Jamie's agency in Barranquilla vs Medellin Agency

[Quixote9]

Not to kick you when you are down, but I'm not sure chump is the word. You even mentioned that she was taking your money right in front of you in case she wanted to dump you later. That is way beyond chump man.

I still think this board is great for advise on this whole process and latin america in general. But on issues such as meeting women and spending habits there is a lot I read that I disagree with. The last time I checked for me a ticket down there was like $780 bucks. At 14 nights at $75 a night for lodging and that runs you $1050. So how'd you spend $5,000 in two weeks?

IMO if you are going to be successful you've got to have a backbone. You want to hang out and do something tonight fine... if not there is a long list of other women who'd like to be in your shoes. You want to take advantage of me, disrespect me, my time, and my money? GTF out of here.

She did the grabbing my change thing 3 times in the last couple of days of our "relationship", I did argue with her about it but I wasn't exactly going to wrestle her to the ground and take it back.  The last time she did it was in a restaurant where I had just paid for her mother's birthday lunch and her brothers were there too, when I made a joke about her grabbing my money to her family they all laughed but she was furious at me for humiliating her infront of her family.  I think she humilated herself personally.

As for the $5000?  Plane fair $1100, cost to swith my tickets to depart from Medellin instead of BAQ $400, paying her "rent" that her boyfriend wasn't actually charging her $200/Mo, Hotel room $700, going to another agency in Medellin to take my mind of things $500, Translator services $8hour, going on about 5 dates a day in medellin, buying more clothes and groceries for my cheating girlfriend $300, taking her to santa marta $200, and all kinds of other BS, plus I was on unpaid leave from work so I wasn't earning my regular salary that I would have gotten if I had stayed home.

[bcc_1_2]

She did the grabbing my change thing 3 times in the last couple of days of our "relationship", I did argue with her about it but I wasn't exactly going to wrestle her to the ground and take it back. 

As for the $5000?  Plane fair $1100, cost to swith my tickets to depart from Medellin instead of BAQ $400, paying her "rent" that her boyfriend wasn't actually charging her $200/Mo, Hotel room $700, going to another agency in Medellin to take my mind of things $500, Translator services $8hour, going on about 5 dates a day in medellin, buying more clothes and groceries for my cheating girlfriend $300, taking her to santa marta $200, and all kinds of other BS,

As CeeTeeEnn says you really shouldn't feel bad about being a hard ass. I got the impression (maybe you had mentioned it earlier) that your lady was young. When you are a little older (or even if you are really young) and looking for a serious relationship and you are looking young.. you are going to have to weed through a lot of young ladies not looking for the same things you are. I can't imagine the girl you were with had anything of substance (intellectual, values, etc) to offer you except she was probably hot. At the point you let your women just flat out take your money and tell you to your face its in case she wants to dump you.... you are definiately not wearing the pants in that "relationship". Its mean but true. Pussy-whipped.

As for the $5,000 issue. I just pointed it out for anyone reading and saying does it really cost $5,000 to take a trip to Colombia? Hell no. If you check prices (and consolidator websites) you can get a ticket out of a little airport (like mine) in the midwest for a pretty good deal. You can get a good rate on a hotel for your stay. And then if you don't let a parasite chica latch on to you... you can eat out and go on plenty of dates and stay in budget. Staying in budget is important because it takes a lot of trips.

[Quixote9]

Well, the grabing my money thing really really did piss me off.  And honestly, I probably did point out what she was doing in front of her family, not to be humorous but to be passive-aggressive.  I had trouble confronting her head-on with her BS.  Mainly because it seemed like I had mbison, his gringo friends, and all her gringo ex-boyfriends all circling around our dying realationship like vultures ready to swoop in and pick the bones clean if I turned my back for a even a second.  I felt like if I got pissed off at her and broke up, those guys would be rewarded for their horrible behavior and "win".  But I guess by that point I was in a no win situation and should have just cut my loses.

