plan A and plan B found out about each other.

[mattman]

I haven't been here for a few days, and thought I was up for a little light reading. Yeah right. You guys are writing a novel.  I'll try to stay out of the debate and just give you the facts on my personal situation as it it pertains to the topic.

Keep in mind that my fiance is in China not the Phils so thing may be a bit different.

As for the Plan A and B method, I did my best to try it. I was talking to several younger girls that I really liked but just wasn't sure about. Yes, they were pretty, but lacking in conversational skills. Then I got an email from an older average looking woman who had some really bad photos posted. We hit it off and here we have plan C. I dropped A & B after some spirited conversation. I visited her last Fall and going back in the Spring.

As for age difference, I am a "Spring Chicken" at 35, and she is an "Old Maid" at the ripe old age of 30. She has "street smarts" and enough experience in life to hold an intelligent conversation. We like the same music, have similar interests, and can just sit together without saying a word and be happy. Not to mention I think she is absolutely gorgeous. 

Oh the great virginity complex.  My fiance has never been married. I am a gentleman, and have not asked if she is a virgin. I have been married before, have a 12 year old son and am certainly not a virgin. I would not expect her to be, but suspect she is. She would not visit me in the hotel after 7pm per her mother's wishes. The fact that I was willing to respect her mother's rules got me some big points with her and the family on my last visit. Also, I have seen her interact with the kids (nephews nieces cousins) in her family and she is awesome with them. Laughing playing and singing. I got to spend alot of time with her extended family on my last trip, and they are great people. Oh, did I mention she sings like an angel? Sorry, I'm in love...you know how it goes. 

Take care man and never rule out Plan C. 
Matt

Wishing everyone the best

[Bear]

Bear,

I don't wanna argue with you, I love you!

Arguing?  I thought that this was what this board was for?  I see things differently as do you and the new guys are seeing two successful marriages discuss what worked and why.  Arguing - nah.  (Sssshhhh with that love ya stuff - Honey might read this and I can't handle another tampo!!!).

The fact that you have not had to deal with the potential negatives, does not mean that someone else won't.

Now something I have never been accused of before!  Especially on this board.

I personally know of 3 guys who married under 20 Filipinas and their marriages failed mostly because there was no common ground to settle on, due in large part to their age/age differences.

Okay you know 3 marriages that failed because of age issues.  I know about 20 marriages that failed and mostly because of stupidity.  Not putting the ole lady first, not be concern for her issues, not being interested in what she is interested in but expect her to be 100% what you want.  Thats what ends most of the marriages that the Filipina was the 'good guy'.  Where they were the 'bad guy', the guy didn't ask any questions and she took him for all she could get.  Neither of those were specifically about age - might have played a small part in the final reckoning but not the initial stupidity.

Okay all you guy out there give me specific divorces where the girl decided he was too old or the man decided she was too young and neither were stupids to being with looking for a way out.

The Bear Family

[jm21-2]

Bear, I think you're missing what people are saying...it's not about the age gap, it's about the difference between ages. Someone who's 20yo is part of a totally different generation than a 40yo.

Look at it from a different example than marriage. I don't know that I've ever met a guy who was 20 years older than me that I really wanted to be friends with...we just don't have anything in common. I'm starting my career and have to watch myself, beg for work, get nervous when networking, don't have much money to spend, etc. They are steady in their career, networking is 2nd nature to them, and they have boatloads of money. That's aside from the generational differences in taste (uh, no classic rock or glam metal please), the differences in technology we grew up with, etc. I'm sure they feel the same way about me (That young kid can't afford to do anything fun, he listens to music I don't like, why is he always trying to get more work?).

You mention one of the causes of a marriage failing as the couple doesn't have enough common interests, or they don't try to share each others' interests...that is precisely what we're all talking about. Also, not understanding where each other is coming from, what each other means, etc.

