hmm... online dating... and talent scouts?

[InnocentVixen]

Well not really talent scouts I guess, but it was the first thing that came to mind... I received a message from a guy (maybe the webmaster?) inviting me to join professionallatinwomen.com so I am curious if this is normal, someone entering a free dating site to "recruit" women.

It was the first message he ever sent me, but it said "I'm not sure if I've sent you this message before" so he must be sending quite a bit of messages to forget... then again at least he is not paying models or using information without asking the ladies, so after a quick look at the website, I thanked him and told him I would think about it.

The site doesn't have any suggestive pictures, in fact they are not allowed, I've read the terms of service and sounds ok, but I would have no control whatsoever on who gets my email, I am already having a bit of trouble with someone I gave my email address to, and I am still a bit new to this online dating thing, not sure what to do.

I would rather give my email just to men I really find interesting, me being as picky as I am that would mean only a few would get that "privilege" (I sound so modest, I know) ... am I taking the wrong approach? should I be less strict on who gets to contact me and how?

[no comment]

Consider using a site that doesn't give out your e-mail account.  The cupid sites (Latinamerican, Colombian, Mexicancupid) have their own internal mail.  They keep your personal e-mail separate and notify you if you have a message or if someone is interested in you.  You would then go to the site to retrieve messages.

[Dave H]

I would rather give my email just to men I really find interesting, me being as picky as I am that would mean only a few would get that "privilege" (I sound so modest, I know) ... am I taking the wrong approach? should I be less strict on who gets to contact me and how?

Hi InnocentVixen,

Why not create a yahoo email (free) account for this very purpose and not give out your regular email account unless you become very serious with someone. You can have as many yahoo email accounts as you want. Some guys that you considered boring at first, might turn into your Prince Charming!

Dave

[jm21-2]

I agree with the above. A separate e-mail or a service which has an internal mail system is a good idea.

Dave H also has a point that some people who don't seem that interesting at first might actually be a good pick. It's amazing what people don't list on their profile, despite being given ample opportunity. Or if there's a checklist for hobbies, for whatever reason they don't fill it out correctly; or they try to make a profile of what they think people want to see and fail miserably; or they put up a picture you don't find attractive when they really are attractive (or vice-versa, they manipulate lighting and angle to look better than they are); etc., etc...

[InnocentVixen]

The site I am using, plenty of fish, does not give my email, I was foolish enough to give my email address a bit to soon, as nice as the guy is, he sounds desperate to marry (in my profile I said I was looking for a long-term relationship, which I am but you know, eventually marriage) and the more we talk, the less compatible we are, I have been clear that we don't know each other much and that we might not even get to meet, but he ignores me and keeps doing plans... I'm just glad I did not give him my phone number.

The profiles in there do not give that much information actually, so I only get the very basic info from there, such as where they live, age, height, religion, smoking habits and what kind of relationship they are looking for... some have 1 picture, some have 5, and a few don't even have one; I try to reply every single message I get (with internal mail) to try to get to know them a bit more, and decide if I should give them my email so we can chat sometime... then again the site does have its own messenger...

I don't think the issue is that I don't give them a chance, more like I don't want to end up in this position again, let's just say I find it uncomfortable. I'll make a new email account and try to use all of the sites features for a while before giving my email this time, the new email.

Thank you guys,
I'm such a newbie!

[jm21-2]

There are plenty of people who want to move fast. I don't really get it. I recently had one girl who was starting the "i love you"s after a dozen e-mails or so, even though I have painstakingly explained I can't travel in the near future. And then I'm a cold heartless SOB for saying "slow down and wait 'til we've actually met." I mean, I'm marriage-minded, but it's not the kind of decision you can make so quickly off of just some e-mails.

[bcc_1_2]

Maybe thats why I don't spend much time on those sites. I personally don't post a picture (I will email one if I am interested in someone). I also don't fill everything out (shame on me). I think those personals are great for many reasons, but I'm not much of a writer or communicator before I travel. The whole "i love you" "make a bunch of serious plans" because we had a couple of emails is a major turn off. Its all to conected to this mail order bride concept that turns me (and I would guess many young people) off. I think IV has the right idea. Be interested in a serious relationship. Thats a lot different than the marriage agency selling you on finding a bride on your weeks vacation.

