I did everything wrong,made mistakes i now i want to help anyone who will liste

[utopiacowboy]

If the woman has kids, make sure she is a widow.

[JimmySTLOUIS]

Major props for you to come here and tell your story

I wish there was some ways to convince all the smart guys, who are thinking about doing this, to really understand.

for anyone listening

YOU DONT KNOW THE CULTURE - unless you have been there (or lived it)

I could write a book about what I didnt know.

I know we all like to think we are smart and sucessful but ........we dont know sh!t about young latina girls. We know business, politics, real estate, stocks, bonds, medical, etc etc etc

but what do you really know about Latinas?   

dont ASSume too much smarty pants - it might bite you -  I know a little about this

isnt life fun!!!!!

TE AMO PERU!

jim

[JimmySTLOUIS]

oh and while I am on a rant ...........


if you are looking for a wife - you really need to find one that is a good fit for you AND YOU FOR HER

you wouldnt marry a girl from the trailer park ...right?

you might not get along with a girl from New York high society? ...right

and dont be so sure you are gods gift to all poor girls from SA. 

dont knock the people from SA when you dont have a pot to P in or a window to throw it out of


------------------

sorry for the rant

my wifes cousin had a gringo come to Peru and boy is (was) this guy a mess

after the "break up" he wants to know what happened to his old college t-shirt that he has had for 15 years and he doesnt understand why she didnt like it (I think he wants its back also) LOL!

[Researcher]

1 i am 47 what age group do i look at?
2 i would prefer not to have any more children (not set in stone)
3 should i look for a women without children? or will i find a women that will let me be a father i can not stand by and watch a child in my house grow up and not be able to teach him or her something.
4 when do i get back on the horse?
5 do i go the agency route again?
6 how do i get out of my head the fact that i am so worried that a women will only fall in love with me for what i have and not how i am.
7 should i try writing to some women first and see if something clicks before i get on a plane and go back.

1)Age group.I like the "divide your age by 2 and add 7" theory but it isn't written in stone.I looked for younger women but my wife was 33 when we met.She looks younger IMO but I have learned that age is really is just a number. I think maturity is what really matters.
2)This something to be upfront about with the women you meet, of course.It is possible to meet a woman who feels the same.Its good to have common goals.
3)I like what UC said about women with children.It is better if you don't have to deal with the father.This is up to you, you have more experience on this than me.
4)When you feel ready.I don't think there is a rule for a timelimit.But if you were to go back soon, keep in mind if you want to file for another K1 before 2 years is up you will need a waiver.You sound like you are well on your way to getting over this but you are not there yet. Before you return "you gotta get your mind right".
5)Why not? I like agencies myself because I liked the speed dating aspect of it.I never needed anyone to choose a woman for me just put them in front of me.
6)Just keep your eyes open and look out for the red flags. I didn't get that out of my head when I was looking and it served me well.I think a mistake alot of guys make is that they trust way to quickly.
7)Why not?I would only use this as a way to start to get to know someone and not actually make my mind up until I met them in person.

       Just to add some things.For me, compatability was just as important as finding a woman that I was attracted to. My wife has been here for more than 4 months and man did that pay off.And I mean compatabilty as in having common interests, goals in life and common in values.Both of us have a creative side so we both understand the time we want to spend on these things as well with each other. Even though we don't do the same thing, we both have an interest in what the other is doing and can appreciate each other's talents.

       When you return just be picky.Watch the woman you are interested in when she is with her family and friends.If everything isn't right then just move on.
       

[Quixote9]

Hey Ray,

I want to tell you I know exactly where you are coming from and how hard it is.  Made all the same mistakes you did.  Chose a girl who constantly needed male attention to validate her self worth, too young, inconsiderate, insensitive, irresponsible, ungrateful, and blamed all of her bad behavior on me for ridiculous reasons.  She was the first person in a long time that had made me feel loved or desired so I too put blinders on to her poor character and ignored the warnings of Jamie, my translator, my friends, and my family.