Then there's the plain fact that 18yos are just too young to marry generally. They don't have enough life experience and self-knowledge to really know what they want (although they often think/say they do). Think about your own life, major decisions, and how you changed in your teens and twenties. Here's an example from me.
When I was 18 I wanted to be a programmer and design video games and went to college as a CS major.
When I was 19 I hated programming and figured I'd become a teacher.
at 21 I got interested in law from volunteering at a prosecutor's office and wanted to become a prosecutor.
at 25 I almost ditched law entirely and joined the army as an officer
at 26 I'm a family law attorney

At each stage I have been convinced I'm on the right track and most other people thought the same. No way in hell did I see myself where I am now when I was 18. Things slowly narrow down as you get older, try different things, find something that matches you, then get in a steady groove.

I mean, some people change less, some people get in a groove faster, but at 18 they've almost certainly got a ways to go.

[Bear]

No I'm not and that's why you ask questions.  All your talking about is people who are different and don't learn about each other before they marry.  AGE IS NOT A PROBLEM WITH FILIPINAS.

I absolutely agree that American 'boys' are not ready for marriage in their twenties (no experience with other cultures to answer for them).  Has nothing to to do with FILIPINAs marrying across a big age gap.  They are ready to marry in their twenties and come from a culture where they are expected to and expected to be shamed if they fail.

Will you have to adjust to some music/fads, as you would with your teenage kids, I think 'yes' but I didn't and have not noticed a big argument or problem with it.  MOF, Honey and I disagree on one style of music and color schemes now.   Recently I've added a lot of 60-70's oldies to my IPod and she doesn't know any of them.  Guess what? When I'm with her I listen to other things.  I guess its a normal thing you do when you're married and you think your spouse doesn't like something your doing.  Doesn't seem to be age related just an adjustment "I" make because I love my wife.

Not being a 'stupid' and finding out what you have in common is still the key here - not all this phobia about age.  IT IS NOT A CONCERN WITH MOST FILIPINAS and they know about it before marriage and they accept it and deal with it, just like they do looks and wealth.  Gosh dudes the marriage success rate to Filipinas (I guess unless you live in California) is among the highest I've seen.  They take marriage failure very seriously.

I asked one Filipina once why such a beautiful young girl would want to marry me since I was much older (don't remember exactly with this one but I think 17 years) and clearly overweight and losing my hair.  She explained to me that she sincerely thought I was quite 'gwapo' (no weight issue), the hair had absolutely no interest to her because it seemed normal to her.  She said that she believed from our conversations that I was 'safe' because I was financially stable and from the questions 'I asked her' she knew I wasn't just going to up and quit a job if there was a problem - I'd deal with it (she'd have food and a roof over her).  She also indicated that because I was a bit older she didn't think I'd cheat on her - I mean she was already pretty young for me so why would I look around if she was young and pretty for me (seems a lot of Filipinos cheat!?).  Lastly and surprisingly (at least to me) she said that she was pretty sure she could control me with sex and she smiled shyly! I have no doubt thats exactly what she intended to do because all that did what I later surmised, provided them with safety and security and allowed them to be successful at marriage.  IT IS WHAT THEY WANT (generally).

Don't keep coming at me over this, I'm convinced I'm right and can not think of a single instance where a couple got married and then said "whoa! your 20 years older than me and we have nothing in common so lets split".  When that happens it because someone was a 'stupid' but normally with the FILIPINAs, they deal with it.  Ask a few Filipinas yourself and prove me right.

The Bear Family

[stevjulietb]

I agree with Bear, I am 56 and Juliet will be 32 in April, our few disagreements have never been about age or because of age.

Steveb

[Cbear]

I have to admit, I hate the music my girl listens to. But hey, I don't know anyone but her who likes 70s disco.

Actually we listen to music together on youtube and she and I pretty much like the same music. Except that she really is into the late 70s stuff Yeck.

We talk about 2 hours a day. More on weekends I have just stopped talking with her and I started at 530 this morning, it is almost 10 now.

[Bear]

I used to get up at 3:30 AM when mu computer would say "Honey's on line" and chat with her till I left for work at 6 AM.  Then I'd call her on the way home at 3 PM to wake her up.  Do a few chores and then chat with her until I had to go to bed and she to school about 7 PM.  Then I'd call and use a few phone cards on weekends.  Eased up only a small bit when we married and I gave her a laptop and put a phone in her parents nipa hut.

