advice no one asked for

[JimmySTLOUIS]

Hi Fellas - this is my advice for any new guys

I have not posted anything for a while now

My wife has a cousin who has met a gringo and the guy is now in Peru- this got me thinking about a couple of things.

The very best advice I can give you is this (not in order of importance)

When you come off the plane you should be wearing brand new clothes and shoes that have been shined. Your suitcase should also include 90 percent new clothes. I know you have been travelling all day and night but stop in the bathroom and frshen up - shave etc
You wouldnt go on a date with an American women wearing old clothes and smelly

Also - you should have nice clothes and new clothes for the trip. No one in South America cares if your home team is the horse cocks, fighting bird, battling frogs etc.

The reason for this is two fold. One you want to loo nice for your girl. Two - her famly and frineds will see you and yes they will judge you. Here in the USa you can have a guy with a great career, tons of cash and he can go out in his sweat pants etc. Not in SA. There is no such thing in the minds of most people from SA of a redneck or slob gringo. They see two inds of gringos - nice ones and smelly backpackers. Which one or you going to be?

CHange - Change - Change
Obama promised change and all we got was crap. But for you my friend, you will see real change and you should be ready to change. We already changed your stlye o dress - right ......?  Everything in your life may change once you meet and marry a girl from SA. If you dont want to change then you should stay in your trailer and keep cooking the beenie weenies.

I cant say this enough - if you are stubborn and stingy than dont go to South America. Try asia maybe? I dont know

Make sure the girl is a good fit for you and you for her.
Never forget there are TWO people (at least) in this deal we call love -(I am not counting momma in this number yet - some things you will learn on your own)
Make sure if you want a stay at home girl for the farm life you dont go to the capitol city and get a professional. If you want a professional dont go to the party town or country. I know this seems like common sense but dont forget I know you picked your irls out of the line up based 99 percent on the hottie factor - not the eharmony 99 points of common interest

Dont think you know everything.
I dont care if you are self made man with Masters from Yale. You dont know the latin culture unless you have been there or been around a ton of hispanics. (or lived with one) What you ASSume will make an ass out of you.
You can assume things all day but you might be let down. For example you can assume that people from a poor country with be perfectly happy with your old lazy boy chair. Why it only has a few stains and a few holes right? WRONG! you can assume that people from a poor counrty would not be spoiled rotten and would never think they should have a maid ........ right?           WRONG!!!!!
I could go on and one

Be prepared to be a part of the family!
Congrats you are now part of the family. Good for you. Now are you ready to help the family in case of am emergency? how about about a few hundred to help bury grandma? Never mind the fact that grandma has a sister that sold off her houses and cars in the USA and came to Sa with at least several hundred thousand dollars......... right......still with me ..?

Now there are tons of exceptions to all of this .but dont ASSume that this is not the case for you. It could be worse. Go back and read every single post from Pete E.  Live and learn my fiends

there are some great girls out there and guys like myself and Red Clay have done well in Peru. And single father you are my friend but your true test is coming up ... get ready  - get ready for everything!!!!

Best of luck to you

TE AMO PERU!!!

Jim

[vrtrop22]

Good post Jimmy. One question on pet peeve of mine though. Why do conservatives assume everyone on this board is conservative and a dittohead? I am quite happy with Obama's 1st whole month. Outside of that you're right on the money.

[RJS]

Good post Jimmy. One question on pet peeve of mine though. Why do conservatives assume everyone on this board is conservative and a dittohead? I am quite happy with Obama's 1st whole month. Outside of that you're right on the money.

MUST.. RESIST... TEMPTATION...

[Pivery]

  Great advice Jimmy.

This should be obvious to most by now, but there are always a few newbies that think they know how the game works. I will include myself. No sense in casting stones at others if you are not able to hit yourself with one first.

When I took my first trip to BAQ, I was an arrogant gringo that thought I would just fly down there and pick out one of the screaming crowd of ladies waiting for me at the airport like The Beatles coming off the plane in 1964!
Well, obviously it was nothing like that...

