plan A and plan B found out about each other.

[bcc_1_2]

You can blame a lot of the bad stigma international relationships gets on feminists. But when old men go after teenagers that is a large part of it as well. Now cbear (bear's understudy??) is not old, but he is middle aged. I've been to these personal sites. Women in their 20s and 30s that look stunning. Why pass on all those?

I get wanting younger and hot. Completely get it. If you are say 43 and want to date someone 28 or 30 fine more power to you. But those creepy old men chasing teens (you can see pics of this on that AFA website) really do international dating wrong.

[Jeff S]

You young guys are sure sound like you're worrying about the competition 

Remember the movie Big Daddy ... Old Balls?

[jm21-2]

I get the impression that a lot of these guys...40-something and just went through a divorce...want a "re-do." They feel they got screwed in their first marriage and want to go back and "do it right," and find they can meet these much younger women in foreign countries. They do not seem to realize that they are a much different person, in a much different stage of life, than when they were younger, and they can't go back and fix things now. They talk about the baggage older women have and don't seem to realize they have their own baggage, sometimes mountains of it.

While it's true that we Americans might look down on older people a bit, there's also this culture in America where old people try to act like they are much younger. You see it in the cougars trying to get the young guys. You see it in the middle-aged guys talking about how young they are. You see it in the ridiculous ADEA claims where the old DJ is like "I have no idea why they fired me, it's not like I'm out of touch with my audience that is 20 years younger than me, I'm still young!" And you see it in the old guys chasing teenage tail in other countries. If these people actually acted their age they might get a bit more respect.

[piglett]

Why were you looking for 22-27 when you're 43? Going by the lenient half your age + 7 rule, 28-29 should be your minimum.

I'll tell you how i feel about this , I am emailing a 18 year old from the PI.
she will finish nursing school in 1 1/2 years
she will be 20 then
if we wait 5 or 6 years to have our 1st child she will be 25 or 26
if i marry a lady that's 28 or 29 we will have to have children soon
a younger lady just has many more child bearing years ahead of her.
I would not compare a PI.lady that's 18 to a AW that's 18
I just don't think that they are the same
I wouldn't marry an AW that was 18 , she doesn't even know what she wants, so there is no way that she could tell you.
I like the idea of having a wife that is much younger than me to take care of me in my latter years
I think it is a good trade off , I look out for the family & set the course that we need to go & when i get older
she is able to take good care of me & when i die she gets everything we have
( they won't put it in the box with you so why do i need it?) 

piglett

[bcc_1_2]

You young guys are sure sound like you're worrying about the competition 

Remember the movie Big Daddy ... Old Balls?

funny stuff. i know you are just joking, but for those readers trying to justify this major age gap... neither myself or JM are going after teenage tail. So technically there is no competition between us and the middle aged guys telling themselves age is just a number. 

[Cbear]

well if this works out we will have talked for at least 2 years, then courted for several months and then marriage. So she will be 21 when we tie the knot.

The study on here was about all relationships with forign wives and american men, including non virgins.

The study I am referring to didn't account for divorce, only the rate of adultery between virgins and non virgins and how many partners the non virgins had before marriage.

As for her working, she wants to, even though she has no brothers or sisters to take care of, her only brother is older and employed with a good job.


I wasn't chasing a teen, the girl I had before was 28 but a scammer. No dice there. I didn't even know her age when I started chatting with her, she looks older.

Bear, this girl basically said the same thing, I protested when I found out how old she was, but she wouldn't let me go. Everytime I bring it up she refers to her parents and that she doesn't see age at all. Only  the spirit.

We have been having indepth conversations about everything from how to raise our children to what if she wrecks the car to me coming home late and not calling.

All her answers are exactly (well almost exactly) what I want to hear.

She even talks of staying in PI, which I can do in 3 years.

The job I will have is in high demand, highly technical and pays extreamlly well.

As for finding a hot mid 20 something, I did but they can't keep my mind stimulated. This girl is cute but not HOT. But she always has me smiling and laughing and talking about everything. Even poltics and world events. Most girls couldn't care less about that stuff.

I don't know what afa is, I think I don't wanna know. BTW, she is 18, that is even legal in the US, but I won't marry her for at least 2 more years, maybe 3. So how does that make me creepy. Sounds very similar to Bears story.