I hope both you and I are smarter now and wont make the same mistakes again.  I know how hard it is to make rational decisions in matters of the heart (especially when a young beautiful woman is telling you everything you think you want to hear).  More importantly I hope neither you nor I let our bad experiences negatively color our opinions of all the good women out there waiting to meet guys like us.  You have a good heart, of that I am sure.  Cut yourself some slack, we all make errors in judgement and we all have rough times in our lives.  Thank you for sharing yours, because I am sure it helps other guys like you and me out there who have gone through the same thing.

Good luck out there and my thoughts are with you buddy!

[raycjs]

once again thanks for all the great replies please keep them coming. the divorce should be file in another 4 weeks middle of April. i want to tell all of you that i feel really good that i did this and i got this off my chest and shared this with everyone. I also want you all to know that i do not blame the Latin culture or the Latin women i think they and the culture is great. i made all the decisions and nobody held a gun to my head. i am only blaming my ex for for not leeting go of the facebook scene,the internet BS, and the party scene. she lead me to believe that she was ready to be a mom and and wife. the signs told me different i saw all the signs but i did not want to believe them. my bad. i would highly recommend to anyone that is going thought this or has to share it with your friends and family because i thought i would not get offer this for a awhile and i can truly Tell you wow i feel great and i am almost 100% over this once the gavel goes down i will feel great. Also the fact that she has moved on and is not trying to contact me.Again i know what i did and if i make the same mistakes again shame on me.... This next time i will have to Latin women who will help me screen the one that is for me. One of the women is a very close friend of mines wife and she is willing to travel with me to meet the women and her family and be my private translator....

thank you all so very much

Ray

[Kiltboy1]

Great Attitude Ray !!!!!!!!!!
Sorry I got tied up with my daughters game and then family stuff. I will call you this afternoon and we can do that conference call we discussed and see if we can help a bro out.

KB

[EbonyPrince]

Hey Ray I feel that is definitely a good thing to man up and share your experience with other guys that have undertaken this endeavor.  I also like your attitude on the whole thing.  You could just as easily ran across the same thing here.  Length of time doesn't guarantee anything, that is why the divorce rate here is over like 60% now.

I have met quite a few latinas in my now about 7 trips to Colombia and counting.  Fortunately I really take the red flags to heart, so I have been somewhat lucky in that arena.  I recently thought that I found the right one that said and did everything right, but I continuously would test her and she would seem to fail.  These were tests on communication and her trust of me.  This is an important criteria for me, because I wasted 13 years with an AW that could never be what I need her to be.  I basically stayed for my kids, so Soltero is correct that kids can be a powerful magnet.

I know that I have a lot to learn about latinas, and one thing I learned is that they can be pretty jealous and somewhat emotional.  I agree with everything that Soltero says except the agency thing, and I am somewhat changing my opinion on the age thing also.  From my experience, the mature women that I have been meeting have typically been younger than I have been searching for.  So I have been trying to keep my mind open to all women that I find are mature emotionally.  I really think that family, upbringing, father relationship, and if they come from a home with two parents are very important for me in my total evaluation process.

There's a lot of good advice from people here, including yourself, that needs to be digested and dissected for whatever fits your own personal needs and beliefs.  I would chalk this up as a lesson learned and move on as quick as you are able.  If you truly know yourself and what you want and don't want, there really is no need to wait.  You are a grown man with life experience, so you are mature enough to discern what is best for yourself.

Good luck and I wish you success in the future.

[Zon]

Finding a pretty woman with a pulse is EASY in Colombia.  Virtual all women will accept an invitation to dinner. Finding a woman that is truly"marriage material" is far more difficult.

Most men value a woman with the eyes.  But here is the thing: Beautiful Colombian women have options. Many many beautiful Colombian woman are poor and are one or two steps away from financial desperation.  When that happens there are always a line of men that will help (mostly Colombian men), for a price. This begins a cycle of vice, jealousy, and madness.

I have met many Americanos who have married BEAUTIFUL Colombian women. Of those, very few if any seem happy through and through - sort of like jaguar automobile owners. 

Do the numbers with strict filters, and watch how the number of prospective wives becomes divided by a big number. Good people are hard to find in the US and Colombia.  It takes time and luck.

