How much do you have in common?

[piglett]

I have a question for the guys who already married their foreign bride
How much do the two of you have in common?
I was chatting with one of the member of this board & he stated that small differences now can be turn out big differences later on in the relationship.
Now does that mean that if i like movies & my pinay chatmate likes sports instead i should keep looking?
I know that i am getting older so i am NOT looking for a lady that every weekend wants to go here & go there& go here. I think more of a homebody would be best for me. Because that is where i am most of the time when i am not working i am home with some kind of project.
Now i don't want to exclude anyone here so you guys who have not yet married their lady can weigh in too.
Maybe i am off track but maybe I'm not ?

piglett
 

[Jeff S]

I don't think they were talking about preferences, like, I like anchovy pizzas and you like pepperoni, but more like basic philosophies, like she thinks Al Franken is the savior of America, and you think that if the government would only listen to Sean Hannidy, everything would be just fine.

My wife and I have some things in-common, and we do them together, and in some things we're very opposite, and we do them apart. For instance, she want anything to do with outdoor sportsman type activities, but has no trouble with me doing them at all.

We do share a very strong agreement in philosophy, even though we have different religious or spiritual beliefs, things like right and wrong, acceptable and unacceptable behaviors, long-term goals in life and other important things to us.

[Bear]

How much do the two of you have in common?

Now does that mean that if i like movies & my pinay chatmate likes sports instead i should keep looking?
I know that i am getting older so i am NOT looking for a lady that every weekend wants to go here & go there& go here. I think more of a homebody would be best for me. Because that is where i am most of the time when i am not working i am home with some kind of project.

Its not what you have in common or difference its how you respect each other in dealing with those things.  Yeah there are something you and she will not tolerate from the other and you should discuss then and come to an agreement or find someone new.  But thats those you know about,  what about those things that you become aware of after marriage?  This is where the questions you ask gives you insight into how she will deal with it and you should have let her know how you will react.  I think that this is where you "hold hands" and face each other and discuss your differences and come to a conclusion on how to deal with it together.  Problem with Filipinas is this is a totally unnatural action.  They prefer to "tampo".  Discuss and agree to a method for problem resolution before marriage or suffer.

The Bear Family

[Cbear]

I think you need to have at least common goals. And some common traits because if you don't, then you will be living together but apart, She will do her thing and you will do yours. Now I know a couple like that (both Americans) and it works for them but I don't think it works for most people.


But really, how can you even know if your interests are the same, you both come from different cultures that place value on different things.

Communication, communication, communication, communication,

If the little things bother you now? well how much can you tolerate for love? Should you have to? I'm not talking about how she rolls the toothpaste, more along the lines of He loves fishing, she hates it, he loves watching football, she hates it. She loves the ballet, he hates it. She loves balut, he hates it. LOL

[Bob_S]

I often say that if I were born a woman in my wife's country, I would be her.  Our differences are primarily gender-related and some cultural, but we have a lot of overlap.  We are both homebodies, but when we do go out, it typically is to a place we both will enjoy.

Gender differences are things like shopping.  Not that I hate it, but if we go to a department store, I'll gravitate to the electronics and power tools section while she'll want to spend time in the baby clothes and shoes section (and we'll both end up buying nothing because what we were looking for wasn't on sale).  Then we'll meet in the books section we both like.  And of course I like guy flicks which she can do without no matter what country it is made in.  But we can both enjoy historical samurai dramas and the works of director Miyazaki.

Cultural differences manifest themselves mostly in food choices.  She loves fresh sea food, whereas I merely like it and wouldn't miss it if we went a week without.  She can't stand most Mexican food (she thinks its the cilantro, and discovered that lots of Japanese dislike Mexican cuisine as well), but I like it.  So when we go out, we won't be going to Acapulco Cantina for tapas, but I can have it for lunch during the work week without her.

We are of very different religions, but are both conservative low-key in our approach to our beliefs and have a lot of respect for the other's faith and how it manifests in their life.

Basically our differences are never so extreme that they create any big arguments.  We don't have a situation where one person absolutely hates something that the other is passionate about.  No vegan married to a cattle rancher type of situation.  Her cultural imbued deference to the man meshes well with my "be nice to the girls" sense of chivalry to create a mutual respect and consideration for the other's feelings so we can always find a work-around plan to our mutual satisfaction.  For example, she likes to have me around the house, ergo, out of consideration for her, I limit my golfing to just one Saturday a month (sometimes two if we just do nine holes) so she doesn't become a golf widow.

[Shadow_mas]

We are very similar in a lot of things. Even the past before we met each other was not very different.
This is probably why it took a long time to meet each other.

[Dave H]

With the exception of some food preferences, a few cultural differences, and a little different since of humor (it's growing on her),  I have never met anyone so comapatible with me!

Dave