree William.  A contract is a contract.  If you don't honor it then your word means nothing now and how much less in the future.  But I just don't agree that "others" should have the right to obligate you to it.

The Bear Family

[Dave H]

In the past 9 years, I have only heard a few Filipinos proclaim that they had "hit the jackpot" when their daughter was being courted by a foreigner.

But, most of the people I know here don't expect to get rich off of a child marrying a foreigner. Most still continue to work at their jobs. Do they expect to have some improvements in their lives...probably, although they don't openly talk about it. It is not uncommon for parents to sacrifice to put older children through college and expect (doesn't always happen) the graduates to help the younger children finish school once they are employed. This usually occurs before a foreigner has even entered the picture. If someone made what I felt were unreasonable expectations or were making demands, I would get away quickly!!! With 7107 islands, high tide, there are plenty of other ladies to choose from. I probably saw 100 at Jollibee today...some were probably great...others perhaps not so good. I don't know why some people believe that they have too much invested (months of chat, met in person once, etc.) to end the relationship and choose stick with it after the red flags begin to shoot up and poke them in the eyes! Then they want to be reassured that this bad behavior is normal...it isn't! Probably better not to post about it here if you don't want to risk hearing a different opinion. I can't count the number of guys who became enraged and left the board, married against very good advice, only to regret it terribly later.

Dave

[jm21-2]

Marriage, and especially intercultural marriage, is all about compromise.

Not all aspects of her culture, or of your culture are necessarily good or right. Pick the best of both cultures and build on that foundation.

My advice to those guys just getting into this is to learn all you can about her culture and teach her about yours, including language, customs, values, foods, etc.

Not everyone is going to be able to accept her culture, including some of the things that are especially important to her.

If you don’t like sending money to help out the folks back home, then don’t marry a Filipina.

If you can’t tolerate the smell of fish or dried squid cooking in your home, then don’t marry a Filipina.

If you think it's rude of her to speak to her friends and relatives in her native language while in your presence, then either learn it yourself or don’t marry her.

If you don’t respect her religious beliefs and you don’t want her to practice her religion in your home, then don’t marry her.

If you don’t like her family, then don’t marry her.

If you are afraid that she may pick up some American traits along the way when she is living here, then live over there.

Don’t ever belittle her culture or make fun of her speech or what you consider her quirky behaviors.

There will be little things that annoy you and vice-versa, but don’t let small, unimportant things come between you.

Don’t try to force her to change her ways after marriage. Learn all you can about her BEFORE marriage and either accept her as she is or don’t marry her.

The same advice goes for you ladies out there considering marriage to a man from another culture.

Ray

That sounds like some pretty solid advice there. Great post!

Maybe we should have some sort of "50 rules for dating internationally" sticky.

[Ray]

Bear, I’m sorry you took my criticism the wrong way.

You asked some cultural questions but I guess you didn’t want to hear the answers if they don’t conform to your own opinions.

When someone gives what I consider to be a a skewed view of Filipino culture that just isn’t valid, I feel an obligation to the new guys around here to correct the record. I wish there were some Filipino members willing to contribute to the cultural discussions but apparently not. That's too bad.

I certainly do not think of myself as any sort of expert on the subject, but I consider myself a student of Filipino culture. I have been immersed in the culture for most of the past 40+ years, I have worked and lived in the Philippines, and I study the culture whenever I can. I have college coursework in Pilipino culture and language and have read books on the subject. I have known dozens of Filipino families intimately, and I don’t mean Filipino-American families, but those where both parents grew up in the Philippines.

If you think your credentials are more impressive and make you an expert on the subject, then let’s hear about it. I said I think your exposure to the culture is limited and that is based on the experiences you have shared here and from some of your comments on the subject.

In your recent post, you stated that your relatives and their friends expect your wife to make them rich and then you stated that it was not uncommon and seemed to be a big part of the Filipino culture. So am I or anyone else allowed to disagree with your assessment of Filipino culture, or are we supposed to keep silent and automatically accept your version of things for fear of offending you?

