Possible Divorce

[one350z]

Hello all, I am in need of assistance.  If there are any of you here that have gone thru a divorce with a Colombiana while in the permmanent resident stage ( just receieved card) please contact me.  I never saw any red flags and am interested in resolving legitimate issues we have.  But, if it comes to it I need some advice on how to painlessly obsolve this situation.  Thank You, Derrick

derrickorberg@yahoo.com

PS: I would like to keep this off of the board.  Thank you, Derrick

[jm21-2]

Hmm...a painless divorce? Not too many of those around...

[Pivery]

 
  Derrick,

I am truly sorry to hear that you may be having some potential problems. I do not have any advice for you as I have only a divorce from an American woman under my belt, so before I bow out for anyone that actually can help you, I just wanted to express my sorrow and hope you can get everything back on track.

Pivery

[william3rd]

not just divorce from colombians- foreign brides in general. Are there any abuse claims? What state do you live in? Do you want to annul based on fraud or just divorce?

If abuse or evidence of a green card girl, then you may want to talk to Maxx. . .  PM me with your details and I can hook you up.

[Ray]

...am interested in resolving legitimate issues we have.

Derrick,

At this point, it sounds like a job for a licensed Marriage & Family Counselor.

Good luck....

Ray

[singlefather no more]

Derrick,

Remember cultural and language differences are hard on a marriage.. You have to have a lot of patience and work hard to keep your marriage going..

Remember even if your wife speaks good English , she thinks in Spanish and translates it to English and vice versa..

Ray gave you great advice above..

Jeff

..

[one350z]

Hello, thank you guys for your support.  Currently,  I do not believe there is fraud involved.  We are suppost to meet tomorrow and talk.  I am certainly willing to work things out and even go to a counselor.  Unfortunately, she is a very strong woman (which I do like) but, this also means she will not change her mind easliy.  I have owned up to some things but this is not all my doing.  Wish me Luck!  Derrick

[william3rd]

If infidelity is involved, let me put you in touch with maxx. . . . infidelity cancels the ticket. .

If no infidelity, then perhaps counseling.

[InnocentVixen]

Hi Derrick, I hope you were able to work things out with her (or that you are able to when you meet her if you read this first) I think if there is love from both sides, no matter how stubborn she is, things will go well, best of luck.

[valuedcustomer]

If she is stubborn, get rid of her fast.  It sounds like my Colombian ex-wife.  Counseling is a joke – it just prolongs what you already know is true but are slow to accept.  It's not going to work.  I went ahead and helped my ex-wife remove the conditions.  Although, there is a risk to that, because you are now on the hook 10 years for financial support.  But, as a practical basis, if she has permanent residence, she can stay whether you want it or not.  Also, never marry a stubborn woman.

[bcc_1_2]

If she is stubborn, get rid of her fast.  It sounds like my Colombian ex-wife. 

How so? All I remember about his wife is that she was getting homesick.

[one350z]

Hello, I have had a lot of off the air support, and I want to let you guys know it is appreciated.  Some of this situation, I have currently, is my own doing.  But certainly not all of it.  When I started this process with my wife things were very bright with my career of choice, lots of new ideas flowing, new markets and all.  These things gave me the security I needed to commit, however not all went according to plan for me in my career.  I was still doing fine as we were geting closer to approval time.  Just before we had a green light from the powers that be there were internal struggles and things fell apart and my financial situation was not as good as I thought,however, I continued.  I was already in.  ( I am going to take a minute and say to the guys that are considering this.  Be absolutely sure you are financially prepared without any question!  This costs money!  I should have been better prepared financially.  My bad!)  I have changed professions now, and I do see afutre in this.  Have no idea if this will affect my relationship for the better or not.  Have no idea if this can be repaired.  Currently, I am laying low on our relationship and letting her find out some things on her own about life in the US.  We might do something next weekend.  She will be heading back to Cali for the first time since last March when she arrived.  She will be visiting for a few weeks, I wish her and her family the best.  When she gets back sometime around the middle of March we are going to talk and see what direction we are heading in.  I am hopeful I can turn a few things around in my life, then see if that will make some changes in this relationship.  Like I said I am hopeful but becoming a lot more realistic that this may not work out.  Would I do this again?  Yes, but  I would make sure I was better prepared.  If this doesn't work out, would I do it again?  Yes, there area a lot of beautiful women who are smart,hardworking,caring nad affectionate.  And to go along with the above, Learn Spanish!!!