I can only speak from personal experience. I'm 25 (single never married) well educated, gainfully employed etc..... so when I do contact someone it does tend to get weird. I'm not sure if its the age that makes them wonder if I'm not very serious or what all it could be. But sometimes they start moving fast by email and other times they are just loaded with questions. Either way its something I'd rather just take care of with the girls I meet in the town I visit.

[InnocentVixen]

Both of you know exactly how I feel, I think no matter how much information you give to someone, it takes time to really get to know each other, and to even consider if you would want to have a serious relationship with them, and if you are compatible, you still need to meet to see if there is chemistry... much more if we are talking about marriage here! for me, marriage would mean to spend the rest of our lives together. Did you notice all those if's?

So yes, it's a bit scary to read someone type "I need you" after just a few mails and a couple of chats, that tells me he does need someone... anyone... and that would not be me; or if they mention something like me moving in with them after they just said they love how mexican women seem to keep values and tradition... a traditional mexican girl would not move in with some stranger! in fact, I would not move in at all if I'm in a relationship with that person unless I'm married, I'm old fashioned, what can I say?

About the "I love you"s, I've always thought it's some sort of fluke of english language, so I try not to take it so seriously (or using it at all for that matter), in my mind it translates to "te quiero" which is still a bit too much if you have not even met, but the real translation is "te amo" now that I would only use if I am really in love, almost like saying "I do" if that makes sense.

[jm21-2]

About the "I love you"s, I've always thought it's some sort of fluke of english language, so I try not to take it so seriously (or using it at all for that matter), in my mind it translates to "te quiero" which is still a bit too much if you have not even met, but the real translation is "te amo" now that I would only use if I am really in love, almost like saying "I do" if that makes sense.

Yes, "I love you" here can mean quite a variety of things, anywhere from "I'm infatuated with you," to "I like you" to "let's get married," depending on the person and context. I personally would not say it unless I considered the girl a serious marriage prospect, a small step below engagement, but that's probably uncommonly reserved here. Then of course language and cultural barriers compound the problem.

For me, I get the feeling a lot of Chinese girls are waiting for a guy they fall in love with at first sight in a fated meeting, he sweeps her off her feet and promises to take care of her and protect her for the rest of her life, and that's that. I watch a lot of Chinese TV, and the other night in a show I watched the ideal romantic relationship portrayed was about 15 seconds from first meeting to engagement, haha. Maybe waiting for 10 e-mails makes me seem indecisive? Haha. Like, "when is this guy going to man up and admit he fell in love with me after viewing my pic?"

[bcc_1_2]

jm you are right on man.

normal guys don't say i love you easily. in fact its something many of us have trouble conveying. here in the USA when guys say I love you early in the relationship... it just means I'm at the point were I want to get you naked and do things.

[Dave H]

or if they mention something like me moving in with them after they just said they love how mexican women seem to keep values and tradition... a traditional mexican girl would not move in with some stranger! in fact,

Hi InnocentVixen,

Don't forget about the Mexican food!   I think I would have married Cantinflas if I'd known he could cook!  

Dave

[InnocentVixen]

LOL!!! too funny... where is that smiley that's rolling on the floor laughing when you need it?

[happymundo]

Hi I saw your comment about Professioal Latin Women romance site. I think you are being a little too cynical about this service. As others have posted and have pointed out, there is no problem to give your email out to paid male members. Just set up a specific free email for the service. MOST Latin and Russian sites that charge the men for the Lady's profiles do give out the Lady's email and telephone number. I don't know if I would join, but at least Professional Latin Women is not going the "sexy Latina bikini method" and for that you should give this website some praise.

[happymundo]

I guess this topic is dead. Anyway, if any single men are intrested, I went on www.ProfessionalLatinWomen.com The Latin lady member I called was wonderful and spoke English very well. Many women and men love to bash the Professional Latin romance sites, but I feel there is a good demand for to meet Professional Latin and Russian women.