Talk about jet lag once we married and she got here!

The Bear Family

[Howard]

Cbear,

Okay... I get it now.  I went back and re-read your posts and see what you're saying and I agree.  A lie is no way to begin a realtionship, no matter what it's about.

Keep the Faith!

H

[Heruamen]

bear that was hilarious. stop all that love stuff or honey might tampoo  lol.    My girl asked  me last night how I no what tampoo is. she said i have never mentioned that to you.  I tried to explain to her about the forum and how I talk to guys who give me great info on her culture.      My girl celebrated her 24th birthday yesterday.  She is a college grad and has a solid job.  I am 41 but despite the age gap we talk for hours.  And never run out of things to talk about.  we have much in common and she knows quite a bit.  I think last night was our record talking straight from 11:00 pm our time to 8:30 in the morning.  I was still recovering from our talk the previous night.  I don't think i could survive a plan b girl when it comes to the time issue.      It is so hard to get off with her.   I just think once again that this age issue is not something that can be measured with one yardstick.
  one 50 yr old man may hit it off with a 20yr old .  The next 20 yr old might be to immature for him.    I talked to to girls who were 28 and 30 but their conversation is nowhere as sophisticated and interesting as my 24 year old.

[stevjulietb]

Heruamen stated, "It is so hard to get off with her".  Sorry, I couldn;t help it

Steveb

[Cbear]

I am laughing so hard right now!!!!!!!

[Cbear]

here is a pic of my girl, she is in the black dress.

[Heruamen]

wow cbear very nice! she is almost as pretty as my girl heheheheh

[Cbear]

thank you, how did your girl like her gifts

[Bear]

Ah here we go again!  They are all pretty!.  But they are just not pretty as my Honey. 

How could they be?  Honey was up in heaven and the angels were so jealous God had to send her down here to earth because the other angels were threatening to rebel!

Honey and I were about to to leave and I said. "Lets go!", She said go ahead I am right behind you.  26 years later I had to look on the other side of the planet to find her!

The Bear Family

[Cbear]

Hey Bear, I think we might be going through a mini trial LOL.

Her cell phone died this week, her mother was going to get her a new one but before she did my girls PC got a virus and crashed. Mine got the same virus at the same time but my anti spy is better and I got rid of it before it killed mine. I am sure it is something we downloaded together, music or youtube or something.

So now she needs to get the PC fixed which means no cell phone to talk or to send me messages on.

She isn't allowed to have calls on her land line because she lives with her aunt and uncle and they aren't keen on the idea of me talking to her just yet. (mom is ok with it)

OK, I offered to send money to fix the pc because she has to have it for school, she said no. It will take at least a few days to repair it if it isn't toast.

She is going crazy, she went to the cafe last night and we talked for 3 1/2 hours there before I got so tired I couldn't keep my eyes open.

Then at 230 in the morning here, she called me from her landline. I missed the call because I was sleeping and just didn't hear my phone ring.

If she gets caught calling me on that phone I think they will get angry with her. Especially since it is so expensive to call the US from there.

I don't want to cal her back on that line, she told me to confim with her before I call that number to make sure her aunt and uncle aren't there . Anyway, she isn't taking the lack of communication that is going to happen this week very well.

I on the other hand am just fine with it. I think it might do us some good to take a short breather. Maybe I can get my house clean now. all my free time is spent talking with her. LOL

Of course I am going to watch the Steelers win today also

[Bear]

Yeah I emulate that!  Honey didn't want to carry the heavy laptop anymore once I came for my second trip and had to go home without her.  She thought she'd only be a day or so behind me and ended up being 4 weeks behind.  We had already given her cell phone to her father and with no laptop or cell phone we had no way to communicate.  Very tough 4 weeks.

I don't think she should call you from the aunts phone.  It will really anger them to have to pay for that call - very expensive and probably a very overwhelming bill. 