Yes, when you are looking for that new lady to compliment your life, get your act together. Get a haircut, get some passable Spanish down and put your best foot forward. The ladies expect this and deserve it as well. Who wants to be going on a date with a slob? Polish yourself up and show some respect for the ladies that bothered to show up to see what you look like in person.

First impressions are everything and hard to change, so make yours a strong and positive one.

Ok, I'm off my soapbox now...

Pivery

[Dan Las Vegas]

Great Post Jimmy!!!!

Even though I live in the Southwestern USA and thought I was quite familiar with the Latin culture, it was still quite different than what I was expecting when I arrived in Medellin, Colombia.  While I have yet to find the right one for me, each of the trips that I have made to Medellin have been a learning experience.  Your advice is right on the mark !!!!

Congratulations again on your anniversary

Dan H

[bcc_1_2]

Good post Jimmy. One question on pet peeve of mine though. Why do conservatives assume everyone on this board is conservative and a dittohead? I am quite happy with Obama's 1st whole month. Outside of that you're right on the money.

That's why I posted Bill Maher's comedy routine on feminism awhile back. You don't need to be a social conservative to want to meet women overseas. Social conservatives are easy to take pot shots at and unfortunately while you might not be one... most of the board is made up of them. However you want identify people that supported obama, green party, some of the libertarians. It would be nice to see more of them here, but with the stigma this own website attaches itself to (mail order brides) I wouldn't expect it anytime soon.

[Kiltboy1]

Jimmy is pretty much dead on with all he said except the part about helping the family. I am 100% against this stereotype that just because you marry a Latin women that you should be ready to pony up $$ whenever they poor Latin family needs it. BS, that is called the Gringo Gravy Train which I am 100% opposed to.Other then that, Jimmy is dead on accurate. Smell Good, Look good and Lose weight and you can do pretty well.

[whitey]

Excellent post, Jimmy.

MUST.. RESIST... TEMPTATION...

Nope, have to say it ... your esposa (or novia?) is gorgeous ... congrats ...

Whitey

[Richard77]

I searched for PETE E, but all i found were tributes to him.

Are you saying that most latin women will complain about cleaning and cooking like american women do?

[bcc_1_2]

Richard you'll need to search the archives in order to find Pete's posts. That link is on the main menu right under PL Values and Forum.

Richard I'm sure you'll find some women in Colombia from all ends of the spectrum. Career women, college students, you name it. I'll let some other members duke it out about the housework, but my reasons for looking overseas have very little to do with housework. I am doing just fine taking care of myself. My personal opinion is I'm fine with a woman that wants to work full time. But if and when she wants to have/adopt a kid it would definiately be on a condition that she cut back to working part-time at least.

I like living in condos/lofts. If she wants something bigger she'd definiately have to make the commitment to the housework. And if she's working full time having a maid would be fine. I'd just find it annoying to come home to a messy house if she is not working.

[Richard77]

I can and do take care of myself, but I would be looking for someone that worked part time and did all the cleaning and cooking without complaining about it.

I do not want to go all the way to columbia to find an american cultures woman. I don't think anyone else does either.

I'm not looking for a maid either, but more so of what you read on this and agency sites that list common traits of latin women that you don't find much in america.

[Researcher]

         By all means it is good to put your best foot forward. Someone just starting out should consider all their options and places to go. I also think that someone new to this should look into the visa process, unless they plan on going ex-pat.Once you find a special woman, you will need to prove that you have a relationship.I don't think that is something thought about often.


 Researcher

[bcc_1_2]

but more so of what you read on this and agency sites that list common traits of latin women that you don't find much in america.

I suspect what you read on this site is a lot more accurate than the various agency sites. The difference between what Jimmy says and the agenices is that Jimmy isn't trying to sell you anything.

I like the women in Costa Rica and Colombia a lot. From what my friend and I noticed is that you probably would be able to find what you are looking for... but you've got to use the big head if you want to find it. We both suspected that countless guys would get hung up on some girl's looks and never find that compatible mate. You've got to be prepared to cut some really stunning women loose.

[utopiacowboy]

You want to be the family's gringo milk cow? OK, learn to say Mooooooooo a lot. It doesn't have to be this way but most gringos seem to have a white knight complex.