I am certainly not always right and I have never stated such, but you on the other hand, have been very sensitive to any criticism or disagreement with your ideas. If you really wanted to know about Filipino culture, then why don’t you try having an open mind for a change and at least listen to other’s ideas without throwing a fit? If you only wanted to make an authoritative statement about the culture, then why did you even bother phrasing your post as a question?

I’m not trying to bust your balls Bear, but simply offering an opposing viewpoint, based on my own experiences, for consideration by the other readers. You are certainly free to ignore my responses if you wish.

Ray

[Romello]

Boyz....BOYZ!!  Now now....

Me myself, I'm cool with Francy's brother coming over.  I don't believe it will take 30 years, when you got guys coming over the boarder RIGHT NOW, who was just sent over by the police. 

HE is a good guy, we hung out when I was in the PI.  He is a welder.  I told him his best bet would be Vegas as looking for a job.  Dad is DAD, what can I say.  He may not come even if we asked.  He has a farm that he has worked very hard to get. The family just built a new house there.  The sisters are even thinking of coming home with their Husbands. 

My Francy is the only one in the family who wants to come to the US.  I've met everyone...granny, uncles, cousins.  Non seem to could care less about me really.  Oh they like the fact I'm marrying Francy, but they don't come at me for anything, neither do they come at Francy.  Everyone has there own lives.  One cousin is a Lawyer, one sister is a model in Japan.  I believe they own the land the farm sits on, but what do I know.

You marry the woman you marry the family sure, but then again....so what?
Seriously, there are some women and family members who are just good people.  If they need money, that's fine.  I have two accountants.  One is good and the other is better.  I'm sure there can be something done.  I know there can be something done.  THIS IS THE USA.....ANYTHING IS POSIBILE.

[jm21-2]

I don't believe it will take 30 years, when you got guys coming over the boarder RIGHT NOW, who was just sent over by the police. 

You can get a feel for the waiting times at the visa bulletin. http://travel.state.gov/visa/frvi/bulletin/bulletin_4454.html

From what I understand, for her brother, he would have had to submit his application before July of '86 to be considered currently...so probably at least a 20-some year wait. Ray or W3d can correct me here if I'm wrong.

[Bear]

Romello
I've always heard the hardest part was to get family members here.  I've recently heard of several who have gotten family members here pretty quick(?).  I've never even considered that a part of my marriage or a questioned if she would ask it. I'd probably would agreed to it.

All
What started this post is a friend who has a problem with his wife's family (not Filipino but Asian) obligating her to some assistance that he wants to put a stop to.  She refuses to listen to him and says she is required out of some unknown honor(?) system even though her family did the obligating, not her or with her prior knowledge.  She is literally working overtime to meet what I think is blackmail being held against her - but I do not know for sure or all the aspects of what's happening.  I guess I am speculating a bit.  I was hoping this post would give the guy some different point of view.  He is already looking at legal issues with the embassy there.

In addition some PMs with others here I think are missing the the potential problems that would be caused when one person decides to change the terms of a contract, verbal or otherwise, like William said, cause they can and they won't be around anymore to deal with it.  I think the potential to hurt others in the family is very real.  Recently my wife and I sent balikbayan boxes to the R.P. and when asked, Honey refused to let some family members (bet you can guess who) to participate in the 'booty'.  This same part of the family just came back from a trip and gave everyone in the neighborhood "pasalubong" except Honey's side of the family.  Your decisions have consequences.  Honey's actions caused very negative reactions towards others.

Some of it can really be simple, like Honey's siblings not honoring her expectations, which were more "moral" and effort than physical or financial.  Or even as ridiculous as her family expecting us to build them a home with a swimming pool for the "ex" landlord.  

