Another new guy..Looking

[Tigerpaw1129]

Hello to all,
  My name is Keith and wanted to say hi. I am 48 with 4 adult children and a widower now for 7 months. I was with my wife for over 32 years and she suffered a cerebral hemorrhage and massive stroke. Im ok, but do miss the scent and touch of a women. Been on site for a couple of days.
   Signed up to CB and i am getting to much attention(never to much)really though i never would never have dreamed there would be so many women out there looking! Looking forward to this new adventure.
Keith

[Jeff S]

Hey Keith. Glad you're here.

- Jeff

[piglett]

welcome aboard tigerpaw
everyone here is at a different stage of the same journey

piglett

[stevjulietb]

Welcome tigerpaw, enjoy the process, learn as much as you can!

Steveb

[Bear]

Welcome to P-L Kieth.  Why did you decide to use the International route rather than find an AW?

The Bear Family

[Tigerpaw1129]

Hey guys..thanks for the welcome aboard!
   Why not Aw Bear?  Good question and a long answer. I'm so not into the pace that america is going. Im looking for some of the innocence I remember.   I have been told many times that I speak from my heart and not my head, like it's wrong.  Well I'm going to follow my heart and see where it takes me...to be continued
  Keith
 

 

[Jeff S]

Most of us here are "nice guys" the kind AW dislike and think are boring. Instead of morphing into a-holes, the kind that turn on AW, we just go where we are appreciated. I loved this famous craigslist rant:

"What Happened to All the Nice Guys?"

I see this question posted with some regularity in the personals section, so I thought I'd take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven't figured it out.

What happened to all the nice guys?

The answer is simple: you did.

See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He'd tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were banging treated you.

At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were "just friends." Besides, he totally wasn't your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn't know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.

Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you weren't dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren't the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you're single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, "What happened to all the nice guys?"

Well, once again, you did.

You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive "just-a-" friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an a-hole than he ever wanted to be.

Fact is, now, he's probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I'm sorry that it took the complete absence of "nice guys" in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.

So, if you're looking for a nice guy, here's what you do:

1.) Build a time machine.
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.
3.) Take a look at what's right in front of you and grab ahold of it.

I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.

If you were five years younger.

So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you've screwed yourself over. You're getting older, after all. It's time to excise the BS and deal with reality. You didn't want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn't want you, now.

Sincerely,

A Recovering Nice Guy

[Tigerpaw1129]

Thanks for that Jeff. I just got an email from a profile in CB and well.............

Money does not give joy. Material wealth does not give joy. It gives convenience, yet often takes away love. How many rich people seek so hard and far for love, yet never find it. Sex does not give joy, unless it is enjoyed as a part of love. Loveless sex would make one feel as empty as a broken earthenware pot. Love is given to be reciprocated, because in that reciprocity lies its joy and pleasure.

Keith

[Bear]

Why not Aw Bear? 

I guess thats the question we've all answered.  Just curious at yours.  

Since I asked you I'll answer too...

Over a period of years while enslaved by my "ex" AW I saw lots of guys with Asian ladies and every single one was happy.  Yet my "ex" was lazy, selfish, filthy, thoughtless and inconsiderate - refusing to work with me to have a strong, happy marriage/family.  Never hugged me or said/did anything intimate unless she wanted something which of course ended the moment she got what she wanted.  If there was a hardship or tough choice to be endured/made  it was mine, not hers or ours.  I'm sure she "loved" me because I was a good provider and what she loved was security.  When I decided the end was near I started looking locally and pretty much realized they were all the same because our society trained them to be competitors and aggressors rather than best friends and mates.  I got my hands on a few CB magazines and saw the unbelievable pictures of awesome beauties wanting to meet me.  Near that time I saw a Good Morning America show where Joan London (while pregnant) interviewed several "MOB's" and was just in awe of a Malaysian girls answer to Joan's question, "Why do you think American men look for brides overseas?"  She answered, "Like Toyota we make a better product and because we are more loyal and respectful of our husbands."  I'll never forget the look on Joan's face as she repeated "respectful".  That was when I made up my mind if I ever divorced I'd look overseas.  Less that 5 years later when my youngest turn 18, I left.  Now I don't know how to be happier and sometimes almost angry it took me till I was 45 to even try.