[Alabamaboy!]

About the money thing.....during my first couple trips to Colombia, it was like a conspiracy or something. Almost every single girl I met had her hand out. And that was in Cali, Barranquilla, Santa Marta, Cartagena, and Bucaramanga. So I was reporting here that almost all were into the money thing like Jimmy ST. Louis was talking about.

But I just returned from a great trip to Barranquilla. Stayed at Jamie's. And met a ton of girls and only had one who was into this money deal. All the others seemed excellent, did not mention anything about it. And when I brought up some things about it "would you have any financial responsibilities whatsoever with your family?"....they all said no. And more than 1/2 were from poor families like my ex.

The one girl that asked me for 10.000 phone card so she could call me more.....she was the rotten apple. She was the one who it seemed like she had a big fishing pole and said "OK family....I think I got a bite....and he is a big one!!!"  And she tried to reel me in with some more BS like the phone card. And as soon as I felt the hook in my mouth, I headed in the opposite direction and got as far away from her as possible. Never talked to her since I got back home. Told Jamie about the situation. He asked me to make a written report on some of the things (which I have not done yet), so it will go in her file.

So I would have to say that UC and some of the others are right when they say it is not necessarily a given you will need to pay out the ying yang for some of these families.

My advice is, any talk of money, "ditch the b----!" Because some of the poor girls were actually offended that I would think they might need money to help out the family back home once they came to the states.  Anddddd.....in all cities of Colombia that I have visited so far, there is almost an endless supply of beautiful, willing women from which to choose from. So no need to get stuck on just one.

In other words, if you are not compatible with your girl for anyyyyyyyyyyy reason, ditch her (nicely), because one thing that I have noticed as a fact, these girls are exceedingly stubborn and are not likely to change their style or way of thinking....no matter how many times they promise that they will do so.

[Pivery]

 Something else I wanted to add that has been mentioned:

I haven't been to Colombia as many times as some of the others and I did not really have to date a million women to have found my lady I have now, but I did experience the phenomenon of chicawithhandout. When I was dating some women assumed I had some $ since I was able to fly down to Colombia and pay for the services of an agency. So when I told them I saved alot of money to be able to do all of this, naturally some were offended. Those were the ones that got cut quick.

Don't go down there with a money clip full of 100's and give that impression to the women. I told them all I was a working stiff and there would be no money given to in laws. My lady does not even have a computer, so when we talk everyday, she takes a bus to an internet cafe just to see me on the webcam. She has a phone, but it's better to see her. My point here about the money thing is that I was sending her $ every couple of weeks to help out with the cafe charges. She is so frugal and non-money hungry that it turns out she has been saving this money for our future together instead of spending it. I was shocked since she could have done anything she wanted with it and she chose to save it. No women like this here in the states that I ever encountered...

Last but not least, she does not want any support going to her family other than the occasional birthday presents for the young ones and she wants to take care of them herself. She doesn't want a dime from me. These are the kinds of women that are worth all of the B.S. red tape to be able to bring them back to the states but you have to dig through all of the ones with their hands out to find the ones that just want your love.

Pivery

[buckwheat]

This is my first post on this forum. What did you lkie the most about the ladies you met and what did you not like.

[bcc_1_2]

Ok well I've met a lot of ladies in Costa Rica and Colombia. I never met any girls "with their hands out" I paid for meals and the entertainment but that is it. No phone cards, clothing, shop trips, etc. Not one girl asked and of course I never offerred.

That would lead me to ask if all the women have their hand out on all your dates. Why is this?

buckwheat, to answer your question I'd say you just have to go down there and meet them. They are very passionate and have a certain vibe to them. That generalization being said... they are all different.

[satori]

Much of what Jimmy wrote is common sense, but SA obviously gets many men who go down there because they lack the social skills to get dates here.  I noticed several experienced men claiming that some women will give you the same crap you get from AW's.  To me it doesn't make sense to travel abroad to find someone who is $$ hungry, has a sense of entitlement, is selfishness, and wants you to be traditional while she is modern (another form of selfishness).  I appreciate any and all advice and don't dispute any experience someone relates.  However, Pivery's girl seems more like the kind of woman you travel abroad to meet and, obviously, they do exist.