I am chatting with her right now and laughing , she is a great girl. Yes it is 330 am there, she has a lap top and is doing her review for her exams this week.

[bcc_1_2]

JM, he's got us. The PL stat is bogus because he has a virgin. Hey cbear better get a doctor to "certify her virginity".

[jm21-2]

At least Piglett is honest...more of a contract than a relationship. Of course, she may find a better deal and decide it's worth it to breach.

Of course, 18 is completely different in other countries  .

I find the people who are sure of what they want are often the most likely to change their mind later because they never really asked the questions.

And getting a young girl who really wants to be a mom to wait 5-6 years so you have some nice sex before the kids ruin it might be difficult, especially if she doesn't find you physically attractive and is just doing it for the security.

Any minor gains from marrying a virgin are totally off-set statistically by the incredibly high divorce rate for those who marry young. Sorry, I was 20 not too long ago and no one knows what they really want in life at that age. It's a time of very rapid change in the lives of almost every human being. You might not be able to remember well, but maybe you can anticipate your children going through that state. The divorce rates for those who marry when under 22 are, understandably, through the roof. FYI, it starts leveling off after 25 and after 30 there's not much change.

Are you going to try to tell me that an 18yo girl who's going through nursing school, will graduate, then go out into the big wide open world where she can finally date and is getting a nice paycheck, and has lots of new responsibilities, is at a very stable point in her life where she has her whole life set out and knows exactly what she wants?

[Cbear]

I don't need to check her virginity. I have verified everything else she has told me. I trust her 100% now.

I have offered her money on a few occasions and she won't take it. She is not lying.

She told me she likes older men because they have more experience, they care for their partner more. She told me she wants a real man. Not a boy. A man who can handle difficult situations that arise in a marriage, and a man who knows mostly what to do.

She swears she will be a great and loving wife and a wonderful mother to our children

As for someone saying I will be looking to retire in 10 years. Not hardly, u don't know me. I will never retire. I will work till the day I keel over dead, My father is 75 and still works every single day. Even Sundays driving the church bus.

I have seen an idle life style kill off people, I would rather die trying than laying on the couch flipping channels.

Besides, I will have her well cared for in that event. She won't have to work if I die. And about taking care of me when I'm older, of course, she is going to be  a nurse. Same as Piglett said. I will provide and set our course, I will be the man. Then when I am older we are already set. I will take excellent care of her.

As for starting over, HELL YEAH I'M STARTING OVER But not because of my mistakes, My AW destroyed me. You know, the equal one.

to answer this :Are you going to try to tell me that an 18yo girl who's going through nursing school, will graduate, then go out into the big wide open world where she can finally date and is getting a nice paycheck, and has lots of new responsibilities, is at a very stable point in her life where she has her whole life set out and knows exactly what she wants?

you obviously don't know Philippine culture at all. I would say, she knows exactly what she wants. She is willing to make minor changes to her dreams to accommodate the man she loves.

[bcc_1_2]

As for starting over, HELL YEAH I'M STARTING OVER But not because of my mistakes, My AW destroyed me. You know, the equal one.

Should be interesting to see what the unequal one will do? Ya know the one you have never met but trust completely. Man I feel like a dick. But more posters really should be playing devils advocate here.

Can we at least agree that Bear is the statistical anomaly and not the norm?

[jm21-2]

I'm an attorney. Just met with a young Filipina CNA wanting to file for divorce last Tuesday.

EDIT:
I work in a town with a pretty large Filipino population (I didn't really know about that at first). Apparently there's a large market for divorces by Filipinas who get brought over here. Family law attorneys don't want to touch them because they don't know anything about immigration. I'm hoping to eventually get a lot of business from these girls because I'm the only attorney in the area who takes family law cases and does some immigration. We'll see though.

[piglett]

And getting a young girl who really wants to be a mom to wait 5-6 years so you have some nice sex before the kids ruin it might be difficult, especially if she doesn't find you physically attractive and is just doing it for the security.