As for the computer it will most likely need the harddrive wiped since no one with skills is there to stop the infection.  Not sure what that would cost but its one of the reasons I didn't leave that laptop with Honey's family.  Fixing it might cost as much as replacing it.  Shortly after getting it home with the laptop, harddrive crashed and I was able to fix it but if I had left it it would have been trash.

Hard to get out of the habit of chatting huh!  Me too.

Did you get our YMs?

The Bear Family

[Cbear]

As soon as I talk to her again I will tell her to stop calling me from the landline. I do not want any problems with the family, of course I would reimburse them for the calls but I don't think they would accept.

I hope her PC isn't toast. How much is a new laptop over there. Anybody know?

She has exams this week so she doesn't need to be chatting with me everyday right now anyway. I just hope she concentrates on her studies this week and not on me.

Bear, I got the YMs. I'll add them.

After she gets back online I might introduce her here, I don't know yet.  I don't know if I should tell her about this sight or not. What do you all think?


You went 4 entire weeks without any communication at all? I bet Honey was going crazy.

[Romello]

Cbear

She is a very pretty woman.  Filipinas have a beauty of their own.  As all Asian woman, they have an innocent beauty that just makes men like us fall head over heals.  When I saw Francy for the first time, I was so taken by her size and beauty.  I've dated Asian women before, but Francy was different.  It's not just physical beauty, but her attitude and domineer. 

The way this woman is...the way Filipina women are.  Me, I could not care less what others may think about Francy and myself.  I'm in love and this is the woman I want.

Romello

[Cbear]

Cbear



The way this woman is...the way Filipina women are.  Me, I could not care less what others may think about Francy and myself.  I'm in love and this is the woman I want.

Romello

That is the attitude to have!!!!!!!!!!

[Heruamen]

i too love Romellos reply.  As for you bear how dare you say honey is prettier than my girl!   Meet me for a pistol duel at noon tommorow. your choice of weapons we shall settle this man to man  hahahahahaha lol.   My girl simply loved her gifts. she bought the bear and flowers to the cafe and hugged that bear about a thousand times. of course she ate the chocolates.  i will post a picture it is small so I hope you can click to enlarge.  she sent me the this picture after she received her gifts. 

[Bear]

Not sure how your 'CHoney' will respond to this site.  Think for now I'd say no because this sight should be helping you with choices/decisions.  After marriage maybe.

Romello,
When will Fancy get here?  Have you files all the papers, any responses?

The Bear Family

[Romello]

Now, now, men

Let us not fight over who looks better.  We can agree that Filipinas are some very beautiful women, and let's leave it at that.

I am hoping Francy will be here by Late August and the Wedding would be for October.

[Bear]

i too love Romellos reply.  As for you bear how dare you say honey is prettier than my girl!   Meet me for a pistol duel at noon tommorow. your choice of weapons we shall settle this man to man  hahahahahaha lol.   My girl simply loved her gifts. she bought the bear and flowers to the cafe and hugged that bear about a thousand times. of course she ate the chocolates.  i will post a picture it is small so I hope you can click to enlarge.  she sent me the this picture after she received her gifts. 

On our Honeymoon I gave Honey a bear as big as she was.  It took up its own seat on the plane!  We had to leave it when she came here and Honey's roommates were so jealous they said they would not marry anyone who didn't give them a bigger/better bear?  Yea he got to sleep with her for 50 weeks (just not fair), but Honey says it was a girl bear because it was pink with wings!  Last I heard her sister has it.  Her evil cousin complain we were being childish?  She was so jealous.
I hope you guys don't take me too seriously about my pretty angel, even if the other angels were pretty jealous of her beauty.  I'm sure yours is even prettier to you than mine is to me.

Odd note - I saw a picture of my 'ex' sometime back and Honey was telling me it was her.  I looked and their were four very plain unattractive girls in it.  I said she's not their and Honey pointed her out.  She looked vaguely familiar.  I am in shock that someone I spent 25 years with I couldn't even recognize a few years later!  This was the girl I once compared to Linda Carter?

The Bear Family

[Romello]

That just goes to show you.....


....the outer beauty will fade, and all you will have left is what is on the inside.