But others more serious can be aide to family that will end if the obligation doesn't continue.  There was one girl who used to post on this board whose name I won't mention and can't any longer contact.  When she got to America her B-I-L (sister's husband) took all the money she sent her ill mother for himself and basically kept her mother a captive on meager subsistence (of course he lied to her about how much she was ending).  If she didn't send the money he demanded, her mother would suffer (or at least it was expected to be so).  I do not know what happened to her because shortly after we heard of the situation she broke off contact.  All we knew is she called crying because she couldn't pay her bills and she was afraid of something happening to her mother.

So.  When you are involved with a foreign spouse where do your rights to honor agreements begin and end.  What and when can you rightfully say no to something and when does our "understanding" (American) top theirs?  Are any of you discussing these sort of things with your girlfriends?

The Bear Family

[joemc58]

Romello
I've always heard the hardest part was to get family members here.  I've recently heard of several who have gotten family members here pretty quick(?).  I've never even considered that a part of my marriage or a questioned if she would ask it. I'd probably would agreed to it.

All
What started this post is a friend who has a problem with his wife's family (not Filipino but Asian) obligating her to some assistance that he wants to put a stop to.  She refuses to listen to him and says she is required out of some unknown honor(?) system even though her family did the obligating, not her or with her prior knowledge.  She is literally working overtime to meet what I think is blackmail being held against her - but I do not know for sure or all the aspects of what's happening.  I guess I am speculating a bit.  I was hoping this post would give the guy some different point of view.  He is already looking at legal issues with the embassy there.

In addition some PMs with others here I think are missing the the potential problems that would be caused when one person decides to change the terms of a contract, verbal or otherwise, like William said, cause they can and they won't be around anymore to deal with it.  I think the potential to hurt others in the family is very real.  Recently my wife and I sent balikbayan boxes to the R.P. and when asked, Honey refused to let some family members (bet you can guess who) to participate in the 'booty'.  This same part of the family just came back from a trip and gave everyone in the neighborhood "pasalubong" except Honey's side of the family.  Your decisions have consequences.  Honey's actions caused very negative reactions towards others.

Some of it can really be simple, like Honey's siblings not honoring her expectations, which were more "moral" and effort than physical or financial.  Or even as ridiculous as her family expecting us to build them a home with a swimming pool for the "ex" landlord.  

But others more serious can be aide to family that will end if the obligation doesn't continue.  There was one girl who used to post on this board whose name I won't mention and can't any longer contact.  When she got to America her B-I-L (sister's husband) took all the money she sent her ill mother for himself and basically kept her mother a captive on meager subsistence (of course he lied to her about how much she was ending).  If she didn't send the money he demanded, her mother would suffer (or at least it was expected to be so).  I do not know what happened to her because shortly after we heard of the situation she broke off contact.  All we knew is she called crying because she couldn't pay her bills and she was afraid of something happening to her mother.

So.  When you are involved with a foreign spouse where do your rights to honor agreements begin and end.  What and when can you rightfully say no to something and when does our "understanding" (American) top theirs?  Are any of you discussing these sort of things with your girlfriends?

The Bear Family


[Bear,
can you explain to me a honor of agreement with family members. This is something, I have not heard of before.
sounds like extortion to me. Most Pinoys that I know are supportive to family. The only one that my wife helps
out is her 95 year old mother. And ever the wife helps the family, she speaks to me first. My wife works for a
living she is just supportive to me and my kids.   And as it goes for Ray, when it comes to any his advise on Planet- love. He has very good understanding of Pinoy culture, and he is right most of the time,and that is something that I respect about him.

l

]

[Bear]

I am not sure what the honor system he's referring to is.  She isn't Pinay but she is Asian.  He doesn't post here but he has in the past been a lurker here and I've been trying to get him to join.  He's just not one of those "sit-in-front-of-the-computer" guys.  I'm kinda afraid of saying too much, he should say it.

Extortion, yeah I agree.  But two other examples from the Filipino culture seemed similar.  One clearly extortion the other, don't really know.  I think in a country where you are poor and children are your "retirement plan", is it extortion?  How much is too much?