I do not see any reason i should not take the first 5 or 6 years to get to know each other & lay down a good solid foundation for the life long relationship to set on.
If things do go bad at least there will not be any children involved

as far as her looking for a younger guy,
well i am 39 & i can't go to get a 6pack without showing my ID so i do not see this as a problem

I will also say that A LOT of pinay adds on these dating sites say that the girl is looking for an older man

I say do what ever works for you 
piglett 

[piglett]

I'm an attorney. Just met with a young Filipina CNA wanting to file for divorce last Tuesday.

Was she a green card shark???

[jm21-2]

Was she a green card shark???

Nope, seemed to be a nice girl. Pretty cute, very quiet. Just too young when she got married.

[jm21-2]

I do not see any reason i should not take the first 5 or 6 years to get to know each other & lay down a good solid foundation for the life long relationship to set on.
If things do go bad at least there will not be any children involved

Well, make sure she believes in contraception. Though I bet in any case there might be a "mistake."

I will also say that A LOT of pinay adds on these dating sites say that the girl is looking for an older man

Yep, they know their target audience

[bcc_1_2]

I'm an attorney. Just met with a young Filipina CNA wanting to file for divorce last Tuesday.

EDIT:
I work in a town with a pretty large Filipino population (I didn't really know about that at first). Apparently there's a large market for divorces by Filipinas who get brought over here. Family law attorneys don't want to touch them because they don't know anything about immigration. I'm hoping to eventually get a lot of business from these girls because I'm the only attorney in the area who takes family law cases and does some immigration. We'll see though.

Umm so, can you hook me up with a cutie that has just finished taking some old guy to the cleaners? Maybe ebear or jbear or whoevers girl.

[Jeff S]

Can we at least agree that Bear is the statistical anomaly and not the norm?

No. On this board among the Asian board regulars, there's Stephen, Dave, Jimbo, Ray, Bear, SteveB, not sure about Howard and Bob S, and in the past there was Carl, Hum, tneal, and dozens and dozens more that have more than 15 years age difference. In fact among the regulars, I think JoeMc and I are the only ones that's close in age to their wives - Oh there was Carisse, but I heard she and her husband split up. 

[bcc_1_2]

Jeff I'm talking about 18 year old girls more than anything. 15 years isn't an issue I would jump at. Teens marrying guys 25 years older is something I'd say is an anomaly (for it working anyways).

How many of these guys married teens? I suppose the one's here posting are going to likely be the successful ones. The guys that get burned probably put their tail between their legs and we don't hear from them.

[piglett]

Yep, they know their target audience

Are you saying that a lot of the younger ladys are just looking for an eazy way to get to the US.?
If they don't like older men then why do they marry them?
why not just wait for a man their own age? 

[piglett]

Nope, seemed to be a nice girl. Pretty cute, very quiet. Just too young when she got married.

who's to say that she wasn't a BAR GIRL though???
if she had been i am sure that she wouldn't tell you
maybe she thinks she can hook up with you & take ALL of your $$$ next??

[bcc_1_2]

piglett,

for what it is worth I know a cool chick from China that met a chinese american man and they eventually got married. I actually worked with her for a few years. She was pretty candid about the whole process from meeting online to her interview and eventually becoming a citizen. I was going to school at the time. What she told me was she wanted me to go back to china with her and meet girls. 25 year old american guys that go to southeast asia to meet girls for a serious relationship are rare (so i am told). so it would be a long wait for a lot of these girls.

As an 18 year old girl... if your age range stops at 30 you might not find your guy. Extend it to 45 and a lot more guys in the available pool qualify.

[jm21-2]

Jeff, what do you think the chances of a guy coming here to post regularly after being burned horribly a couple years after marriage because he made a dumb ass mistake?

Piglett,
First, I would bet most are looking for a guy somewhat older than them.
I also bet a lot are saying "well, I'd rather be married to a 15 years older American than to a Filipino my age"

There are very few young guys on these sites. Probably even less who are serious. Why would they waste time targeting guys who basically don't exist? The ratio of girls to guys is very high on most of these sites. They have to be realistic. If they want a nice foreign BF/husband, they're going to have to lower their sights in other areas such as age. Studies have shown time and again that while men will go for the hottest, youngest, most desirable woman they can, women are much more practical and shoot for a guy they are pretty sure they can get and keep.