[Pivery]

  Hi again Derrick,

Again let me first say that I am pulling for you two to get things smoothed / worked out.

Now with that being said, you've mentioned a financial component in your story here. Please let me ask this with all the respect due you: Is this causing you guys to split? I am not as far as you and your novia are (were) but I love my lady to death and my lady couldn't love me anymore if she tried. But being a half-step from being totally broke financially I guess I'm not seeing how money comes into play...

I used to have a little before things went south at my job (So. Cal.) but my lady could not care less about material things or if we lived in a box together. I hope I am saying this the right way, and I understand that there needs to be some $ spent for these things to play out the way they are supposed to. But would your lady not understand that the U.S. is taking a nosedive financially and it should not affect your relationship?

I hope I have not stepped on your toes, and it has taken great courage to post your situation here for everyone to view. So I thank you for sharing this with us and really do wish you and your lady a speedy recovery! 

Pivery

[singlefather no more]

one350z,

I am quite confused about what the problem is in your relationship ? Money is the problem ? You talk about changing careers but how is that affecting your relationship ?

I see one potential problem in that if you did not communicate with your wife the financial problems you are having.. Communication is the key plus love and commitment..

You mentioned if this can be repaired. Are you talking about your relationship or career ?

I applaud you for having the courage to reach out to the forum and ask for advice..

I hope your love and commitment for each other other see's you through this problem.

Hang in there,

singlefather no more

..

[Kiltboy1]

I am confused as well. Why shoud money be an issue if she really loves and respects you ? What happens if you are involved in an accident, had a stroke, ect and was half the man you once were or even bedridden. Will she still be by your side? Sounds lke she is inmature, which is not unusual, but can cause all sorts of problems. i wish you luck, but hoping someone will change is kind of grapsing at straws . Good Luck

KB

[Ray]

If she is stubborn, get rid of her fast.  It sounds like my Colombian ex-wife.  Counseling is a joke – it just prolongs what you already know is true but are slow to accept.  It's not going to work.  I went ahead and helped my ex-wife remove the conditions.  Although, there is a risk to that, because you are now on the hook 10 years for financial support.  But, as a practical basis, if she has permanent residence, she can stay whether you want it or not.  Also, never marry a stubborn woman.

Just curious VC... Why are you pulling so hard for this marriage to fail? Because yours falied and you'll feel better if his fails also?

Never marry a stuborn woman? I have news for you...ALL women are stubborn! 

Ray

[Richard77]

I'm at a loss on one thing and not from this post, but from many posts. Where are your wifes getting the money to choose what they want to do? You said she is going back to cali to visit; it it with her money or yours?

[Ray]

I'm at a loss on one thing and not from this post, but from many posts. Where are your wifes getting the money to choose what they want to do? You said she is going back to cali to visit; it it with her money or yours?

Her money? His money?

When you are married it should be OUR money...and OUR debts.

If you don't want to share YOUR money, then don't get married.

Ray

[soltero]

I am not as far as you and your novia are (were) but I love my lady to death and my lady couldn't love me anymore if she tried.