My wife is the "Ate" in her family.  She was given a higher place in the family with authority.  But she was also expected to take care of Mom and Dad in their old age after making sure all the siblings got to college and married.  But she was expected to not marry until the youngest was out of college (that she paid for) and devote herself to the family.  How can that be fair?  But its a solution that's worked for the Filipino culture.  If your girlfriend is the "Ate" in that sort of agreement and says she can't marry for 5 years (just for the sake of discusion), what do you do?  Surely her family believes that they have this worked out and you come along and throw a wrench into the system.

Just trying to get guys to think about some of the things in this world that are so different than where we come from.  Marrying into another culture can be a hard road and we might be causing it.

The Bear Family

[Ray]

Me myself, I'm cool with Francy's brother coming over.  I don't believe it will take 30 years

Romello,

This is how the time works out:

After marriage on a K-1, I give her about 1 year for AOS approval.

Then, another 3 years to be eligible to apply for Naturalization.

Then about 1 year for the naturalization petition to be processed until she is a US citizen.

Then a 23-year wait for a visa number after she petitions her brother.

Then about 1 year for the I-130 to process and the visa is issued.

1+3+1+23+1=29

Better allow 30 years for the usual delays along the way. Could be longer.

If he is married and has minor children by then, the wife and kids can come along.

The whole process will be expensive and you will need to obligate for their support for many years to come, possibly for life. Check out Form I-864 with instructions. You will need this one anyway when your wife adjusts status.

Ray

[Romello]

PIFFF!!!!

Well, with all of that drama....hell "I'LL SEND HIM MONEY JUST TO STAY HOME.

Francy knows, the one thing I don't like is DRAMA.  I'm willing to to up with her, but that's it.  Maybe that is why non of her family comes at me. 

I guess to some I look like an "APE", but give me drama and I will surely act like one.

[Romello]

RAHHHHHH!!!!

APE...not monkey.  Monkeys are further down the evolutionary scale....just above HUMAN.

The planet of the APES movie.

[piglett]

A friend of mine married a lady from Vietnam a couple of years ago.
she is bringing her parents here to the US. ,by the end of the year from what i understand.
maybe a sister too, but I'm not sure on that.

piglett 

[Dave H]

Bringing parents of your wife to the US is rather quick. After my wife became a US citizen, it took about a year for her mother to arrive. Siblings...give it close to 30 years, unless you teach them Spanish and smuggle across the border through Mexico or with a boat load of Haitians. Please don't!

Despite having had a strong interest in Philippine history for years, I don't claim to be an expert on Philippine life and culture. There are some MUCH more experienced board members on the Philippines than I, having only set foot on Philippine soil for the first time in October 2000. I have spent less than 1 year total time (5 trips) living here at this point. Although I have lived among the simple Filipino people (photos to follow). I have to agree with Fester, from my experience, Ray really knows the Philippines, like few other non-Filipinos!

I have heard a few Filipinas tell very tall tales over the years. Usually from the same few ladies. I have shaken my head and said FTF and LMAO on more than one occasion. One lady told us her dad was the police chief of our city (easy to verify as false), another said that Filipinos throw feces at garbage men because they are low class (I wish I knew that before I brought our garbage men heavy duty rubber gloves), "Mindanao is a wild, dangerous place!," "Girls from the provinces are poor, uneducated, and low class!," another said that her friend (being petitioned to the US by a daughter married to a Kano) was going to bring her on a permanent residency visa based on being best friends (a year later and her 'best friend visa' has not arrived yet), some say "Why it take so long? My friend just go to the US in 3 weeks to marry her Kano," and on and on... PURE BULLCRAP! If you  know the laws, culture, people and have spent some time living among them in the Philippines, you no longer believe the outrageous claims made by a few!

We are surrounded by squatters in nipa huts, but they don't come to our house making threats, asking or demanding money or food. Most are too proud to ask for anything. People do occasionally go throughout the barangay asking for whatever money can be spared for a sick person's medical care. But we are only talking a few pesos here...not enough to bankrupt you.

Dave