I didn't let her hold on to the money long though, I would just make her pay for all the cab rides by reminding her she kept grabbing all my small bills.  She probably actually paid out more in cab fare that she took from me.

Call me Pussy whipped if you like, but really I just felt like both my heart and my self-esteem had been shattered and wasn't in a state of mind to engage in the level of critical thinking to see she wasn't worth fighting for.

[Richard77]

If you are getting this kind of treatment in Columbia. Why do you not just save money and find someone in America?

[Caballero2009]

Quixote

Do you think you just got unlucky overall? Would you use Jamies agency again? Do you think you went for the most attractive girl and that contributed to issues?

I hate to ask this... i keep hearing Mbison i dont know who this is... but why hang out with him and his "gringo friends" if you thot they were gonna screw you?

Just curious

[bcc_1_2]

I had trouble confronting her head-on with her BS. 

Call me Pussy whipped if you like

Just my opinion, but if you go down there and don't appear like a confident guy you could get eaten alive by some latinas down there. You just said you had trouble confronting her head on. I'll be straight with you. I don't have any problems confronting any girl I'm with head on. It is a priviledge to date me. You should feel the same way when you go down there. The response I wanted from saying you were acting pussy whipped wasn't what I got. I was hoping you'd realize that it is just fine to let Mbison have his sloppy seconds while you go out and get another even hotter girl that respects you.

[Quixote9]

Quixote

Do you think you just got unlucky overall? Would you use Jamies agency again? Do you think you went for the most attractive girl and that contributed to issues?

I hate to ask this... i keep hearing Mbison i dont know who this is... but why hang out with him and his "gringo friends" if you thot they were gonna screw you?

Just curious

I made bad choices.  But I do not believe that my reasons for choosing her had to do with how attractive my novia was.  Her attractiveness and youth actually were something I worried about,  I knew guys would be after her nonstop while I was away. I doubted from the start I would be able to hold her attention for long.  The reasons I picked her: she spoke some English, was very intelligent, the only girl I met who displayed a sense of humor, warm, friendly, opinionated, charismatic, seemed very dedicated to her education, and had good career prospects as a physical therapist here in the USA, we shared similiar interests, was dedicated to eating healthy and keeping physically fit, had a family that I really liked and got along well with, was clear in expressing her interest in me without putting too much pressure on me like other girls did, and I was positive that she was no visa hunter as she had already turned down many proposals (turned out she had accepted alot of them too but I did not find that out until later).  I am a very shy person and she aggressively affectionate with me, and I liked that because it took alot of the stress off of me to initiate things, but I realize now that she is just aggressively affectionate with all gringos and I was not special in any way.

I would definitly encourage you to use Jamie's service International Introductions if you can aford it.  His services are pricey but he is very good at what he does.  It all depends what is your limiting factor, time or money?  The less time you have to spend down there, the more you'll need someone like him to help you use it efficiently.  If you have lots of time but little money, then use his services more sparingly perhaps.  He can probably help you avoid making mistakes like I did, and that will save you both time and money.  My problems resulted if anything from me NOT heeding his advice, and NOT using more of his services. Money was a factor in my decision, but I probably lost more money trying to "go it alone".  I don't think any of the women I met would have worked out though, of the women I met the one I chose is probably the only one I would have come back for, and look how she well turned out.  Maybe you should not expect to make a home run your first time at bat, more than one trip might be necessary to find the right girl.