[Pivery]

  Hi Buckwheat and welcome to the board.

Everyone here will have their own experiences. Some here have encountered ladies that have tried to turn their pockets inside-out, while others have never seen any of this.

I did not date tens of thousands of women, but 15-20% I'm guessing asked or dropped subtle hints that they would like to go to the mall and have me buy them or "their sister" something. Not literally with their hand out, but I got the impression that I was a gringo that may have some green in his pocket.

But to further answer your question Buckwheat, this question will also vary from person to person. But for me, I found totally refreshing not having to play all of the mind games that you play with the silly immature women here in the states. You will find a lot of genuine women who are just looking for mature-minded men to share their lives with. There are some women who act more like 15-year old girls and have no sense of responsiblities or obligations, but that was not for me. I was looking for a wife and potential mother with the feminine quirks and qualities that used to be here. But sadly, the feminazi movement has taken all of that over here for the most part.

Also the women in Colombia for the most part are very friendly, easy to approach and talk to. Very faithful when they find the man that they decide will be a good fit for them. Like night and day to the states. No games, no B.S.

Again, only what I encountered. Other soldiers here will have other war stories...


¡Mucho Suerte!

Pivery

[JimmySTLOUIS]

just to clear one thing up

I am not talking about girls who are looking for money right off the bat - or gold diggers if you will and I am not so much talking about dating (thats another subject really)


I was hinting more at the fact that you will be "in the family"

and thats good times and bad

and the family helps out the family (even those with out a gringo)


TE AMO PERU!

jim

[Pivery]

  You're right Jimmy,

I think we strayed away a little from your points. It's probrably my fault for talking about dating, etc.

OK, back on message. As far as once you are with a lady and about to be married or are already married, I would think that since you are part of a family, if there was some dire situation you should help. As long as it's not every week. I have no intention of filling everyone's empty pockets with money on her side of the family. But even when I was married to an AW here, her family got tight for cash occasionally and my wife and I would decide what was appropriate to send. It was never alot, but I would have felt bad if I would have just cheesed them off. We also needed a few dollars for a deposit for an apartment at one point in our marriage so both sides of the family helped us.

Helping your new family should be voluntary if at all and not for Ipods or new $200.00 jeans. I'm talking about emergencies. Everybody here will have a different take on this, but my take is if my lady's family had some major emergency, I would personally feel obligated to help because I know how helpful it was from my past. But I know others would frown on doing this. My lady is so frugal with money, I would trust her decision on a family financial situation that may or may not ever pop up. God knows the way the economy is going, alot of family are relying a little more on each other than they used to. I'm 40 years old, and my parents live across town. My mom still brings me food and my dad will still attempt to push a few $20's in my pocket. So sometimes it's a good feeling to know your family is there even when you don't ask. It just depends I guess...

Pivery

[Researcher]

       After looking in several Colombian cities I'd have to say I didn't run into that many women looking for money in Bogota.I had many refuse taxi fare when I offered.In other cities that was expected.

       My wife and I have been married for over a year and a half now and she is one of the most frugal people I have ever met. She doesn't like to see able bodied people asking for money on the street.All of her 5 brothers and one sister work and each contributes to supporting the family.One of her brothers has to have kidney dialysis
treatments but still works some to help out. When my wife and I were there last time each family member took us out for dinner each night and I didn't pay a dime.This family has a sense of pride and is not looking for a handout. Are they typical? No.How did I find my wife? I looked and got to know the family before I jumped in because I knew I would be a part of it. Too many guys don't look beyond a woman's physical appearance to see what they may be in for.Should appearance count? To me it does, but you have to look at the whole picture.


 Researcher

[utopiacowboy]

"To me it does, but you have to look at the whole picture."

Most guys only look at the hole picture, not that I blame them.

[Researcher]

Most guys only look at the hole picture, not that I blame them.

  I agree UC, but then they usually get what they deserve.