It's always good to see someone who has taken the time and performed the necessary diligence to be so certain that things are the way they should be! I have known my lady for 4 years and we have been engaged for 3, and even though I am as sure as you are, I am still hesitant to just lay it all out like that. I mean, I can speak Spanish well enough to be able to list it as a skill on my Resume (and get hired based on Spanish proficiency), and we still have misunderstandings at times. I shudder to think how many conversations some poor guy who can't even speak the language winds up misinterpreting! Your confidence in her feelings for you is admirable, and I am just curious as to how long it took for you to be absolutely sure that you had found your soulmate? My lady is about a month away from her extended interview date, and after all of the ups and downs we have been through, I couldn't be more sure about what we have, but I was curious as to how much face time did it take for your level of confidence? I would say that we have spent at least 5 months together in the last 4 years and we are about as comfortable as an old married couple already. How many months have you spent face to face with your lady?

[one350z]

Hello all, I must have a way of being ambiguous in my writing.  I apologize.  My wife is a determined woman. currently, because she feels without certain things,she has lost time in her life. she wants to take charge of her life.  Of course she can do that now with her Permanent resident card.  Like I have mentioned earlier, some of this is on me but not all of it.  Do I feel she was in it for the card itself.  No.  Is it questionable?  Certainly.  Yes, I am taking on a new career.  I feel very positive about it.  Is it guaranteed, not at all.  If ti is will it have a positive effect on me feeling that I can provide for my family.  Yes.  Will this effect my relationship? Yes.  If I feel that I can take my beautiful wife out to dinner without feeling pressed, that would make a lot of difference personally.  Is my wife only interested in money? No.  But she does want a man that is comfortable.  I believe most of us are feeling a little uncomfortable with the current economic situation.   Are we going to recover?  Yes!  You guys are so helpful, and I personally have recieved a lot of positive information.  I am making changes for the better and I hope that it is transferred to my relationship with my wife, as well as my friends and family.  That is part of how we are judged in life, how we treat our friends, family, as well as strangers.   Here is to the best for all of us.

[JimmySTLOUIS]

Interesting thead here - I hope you dont mind that we air this out a little  

I know for me money and feeling good about your job are important - when thats not going right then nothing is going right (for me anyways)


interesting post above Soltero- I also went 5 times and one trip I spent a month in Peru - BEFORE asking JLO to marry me

JLO and I are doing well but there has been a few bumps along the way and in a fit of anger I have said some things along the lines of "going back to Peru"

I hope you can work it out

being apart could make the heart grow stronger - or more clear that you need to seperate

[one350z]

i have known my wife for almost 5 years.  We have not been exclusive all this time.  There were times that we did not even talk.  How I decided is this; she has come up in my life several times thru various ways.  The last time before we got serious is I saw she was online by chance, I was about to take a weekend off for a woman I really didn't know.  Instead, I took the chance and headed to Cali for a few days, spoke with her, and felt that she was honest and straightforward.  I asked her to come over on a fiance visa to further our relationship.  I never really proposed during this trip.  I did at a later time, and I did speak with her father and all.  We are all taking a chance.  We are signing up for a big ticket item.  Even with all the confidence in the world, we are asking someone to completely change their life.  You as the sponsor can not be over prepared.  They are going to need everything thought of.  I did my best,  I could have done better.   Do  I regret not being more prepared?  No.  You can never think of everything.  So to wrap up, go with your gut.  I read the other day your gut feeling comes from past experiences.  Derrick

[utopiacowboy]

In response to Soltero's question, I would have married my wife the first time I saw her in person in the airport in Bogota. Everything about her just blew me away. Five years later I have absolutely no regrets.

[Richard77]

Ray,

It's not both you money anymore if she decides she wants to move out like in this case.

Once she decides to leave, clean out the bank account and stop your direct deposit.

If she wants to fly or go somewhere she need to get a job and pay for it. It's only both peoples money if it's going to last forever.

[singlefather no more]

Ray,

It's not both you money anymore if she decides she wants to move out like in this case.

Once she decides to leave, clean out the bank account and stop your direct deposit.

If she wants to fly or go somewhere she need to get a job and pay for it. It's only both peoples money if it's going to last forever.

I did not read him say that his wife moved out on him or left him.. He said she is going back to Colombia on a visit and was very homesick.

..