[soltero]

...and I am somewhat changing my opinion on the age thing also.  From my experience, the mature women that I have been meeting have typically been younger than I have been searching for.  So I have been trying to keep my mind open to all women that I find are mature emotionally.  I really think that family, upbringing, father relationship, and if they come from a home with two parents are very important for me in my total evaluation process.

EP,

Just to clarify what I said, I was referring to their age solely in the context of bringing them here. If you are going to leave them in Colombia, then that changes things. You would be surprised on how quickly a "mature" 23 year old can become as silly as a teenager once she gets here and has opportunities she never dreamed of having when in Colombia. I want to stress to guys more than anything else, if you are planning on bringing them here, then that needs to be just as strong a part of your observations as anything else that is important to you. The move will be horrible for them to say the least and you will be sorely tested with the best of women. They ALL make the change hard. It is unavoidable. You TRULY need to take into consideration how well any woman you meet will convert to life here as that will be the ultimate test for her...you guys that have gone through it like me know this, and you guys that haven't believe it and make it a priority in your decision making process.  If you are ging to move there, then many of the problems bringing her here cause will vanish and she will stay just as sweet as she has always been as she will have no reason to change. If not, be sure to pick a woman that can weather the change well, and 25-30 appears to be the most adequate window. Younger ones fall apart completely (usually) once here, and the older ones just never seem to be able to change enough to ever fit in.

[raycjs]

I want to thank all the guy's that i have received Pm's from and all the phone calls and emails. I have been reading over and over again all the different ideas and opinions you all have and if you read between the lines you find some very common scenario's.

1st It is very hard for any age women to come hear from there country and you must have Patience with them and do what we can to help they adjust.
2nd The women that come from a good family back round with both parents still in the house and in there everyday life are the ones to persue.
3rd You all seam to think that 26 to 32 years of age would be best for the adjustment hear in our country.
4th Take more time to get to know the women and her family
5th try to speak and understand as much Spanish as you can.
6th Once they are hear they all seam to change just except the changes and be perpaired for them
7th Being the father of there child is very important to them you have a better chance of staying together
for the long run.



they are not in any type of order of importance


Thank you all so very much for all your help and understanding i am going to take all of this advice and use it to make my next trip a more successful in the search to find Mrs.Right......


Ray

[william3rd]

You have some major gems here in your synopsis of the contacts that you received. Best of luck next time.

[sabound]

Ray , sometimes guys start to really over analyze this whole process way to much . You have all ready stated what the red flags were and you still moved on with the deal . I think that you really pretty much know yourself what way your headed . By adding all these thoughts it will just cause you more thinking ..... is this right , or is that right ect .... 
you stated " 2nd The women that come from a good family back round with both parents still in the house and in there everyday life are the ones to persue."

I fully dissagree with 100% .... many things have happened to these Colombian's parents and i have met many ladies that had single parents and they were great . My first wife had never met her father and she was great , and a great job with her daughter .

You at 47 , I believe the age of 26-35  would be just right . the older ladies may not want to have children so there is one less thing you would have to worry about if you don't want more children .

in this whole process what works for one guy will more than likely will only work for that one guy . If you were to survey all that guy married a latin lady I am sure not one has the exact same track record .

Just remember you now have that 2 year waiting period , and I would find out if that starts when your divorced is final , or when ever ?

[Researcher]

             My wife has surprised me on how well she has adjusted so far.After living abroad myself I know how difficult the change can be so I arranged little things, such as cable channels in spanish, the best resources I could find for her to learn english, etc...I stay very busy with helping her to adapt(with things such as teaching her to drive) and that helps alot. Keeping busy helped me out alot when I was in another country. She notices alot of little things that I see everyday and don't pay any attention to.
            I have to disagree somewhat with the two parent theory.I've seen some women that would have been better off with either one of thier parents.It is something to consider but you really have to look at the situation and get to know them.