Of course, you're wrong because if you weren't then they would be and that would threaten their security.

The Bear Family

[Tigerpaw1129]

Bear,
Well said.....

[Jeff S]

Or as Jim Varney said to Jeff Speakman in his movie Expert:

"Now that there's a foreign model .... Loooooow maintenance hiiiiiiigh performance.

[singlefather no more]

I posted this in the Latin intro section also where you posted but since you are looking at Asia for a new love sometime I will post it here also.

The best advice I can give you is listen to Bear , Ray , Dave H , Bob , Jeff S and all the other Asian posters here.. If they say you have a problem with the girl you are corresponding then heed there warnings..

Tigerpaw,

I am a Widower also and lost my late wife tragically on July 15 , 2004 at 5.15 pm.. I was a singlefather of 2 young children and I got remarried to my lovely and sweet new wife on Dec 20 , 2008 in Chiclayo , Peru..

Please check your PM and now that you have posts in will work. It is 2/3 of the way down the bottom left of this page.. I will send you my email address and phone numbers.. It will be honour to help you..

I know the pain of losing your late wife and loneliness can be unbearable at times but things will get better.

One thing you have to be aware of.. You are very very very very very vulnerable right now and you have to take it slow and protect yourself..

Check your PM and give me a call..

My deepest condolences for your loss,

Take care

Jeff aka singlefather no more


.

[evoltnvii]

Most of us here are "nice guys" the kind AW dislike and think are boring. Instead of morphing into a-holes, the kind that turn on AW, we just go where we are appreciated. I loved this famous craigslist rant:

that is the most true to the world slap in the face all aw need to get.(i dont advocate beating aw just beating them at their own game)....   

[Dave H]

Hi Keith,

Welcome to P-L! I am sorry to hear about the loss of your wife! I suffered 3 ischemic strokes. My Filipina wife was a blessing! She had a great deal to do with my progress and my improvement!

Good luck in your search!

Dave

[Tigerpaw1129]

Thanks Dave,
 On the board a little over a week now and the stories and sharing of experience is just what I need to stay out of my head.
   Keith

[aakerfelt]

Hi Keith!

First let me say I am verry sorry for your loss!

I think you still are in a little bit of a shock, you do not get over 32 years of marriage just like that. I am just divorced from a 10 years marriage but I just now feel really free, after 1,2 years of separation. Don´t go in to this just to get "the scent of a woman"  both for your own sake and for the sake of the new woman!

So, do not include anyone new in your life until you are completely healed, no one eternal can heal you!

And remember that a woman is a woman wherever in the world she lives, do not think that asians are some kind of "short cut"

Best regards!

[Tigerpaw1129]

no shortcuts..I have been chatting with many women, mostly Asian and and they are very temperamental......
 Having problems holding conversions ,different cultures and time zones. It's all good just trying  to make fiends right now no hurry.trying to stay busy.
Keith

[jm21-2]

Yes, just the time difference can be a pain in the butt. If I want to talk (rather than text) the girl I like, I have to be up and ready by 6am or so (I'm not a morning person at all). She can talk a bit more on her days off, but she works 6-7 days/week so that's not too common.

[Larry178]

Hey Tiger.

Good luck in your journey to finding happiness.  There is a lot of wisdom on this board to help you keep your head on straight.  After looking at the online dating sites for your age group, it is easy to understand why you are here.  I recently came back on the market myself, sorta.  And frankly, I was amazed at all the obese women 40+ years old who thought of themselves as somehow attractive.

Larry

[piglett]

what are you talking about with the 40+
i am working with about ten 16-21 yearolds
& except for 1 of them they are all fat & i am not talking 10 lbs here
more like 50 to 100 lbs over weight
one that is about 20 thought she liked me , man her rearend is twice the size of mine
no thanks i think i will pass   he he he
I also get to see the 40+ ladies as they enter the mall & man are they unattractive &  B I G 
i think i will stick with my PI. lady 5'3'  & 99lbs  & she is 26 years old

[stevjulietb]

This is why I laughed the other day when my boss told some young teachers they were going to live to 100 years old.  The generation being raised by these HUGE Mama's will be lucky to make 60.

Steveb