Mbison is the username for the guy on this board  now dating my exgirlfriend. I knew him casually from my 1st and 2nd trip to Colombia.  I had no indication he was out to "screw me" until he broke up with his novia,  a few days after I returned to the USA on my 2nd visit.  He then proceeded to spend time with my girlfriend rather than return to Jamie's agency as I encouraged. I asked him not to invite my girlfriend to move in with him, he did anyway as he speaks no Spanish and cannot survive on his own in Colombia.  I told him that it was a bad idea and I was afraid something might happen, he insisted I had nothing to worry about because "its your ring on her finger".  I asked him not to buy her a puppy as she could not bring it with us to the USA, he did it anyway.  He took her on vacations she did not tell me about, including to some sort of a nudist resort.  I asked him not to give her drugs, he did anyway.  I am fairly sure he was not giving her my phone messages, but she was avoiding my calls anyway I think.  I asked him who was the mysterious woman he indicated he was dating on his facebook page, he told me he made her up.   I asked him how my girlfriend was getting enough money to live on as I was not sending her enough to survive, he evaded my questions and told me I had nothing to worry about.  I asked him if it was going to uncomfortable for me to be staying with them in the apartment, he responded "Of course not, why would it be uncomfortable?"  I did not want to hang out with him, or his friends, and was vocal with her about it.  But he insisted on going along with us everywhere we went, I couldn't shake him.  It was obvious both he and his friend had intentions toward my girlfriend, little effort was made to hide that fact.  My girlfriends main concern seemed not to piss him off, as she did not want to return to live with her parents and loose her puppy.  She was affectionate with me when he was not around, then wanted nothing to do with me when he was nearby. I do not believe he is any more special or important to her than I ever was, meaning not special at all.  I do not think she respects him either and she will most likely do him like she's done all her past boyfriends.  You can read his non-apology for what he did somewhere on the boards.

[william3rd]

Man- those warning bells were going off all along. How could you have not seen it or at least asserted yourself? You stayed in THEIR apartment? Unfortunately, you just became a poster child as a doormat. . . This guy mbison seems to be a total dique head-certainly not much of a man. I feel sorry for you. It never should have been allowed to progress.

You really are not in a position to give advice due to the flawed decision-making that you embrace. I wish you well on your next attempt, but you need to overcome your personal issues. If you do not  you will be doomed to repeat your mistakes.

I do have one question- you were not paying her enough to live on? Were you supposed to be? And, if so, how did you expect her to get by without adequate support?

BTW- that isnt you and the little tramp in your avatar, is it?

[Quixote9]

That isnt her in my avatar, it is some girl from Medellin I don't remember.  He doesn't use her as his avatar either, that is his exgirlfriend. 

I had promised a certain amount per month after we got engaged but before she told me she was moving out, but she wanted more but I refused.  She had made claims that friends of hers were going to give her money and jobs to make up the difference she needed to move out, but I doubted they would come through and hoped she would have to return to her parents home after a month.  I asked her why people would just GIVE her money, and she got really mad at me for implying she was paying them back "the other way" by which I asume she meant on her back.  Before I put the guy on my ignore list, I read him protest that he was never charging her rent and that I was sending the money for "expenses" only.  That is not what was represented to me, as I would want to know why he wasnt charging her rent, and I now asume she was paying him back "the other way" from the very begining.

[Researcher]

