How fast should you go???

[piglett]

Hello all

I have been chatting with a very nice lady in the PI. i have also called her a couple of times but there was alot of lag time , i would guess because of the conversation using one of the old ocean cables that are still in service.
Anyway here is the question
how fast should i go with her?
i have been trying to play it really cool & go slow
but i don't want her to think that i am not serious or not very interested in her because i am.
she has been asking me questions like
"when you come to the PI. to see me i should tell my parrents that you are my .....what? "
well i would guess that she wanted me to say "boyfriend"
but i sort of played stupid & said something like ....well i don't know, i will have to think about this question
there have been a few other times that i have sort of danced around a question also
Is it wrong to operate in this manor ?
i figured it would be best to just take it real slow
after all i will not be in the PI. for 6 more months
she also says things like she misses me ............... how can this be we have never met?
i do like chatting with her but i don't miss her because i don't know her yet
should i just tell her what she wants to hear???
man i am just no good at lying to people, maybe i just need more practice???

[bcc_1_2]

I think you are asking some good questions. I personally don't think you can have a girlfriend you have never physically met. It certainly doesn't met the definition. Especially if you are still talking with others I don't think it is apporiate to lead her on in the sense that you are exclusive (well in the sense that you are only chatting with her). Well I know sometimes you have to be a little coy (or so I'm told) about talking to multiple women (but if she isn't your first choice and you've been talking awhile I wouldn't promise anything) If you are really interested in her and you have a backup plan in case things don't go as you'd like them to I wish you the best of luck. Airline tickets seem to be dropping so if you can get the time off I say go whenever you can.

Another 6 months seems like a good long time from now. But if that is as soon as you can get there then that's the best you can do. I'd say just be upfront about when you are coming to see her.

If she is the girl in your avatar she is very attractive. If her personality is a great I'd be hoping on a plane.

[Shadow_mas]

Until you actually meet you are nothing but a penpal. It will depend on the individual woman, but I would say that the best time to travel is about 3 months after first contact. If you postpone visiting for a very long time, chances are that she might feel you are not serious and starts/continues meeting others.
If you have no other options, be honest about it and hope that you will not lose her in this time.

[stevjulietb]

Pig,

Lord knows I made a few blunders in this process, lol, I would still go with my heart, but know that things change, as I have mentioned before, I got sick over there the first trip I took.  My #2 wouldn't take care of me (afraid to go to my room), # 1 was a big problem, I then met my wife thru her sister.  So, you never know.  Do we have a destiny, a fate if you will, or are we just mucking around until we get lucky?  I think there are signs, but I don't read them very well.

Steveb

[Bear]

The lag time is being caused by lines that are VOIP and have a wireless connections like a cell phone, so its not old lines but the new ones.

I think she being cute.  She's trying to get you to say "boyfriend" which means as much as saying engaged in her culture.  So I'd tell her to say you're her "penpal who who thinks she's beautiful".  But I don't think it would be wrong to say, "and maybe more, soon?".  Keep her hoping and guessing. 

Estatically reward the behavior you like, ignore what you don't, unless you want it to stop - then say so.  She is looking for guidance from you on how to provide what you want.  Remember this is a culture where they are looking for a strong husband to make the harder decisions and keep their life simple.

The Bear Family

[Capstone]

Piglett,

I think that the other guys that have already posted have hit the nail on the head - there is no such thing as a 'Cyber-Girlfriend'. I don't care how much that you seem to have in common or get along while chatting or talking on the phone, the only way to truly gauge someone is to meet them in person. So for sure don't feel tempted to tell her that she can refer to you as her 'boyfriend' until you have actually met and feel that things are right.

As far as when to go visit - my advice to someone who has never actually been to the PI would be to make a trip as soon as possible. Now I say this not only because you can actually meet the girl who you are chatting with in person but more importantly it will allow you to experience Filipino culture first hand. I can guarantee that if you have never been to the PI or at least to any Asian country then you will experience a degree of culture shock once you arrive - to what degree that shock will be all depends on the individual. You may fall in love with the Filipino culture and this will affirm your commitment to seeking out a Filipina bride or just the opposite might also occur - you may decide that Filipino culture is not right for you and that maybe seeking a bride from another culture would better suite you.

[Jeff S]

I'd say you need to learn how to tease women a little more. Don't make everything so serious. I'd have said, "tell your parents, I'm your lord and master. What should I tell my parents about you?" The women sense it's fun and it gets you off the hook.