How many guys in their early 20s, or even mid-20s have the time, money, and desire to pull off this venture? Very few. Why would a girl wait around for one of those few? And if she puts that she's looking for one of those few, an older guy who would be acceptable might skip over her. Further, if she specifically says she's looking for an older guy, her chances of success go up because she seems more open.

But I guarantee you if a 22yo girl says she's looking for guys 35+ and I message her, she doesn't say "OMG, you're so young!! EWWWW!!! And you don't have a beer belly??? No thanks!"

[piglett]

Well, make sure she believes in contraception. Though I bet in any case there might be a "mistake."

If a mistake happens i will figure that it was meant to be.

I currently live alone & i will say that it has it's good & bad points
my life will be a lot different when i am married & have 2 or 3 kids running around

I see nothing wrong with my wife & i working hard for 5 or 6 years paying off ever bill we have & then starting a family

after all money fights & money problems are the biggest cause of divorce in north America

so if you take that out of the picture , you have a much better chance of success , don't you???   

[Cbear]

I actually agree with bcc on this one. The girls are targeting the audience, but many of then specifically rule out younger men. Some of them are quite nasty in their profile wording telling any man less than 10 years older that she just isn't interested.

Now ponder this. Virginity is a huge issue in PI. The girls that protect it till marriage are not marring a guy and giving up her one jewel just to come to America with whatever guy proposed to her. The virgin will more than likely actually love the guy. So if she is treated right she will find no reason to leave. Now if you treat her badly or beat her or abuse her then things are different, or treat her like a slave or a maid. She is not either and if treated that way she will leave. And she should leave.

I think a lot of guy who go overseas for wives do it because they can't get an AW. I and I am sure piglett also would have no trouble picking up AW. We just don't want the headache that comes with them.

I have an overweight friend who says he is going to come to PI to find a girl. He couldn't get a date here if his life depended on it. So do you think he has any social skills needed to actually care for a wife if he got one? Of course not, so unless he finds a very understanding woman who is blind he isn't going to have a happy marriage. Regardless of her age.

I think this is where many marriages fall, them men themselves don't know how to care for their end of the marriage. And as Bear pointed out the girls don't have these skills either. It is expected that the man teach them what they need to know. Not just socially but everything.

Also, A vast number of the girls on these dating sites are not virgins, meaning they have just about ZERO chance of finding a filipino husband. They have already given up the one thing that makes them marketable in their own culture. So they have no choice but to look abroad for a mate. Most western men don't really care if a girl is a virgin or not. This is to a girls advantage, she doesn't have to worry about losing her jewel because it is already gone, so it is much easier for her to marry and divorce than for a virgin. The virgin also has family pressure to make the marriage work. The non virgin doesn't.

My girl said she wanted to get married in PI so I could never divorce her because there is no divorce in the Philippines, I had to explain to her that it didn't matter because I am an American and could divorce her here. She didn't like that all.  So I am sure she is going into this with love and not just looking for a trip to the US.

[jm21-2]

If a mistake happens i will figure that it was meant to be.

I meant an intentional mistake because she wasn't willing to wait, but anyways.

I see nothing wrong with my wife & i working hard for 5 or 6 years paying off ever bill we have & then starting a family

You don't, but a girl who really wants to be a mom and is marrying a guy primarily for security so she can start a family just might.

after all money fights & money problems are the biggest cause of divorce in north America

so if you take that out of the picture , you have a much better chance of success , don't you???   

Absolutely. I would get as many of your debts gone before marriage though...or are you going to make her pay back your debts?

Cbear,

No, a girl from the PI would NEVER lie about being a virgin. And if you marry a virgin the chance of divorce is 0% despite all other factors. And yes, her virginity is WAY too high a price for a green card and a chance at a better life, no girl would ever even contemplate that.

You definitely do not want a girl who's lost her virginity, is honest about it, and is grateful for a husband who will take her up because guys in her own country won't. Recipe for disaster right there.

Girls NEVER regret the mistakes they made about their lovelife when they were young, silly, and immature.

Girls who immigrate here never change or adapt to American culture in any way. They always maintain the values of their foreign country perfectly.

I think that about sums it up.