          Researcher

[raycjs]

Researcher & sabound

Thank you for your response and you are both totally right there are a lot of differnet thing that can take place in a persons life to make them act the way they do. I have not totally ruled out single part women and women with children i will just do a better job of screening them and all of the women i meet you have all been very help and you are right i do not want to over analyze. I spoke to my attorney and she told me 2 years from the divorce (April 10) and with a letter she can get it done in 1 year after if i need to at this time i am not going to rush like i did last time
i can always start the process 1 year after we meet and then by the 2 year make she would be hear. i am not thinking about that yet i want to finalize everything first by the middle of April. I would like to start talking with a few women now and be ready to make my first trip back in June or July for a week.

Thank you all so very much and thank you all for all the phone call's Pm's and emails


Ray

[Dave H]

Hey Ray,

Having met you personally and observed how you treated Lina and her daughter, all we can say is that it is her (their) loss! We feel sorry for her daughter. She will NEVER have a better father and Lina will NEVER meet a better man or husband!!! It won't take her long to figure that out! Fortunately, you have moved on.

Dave & Marife

[Pivery]

  Ray,

Sounds like you are starting to take those very first difficult steps to recovery. Don't worry, there are many good women out there dreaming every night of meeting a man just like you.

I would just say that even though having a mother and a father seems the best route, my lady did not grow up with her father. He just didn't want to be part of the picture, so the rest of the family filled in his place. She has many family members that were and are still very supportive. She is absolutely the most old-fashioned, traditional woman I have ever met in my life. She does not drink, smoke, go out at night. Stays clear of the Barranquilla carnival because of all the drunks, goes to church and is a vegetarian on top of that.

I think I have more vices than she does, so don't discount the women that don't come from out typical idea of a nuclear family. More important I feel is how the rest of the family minus the mom or dad functions and interacts with her.

I hope you find who you deserve,
Pivery 

[Dave H]

Stays clear of the Barranquilla carnival because of all the drunks, goes to church and is a vegetarian on top of that.
Pivery 

Hey Pivery,

What kind of Latina doesn't eat meat?  I have only met 2. I bet there are not too many in Argentina.  I now stay away from the Calle Ocho Festival here because of the lowlife drunks and gang bangers. I used to get paid overtime so I didn't mind going.

Dave

[Pivery]

  Hey Dave H,

Yes, I was quite shocked when she told me this. I had never encountered one before her. I was expecting her to eat the same kind of garbage that most of the Colombian people eat. Everything that isn't fried has cheese stuffed into it and other assorted nonsense!

So with my lady, it's salads beans and rice and a whole garden of vegetables. Oh well, so much for the family BBQs on the weekends! 

Pivery

[Dave H]

 So with my lady, it's salads beans and rice and a whole garden of vegetables. Oh well, so much for the family BBQs on the weekends! 

Pivery

Hey Pivery,

I could live with that...actually live a whole lot healthier! Just BBQ the corn on the cob and veggies.  I know one Cubana and PR/Colombiana who are veggies. A few other ladies claimed to be, but I explained that pollo and pescado were not vegetables.

Dave

[Pivery]

  Hey Dave H,

Well, I don't have a really big problem with the whole thing right now. If she were a vegan, then we probrably wouldn't work out too good together. She is totally committed to being healthy and is trying to get me to come over to the dark side, but I'm not ready just yet. She has been a vegetarian for almost half her life and because of it, she looks even younger than she actually is.

I'm only 40, so I'm not ready to give up my ocassional steak / hamburger / pork chop just yet. But I can see in another 10 years or so, it will be more appealing to me - well maybe!

Pivery

[satori]

Pivery,

Perhaps you can blind her with science.  Vegetarian diets are deficient in B12, A, D, and often even K.  Also, the diet is often deficient in the improtant amino acids cysteine, methionine,, carnitine and the branch chain.  It takes planning to get a balanced diet as a vegitarian (I did it for ten years).  A little of the right meat is good for you if properly prepared.  Grass fed lamb and free range organic poultry in moderation can make a big difference.  Baked or boiled is best as grilling produces toxins and can cause glycosolation (wrinkles and gray hair). 

Now see if you can get her to come over to your side!

[canadianguy]

Ray,

I married a Colombian and she is now with me in Canada , well Mexico right now. you should read
my other posts, you might learn something new.