[piglett]

wow

airfare sure has dropped !!!
$855 round trip from new hampshire to manila
i sure wish i hadn't just started a new job, i would be over there next week

[jm21-2]

I don't think it's wrong to say you enjoy chatting with her, or if you haven't talked in a while that you missed talking with her. I don't believe in the whole cyber-girlfriend thing, but she's still a person you presumably enjoy talking with. I don't know about other guys here, but I like to talk with people, and whether I've met someone in person or not, an enjoyable conversation is an enjoyable conversation. And yeah, if I like talking with a girl then I look forward to more conversations and would be disappointed if she suddenly disappeared. Just because you only know her alone doesn't mean she's lower than a dog or something.

Obviously, romance requires more than enjoying conversations with the person. But I always received the advice that you better marry someone you enjoy talking with because you'll be doing it for many years to come. If there was a girl that I couldn't care less about talking with, who I didn't miss chatting/talking with at all, who I didn't really look forward to talking with, I'd drop her like a rock. I'd wager that if she can't hold a conversation on an instant messenger she's even less likely to be able to in person where there's a lot more shyness and nervousness.

[bcc_1_2]

I'd wager that if she can't hold a conversation on an instant messenger she's even less likely to be able to in person where there's a lot more shyness and nervousness.

I agree that sounds like a great test. I'm just surprised nobody has come in here and said you can have an online girlfriend. In past threads when I said they don't exist there was more than one person who descented. Is reality kicking in? Sounds great to me. Good test though. Great way to weed them out.

[Ray]

…i don't want her to think that i am not serious or not very interested in her because i am.

 

Make up your mind pig.

It sounds like she’s trying to tell you that it’s time to shyt or get off the pot. When these ladies feel that they are ready to marry, many of them will not wait around for you to make up your mind if you want the relationship to move forward or not.

You shouldn’t feel pressured to get into something that you aren’t ready for and you shouldn’t move any faster than you feel is appropriate for you.

Just be honest with her and tell her that you aren’t ready for anything serious yet if that’s what you feel. However, be advised that there is a very good chance that she will not wait another 6 months, especially if she has other fish on the line. The one that visits first is the one with the most chance. If you are OK with that, then continue dancing around the questions and see what happens, but it's not fair to expect her to put her life on hold for you without some kind of commitment.

Ray

[Bear]

I remember one guy about some years back who found his soul mate but waited too long to go to the R.P. and meet her.  Even though she thought he was the one she loved she married a guy who showed up on her doorstep a few weeks earlier.  This was extremely interesting because they (Filipinas) are putting "being married" above "love" and intend to make it work.  That's why I say "you are the prize" so satisfy yourself, it will make them more secure knowing your are making the commitment and confidant in your choice.  She sees that as "for you" but "secures her future" and she is very willing to help you achieve that because it benefits her.  Shes already committed to "marriage", hopefully love will come later.  (now this is generally speaking, not always an absolute)

I think this joke will help see the point-of-view...

A Guy and girl get married...
Guy gwapo, girl maganda - marriage made in heaven
Guy panguit, girl maganda - good technique
Guy qwapo, girl panguit - true love
Guy panguit, girl panguit - no choice

Reading between the lines the joke indicates a lot of things like...
money is not always an important issue,
they don't always marry for love (it might just be sex! - just kidding mostly family and security),
the guy is doing the choosing - the girl sometimes doesn't feel like she has a choice,
marriage is what's important.

Lead her, don't follow.  Be confidant in what and why you are deciding - she'll help you get there.  If you have issues you are not satisfied about yet then ask her.

The Bear Family

[Heruamen]

dude where did you find a round trip ticket to manilla for $855 dollars?   I have been searching the web for the best prices and the cheapest i've seen so far is $1500.  i will dig a little deeper.  mabye thats the price for 6 months from now?   Sometimes pigglett you just got to listen to your heart.  other people will tell you from their experience but nobody has a magic wand to read the heart of yourself and your woman.  Your situation could be totally opposite of theirs.  Whatever feels right with you go for it.

[evoltnvii]

dude where did you find a round trip ticket to manilla for $855 dollars?   I have been searching the web for the best prices and the cheapest i've seen so far is $1500.

i went thru my agent about 2 months ago and got a round trip from LA for $930 inc all fees ad taxes.

Hey man take the leap if you like the girl. If is dosnt work out you still get a trip of a lifetime and there are plenty of fish in the sea especially there for a american.

[piglett]

dude where did you find a round trip ticket to manilla for $855 dollars?   I have been searching the web for the best prices and the cheapest i've seen so far is $1500. 

http://www.asaptickets.com/cheap-tickets/economic/continental-airlines/2009-04-30/2009-05-21/roundtrip/1/0/0/855.89/MHT/asia/philippines/MNL.html?line=%28800%29+721-7369

Departure city:   Manchester, NH
 
Destination city:   Manila [PH]
 
Departure Date:   30 Apr 2009
 
Return Date:   21 May 2009

 
Total: $632.20

check it out maybe it's BS.
maybe it's for real, never heard of this site 
i just did a quick search & this is what popped up


piglett

[Cbear]

I agree that sounds like a great test. I'm just surprised nobody has come in here and said you can have an online girlfriend. In past threads when I said they don't exist there was more than one person who descented. Is reality kicking in? Sounds great to me. Good test though. Great way to weed them out.