Red Flags I will not ignore again (there were many ):
1. Mysterious or nonsensical reasons for her absenses.
2. Excessively brings up past boyfriends and other guys currently romantically interested in her.
3. Resistant to taking her profile off dating websites, or general unwillingness to display any information about her romantic involvement with me on her social networking sites.
4. Constantly receiving flirtacious texts, phonecalls, instant messages, facebook posts, etc. from other interested guys, and complete refusal to see why that makes me uncomfortable and no sympathy for the discomfort she is causing me.
5. Creating lame excuses for unwillingness to display affection physically.
6. Accepting money &/or expensive gifts from other guys.
7. Uninterested in picking me up or dropping me off at airport.
8. No interest in starting or completing visa paperwork.
9. Sent her money to pay for English lessons, passport, vacinations, rent...  all spent on drinking and clothing instead.
10. Insists she must be allowed to spend time with unattached male companions "as friends" even when there is a clear romantic interest or past with the other males involved.
11. When I ask questions about her odd behavior she was evasive, when I asked her friends and relatives about what was going on with her she became incredibly angry and hyperdefensive that I was "checking up on her"
12.  Explanations for strange occurances that make no logical sense.  Excessively deffensive when I point this out.
13.  Sudden changes in established behavior, like no longer saying "I love you" or not having her cell phone turned on when she knew I was going to call her.  Phone conversations less frequent, shorter, and displaying a general disinterest on her part.
14. Refusal to discuss issues of great importance, constantly postponing giving me answers until some arbitrary time frame.
15.  Behavior displaying complete insensitively to my emotions, valuable time, and finances.
16. Constantly critical of me, but cannot accept the mildest of critisim herself.
17. Complete inability to admit a mistake, take responsiblity for it, and apologize.
18. Avoids being alone with me.
19. Found myself constantly forced by her to apologize for feeling jealous, anxiety, unhappiness, or suspicious, when clearly her own behavior was responsible.
20. Started grabbing the change from cashiers every time I tried to break a 50.000 COP bill, because she was afraid she wouldn't have any money "incase" she decided to break up with me.
21. Does not make effort to introduce me or make me look good to her friends & family. Gets upset when I do not do a good enough job of introducing myself and making myself look good to her friends and family.


Reading these back to myself,  I realize what a chump I was.  Any one of these is pretty much a valid reason for breaking up with someone.  If I hadn't been so focused on trying prove to both her and myself I deserved to be with her, I would have realized that she did not deserve to be with me.  You have to be ready to walk away, no matter how much of yourself you have already invested, because if you aren't willing to walk away things will only get worse and not better.

     Quixote,
           I would say that these are beyond red flags.IMO, I think you should either take some time off and completely digest what happened or at least don't rush into another relationship.Spend some time just chasing some chicas and maybe you will realize just how many there re to choose from.Life is too short to be wasting time with a woman who is going to treat you this way.Like I always say, if it ain't right "kick 'em to the curb".I've dumped women for alot less reasons than the ones you have listed and I was even engaged to one with the K1 approved.All she had to do was get on a plane and come to the US.I told her not to bother.Never feel like you have too much invested to walk away from a relationship.There are some women who will take advantage of you then there are those who will do so and then see just how much crap you will take.

           Get yourself a big pair of kickin' boots Quixote, I would give you mine but they are worn out.


            Researcher
           

[Caballero2009]

Quixote

Just Curious

In your opinion what type of colombian woman are you looking for... what aspects or attributes..

What would be the woman Quixote says "SHES THE ONE! She blows me away"

[Quixote9]

Quixote

Just Curious

In your opinion what type of colombian woman are you looking for... what aspects or attributes..

What would be the woman Quixote says "SHES THE ONE! She blows me away"

Well, if she didn't bang other dudes that would be a huge improvement

If there is a next time, and I am less and less sure there will be, I would be more realistic in my expectations.  Things work differently in Colombia, but things don't work THAT differently in Colombia.  I had my fingers crossed and was hoping for some kind of divine intervention to give me the fairy tale ending I wanted. 

[bcc_1_2]

Well, if she didn't bang other dudes that would be a huge improvement

If there is a next time, and I am less and less sure there will be, I would be more realistic in my expectations.  Things work differently in Colombia, but things don't work THAT differently in Colombia.  I had my fingers crossed and was hoping for some kind of divine intervention to give me the fairy tale ending I wanted. 

If you go down there and be yourself and add a little "I'm the man" flair you'll be just fine. If you are confident you'll do just fine. I really hope your attitude is screw that last bitch I can do 10 times better.

[Caballero2009]

Quixote you know

I kinda wish you would go again soon. Ill tell you why. You have a control case.... pretty much the WORST CASE scenario right.

So now save up...then go to jamies and folllow what he says. Id love to see if that would work for you (and others).

Do it the way you read about on his website. Go down there do the meetings...listen to hsi advice and the tranlator... etc etc..

Id love to see if the "standard" way works for you as described on Jamies website.