I feel, because you got married so young you didn't learn these things about yourself and about "bad women" So don't beat yourself up.

I did sense you blame her for some things but you knew in your gut she wouldn't change ( facebook... ect ) but went ahead with
this anyway...you have to understand that you are to blame for 100% of this mess , it's hard to do but to move forward you have to
believe that.  You came into and left a young girls life, your daughters as well could be effected from your actions. Think with your head and heart, not your pecker.

Also, being single , that's no women, no sex for as long as it takes will make your next relationship successful. The goal
is to be alone with yourself, happy by yourself so when you want a women in your life you are sharing " it "  and not filling a void.

You might be addicted to love or sex or both, you need to go solo until you figure yourself out or you will never be happy.

You may have had relationships in the past or even this last one that felt good because of the physical attraction and the great sex. This is a trap, it's called " lust " and not love. This trap is dangerous and can fool even the smartest of us and cost some men their life savings. The clues are as follows, you crave her 24/7, you have a pain in your gut because you don't trust her, she ignores you and this only makes you more crazy (because sometimes or at least in the beginning she was sweet and just so perfect) and you give it your all in bed to please her among other things. She chats online with friends and gets cell phone calls which makes you jealous and in return you buy her gifts, make her dinner. Sometimes you come to your senses and ask yourself why doesn't she do these things for me? so you play a game and ignore her, you go out late, you stop the sex, but this always fails because a s l u t doesn't care because she has all the attention she needs from other men emailing her and from herself,  so you go even more crazy and feed into it all over again, then one day you come to your senses again and you try to get into her email account looking for answers because you don't trust her, you don't trust your own thoughts at this point and this is all because there was no love, just lust. I know this because I been a victim to this and an offender.


My wife is 38 ,I'm 36 , we both don't have children and we don't want any. So I don't know if age is an issue as much as people say but over 30 in my opinion is best but she might have kids and that is a whole other topic.

I dated a lot of women and bad women in my life, like 100. I also been alone and my last relationship was nightmare (she was a b i t c h and had a kid, I don't want kids! ) and I didn't date anyone for 2 years after it , after that time I knew exactly what I wanted and I got it . I wrote down a list, it included 10 to 15  things I wanted, it read like this, dark shin, Latin, a great smile, a nice butt, morals, trusting, giving, hard worker, didn't want kids, happy! , smart, fun, sensual,mature, doesn't party,punctual.  This was my list ,I took it seriously and my wife is this list exactly. I got about 1500 emails from all those Latin sites I signed up for and maybe 2 came close besides my wife but they didn't meet my requirements exactly, one was too immature and wasn't happy most of the time but met everything else but that wasn't good enough, one I just didn't trust her for some reason and although she was hot I didn't stick around to find out why.

We are very happy together, it's better actually than I thought it would be. We chatted online for over 2 months before I went down there and I knew within 5 minutes she was the one .

take care

[Pivery]

  Satori,

Yes, well she likes the whole idea of being "healthy" and I can see how not eating half a cow everyday definitely keeps your body right. We as a society in the states eat so much garbage and preservatives that there needs to be a change there for sure.

It's funny, but the vegetarians I know get sick more often than I do, and just don't look right. They look like they are missing something in their diets. My lady is always having stomach/intestinal problems and never understands why. Also until recently, she had no concept of taking any sort of vitamins to help compensate for what she is missing by only eating spinach soup and salads every day. So now I have her taking some women's formula vitamins and she's even picked over some fish.

I think that if she were to adopt a diet that incorporated a small portion of turkey or fish she would be fine. But I ain't eatin' salads and beans every day, I know that. The lettuce keeps burning on the grill and the beans fall through all the time! 

Pivery

[dennislevy]

Hi Ray

I sent you a private post and I can only admire your attitude and your resilience.

I read your summary of the advice you got from the serious guys and other then the 26-32 age bracket, (which I think is too young, but thats only my opinion) I think it is the ¨nuts¨

When youre ready amigo, dust yourself off and come on back down.

If you decide on Bogota, I´ll help you any way I can.

Take care of yourself Ray,

Best regards

Dennis