I am one who said you can have a gf whom you have never met. It worked for me. Now I have met her and it confirms everything about her.

Of course we communicated everyday twice a day for 3 months before I went to see her, we were bf/gf before I left whether you like it or not.

I think it has to do with how well you know the person. We talked so much that there was no way her true personality couldn't come out. It did take several weeks before her shell broke and the real her appeared but when it did I liked what hatched through.

So I do believe you can have an online gf. I am proof that it is true. The exception to the rule, maybe but I don't think so. Communication is the key.

[piglett]

I'd say you need to learn how to tease women a little more. Don't make everything so serious.

that may be part of my problem i am too honest & too straight forward
i am not good at BS-ing anyone , i just tell it like it is
some people like that & some don't

[bcc_1_2]

I am one who said you can have a gf whom you have never met. It worked for me. Now I have met her and it confirms everything about her.

Believe me I'm glad it worked out for you. Trust me I wish you the best. But before you meet her she is just a penpal. A really hot girl got in touch with me the other day. Earlier tonight I just decided what the heck and booked a flight. As much as I was impressed by her and as much as I am looking forward to meeting her... she is just a penpal. With a girlfriend you have had the opportunity to meet with her and see if there is any chemistry. With a penpal you are just really looking forward to the opportunity. I stress that because you've got to have a backup plan.

[Cbear]

I really hope she is the one for you and it works out. I can't believe how lucky I am to have found my girl. I really wish this happiness for everyone here.

You just met your girl so I would agree she isn't a GF yet but if you had the communication down for a long time you would get to know her enough to call her your GF.

But I admire your gumption to just take a chance and go see her, good luck, I really hope it works out.

[stevjulietb]

Bcc, thats what I was trying to say.  Until you travel and have meet them in person, you just never know whats going to happen.  After you have meet and travelled, you still don't know whats going to take place!  Lots of fish over in PI, i would keep my bait on my line.

Steveb

[bcc_1_2]

Bcc, thats what I was trying to say.  Until you travel and have meet them in person, you just never know whats going to happen.  After you have meet and travelled, you still don't know whats going to take place!  Lots of fish over in PI, i would keep my bait on my line.

Steveb

Yep you clearly see the difference. Traveling costs a lot of money and your time! When you go down the first time you need backup plans. When you are going back several trips later to see if she is the one or even do something crazier... like propose  . That is your g/f. Your only backup plans there are alcohol if things don't go well. 

[Cbear]

that may be part of my problem i am too honest & too straight forward
i am not good at BS-ing anyone , i just tell it like it is
some people like that & some don't

Some advice for you Piglett, don't try and change. Just be yourself, you want the girl to fall in love with you, not who she thinks you are.

There is someone there who will match up with you perfectly. Trust me I know, I communicated with hundreds of girls before I narrowed it down to just one.

I know because you are specifically looking for a girl with a degree (nursing) that it will be a bit tougher but it won't be that hard. Just be true to yourself and don't settle for a girl who you think might not be the one.

It just so happened that most of the girls on my short list were either in the medical field or in IT. The last 10 had 2 IT girls, 1 HRM girl, 1 midwife, and the rest were nurses.

My girl has tons of friends in nursing school if you want me to try and hook you up.

[Cbear]

Actually, I know a girl that might be a good fit for you. She was on my short list, she is a 27 year old nurse who works for a major publishing company in Asia. She has chinese features and is a tiny girl. She dies her hair blonde but it works for her, she is very sexy.

She is not a virgin but her background is verifiable, she is not a bar girl. She is very submissive. She expects a man who will lead her, she will follow.

If you want, I will give you her contact info.

[Heruamen]

never allow anyone to define what your relationship is.  If she is your girlfriend to you and you have become close and you know her personality then she is your girfriend.  What anyone else thinks is worth about as much as cow dung stuck to the bottom of your shoe.  If someone else feels like its impossible for anyone to be your girlfriend then thats his reality.  The physical is only one component of a relationship.  The inner personality which can come out thru coversation, communication via phone email or the internet can show the real person, without the added distraction of her being present which sometimes can lead to you getting caught up int the sexual physical aspect to the detriment of learning her personality.

[Ray]

Very good thoughts Heru and I agree!

If bcc doesn’t like the fact that someone else considers a lady his “girlfriend”, then I guess that’s just too damn bad…